Disclaimer: I don't own Code Geass, errm including some dialogues in this fic which were taken from original series and picture-drama.
Bond
Epilog: C.C.'s PoV
"Say, Child, do you have any reason to life?"
"I d- don't know. But, I don't want to die."
In the morning, sunshine penetrated her heavy eyelides.
Back then, hundred years ago, a bucket of cold water would welcome her in a new fresh day as she would plaster huge grin because she made it to a new day, a new possibility. Because she's not die yet.
"Too bad. I decieved you all this time!"
Abruptly, she openned her eyes. Her heart beat drummed franticly in her ears. There're no more grin, not even small smile danced on her face. She felt crushed, hollowed, tired. The hopefull-naive little-girl-she-was had gone since long time ago.
Because she already knew that world was trapped in lies and repeated conflicts. And relentlessly, people who hated her, people who was kind toward her would become faceless-nameless experiences in endless flow of time. Taking along parts of her—her smiles, her tears, her feelings, her past—as they perished into nothingness. Unstoppably, inevitably, she always be left alone. Who they were, who she was, she had forgotten the answers of those question. What she still was living for, she never get the answer of it. She didn't even know anymore if she originally was human or not. While world still was simply too gruesome and unbearable to be forgotten. Her only refuge was Ragnarok Plan—no matter how impudent it was and how she didn't like the plan—or passing her Code to a heir—a heir who had much stronger reason to live than she ever had.
-0-0-0-
But, all her effort to keep her humanity were lost causes. Who were precious to her, who were important to her. They were like water which had been seeped out between her fingers. No matter what she did. She never was able to protect them, albeit, she dragged everyone who was touched by her live into chaoses or tragedies.
Therefore, she locked her true emotions, holding her secret apologizes and every tears which threated sheding. Sealed her already shattered heart.
All she could do was moving foward. Resolving that the only logical answer to end these tragedies was ending her very own existence, she chased for uniting with Collective Consciousness despite the consequences. Included, becoming a selfish heartless witch.
For it was her last chance to prove her live, to prove her human.
-0-0-0-
Sunshine was fallen on his silverly hair and his borard shoulders. Shaping his slender tall form. She once loved him. Truly loved him. And she realized, despite had been crushed under isolation, he was indeed her fair prince. But, that prince of her had been fallen. Her gentle lover had become obsessed in revenge.
"No! I couldn't take your code! How could you ask me to kill you? I love you! I want to protect you at all cost! How do you expect me living while you're death?"
"Mao..." As he turned his head and brightly smiled toward her, her chest felt thight. She looked at his glee for seeing her again. At those red evil eyes which had been as pure as spring water long years ago. She still found difficult to breath in his present. And she always though it was because she still loved him. But, even though his love was illusion. And it was growth in childish logic. It still was one kind of love.
Guilty was eating her alive. And it would be unfair if she lied about her feeling.
"...I did love you."
He was the mistake she wouldn't want to repeat. He was victim of her stupid hope that he could get over her and find a new love. Her selfish wish that he could keep his sanity despite his geass, before this heartless world, just as she had done... without her. Because she had loved him too much to allowed his end. And she was evidently wrong—badly wrong—while it's already too late to safe him.
"Go in advance and wait for me..." So, she steelled her bleeding heart. Gazing tenderly at his eyes, she inwardly apologized, wholeheartly, repeatly, as though in prays . "...in The Death's World." Forcing her unwilling hand to pull the trigger, she acknowledged his wish in another form.
She had been death so many times. Still, there was some part of her that seemed always remained to die with each of her precious. And that moment, it was the middle core of her human side.
-0-0-0-
"I will make both your goal and mine come true. It's a pact. This time, I am one who proposed it to you."
And she had put her hand out toward the pact. Repeatly ignoring her best friend's persuation to come back to Ragnarok Plan. Even though she knew that he's just a boy who was expert in deception, manipulation and smooth talking, she stayed by his side. For he had stronger desire to live than she ever had—or so she convinced herself of her reason.
"Because I'm the older brother. The burden of immortality. I would protect Charles from it."
When she had gazed into The Emperor's eyes at his wife's furneral—she saw rage, dissapointment, and revenge—she hadn't expected those speech from the Code-bearer. Yet, V.V. was the first code bearer who accepted the cursed power by his own will. These two sibling was really something else. They were willing to boar immortality for the most person they really care about. But, it's just another tragedy which led by lies, a selfish wish to protect, and Code. Then, the least she could do was spared the boy of such destiny, ... wasn't it?
"People didn't lie only to create conflict. They have their own purpose."
