Sugar and Spice Chapter 63, a twilight fanfic

Thank you all for your awesome reviews. I am slowly wrapping this up only to start on the sequel for it. I don't own these characters but I do own the moon outside. The songs for this chapter are "Untouched" by the Veronicas, "My Life Would Suck Without You" by Kelly Clarkson, "Bless The Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts, "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel and "Brown Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison.

ESME/DECEMBER 22ND

Rose and I had a rough day with Bella cutting her hand. I have never been more afraid for her when I saw all that blood. Rose was such a trooper when she thought of getting things cleaned up and getting clothes for Bella. Poor Bella laid there on the hospital gurney with her hand stitched up by some Doogie Howser look alike. She looked so pale but the look in her eyes was more to anger than hurt. I knew this was an accident and she was taking it to heart way more than she should have. She had tears in her eyes when she saw us come in. All I wanted to do was comfort her like a mom should. I knew that the Brandon's held a special place in her heart. No one could ever replace her parents but I knew she trusted and could count on Carlisle and I.

Rose was in bed sleeping soundly which I was glad to see. Sleep was hard for her these days as all the positions she tried were uncomfortable. I went out and got this long body pillow and she has slept like a log since. I think she was missing Emmett to as she usually used him to curl up to. I was heading to bed and jumped out of my skin when I heard the phone ring. I quickly got it as to not to wake Rose. Carlisle was calling to let me know what had gone on this evening.

He told me that Edward had gone off on Bella when she called him to tell him what had happened. He said that Emmett was so pissed that it took both him and Jasper to pull him off of his brother but he still got a few punches in. I don't know what was going on in my son's head but he needed to pull it out and have a come to Jesus talk with me. I was not going to let this go on nor was I going to let Edward off this easy. My sweet husband was wonderful dealing with all this and told me not to worry. I simply told him that Edward would be woken up if he was asleep. I was not going to go to bed with all of this transpiring. We said our goodnight, I love you's and miss you's and hung up. I called the hotel number knowing that it would wake him up.

His father must have warned him I was calling because he quickly picked up. I told him to listen and not say a word till I was finished.

"Edward Anthony Mason Cullen you will listen to me! I don't know what was going on in that fat head of yours but you screwed up royally tonight! Bella called you out of the goodness of her heart as she wanted you to hear it from her. What the hell do you do but you go off like a half cocked goose on her! She just got over the damn flu and then cut herself on accident! You were not there to see the pain and anger she had in her eyes. The pain that girl must have felt was beyond imaginable and you made it worse. Let me tell you this….she loves you more than the world itself. She has dealt with so much and trusts you with her life, heart and soul. You will fix this and I don't care what it takes to do it. You give her whatever she wants and you make damned sure she can trust you again. I love you my son but you need to realize not everything you love is going to disappear from your life. It that was true none of us would have stuck around you these past years. Get some sleep you are going to need it when you get back here. I love you"

If it had not been for his breathing I would have never known he was there. He said I love you too and we both hung up. I loved my sons but Edward was not the man I thought he was. Rose stood there looking at me in the door way. She must have been heading to the bathroom when she heard me yelling at him. She sat down on my bed and I told her what had transpired this evening. She had no words but I could tell she was angry. Even with her being so pregnant I knew she could do damage to him. I told her that Emmett already took care of it and she said she knew there was a reason why she married him. We both laughed and she waddled back to bed. I loved seeing her waddle around but I knew she was ready to meet her babies. I went into the bathroom and did my nightly routine and went to bed. I knew that there were going to be a lot of phone calls for the next few days.

EPOV

As soon as those words flew out of my mouth I knew I had screwed the pooch. After hearing Bella was sick with the flu then cutting herself and that she needed stitches my testosterone went into over drive. Hell I went completely off my rocker. I was not sure after I hung up that I was sure she would be waiting for me at home. Jasper got the story from Alice of what had gone down and promptly came out and explained what had gone down between Bella and me. I saw a fierce fire in Emmett's eyes and his body moved in a flash and he punched me in my stomach.

I fell to the floor with the wind knocked out of me looking at them all. Jasper and dad had to hold Emmett back from jumping on me again. I knew I had deserved it and I wanted them all to beat the shit out of me for what I had done. Dad broke everyone up and Jasper said I was lucky because he wanted to get a jab in too. We all sat on different parts of the furniture and dad looked at all of this then glared at me. I could see the disappointment in his eyes and I knew a lecture was coming.

