Only?
Earlier that fateful day, DarkClan challenged LightClan to a battle.
"If you lose, we'll take you all as hostages and prisoners!" Sharpstar yowled.
"Very well; we will fight!" Eaglestar declared.
Later, as we sat in his den, tails entwined, he told me something.
"I absolutely can't wait to fight this battle!" he purred to me. "Only…."
"Only….?" I inquired.
"Only I'm afraid that I'm not going to win." He looked downcast.
"Don't worry; I'm sure you'll win!" I purred. "You're the leader of LightClan, and we have the strongest fighters at the moment; don't forget that!"
"Besides, the only thing I've got to lose is my lives!" he agreed happily.
"Well, yes…. I guess," I murmured.
He went into battle, and never came out. Yes, that's right. He died. LightClan lost. Now, we're all prisoners of DarkClan. How's that for a happy ending?!?! No, not really; right?!
Oh, sure. He was only worried that he wasn't going to win. He only had his lives to lose. Right? Well, not really. I was his mate…. I miss him….
What will the kits think when I tell them, I wonder?
I can just see it now….
"Your father was the leader…. and he died in battle," I say.
"But leaders are invincible!" one of my kits cries.
"Yeah!" cries the other one, looking confused.
"What's up with that?" demands the other kit.
….It's not a happy sight. Of course, not all kits are like that. I can only hope that mine will be the most forgiving types…. for Eaglestar's sake.
Only. Only. Only. I keep repeating that word in my head: Only.
I miss Eaglestar…. he was everything to me.
I was able to think up a bit of sarcasm earlier:
Yes, I only lost him…. not like he was anything special to me…. right?
But…. that is so not true!
I loved him.
Even if he thought he had only his pride, his Clan, and his lives to lose.
Those, along with me, are everything.
And I am everything.
He lost me; he lost not only me, he lost everything.