Now she had lived as code-bearer, shouldn't she understand very well why the nun so cruely had lied to her? Her reason shouldn't matter anymore. If she really love the nun, shouldn't she want to protect her from burden of immortalilty? Just as V.V. did for his little brother's sake. Hence, there was no reason to unite with Collective Conciousness. She suggested Charles and Marianne to stop Ragnarok Plan. But, they didn't want to hear her, then vanished. Thye left her behind. All alone again.
-0-0-0-
She looked into her red wine, as if it hid answer for the question. "Well, were it not for him, then perhaps I wouldn't be here." She finally said.
"But ..., thinking like that, isn't it painfull?" Cecile shown some concern.
There's a crack on her perfect impassive facade. "I seem can't stop it." She show a faint painfull smile. "Probably, because it was painfull that I can't stop it."
-0-0-0-
Sun already slidded from its peak some hours ago. She still kneeled in front of the altar. Clapsed her hands under her chin. Her tears had long dried. Her eyes still locked at her 'God'.
Back then after he killed his parent, he gave her another method to end her existence. To cut the cycle of tragedies. She simply should not to go anywhere—she should stay in World of C. Because she was someone who should perish hundred years ago. Because Code was a curse which no one needed—the only man, who was capable and willing to boar it, had vanished.
She already said she wouldn't go anywhere and asked what he would do onward—sugestted them going back to outside world and leave her—just to be rewarded by his annoyed face.
But now, he was death. She had felt his live slipping from his body. A single string which tied them together was fading. Irrationally, she kept reaching out her mind toward his.
She knew it would be painfull. Losing him to death like that. She wouldn't be able to touch his mind anywhere at that time. Nor she would able to sense his spirit anywhere in living world. But she had sworn not to make same mistake. He wouldn't be her second-Mao.
Yet, it still was painfull. Death was still a hellish pain no mattter how many times she experienced it. No, it was worse. His death was devasting. She noted how quite her mind was felt when there's no contractor linked to it. How empty her soul was felt when he disappeared. How lonesome it was. How cold the breeze which blew through her holed heart.
She had spreaded her mind web. Desperately searched his consciousness. Pathetically refused to lost him into oblivion. But, he still vanished. She couldn't imagine something worse than it.
But, it surelly would become more painfull to let him die for other causes, wouldn't it? She would be more than eternally damned if she dettered him from his goal. Having to let him go through a hellish world all over again when he reincarnate. Having to lost him all over again without meaning. All of it just for her selfish whim—not to let him go.
So, she was willing to escort his soul to The Collective Consciousness. To let him reincarnate into a gentler world. Therefore...
Please, please. She tightened her clasped hand. She still was pleading the same thing all those three months. Accept his atonement. Please accept his bargain. Begging. Offering all of her remained being in her prays. As stained and broken soul as it was. Because that was all she had.
She was thrown into a particular memory. Of him when he leaned on her back as she played her harp yester night . When his body-warmth was seeping trough their clothes from their touching backs whole night. Of relaxing atmosphere which cocooned them. When he stood up as sun rose, then welcoming Jeremiah's escort to the execution in that destenied day. When he looked back at her eyes and she could read pain and resolution there.
She still could feel his caressing fingers on her cheek—coaxed her into his game. His lingering finger under her chin untill she nodded. Then, he went to the execution. His execution.
She closed her eyelids. Reliving all of their memory. Their trivial bickerings, their arguments, their fight. How they never apologizing toward each other afterward, instead they would teasing each other as if nothing had happened. His smirk, his laughter, his reclutant thanks toward her, his low voice calling her name. His cold and trembling body in her arms when he was in deep pain.
He had lost so many things. His parents. His friends. His sisters. His brothers. His lovers. His best friend's trust. He had offered many soul and shedded much blood for his goal. Stained his own soul with sins.
She knew that they had used sinister methods. But, everytime of it, they didn't have any other choice. God surely would understand that far, wouldn't He? They already had paid more than enough for their sins, hadn't they? They wouldn't plead a luxury of salvation. They didn't had right of it.
So, please. God, give people a gentle world. Don't let his efforts be vain. She prayed. And prayed. Repeatly. Again and again. Even though he was just one of many forgettable frames in her life. Even though they're not even friend. Even though she shouldn't feel attachment toward him. Or maybe, maybe because of all of those reason, she couldn't lose him for nothing.
Then, she felt a thug in her mind. A soul with sparkling determination to live on. A man who had strong enough reason of live to be granted by Geass.
She leaped up on her feet. Her chest blown by some dizzying feeling. Ignoring accusing voices in her head—of how stupid and ridiculous her act was—she hastily turned around and walked down toward the door. She opened it to be faced by...
"How..?" A hint of disbelief seeped through her dead-flat voice. No one knew where she went that morning. Not even the youngest emperor of Britannia knew where she would be heading.
