I am so sorry this took so long to post. To admit the truth I really didn't want to say good-bye to this. I hope you enjoy this last chapter. I really appreciate all the wonderful reviews you all have sent me. The songs for this chapter are "Forever" by the Beach Boys, "You and Me" by Lifehouse and "Love is All Around" by the Troggs.
The sequel will be called "Bitter Sweet" and the first chapter should be up in a few days. Please read and review. I hope it will be full of all the things that are missing like weddings (hint hint) babies and some other surprises. Thank you all from the bottom of this writer's heart.
BPOV
I sat there with my head on Edward's shoulder listening to him play beautiful music from his heart. I slowly went through the newest memories of his face looking around the loft. He was amazed, awed and in love with it. I decided that I was going to make myself get up and go change. The kamikaze butterflies were back in force but this time I welcomed them. I told Edward I was going to change and left him to look around some more.
I slowly went into the bedroom and was in awe of what Esme had done for us. Everything was perfect for both of us here. I knew where everything was but was still scared of what they had left for me and Edward. I opened the closet door and giggled when I saw the matching robes and new sleepwear for him. I slowly took off my dress as not to rip it and hung it up. I took off my shoes and put them on the wrack. I had to take a moment and open every drawer, door and look into them. I would never have enough clothes and accessories to fill this closet but knowing Alice she would get me to try. I put the hair clips back into their box after I took them out of my hair and set them on the dresser. I forgot the box for my diamond earrings so I put them in with the hair clips as not to lose them. I have a hard enough time finding my keys. I knew I would go apeshit losing new diamond earrings. I put the robe on and grabbed the baby doll I had bought for this night. Edward didn't know that I had been wearing the thong to the set all night long. I heard some soft noises coming from the living room and slowly went to the bathroom. I shut the door and slid down it. I was trying to keep calm as the thought of what was going to happen between us made sick and excited at the same time.
I saw that Alice had put my night bag on the counter for me. I did my normal routine of washing my face but I made sure that my mouth was minty fresh. I let the robe slide off my naked body and slowly put on the black baby doll. I looked at myself as I brushed out my hair and looked at myself. I knew I loved him and I knew he loved me. I wanted to take this next step but the whole thought of intimacy with Edward put me into panic mode. I tried to regain some composer as I huge the robe up on the door but I couldn't breath.
I noticed my cell phone in my bag and wondered why it was put there. I quickly dialed Alice and heard a bunch of music blaring through it. I knew they were still down stairs at the party as it was not midnight yet. I heard the banter slowly get quieter and quieter and then nothing.
"Bella are you ok?" I heard my sister's sweet calming voice come through the phone.
"Alice….." I couldn't get anything else to come out of my mouth.
"Bella calm down it will be ok. Breath sweetie please remember to breath. I don't need you to pass out and hit your head. That would make this all a mute point." She was giggly at that remark.
"Alice I love you dearly but fuck you. Don't make this harder on me that it already is."My hands were shaking but my breathing was slowly coming back to normal.
"I am sorry but everything will be okay. He loves you and we both know that he wants this just as much as you do." I heard some noise in the background and giggling.
"Alice please don't tell me Jasper is there with you? Shit, stick a fork in me now. Who else needs to know about this? Maybe I need to walk back down to the party with my boobs hanging out saying I am going to have sex with Edward tonight."I heard fits of laughter and then joined them.
"Okay I am being slightly ridiculous aren't I?" I could hear Jasper try to calm himself in the background.
"Bella just a minute Mister Giggles here wants to talk to you." I heard the phone being handed over.
"Bella I am sorry but I had to speak what was on my mind. He is just as nervous about taking it to this level as you are. Trust him like he trusts you. We love you both and Alice wants to dance again. We will see you sometime tomorrow." I heard the phone click and that was that.
I put the phone on silent and ran my brush through my hair once again. I took a deep breath and opened the door while I shut off the light. I stood there and saw Edward lift his head looking at me. He quickly pulled himself off the bed and walked over to me. He stood in front of me looking at with those green eyes of his. I didn't know what to do so I pulled his hands into mine and stood up on my toes to kiss him sweetly.