"Edward I don't know what the hell is going on in your brain but whatever happened needs to be fixed. I would assume this has to do with what happened in the past but assure you Bella would never hurt herself to make any of us hurt. I will say this I won't hold your brothers back again if you pull stunts like this again. Your mother and I raised you to be a gentleman not some kind of Neanderthal that takes his woman by her hair back to his cave."

There was silence as we all sat there. Emmett was still glaring at me with fire in his eyes. Ever the protector but this time it was different as he loved Bella like a sister just like he loved Alice. Jasper piped about worry about what Alice would do to me too when I got back. Shit not only did have to make things right with Bella but Alice would make my life a living hell. Alice let Bella make her own decisions but she was very protective of her too.

I broke down to the men in my family. I told them it brought back horrible memories from when Sarah was so sick. I fell to the floor with my head in my hands realized just how fucked up this situation I created was. I did this and no one else could solve this but me. My brothers helped me off the floor and back into my chair. Jasper spoke up saying that he realized how much I loved Bella but this situation was different from what happened with Sarah.

"Bella is the strongest person I have met. She dealt with the death of her parent's, almost losing you after we kept it from her and the tornado that is Alice. How do you think she was going to handle what came out of your mouth? I don't blame her for not speaking to you till we get back. I am sure she has a lot on her mind but you have a lot of thinking to do. Assward came out just like always and as far as I am concerned I don't ever want to see him again. I love you my brother but pull your head out."

Emmett and dad agreed with him. Leave it to Jasper to be the reason in all of this other than our father. I knew the next few days were going to be hell and I would do anything to fix it and make it right to Bella.

I laid there looking at the ceiling in my hotel room with a sore stomach. Emmett's punches were usually out of fun but this time he knew he inflicted pain. I heard the phone ring and I knew who it was going to be. Mom was calling to put her two cents into it. I knew dad had called her after I left the room. I picked up the phone and heard her tell me to not say a word and to listen. I sat up in bed and listened to her go on about the pain Bella was feeling and how angry she was with herself that she cut herself. My mother scolded me like a small child but I knew she was right.

She was right about everything….Assward had come out full force just like he always did and I was ashamed of him. I said horrible words to Bella that came out of stress, frustration and worry. I went from calm to pissed off in 5 seconds and she tried to explain but I wouldn't listen. I had to try to make her listen to me no matter what but I had to listen to her too. She was my heart, soul and life and I would do anything for her.

BPOV/DECEMBER 24TH

The past few days have been pure hell on earth. Edward tried calling every time he got a chance and I just couldn't deal with it right now. What he told me that night made my heart hurt. Alice intervened a few times and after that she just let it go to the answering machine. I have to say with all the shit I have been through with Alice she came through this like a trooper. She had my back and I was glad to have her there fighting with me.

He sent a huge bouquet of flowers the next day. Blue roses my favorite with a sweet card saying that he was sorry and please pick up the phone. After the first arrangement arrived, many arrived afterwards. I couldn't take it anymore and had Alice take them somewhere they could be helpful. Esme was kind enough to call the florist to let them know to refuse anymore deliveries. She was late as they had let one out the door before she called and I was surprised to see it come to the door. Instead of the flowers I loved it was a grouping of candy cane poinsettias. I didn't have the heart to throw them out so I put them at the bottom of the fireplaces. There was no card but Esme assured me they were from him. Edward had called after he found out that I was refusing anymore deliveries from him. I loved flowers but I didn't want roses as an apology. I wanted them when he showed me he loved me or was thinking of me and not groveling for forgiveness.

After my few days of flu hell, Esme and Rosalie came over to help as much as they could. Alice pulled the small couch up to the kitchen so Rose could lie down and still be a part of the work party going on. I could still cook but moving my left hand made things difficult at times. I gave up trying to my normal work after I mutilated a potato. Esme, Rose and Alice took over as I gave orders and did what I could do. They loved that I made a cookie train for Emmett as I knew he was missing my cookies. He made the point loud and clear every time he talked to Rose. At least I could hold the icing bag with my injured hand and lead it with the right one.

