Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Got stuck on where this story was headed.

Replies to reviews.

October 16th, 1996

Dear Journal,

Sooooo…..

I'm really, reaaally sorry.

I kissed him.

Yes. But.

And that's a big but.

I am not involved, so I haven't broken my promise. Seriously. Maybe I lost my self-control this time, but I will not again. OK. I won't. I won't let myself. Anyway, back to the 'story'.

Well, I kissed him. It sort of just happened. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't think I was thinking to be perfectly honest.

He kept his eyes open at first to give me an astonished look and I went to pull away because I could not believe I just threw myself onto him like that, but Malfoy slowly seemed to realise exactly what I was doing and closed his eyes and grabbed onto my robes and pulled me closer to him, he slowly melted into me, his hands exploring my back and my hands touching his chest, I've never realised how hard his abs are. It sounds so soppy and clichéd, but it was like we became one. And I seriously mean that. And I'm not a soppy bastard. We clung on to each other for a while, our lips brushing over each other's gently and magically. He teased me by tilting his tongue towards my teeth, and trying to gain entry, I teased him back by not letting him. Malfoy pulled me closer and I let him. Then I remembered who I was. And I remembered who he was.

I pulled back.

He let me go. He righted himself, as he looked a little flustered. I was too. He opened his eyes and looked at me confused.

"Ginny, I'm-" He began.

I ran.

It's all I seem to be good at.

I ran away from him, the ghost of his hands and lips still on my body. I didn't run to my common room though, I ran away. Away from the school. Because, even though I love the place, it reminds me of who I am, and the reasons why I can't be with him. I ran from the deserted corridors and out of the main building. All students should have been in bed by then, but I didn't care. I ran to Hagrid's, I thought about going in there, but heard him snoring loudly and didn't want to wake him. So I kept running. I ran into the Forbidden Forest.

I am not a rule breaker.

I don't know why I broke that rule, I don't even know where my nerve came from, but I still ran. I ran hard and fast. Deep into the forest. I was flustered, sweating and for some stupid reason, crying when I came to a stop. Well. I didn't really come to a stop, I crashed to a stop, the thing about forests is they have trees, and trees have roots, and roots are evil and sneak up on you to trip you. So I fell hard, grazing my hands as I skidded to a stop. I heard a ripping sound and sighed heavily. I turned around and saw that my robes had split at the hood.

I screamed. Loud.

Why did this have to happen to me, everything just gets worse and worse. For Merlin's sake, it's like everything is out to get me! I sat there for a long time; head in my hands sobbing my heart out, not caring what creatures were there to witness me. I heard all sorts of sounds, and I didn't care, they could come after me if they wanted, but I was not in the mood. I'm sure they could see that. Soon my crying eased to a quiet sniffing and I lifted my head to see the stars glimmering past the tree canopies. I heard someone cough. I whipped around.

Professor Dumbledore sat on a nearby tree stump watching me. I shuffled backwards and backed into a tree.

"Well, Miss Weasley, I am glad to see you get that out of your system, it's been strangling you for a while." He stated, as though I was an old friend and he's asked me how I'd been the past couple of years I hadn't seen him.

"Er…"

"Now, now, I'm sure you will explain to me what has gotten into you, Miss Weasley, but I would prefer that I talked first, wouldn't you?" He said as he stood from his tree stump.

"Er… Yes, Professor" I answered.

"I've noticed you being a little, how should I put it. . .'off', these past couple of weeks Miss Weasley, but I have kept to myself hoping you could figure it out. That stunt in Quidditch brought you back for a while and then you went 'off' once more. So I have been keeping a close eye on you. Then I witnessed you running down here from my completing my errands tonight and decided to follow you as you know well that all students should be in bed at this time-" I nodded slowly. "And I saw you decide whether or not to talk to Hagrid, and then I watched you run down here. Now, Miss Weasley, it was quite difficult for an old man like myself to keep up with a young Witch like you, but I managed it. I sat here waiting for you to get it all out of you. I have gotten to know women fairly well through all of my years. It may surprise you. However, I know when to leave a young woman like you to yourself for a while. Another however though, Miss Weasley, as much as you have womanly needs, I have a school to run and to run my school I set rules and I do not expect those rules to be broken. Do you understand, Miss Weasley?" He asked, finishing his lecture. Hopefully. I nodded sulkily.

"And you understand that your actions have consequences must that action be reckless." He stated the question more like a fact, but still wanted an answer.

"Yes, Professor." I replied sullenly. Not looking him in the eye.

"You do realise how much danger you put yourself in tonight by coming down here, there is a reason I do not permit students down into the forest." He kept rambling on. I was respectful though.

"Yes, Professor." I replied again.

"Good, now tell me about this boy." He indicated bluntly. I looked at him sharply. Taken aback by his accuracy.

"How, ho-" I stuttered.

"I am no fool, Miss Weasley, I know a broken heart when I see one." He explained gently. I stood up.

"I do not have a broken heart! I am not weak, I do not get broken hearts and I certainly won't let a boy get that close to-"

"Now, now child. I only ask you to give me your side of the story. On a need to know basis, keep the personal things to yourself if you so wish." Professor Dumbledore clarified sternly, but softly. I sat back down, dumbfounded.

"Well, you were right about a boy." I said, apologetically. Dumbledore nodded understandingly.