He let go of my hands and quickly pulled me up into a strong hold. He walked over to the bed and laid me carefully on it. I sat up and watched him crawl on the bed and sit in front of me. We sat there looking at each other but not moving an inch. I put my hands down and lifted myself up and kissed him again. He made the next move and pulled me into his lap and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I put my hands on his face and started put my head on his chest. The wonderful smell of after shave wafted into my nostrils.
He pulled my face up so we were eye to eye again and he pulled my upper lip into his mouth sucking on it. The sensation made my toes curl back to my knees. He stopped and started kissing my cheeks, my nose, my eyelids and one last soft kiss on my forehead. He ran his nose down the side of my face and we started kissing again.
He started with soft butterfly like kisses that turned into hard mouth against mouth kisses. I licked his bottom lip and I heard him moan. I knew that we were heading into the right direction. I opened up to him and he brushed his tongue against me teeth and we crashed into each other. Our tongues swept each others mouths and I started playing with the hair at the back of his neck. He pulled back and grabbed my hand and putting a kiss into my palm. His hand slowly went up to my shoulder and tried to take one side down but I stopped him. I leaned into him and he saw the tie on the back. He carefully let the little bow go and I felt it fall between us. I held up my arms and he pulled it up off of my body. I could feel the blush creep up my body from my toes to the top of my head but he just looked at me with the smile I loved.
There I was before the man I loved sitting in nothing but a thin piece of material covering my business. He sat there still covered so I tugged his t-shirt out of the waist band and pulled it over his head. I got the shirt stuck half way off and he had to take it the rest of the way off. I didn't know what to say but blushed some more.
"I thought your cheeks were the only that blushed, I guess I was wrong." He put his hand on my cheek and started rubbing his thumb over it as he flicked one of my nipples. I sat there and blushed some more all knowing where else it was happening.
Edward slowly lowered me so I was lying back down on the bed. He put his hands on each side of my head and towered over me. His eyes were sparkling just like they always did but this time there was something lusting there with him. He kept looking at in the eye and slowly down my body. I looked at him as he gazed at me in the eyes again and gave him the okay to take what little I had on off.
He hooked his fingers on the sides of my thong and I raised my hips so he could slide them down. I didn't know what else to do other than let him make the moves. I knew he wouldn't do anything to hurt me intentionally.
"Bella I know you trust me but I don't want to do anything…" I stopped him and looked at him again.
Our eyes locked and we both knew that this was something we both wanted. It didn't take words between us at this point as our body language was enough. He ran his cheek slowly over my collar bone back and forth as he lowered himself down on top of me. I could feel the flannel of his pants on my legs all soft and warm. He placed slow kisses in the well between my breasts and blew on them to cool them off. He slowly made a path and I could feel him take my nipple in his mouth. The odd sensation of him sucking, pulling, biting and breathing on it was one I was not expecting but damn did it feel good.
I could feel him making another path of soft cool kisses to my other nipple and I heard a moan come out from somewhere. Where did that come from? It was me! I was not expecting something like that to come out of my mouth. As he finished he slowly went down my stomach and swirled his tongue in my belly button. Fuck who would think that licking that hole would feel that damn good. I felt his lips move lover and lower as he spread my legs further apart.
I felt him part me and his breath tickle and then his tongue licking the insides of my thighs. I laid there breathing well trying to breath. I didn't want to panic and run off like a crazy person. This man loved me and I wanted this just as much as he did.
I could feel him take my clit in his mouth and start moving his tongue on it. I felt a bolt of electricity shoot from that little bundle to my brain. I thought I was having a stroke till I realized this was what my body was supposed to do. My body shook as I felt him start nibbling and then his tongue go lower down. I knew where he was going as it was one of the things that fascinated me so much in the books Alice left me. I could no longer control my breathing as my body was taking control of my lungs. His tongue probed me softly but hard too. I balled up the comforter in my hands and felt my back starting to arch. All of a sudden the electricity was back and my body was exploding around me. He made his way back to my lips and I could taste myself on his lips. It shocked me at first but then I realized how sweet it was and on his lips made it even better.
