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This is for Sistercat114, abigail-ann-cullen, and theladyKT

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Chapter 5 BPOV

(she is still going through the change right now)

I wanted to comfort him, he was my angel and he just seemed too sad right now. My mind was still in shock at seeing him. I hadn't believed my ears when he called my name out, but I opened them and there he was.

Standing in the doorway looking more like a Greek god, than the monster he insisted that he was. The pain I felt at his departure was still there in my chest, but at the sight of him my heart seemed to come back to life, pounded feverishly inside of me.

I felt stupid. I had wanted to be a vampire. Wanted an eternity with this god, but I did not want it if he did not want me.

What is the point of living forever, if you will be forced to be alone knowing that you were just a distraction, but Alice kept saying he loved me, and with the little bit of coherency that I had gained through the burning fire in my veins, I could not understand why she was telling me this!

He left me!!! I did not leave him, and I mean if he left me, then how on Earth could he still love me. How could he want me, especially now that I had broken my promise. I doubted her as she kept repeating it.

Didn't she know she was hurting me, giving me a useless hope that he would still want me. I thought he would not even bother to show up here, but there he was in front of us, looking as glorious as ever.

I cringed as another wave of fire rolled through my body, this one was so powerful that it seemed to throw my body up, and I felt myself jerk with it. The heat was burning, but it had lessened from before. Before I could not even think about anything except the burning flames that seemed to rush through my body. I had no sense of where I was or what time it was. All I could feel was the fire, and the small comfort of Alice's ice could arms around my shoulders.

Now though. Now was different. I could see everything with such a different clarity. It was dark in the room, which I recognized was Edwards, but I could see everything perfectly. I could smell the leather from his couch, and I wanted to get closer to it, wondering if it smelled like him. I could still hear Alice, repeating the same phrase except every now and then she would add that she was sorry.

The fire was beginning to soothe out as it seemed to realized it had burned away everything inside of me, but my heart still pounded, furiously fighting. It's beating seemed to echo in the empty house. I looked back at Edward.

He looked scared and relieved at the same time. Why would he be relieved? I was so confused, but before I knew it Alice was gone, and I was now in his arms.

The breath I had in my throat caught, and I stopped breathing.

Edward was holding me.

Then he started sobbing, and my heart seemed to want to stop then and there. Why was my angel so sad, what had broken him this way. He may have broken me into a million pieces, but it didn't matter. My heart, dead or alive, would always go out to him.

I would always be his, even if he didn't want me.

I let out a small groan, as I knew that I was doomed to live without him. I was after all, unwanted. Then he started telling me that he loved me.

I wanted him to stop being in so much pain, but what could I do? I could feel his despair rock through his body as he adjusted me in his lap, and if I looked up I could see his eyes. They were filled with such a pain that I wanted to cry out to him, but my throat seemed dry.

His pain would be enough to kill me, had I already not been dying in this moment. I wanted to reach out and touch his face, but I couldn't because I knew that I was not wanted.

He had not wanted me a human, why would my being a vampire change it. A sob escaped my throat, as I again, thought of existing forever without him, and then he pulled me tighter to his chest. I was so confused. If he didn't want me, then why was he holding me.

If he did love me, like he kept saying, then why had he left. I didn't know what to do so I decided to make the most of my proximity, and I clutched his shirt, and pulled myself to him tighter, not wanting to let him disappear.

The gaping hole he had left me with in my chest was partially filled with him being there, but it still left a burning inside of me to remind me that I wanted him so badly, but the feeling was not mutual. He was amazing, and even though I was changing, I would still never compare.

My heart which had been steadily slowing, began to pound again suddenly, sending a surge of pain throughout my body that automatically arched my back, and I increased the grip I had on Edward's shirt accidentally ripping it away, as I drew my hand away from him to clutch at my empty chest that felt as if it had combusted.

My hand instinctively, went to his shoulder, without realizing that it would probably repulse him, as I dropped his shredded shirt. I screamed out the only thing I could manage to think of as my heart beat it's last beat. It was his name.

A/N : I have another chapter, and if I get at least one more review then I will post it tonight. It will probably contain a lemon though. ;) Thanks

Mary