But, there. Zero himself stood before her. Still in his same elaborate costum. With the right height over her. With the same oval reflecting mask. Yet, he wasn't the same person inside. Not her contractor. Blood smeared on left of his mask.
Her gaze lowered on his arms. A pale unmoving body was dangling in his arms. Still as beautifull as ever. His peaceful face showed as if he was just sleeping. But she knew, it was only an empty-shell of her accomplice.
She reached out her hand. The Miracle's Worker gently handed him into her arms. The weight of his body made her sat down on floor. She bent down. Any expression was hidden under her bang. Her fingers traced his deep mortal wound. His white Emperor's robe was smeared by his own crimson blood. His briliant amethyst orbs were hidden under his eyelids. A triumphant smile engraved on his lips.
"He just told Jeremiah to bring him here when everything ended." That's it. Zero Requime had been executed perfectly. "But he and the others should be taking care every thing else."
"H-how..." Lump clogged in her throat. In another occurence, she would laugh of herself—How out of her characther?! But, it just proved how difficult his death was for her. She swallowed hard. "How about funeral ceremony?"
"Every one else—his family and friend will come here tomorow morning." She just nodded in respons.
She wondered why, among many promises he uttered to her—promises which never meant to be fulfilled, he chose to fulfil that single promise. A promise to come back with triumphant smile. Because it was the most easy promise?
"C.C., am I Demon? Then, let's play hide and seek," he springed it on her before he went that day.
Their last game. Back then, she couldn't understand his bad humor.
"You shall hide as best as you can. But, I'll find you without fail. After all, I'm Demon Emperor." Arogant smirk plastered on his face.
How come he could find her if he died? But again, he prooved her wrong. It clicked in her head.
It's not as simple as a game. It's his last tactic to ensured their connection. To proove that he know her better than she ever expected. To make her believe in their bond.
How sly. Slowly, a tender smile formed on her lips.
"Shall I help you with all furneral-preparation things?" She rose her face and offered a thankfull smile. A smile, which to some extend, caught the new Zero off guard. She never had that expressive. But even so, she smiled and shook her head.
"Just left me with some nuns and priests from local abbey. We will arrange preparation for a simple funeral as per his wish by this night." She said in low voice. Zero curtly nodded. But he didn't leave. As thought he was recluctant to leave the former emperor's body. C.C. didn't say anything as she shared his sentiment.
After the seemingly endless time, Zero nodded his head again.
"I will send them here." He said and turned arroud. He left with clenched fist and stiff stature. So much tension, so much responssibllity, so much anxiety were boar on his young lissome body. So much pain and lonelyness. He was seemed so much more fragile than he had ever been. After a couple of steps, C.C. called out to him. Because that boy was his friend, his dearest and best friend. So, she called out to him.
"The Demon and Witch is out playing hide and seek. Now The Demon has found his Witch, she has to go seek him in return. So, please come here really early tomorrow morning, for she has to go before anyone come here for his funeral. " She observed as Zero stopped in his track, but he didn't turn arround nor nodded his head.
"It will take a really long times. Maybe a couple of centuries or more. But she will definitely find him. So, please..." As she said it, he turned arround and saw concern in her face. And he saw the limp body of his best friend in her arm. Tension sipped from his body, the concern in her face was for him, not for Zero, but for Kururugi Suzaku, a bestfriend of certain Lelouch. The concern in her face was reflecting Lelouch's concern for him. But he already spilled all his shared of tears for Lelouch, he could shed no more tears nor he could trembled in sadness and lonelyness. He gritted his teeth and nodded.
"Aah. Then tell her that she must definitely find him, so they will happily playing harmless games without make horrorible mistake which hurt everyone including themselves. That will be my solace." He said then left.
So, C.C. smiled again. Because there were another reason to seek her Demon Emperor. Not only for themselves, but also for their third accomplice.
"He become as grumppy as you at our first months of contract, huh, Boy? Your bestfriend is." She swept her fingers over his hair and smiled. She could almost hear his answer and see his smirk.
"That is just because you're so bad at joke, Witch."
She would find him. She would make sure of it. So that when she found him, she could make sure not to running away from him again. From his feeling and from herself.
-The End-
AN/: Okay. Finally done. Huft. I'm speechless. And tired. And sleepy. And hungry. And sleepy. And started to be heard like Ryner Lute (from Denyuuden). So I'll stop here.
No, no, no. I have to say it. I appologize for super late update. And again for my messy English... I'm still trying to improve it. I hope it has improved and better than my last story.
I will try to squeeze some of my time to finish my other stories. That's included Weapon's Remedy.
Now, I will sleep before reading some journals for my research and tasks tomorrow.
See you in my next works. And please R&R if you have time. But, please have mercy and don't flame. =)
Sincerely yours.
E.C.