He smiled at me and I put my hands back on his cheeks. I looked at him and realized he still had clothing on. I put my fingers into the waste band and tried to lower them down but again got them stuck. He started laughing at me and all I could do was shrug my shoulders. It was apparent that I had troubles getting clothes both on and off these days. I was still trying to catch my breath as I saw the pants go flying off to the side of the room somewhere. I propped myself up on my arm and looked at him. I had seen him with his shirt off but never like this.
I looked him up one side and down the other and then had to look again. Holy shit he was big and he was going to fit into me. How in the hell would he do that? I had to lie back down and try not to put myself into panic mode and go screaming out the door once again.
"Bella are you okay?"He was caressing my stomach with his fingers. Fuck even his fingers made me want to jump him but I held back.
I nodded yes and we started making out again. His lips on my lips and the moments he made with his tongue in my mouth made me forget what we were he for at least for now. I felt his hand create goose bumps as he went down my side and in between us. His thumb found my button again and I could feel the electricity flow through my body once again. I sucked in air when I felt his finger enter me and slowly move in and out. It was a weird feeling but exciting at the same time. I let Edward make the moves here and from what little I knew he was trying his best to make me comfortable.
I felt more of his fingers added and felt them create waves throughout my body as they went in and out. All I could think I was going to explode and turn into a pile ashes but I wanted to go further with Edward. I wanted us to make love and have that connection that I would never have with anyone else.
I felt the pressure building up in my stomach and then the damn burst once again and fireworks exploded behind my eyelids. I think there was a moan in there or two but I was deaf now. I heard something being opened and felt Edward's body on top of mine. I opened my eyes and he was watching me with a smile on his face. He kissed me again and I felt him prodding me slowly. Inch by inch I felt him enter me and I felt my body expand with him.
The more he moved the more pain I felt. Searing pain was shooting through my body and all I wanted was this to stop. I wanted to yell know and shove him the hell off of me but I knew that this is what I wanted. My heart was saying yes fuck me some more and my body was saying run away from the pain. I felt tears start pooling in my eyes and I tried to hold them back. I was so confused with the pain and the electricity start again in my body. With each push from him more tears fell and all I could hear was him say he was sorry, he was sorry.
I saw his face watching me with all the love he could ever feel for me but there was sadness there too. I saw the muscles in his body go tense and he moaned and it all stopped. He felt different as he pulled out not as full and not as hard as he entered. He lay beside me and I saw him take off what I heard earlier, a condom. . He threw it in the trash and held me as the damn of emotions broke. I couldn't hold the tears and sobs back. He pulled me into him and I could feel his chest brush against my nipples. He held me as I cried into his chest. I felt like I had let him down as this is what I wanted all along.
What if he didn't love me? What if he didn't want me? What if I wasn't good enough for him? I could hear him whispering that he loved me and to let it all out. I felt him place soft kisses all over my face as I fell asleep in his arms.
EPOV/JANUARY 1, 2009
I woke up to the snow falling softly outside the window. Bella was still in my arms and her face was all red and puffy. I felt like a piece of shit and didn't know how to approach the whole issue with her. We made love last night and I was in awe of her body. I knew it was going to be painful for her and I tried to help with that but in the end I think I made things worse. Sometime during the night I had covered us with a blanket that I found at the edge of the bed. She was laying there with her breasts uncovered and all I wanted to do was kiss them all over again. Even with her red face she was still beautiful to me. She was still the love of my life and I knew making love to her would get better. I just hoped I would be given another chance to show her.
I put a soft kiss on pouty lips and felt her slightly smile under my lips and I hoped it was a good sign. I saw her eyelashes flutter as she opened her eyes and looking at me. I kissed her again and pulled her naked body on top of mine. Fuck I loved how her breasts blushed with the rest of her. I would never look at her the same way again when her cheeks blushed.