Our conversations were kept to the task at hand and general chit chat. I blew up and told them to quit being a bunch of pansy asses and to talk like we always did. I felt bad for my language and how it all came out but damn it I was dealing with enough without them feeling sorry for me. Esme got up from her chair and gave me a hug and told me everything would work out. I sat down and finally came to my senses that I needed to talk about it. It all poured out of my brain like a waterfall after a fast rainfall.

I knew he was scared but taking it out on me was the wrong thing to do. I know that he panicked when I was sick and wanted to be here but my injury was the icing on the cake for him. His idea of letting me and not letting me do what I wanted just pissed me off. After being so upset all I could do was cry. I felt horrible for Edward thinking like this but he needed to realize that. For the first time I was not the one that had this huge clusterfuck starring at me in the face, Edward did. I don't know how he would fix this but I knew he would, I was not sure if I wanted to make it so easy on him.

Esme finally spoke up saying that this wasn't about how he felt, it was about losing me. It was a fucking light bulb moment again for me. He was afraid of losing me and for me to vanish in thin air. I sat in the chair next to the desk and put my head between my legs. I couldn't believe the pain he was in over losing me. I felt bad for bitching him out but he needed to know that no one was in control of my life but me. Esme patted my back and told me that he was ok. He realized that accidents happen and he was the one that overreacted. I still felt bad that we had let it escalate to a full blown up argument but I had already forgiven him. We needed to talk though before anything went any further.

Rose said that even though Edward had come along way assward was still there underneath the skin. She told me while holding on to her mug that we were made for each other and there were bound to be some bumps along the road.

"Bella you were both on broken roads that lead you to each other. You each were dealing with the pain and loss. He put it into his work and you put it into school. You are more alike that you realize in a lot of ways. You are different too like you are so strong in the kitchen but quiet everywhere else. He is just outspoken where ever he is. The one fault that the Cullen men have is that they love way to hard and way to deep sometimes. Yes they fuck up but we all learn from it and then move on. The little bumps we feel along the way make the best days even brighter. Your roads came together as one and you are in for one hell of a journey on it."She got up and hugged me.

"I called him and told him exactly how I felt about all of this. So he knows his family will kick his ass if he doesn't." Rose put her legs back up on the couch.

I was shocked that everyone was on his case but glad to hear that they loved me just as much as they loved him. Rose meant every word she said and Esme agreed with her about the men in her life. She sat down with the mug in her hands and told us about her and Carlisle's first fight.

"We had been married for about 6 months when he got one of the biggest clients for Cullen Construction to date. He had been working for days with next to no sleep. I had not seen him in days and it if were not for the dirty dishes in the sink I would have never known he had been home. He called me from work to say that tonight was our night to celebrate. Instead of going out I decided to make us a wonderful dinner and open a bottle of the best champagne I could find. There I was sitting in our dinning room with a romantic dinner and no husband. Hours went by and still no Carlisle. I was upset ok I was pissed off. For all I knew he could have had a flat tire or worse dead but he never called. I got up blew out the candles put everything in the fridge and cried myself to sleep."

We all saw a little smirk on her face as she was remembering the memory.

"He came climbing into our bed sometime after three in the morning drunker than a skunk and reeking of cigar smoke. There I was lying in bed glaring at him while he was dancing around the room singing some damn money song. He promptly walked to our bed and passed out. He never said anything to me not where he had been or an apology. I was so upset that I went to the guest room and locked the door. I made the decision right there that this was never going to happen again. I was lucky that I had some extra clothes stashed in the closet there. I got dressed the next morning, made myself breakfast and left for the day. I never said a damn word to him about where I was going or what I was doing."

Alice got up and refilled our mugs and put some banana bread on a platter for us.

"I came home that night to a very angry but hung over Carlisle. I was not in the door before he started asking where I had been and I had worried him and it went on and on. All I said was what is good for the goose is good for the gander and walked up to our room to take a hot bath. He must have realize how much he had screwed up and when I came back down to get something to eat, the table was set with the food I had made the night before. We sat in silence as we ate and then he did all the cleaning up. I went to bed to read and he followed me in and just stood there. He fell apart and begged for my forgiveness. He told me that his dad had taken him out with the clients and one thing led to another. I told them I didn't have problem with him celebrating but that was supposed to be our night and he never called…..and then I broke down."

