Chapter 7: Control
She had no control over her own body. She wanted to fight she wanted to get out but she couldn't. It was worse than being tied down because she felt like she was being pulled back instead.
Natasha could see Steve look at her, she could feel him shaking her, trying to get her to wake up but nothing mattered. She wanted to tell him that it wasn't personal, that she was sorry that he had to witness all this, but no words came out.
Slowly she could feel her mind slipping. She could feel herself gradually giving into the drugs, becoming weaker and weaker against the unseen force urging her away from everything she believed in. Everything she changed for.
The red room needs help, I need to help them, for Russia, for the good of mankind, she thought.
No, this is bad, nothing's true. Dammit Natasha fight. Stop being weak, she thought after.
Steve's a target, he must be eliminated. Wait he's my friend. He can't be trusted. He'd risk his life for me.
It was an ongoing battle with herself that she knew she couldn't win. The odds were too low, the stakes too high. With her last but of hope she prayed that she would be the only one getting hurt. Not Steve, the other avengers, shield, just no one who didn't deserve it.
Natasha didn't want to give up, she didn't want the life she tried so hard to change, to make better, end doing the one thing she feared the most: going back to her old self, who she was truly made to be. But it was too late. Everything was coming to an end as she looked in Steve's eyes, the last thing that she was going to see before she was deprogrammed; she envied him. She was mad that he was given a second chance to do good. That he had a future. All Natasha had was a beating heart but no life to look forwards too. The only thing she looked forwards to was taking down the bastards that turned her into the monster she was. Take that away and what was left?
She wished that there was just a small chance that maybe things would work out and she could be saved again, but the chances were slim and Natasha Romanov never had the best track record with luck.
She heard Steve run over to her, the doctor come in, him whisper some code in her ear that she hasn't heard for ages now. But instead of fighting like she would have done, she agreed because she was done fighting, she was done trying to do well for a world that gave her so much crap. Natasha Romanov was done and it was time for a whole new problem to arise: The Black Widow 2.0, and she was their first sample.