"Morning, my love." I kissed her again and she put her head on my chest.
There was silence and I knew I had to bring it up. We had no secrets between us and what there were she put down on paper and put into a beautiful box for me.
"Bella talk to me please. I want to know what is going on in your head right now. "Her head slowly lifted up off my chest and I could see the tears pooling in her eyes again. I saw her chest heave as she took in a deep breath and let it out.
"Edward I never thought I would ever have someone make me feel like that. I have wanted for you to make love to me for so long and I am sorry if this was sprung on you. I never meant it to be that way as I wanted it to be special. The way your mouth was on my breasts and your tongue on my clit…fuck I exploded and thought I would go blind when you did that. "I saw the blush creep up her body again.
"I am not going to lie to you it was painful but I am glad we took this step. I am just afraid that I am not enough for you and that I can't please you like I should. I have won so much in the past months including you but I didn't want to scare you away with awkwardness. I tried to deal with the pain but I couldn't hold back the tears. I am sorry I hurt you and I understand if you go screaming out the door."She put her head down on my chest and I could feel her breathing.
"Damn it you made me explode twice. I don't want to lose you and I want to make you happy in or out of our bedroom. "She slowly raised her head again and I wiped the tears away with my hand.
"Bella I am not going anywhere and let me tell you last night made my year. I never wanted to hurt you but I knew it was going to happen no matter how relaxed you were. I want our love making to be mind blowing and not full of tears. I love you."
"I just want well will be everything you need. I all ask Edward is just love me like you already are and I will be happy."
I kissed her again and was in awe of just how profound she really was. She was upset that she would disappoint me. I knew that I loved her more now than I ever could. We laid there for awhile just enjoying the silence and just touching each other. Her touch on my skin was as erotic as it could get but I know if I did what I wanted it would be too soon. I wanted her to be the one setting the pace but I looked forward to making love to her again.
The phone rang and I thought about not answering it but then thought it might be something about Rose and the babies so I picked it up.
"It is about time you two woke up. We have been waiting for awhile get your asses down here." Alice and her words of wisdom were her little way of saying get off my best friend we need to talk damn it.
"Alice, give us an hour or so to get ready. We will meet you all down there soon. Yes I will tell her that. "I hung up the phone and looked at Bella smiling at me.
"I take it Alice wants us up and ready? I swear she is off the Red Bull but hell she could have snuck it. She has more energy that the energizer bunny that one. I love her dearly but damn her and her fucking up our moment. What did she tell you to say to me anyway?" I saw her smiling at me while she was laying on me.
"She said clothes are in the drawers and not to worry they are something you will like." We both laughed and knew it was time to get up or she would be taking the damn door out.
I got up off the bed and decided that we need to enjoy the Jacuzzi hot tub. I hoped that Bella would agree and join me. As I walked to the bathroom I heard a wolf whistle come from Bella and decided to wiggle my ass at her. I heard her moan and her flop back into the bed and a scream. I laughed and she told me I was evil but I still loved her. I turned on the water as it was not to hot or to cold for either of us.
"Edward you have nothing to be sorry for. I just freaked when I saw myself and then you coming out and then the bed. I am just a little shocked and sore. Nothing I well we can't handle right?"
I looked at the bed and saw the bright red splotch. I felt so bad but she made me feel so loved that I knew we were going to be able to handle it and anything else that came along. I kissed her and led her to the Jacuzzi. I turned the jets on and climbed in then helped her in with her back to me.
We laid there with my arms around her and her fingers entwined with mine. Everything was going to be ok and this beautiful new year was going to be the best ever for the both of us. I noticed the shampoo, soap and soft scrubbies on the side. Alice must have made sure they were here for us.
"There is one more thing I want to do to you." She turned her head around and looked at me with a smile on her face.
"Would you let me shampoo your hair?"