She paused as she took a slice and took another sip of her hot chocolate.

"He held as I cried as we both knew that this was a huge eye opener for him. He had taken advantage knowing I was always going to be there. He carried me to the bed and well Emmett was born 9 months later."

Rose always wondered how Emmett came into the family. She said that Emmett would never tell her and we roared with laughter at all of this. Alice got up and did the dishes as I was not allowed near water with my band hand yet even with a rubber glove on. It was getting late and we had an evening planned. Everything was set for tomorrow and I hoped they would enjoy it. We walked them next door as the snow was softly falling again.

Esme turned around and hugged me again. She whispered in my ear that Edward would fix this but not to make it to easy on him as he needed to learn a lesson from this just like his dad had all those years ago. I hugged her tighter and told her we would see her tomorrow. They were going to have their family time as nothing would be the same after this. Alice and I needed our time together too. We walked back to the main house and locked everything up. All the presents were wrapped upstairs so we brought those down and filled the stockings. I was grateful that the lights had been off so neither of them saw what I had done. Everything was ready to go for dinner tomorrow evening. I had some work left to do but I knew someone was willing to help. I put the French toast into the fridge to soak over night and covered the fruit salad and put it next to it. I made sure everything was shut off for the night. We finished our business, locked up and headed over to the coach house to have our own celebration. In secret we each had been adding to the pile of presents we had bought for each other. I bought her some things I hoped that she would find funny but useful.

We were like little girls again as we walked over to our home. My hand was killing me but the emotions I was feeling over wrote the pain that was sending shock waves through my arm. Alice said we should be in pajamas and she went upstairs to get into hers as I put dinner in the oven. I had decided to make flat bread pizzas with whatever toppings we wanted. I chose pesto sauce, chicken, artichoke hearts and tomatoes. Alice decided to go with olive tapenade with feta cheese and tomatoes. I also made sure there was a vegetable platter and some chocolate to have for dessert. I have to say my tastes were rubbing off on her.

I quickly fixed them and popped them in the oven as Alice came gliding down the stairs. I nearly dropped my glass of wine when I saw that she had red pants on with green trees and a matching top on. I knew that there would be new pajamas waiting for me on my bed. I put my glass of wine down and ran upstairs to undress. I was right on my bed was the same pair but in opposite colors of Alice's. I quickly got undressed and put them on and ran back downstairs. I was giddy this year about the holidays. For once it was not about missing my parents or wallowing in sadness, this was about healing and dealing with love.

I noticed Alice was on the phone with a quirky smile on her face. I knew she was talking to Jasper. I went to check on our flatbreads and took them out so they would not burn. I cut them up and plated them so we could eat, drink and open presents. She hung up as I came out with the plates and took her plate from me.

"Everyone made it home safe and sound. Bella I know what Edward said to you was wrong but I am sure he is hurting just as much as you are. Jasper said he has been nothing but a wet rag since this all happened. Bella please forgive him but make him suffer." With that she bit into a piece of dinner and handed me my stocking. I smiled at her and nodded. I forgave him awhile ago because of the realization that I knew he loved me and with what he went through I kind of understood why he turned into assward.

We always did stockings first and we made sure that what we put them was to be fun. I pulled brightly colored presents out and started unwrapping. Alice had her way of going about things and this year she was different about it. She bought me a gift certificate to a craft store. I was happy to see it as I loved the crafty side of myself outside of the kitchen. She also bought me some fancy new whisks and spatulas that nothing would stick to. There was gum, some magnets for the fridge at the main house and some other things I was not expecting.

She bought me furry handcuffs and a massage kit. I put them on my fingers and twirled them around as we both laughed. She figured that once I got with Edward I was never going to want him to leave. This way he could be my prisoner. I blushed again and we both laughed ok I howled because she didn't know what I put in her stocking yet.

I handed Alice her stocking and the first thing she opened was the toe socks I bought for her. I told her if I was to step out of my safety then she was going to too. She immediately put them on and actually admitted that they were comfortable. I ate some more as she unwrapped some small packages. I put in some of her favorite CDs that she had wanted and some other things but the thing that got us howling again was the furry hand cuffs I bought for her. Neither of us knew we had done it for each other.