"It's just, I'm not supposed to like him, but he likes me, which he isn't supposed to either, and if I start to fall for him, I'll lose everything else worth something to me, my friends, my family, my respect, and I cannot lose them for a boy. This boy has been horrid to all of us for the past 6 years we've been here at Hogwarts, and all of a sudden, he's in love with me and I'm what he's searching for? No, it's not fair. I didn't get a say and that's not fair. Why should I let him make me feel the way I do. I'm supposed to hate him. He's supposed to hate me. It's not just my family that will hate me if I fall for him, it's his too. And, I'm not scared of them; I'm scared of what they do. I do not to be on the end of it. But we're supposed to hate each other. That's how it should go, but now he's gone and changed everything." I blabbered. Dumbledore hummed wisely.

"Love isn't spoken for, Miss Weasley, I trust you know that you cannot help who you may or may not fall in love with." Dumbledore assured intelligently. I huffed, and slumped to the floor.

"I am not in love." I argued hotly.

"You must understand, Ginny, that from my perspective, you aren't all that convincing." Professor Dumbledore sighed.

"Bu-"

"No but's, Ginny, I can assure you that liking this boy won't change anything. If your friends cannot get past the fact that you love him, then they aren't much of what a friend must be. As for your family, they will soon get over it if he proves himself to you. As will his, if you are indeed 'what he is searching for'. As for your respect, nobody said you had to announce your little love escapade to the whole Wizarding world. Merlin, it's your business, Ginny, and it is your choice to share it." Dumbledore finished with a triumphant slap to the knee.

I looked down. He was fairly convincing. But I didn't want him to be. Blame it on teenage hormones if you want, but I didn't want to do what he said. For no reason really. Other than the fact I didn't want to let people down, or myself. Mainly myself.

I started to stand up. Dumbledore put a hand on my shoulder.

"As much as I am intrigued by what you will do, I understand it is not my business, but the consequences of you recklessness is, so if you would accompany me to my office chambers, I shall devise a punishment." He explained drily. I nodded then turned my back and started up towards the school. I heard Dumbledore chuckle behind me. I turned to face him.

"What?" I asked politely.

"Oh, just the fact that you think we shall be walking back, it amuses oneself. If you would so much as hold my arm, Ginny." He smiled brazenly at me. I was confused but did as he asked.

"This may feel funny." He assured.

"Wha-"

My stomach dropped. I was being sucked into this thing. My insides squeezed dangerously and I was close to vomiting. And as abruptly as it had started, it stopped. I fell to the floor in a cold sweat.

"Oh my, this always happens when it is a first try. I shall go get something to help you, Miss Weasley." And with that Dumbledore left me. I was lying on the floor shaking like a leaf and Dumbledore left me. Just left.

Why not?

I was stuck on the floor, I couldn't move. I was shaky and weak. I looked around and sure enough I was in Dumbledore's office. Pictures of him sleeping on the wall, and of other famous wizards that I should probably know of but don't. On his desk were all sorts of quills and newspaper cuttings. I was guessing that Tom Riddle's diary was in his top draw when Dumbledore came shuffling back in the room. He knelt down beside me and held something to my mouth. I peered at him.

"Go on, it shall help." He ensured. I opened my mouth and felt the smoothness of chocolate brush my tongue and slowly melt into the back of my throat. Dumbledore was right. It did help. I muttered for more, and he gave me more. Soon I was able to sit up on my own.

"Not only does chocolate help with Dementors, they are excellent for apparition lag too." He babbled. He sat down on the steps in his room. I breathed heavily.

"Thank you Professor."

"Oh none at all, Miss Weasley. Now, for your punishment."

I groaned inwardly. I rolled my eyes too.

"Now, now Ginny, you know the rules." Dumbledore said heavily. I nodded again. It's all I seemed to do tonight.

"Ahh, you shall accompany Professor Snape on his errands around the school on Wednesdays after lessons are over to investigate the students of Slytherin's dormitories, as things have been going missing from the personals. I shall allow Snape to take you into the Slytherin Common Room, although you can never spread the whereabouts of it, I trust you to do this Miss Weasley."

I almost fell to the floor again. I was going to be spending a lot of time in the Slytherin Common room. Where Malfoy would certainly be.

Great.

And with Snape.

Brilliant.

"Yes, Professor."

"You shall continue this for four weeks, and spend an hour doing it each Wednesday."

I grated. "Yes, Professor."

"Well then, now that we have sorted that out, you may go back to your common room, I expect you to attend all lessons tomorrow, I would not appreciate you being late because you have perhaps slept in, is that clear, Miss Weasley?" Professor Dumbledore said stubbornly.

"Yes, Professor."

"Good, have a good sleep Ginny." Dumbledore flashed me a small smile of understanding and turned to leave through the back of his office. I went down the stairs.

I got to my common room and headed for the stairs to my dorm as quietly as possible when I heard a grunt. I turned around.

"You need to explain all of this when we have the time ok Gin?" Harry asked, stepping closer to me. I took in a breath.

"Yeah, ok Harry, not now though." I pleaded with him.

"No, not now." Harry smiled slightly. He seemed to hesitate then bent down and kissed my cheek. I gasped. I had only dreamed of this ever happening, and now, when I don't care, he does. Well that's just typical. Honestly, boys! He lifted his head and whispered in my ear.

"I care about you Gin, but I also worry about you." Then he stepped past me, and went to bed.

As for me?

I just stood there. Flabbergasted.

Harry Potter just kissed my cheek. Wow.

But I don't like him anymore. I might like his arch enemy. How great is this for me. See the sarcasm? Oh Merlin!

I turned and sprinted up the stairs to my dorm, too upset and confused to think anymore. I jumped into bed, still in my clothes, and tried to get to sleep for ages. But it wouldn't come.

I'm sure I'll only get a couple of hours. That's why I decided to write to you now. I can't sleep. I don't think I'll ever sleep again. That's upsetting.

Well.

Goodnight. For you that is.

Love Ginny xx