I took the hand held shower off the holder and slowly wet her hair down. I flipped the shampoo open and squirted a dollop into my hands and slowly messaged it into her tendrils. Even wet and full of tangles, I loved the way her hair felt in my hands. I rinsed her off and did the same thing with the conditioner. I took one of the soft scrubbies and squirted the raspberry scented body wash into it. I slowly washed each of her arms and then her neck. I took each of her breasts into my hands and washed carefully as they blushed at me. I made soft bubbly circles on her stomach and slowly led down and washed the blood she gave me away. As the bubbles floated off she turned around and kissed me passionately. I knew I had made her feel better even there was nothing sexual about it. She offered to wash me but I told her this was about her and she could make it up to me another time. She smiled and her brown pools twinkled at me. They made my heart skip a beat when I realized that there was going to be a next time.
I pushed her forward a little and got out. I grabbed a big fluffy towel off the rack and sat it down. I grabbed her hand and helped her out. I wrapped her up and rubbed her up and down to get her dry and warm. She grabbed a towel and started rubbing the water off my arms. I could feel a small drop of water drop from my hair and make its way down to one of my nipples. Bella stuck her tongue out and licked it off of me while flicking my nipple. Who was the evil one now? We stood there drying each other off and exploring each other a little. There was nothing sexual about it but we both enjoyed it.
I took her hand and we walked to the closet. She pulled out the top drawer and pulled out blue panties. I saw her put them on and then put on the jeans that were there waiting for her. I couldn't help but stand their naked and watch her put each on of her long legs in the leg of her jeans. She was breathtaking and she was mine. She pulled out a bra and put it on. Her hands started to go around her back looking for the clasp but I stopped her and did it for her. I kissed the back of her neck and let her finish getting dressed. Alice was Alice and I found the clothes she had there for me too. I had to admit she had taste when it came to picking things out. No wonder she wanted to do the shopping for our trip to Vegas. It dawned on me that we had not set a date to go. It was easy to fix as all I had to do was make a call. I turned around and saw Bella watching me.
"What can I say I love watching your body move even when you are breathing as it fascinates me. You always said I bite my lip when I am nervous or concentrating but you scrunch up your forehead when you are deep in thought. I love how your face looks like that. "
I walked over to her barefoot and force my tongue into her mouth. What she had just said to me was the fucking hottest thing ever other than her moans or her giggle. We sat there making out and this closet was showing its possibilities. She broke us apart and we both tried to calm our breathing down. She just sat there all googly eyed looking at me as I put my socks and shoes on. We were both ready to meet our family and I could hear her stomach growling as mine was. I grabbed her hand and put a kiss on her scar and we left. I didn't lock the door as our building was as secure as it got. We kissed some more as the elevator went down floor by floor. We quickly broke apart as we heard the ding. We slowly walked out and noticed all the remnants of the party were gone as quickly as they came. The room was totally cleaned and the band was gone. As we walked hand in hand down the stairs everyone looked up at us from the table. Another table was laid out with what was left over from the night before. It was tradition for us to start the New Year like this.
Alice quickly popped out of her chair and nearly tackled us both when she wished us a Happy New Year. Everyone was laughing and the New Year was off to a great start. We joined our family at the table and began to eat. Mom handed us all Mimosas while Emmett and Rose had sparkling water.
"I won't keep you all from the food as I can hear Emmett's stomach rumbling from here but Happy New Year to each and everyone of you. May it be better than the last?" My father held up his glass as we did.
I looked around the table and saw my family. Mom and dad looking at each other with the same googly eyes Bella had given me. I knew that their love would last a lifetime and I hoped Bella and I would have that. Emmett had Rose's feet in his lap rubbing them and her tummy in alternate turns. Rose was smiling at him with all the love in her eyes. Jasper had Alice in his lap and was kissing her hand especially her finger with the sparkling ring on it. I looked at Bella and saw that she was seeing the same thing. She looked at me and leaned in to put a kiss on my lips. I knew we were ok and I was looking at my forever with her.