We decided to finish dinner as quick as possible. With all the laughing going on with my luck I would be the one choking to death. Alice hopped up and put our plates in the sink and poured us more wine. When she sat down on the floor next to me under the tree she scooted this big box over to me. I had not a clue what it was but I tore it open. I found all these boxes labeled with what they were. They were spices from all over the world! I was so giddy about them I didn't want to open anything else up but Alice said that would be rude and her feelings would be hurt. We erupted into laughter again all knowing we both meant what we said.

I handed her a box and watched her face as she opened it. She was not sure what to think of the paper that was in it. She unrolled the scroll and started crying. I knew giving her a design meeting with her favorite designer would make her year. She had told me about this designer years ago when she was first starting out. She had come to our school and had given some lectures to the upper classmen but Alice was Alice she got in. I had tried for a year to get this for her but a client knew her personally and explained what was going to happen. She was honored to do it as she had heard about us through the grapevine of Portland.

Alice didn't know that it would mean a one-of-a-kind wedding dress made especially for her. No one else in the world would have a design like hers. She didn't know that but tomorrow night she would probably put it all together. She pulled me into a hug and said it was one of the best things I had given her.

We pushed packages back and forth. I had bought her new books on party and fashion designing. She cried again when she opened the charm bracelet I had made for her. She bounced right across the floor when she saw the charms on it that represented us and Jasper. I had bought her so many wonderful things that she was content which was abnormal for her.

We decided to open the presents that our parents had sent for us. I found it odd that she had one while I had two waiting there for us under the tree. She opened her and inside the velvet box was a diamond tennis bracelet to match the diamond earrings she received from them years ago. She put the packages in my hand and said to open them. I had tears in my eyes when I realized it was earrings and a bracelet just like Alice's. I was so shocked when I saw them sitting there shinning at me in the Christmas lights.

"Bella I always knew that you wanted what I had. I told them that it meant something to you to have them so they decided to get them for you. You may not be their biological daughter but you are our family." I teared while I thought they were my family.

Alice had bought me some new cookbooks to go with the spices. She said that I might want to branch out into ethnic food after the first of the year. She said a lot of her clients had been asking about it and they would only use me as their caterer. She bought me a new guitar strap that was black leather that had pictures engraved on it. It had a whisk and many other things that I knew that reminded her of me. The one thing that stuck out was a heart with B+E in the middle of it. It made me smile as I knew in my heart he was the one for me. She also bought me a serger machine so it would make things easier when I did sew. She promised me she wanted a quilt made eventually. Little did she know I had already had the idea of a wedding quilt in my head ready to be put together. She said she had one more present for me. She handed me a small envelope and had me slowly open it.

Inside it was a certificate for a one of a kind shopping trip. Anything I wanted or needed she was going to buy it for me. I didn't know what to say but she said she was going to be there to be a friend and not a pushy clothes crazed bitch. I told her I loved it and we both sat there looking at each other. We both got up and sat on the couch looking at the mess while sipping our wine. It was nearing midnight and I could see snow falling again outside our window. I started taking things up to our rooms. Alice said to put things on her dresser and floor. I would put my gifts in the closet for now. I had such a mess in there from sewing that I knew they would be loss. Alice started cleaning up the boxes and wrapping paper to take to recycling in the morning.

I heard Alice calling to me then she started yelling for me to come down. I dropped everything and tried not to kill myself as I went down the stairs. She was at the window with a smile on her face as she looked at me then back at the window. She ran over to me and pulled me so I could see what she was yelling about. There in the yard was Edward with a keyboard singing his heart out with the snow falling around him.

EPOV

We left California with happy clients. They had purchased property in both Chicago and Los Angeles. They wanted us to do both sites and said that we could take our time and doing them the way they needed to be built. Everyone was extremely proud but happy to be going home. I was miserable the past few days. I had screwed the pooch big time and it took my family to make me see what I had done. Rosalie yelled at me on the phone saying to fix this clusterfuck she wanted happy Bella back. Mom said that Bella was hurt and lost and to do whatever it took to make it right. Everyone else agreed and I agreed with them. I had over reacted over nothing but at the time for me it was a huge ordeal.

When we landed at the airport and slowly pulled up to the Cullen hanger we could see mom waiting for us. She was standing there all bundled up with a smile on her face. Rose was at home waiting for Emmett. Everything was fine but with the weather and her balance being off she didn't want to take any risks. We waited for the door to open and Emmett flew off the plane to his jeep. He quickly kissed mom on her cheek, said thank you and took off like a bat out of hell.

Jasper slowly got off and went to mom and hugged her. He got in his truck and waited for me. Dad got off with his bag in his hand and put mom into such a kiss that she was fanning herself when they broke it off. I made sure we left nothing behind and got off. Mom hugged me and said she brought my car. I knew it was her little hint to make things right with Bella.

I walked over to Jasper to tell him mom brought my car out so I wouldn't need a ride. All he said is I will see you tomorrow. I don't know what it meant but I am sure he was reading what was going on in my mind. I hugged mom again and told her thank you and watched my parents walk off. They were in love like never before and at that moment I knew I wanted that for Bella and me. I got into my car and started driving home. The snow was falling but the roads were safe for driving. I saw that some stores had stayed up late for the late shoppers. I noticed a music store open and whipped into the parking lot. I knew what I had to do to make things right.

I quickly found a portable keyboard and for some reason a long black leather coat. This store had everything including rocker clothes. I hoped that Bella would love this and it was not too cliché for her. I paid the high prices and went back out to my car. I drove towards the neighborhood where their house was and pulled into the front of the main house. The Christmas lights Bella had picked out to decorate were glistening in the snow.

I walked back through the gates to the back yard and saw that the lights were still on. I hoped that she would still be up with Alice having their time together. I didn't want to interrupt but I couldn't wait another second, another minute without seeing her. I grabbed the piano and tore it out of its box. I put in the batteries it came with and put on the black leather coat. I noticed some lawn chairs on the porch that lead up to their home and put the keyboard on it.

I started playing the song I learned long ago. It was one of mom's favorites and one Mother's Day I surprised her with it. Never would I ever think that it would mean something entirely different to me. Her long lashes and her brown eyes made me melt. I could always know if she was frustrated or contemplating thought when she bit her lip or chewed on a pen. Her eyes made me feel at home and safe and in love with her completely.

It was fucking cold out here and I hoped that someone could hear me and would come to the window. I saw some movement and then Alice smiling at me through the glass. She disappeared and I hoped that she was not coming down to kick my ass. The next thing I knew she had Bella at the window looking down at me. I hoped with all my heart that she would come out. The both disappeared and my heart sunk to my knees till I saw the door open. Bella was looking at me in the door way in her pajamas.

I started singing as I wanted her to hear the pain I had felt for being such an ass. I wanted her to know that I was sorry and I never meant to hurt her or make her feel that she was not worth a damn. She was my life and she was worth every fucking heartbreak, tear and fight we would ever have together.

"love I get so lost, sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
when I want to run away
I drive off in my car
but whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are

all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes

love, I don't like to see so much pain
so much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

and all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

I saw her standing there biting her lip and her eyes sparkling just like they always did for me. I had missed the deep brown of her eyes. I missed kissing her lips and I missed the beating of her heart when she laid next to me. I stood there with my fingers moving over the piano, singing my heart and soul out to her. It was just us as no one else existed in the world at this exact moment. I could hear the faint chime of bells of a church or clock in the background. It was midnight and it was Christmas day.

Bella slowly came out onto the grass and took my free hand. She led me back to the house and we went up the stairs. Alice was no where to be seen and the lights were off with the only light over the stair case. I put the keyboard down and took off my coat and shoes. Bella stood there looking at me and then went up the stairs to her room. I didn't know what to do other than follow her. Something was going on in her brain I could tell in her eyes that she wanted to say something but held back. She was sitting on her bed when I walked into the room she was holding my shirt and pajama pants in her hands.

"You left them here the day you left for Chicago. I was wearing them to keep you with me but the nurse washed them when I got sick so they are clean." She handed them to me and I went into change.

When I came out she went into the bathroom and I heard water running. She must be doing her nightly ritual. Bella was simple but when it came to her schedule she kept to it. She came out and turned off the lights. All the light in the room came from a small tree decorated with blue lights. I smiled at it when I noticed it. She didn't get into bed right away but sat Indian style on the end of it. She looked at through her hair with her hands in her lap.

"You need to hear me out before you start apologizing. The night you told me what I could and couldn't do made me mad but it scared me. It made me wonder if you were going to be this possessive how were you going to be here with me in person. I have talked to your mom, Rosalie and Alice and they all assure me you were not thinking straight that night. I hope they are right and I hope it was stress from the job. Let me tell you this.... no one not even you will tell me what I can or can't, do whether it is my business or my personal life. I never meant to hurt myself intentionally nor did I mean to upset you while doing it. It happens and that is why I tried to explain that to you. You dismissed me and you didn't trust me. Edward we can't go on if you can't trust me. I don't want any apologies as I just want you to remember this when something bad happens to me. You are not the only one that is worried about the person they love."

She stopped talking and looked at me. I knew she was right about everything.

"I also see why you were upset with everything that has happened but believe me when I say this, I love you and that will never change. Rosalie told me that we were both on broken roads when we found each other but those roads were now one. I know things are not going to be easy but I can't go on with out you there beside me. I am not going anywhere and I am not going to disappear on you never to return."

She got up and turned the covers over and crawled into bed next to me. She was not in my arms yet but it was progress. I took her silence as my turn to talk.

"Bella that night should have never happened and I did over react. You are right I should have trusted you. Both of my brothers just about took me out when they found out what I said to you. I am not the only one that loves you in this family. You don't want an apology but I am still going to say I am sorry. I learned a huge lesson in all of this. You are not Sarah and you are not going anywhere without me there. I love you and I am here for you always."

I noticed tears softly falling down her cheeks. I knew we were going to be ok but I would spend the rest of my existence trying to make this up to her and remembering it all. I pulled her into my lap with her facing me. I saw her wince when her hand hit the head board. I put it in my hand and kissed it. I saw her smile and put her hands on my cheeks. I could feel the roughness of the ace bandage on one cheek and her soft supple hand on the other.

She looked into my eyes and I could tell we were back right where we should have been. She kissed my forehead then worked her way to each of my eyes. She brushed her nose back and forth across mine and then went to my mouth. She kissed the corner and went across the bottom of it slowly taking it in her mouth. She pushed her tongue into my mouth and started slowly playing with mine. Her hands left my cheeks and went to my hair. I could feel her run her fingers through my hair as I put my hands around her waist.

We sat there for I don't know how long kissing each other with such passion that sex didn't matter. I would have loved to make passionate love to her on Christmas day but this wasn't about that. This was about trust between two people and what we wanted from each other. This was also about realizing that we would fight to hell and back for each other. I knew that things were going to be different from me. I would never guess about what Bella did or wanted again.

She pulled back trying to catch her breath. Her lips were a little swollen but damn she was beautiful sitting there in my lap with her breasts heaving from her chest. I kissed her hand one more time and noticed that the bandage had come undone. I carefully took her off my lap and put her in front of me to re-wrap it but I noticed that her bandages needed changing. I noticed the first aid kit on the bathroom counter earlier so I got up and went to get it. I came back with the ointment and new bandages and sat back down in front of her.

I carefully unwrapped it and saw the damage that she had done. She was so lucky that she didn't severe a tendon or worse cut off a finger. With all the luck of her cutting herself she did it the best way she could have. I threw the crap in the garbage and took her hand in mine. I looked at her in the eyes and gave her a half smile.

"Edward it doesn't hurt unless I bang it against anything. So if we are going to make out like we just did we need to be careful. "She smiled at me with her eyes sparkling. I missed that sparkle that her brown eyes did.

I carefully put the ointment on it and wrapped it back up. Then I put the ace bandage on it and made sure it was not too tight. I kissed her hand carefully as I pulled her back into my arms.

"All better now? Do you need a pain pill?" I moved her hair and kissed her neck right above her collar bone.

"I am ok and thank you for doing that. I know it was hard for you to see. Thank you for pulling a John Cusack too." She twisted around and kissed me again.

We laid there for awhile just holding each other. We were back where we belonged. I could feel her breathing slow down so I slowly settled us into her bed. I made sure the covers were around us and she snuggled into my chest. I kissed her forehead one more time and listened to her till I fell asleep.