I write it, Vancouver-Canuck-Girl makes sure I make sense and talks me off the ledge. Then we send it to Capricorn75 to polish, and you guys make it all worth it. :-)

No Matter What

Chapter Seven

*X*—Bella Swan—*X*

It was clear by the look on Edward's face that he hadn't expected Bella to ask that. So as the air stayed silent around them, she slowly started backing away. It wouldn't lessen the blow of rejection, but all she wanted was to put space between them now.

"Wait …" His hands were at her sides and resting on her hips before she realized he'd taken a step forward.

"It's okay."

"No, listen … I want you to. Just …"

"It'll get in the way of you going to get that dessert?" Bella asked, trying to lighten the mood.

It was the perfect opportunity to make a joke about the varying choices of dessert she could be referring to, but they both let the moment pass.

"Stay," Edward repeated firmer than before. His hands moved to rest low on her back to pull her to him and stop her from moving away again. If it was possible, he knew she'd be able to hear his heartbeat through his chest. He sure could feel it and desperately wished for a way to calm himself down. But his nerves weren't his main priority. Reassuring Bella was. "I want you to stay."

"Okay." She let out a breath and tilted her head back to stare into his eyes. Now that he'd agreed, she felt nervous. The look he was giving her wasn't helping all that much, either.

This wouldn't be the first time they shared a moment like this—a moment where the air crackled around them and she wanted every limb, every bit of their skin, attached together in every way possible. They just hadn't had the opportunity to take it any further than stolen kisses. Now that they did, something heavy hung over her head.

Were things moving too fast?

Was this where he saw things going tonight, or did she bulldoze the idea on him?

"What's wrong?" Edward rubbed his thumb against her cheek.

"I want you to want me," she blurted out, then cringed. If she wasn't thinking about and comparing her and Edward to situations similar to a movie, she was blurting out song lyrics.

"I do." He puckered his lip in silent request.

Bella obliged; she pressed her mouth to his but kept it chaste. As he backed them toward his bedroom, everything about the kiss felt contradictory. Edward lips molded over hers with a familiarity she hadn't expected for someone she'd only kissed a handful of times. Yet, everything else—his body, the way he held her—felt tense, almost rehearsed.

She hoped he was just nervous. That was something they'd both have in common. When they got to his room, Edward slowly peeled his shirt away, sat on the bed, and refused to make eye contact with Bella as her gaze took in the length of his body.

To her, he was more than beautiful. He was scarred to perfection. But he couldn't see the way she was looking at him.

Bella reached her fingers out, intending to trace over his skin—the art, the scars—but when Edward recoiled slightly from her touch, she knew not to take it personally.

She knew what it was like to feel uncomfortable in your skin. To worry about what someone would say when they saw you without the shield of clothing. Everything about him screamed that there were things he was feeling that she'd never be able to relate to. But that was the last thing she wanted to discuss right now.

Bella knew he wouldn't want to discuss them, either. She needed to focus on making right what she could. All her fears and insecurities fell by the wayside. Reassuring Edward was now her main priority.

"I have scars, too." She placed her hand back on his shoulder, curling it slightly to keep him in place. "We all have some in one way or another. Yours are just more visible."

Edward turned his upper half, his eyes searching in silence to see what Bella was referring to. He'd looked at her all night, thoroughly, so he knew she didn't have any scars. And if she did they'd faded. "No you don't."

"I do." She nodded, inching closer to him and lifting up her shirt. "See." She pointed to her stomach, then to her sides. "Here and here. I have them all over."

Edward frowned, his eyes lifting up in confusion. "Those aren't scars. They're umm …" He searched for the correct word. "Stretch marks?"

Bella nodded, again, brushing her lips over his. "They're scars in their own way. And so is this." She grabbed his hand to brush over her faded C-section scar.

He gave her an almost annoyed look. "This doesn't count. Those don't count. They don't make you any less beautiful. If anything—"

"These don't take away from you, either. I don't know why you think that." Edward didn't want to get into it, his eyes said as much. And Bella didn't want to push him for fear he'd finally shut down on her. Trying to hide how dejected she felt, she rolled her shirt back down and leaned back against the headboard. "What are you thinking right now?"

Edward let out a breath. He was thinking of so many things all at once. His mind couldn't settle on just one issue. But the main thing he wanted was to show Bella just how much he wanted her. "You're so beautiful."

"Umm … thank you?" He'd told her this before, and she'd never tire of hearing it, but something about the way he said it…

He gulped. "Let me touch you."

"Oh, Edward." She reached out to him. "Come here. Hold me."

"But I—"

"I just want you to hold me," she repeated, more forcefully than she'd intended. She wanted so much more, but in this moment if she pushed, if she indulged him any further, she'd be no better than whoever caused him to have that doubtful look in his eyes.

When morning came, Bella had a satisfied grin on her face. Falling asleep in Edward's arms was indescribable. She felt content, even desired, despite what didn't happen. Now that she thought about it, she was thankful nothing did. When the time was right-when they were more comfortable with themselves and each other, and when Edward didn't doubt how she saw him … then, and only then, would they take that step.

X—X

"Who's ready for spaghetti?"

"I am, I am!"

The question was clearly meant for Briella, but Edward was the one who chanted and threw his hands in the air.

Briella giggled. "I love pasgetti, too."

"Not as much as I do," he sang as he shook his head. "I bet I can eat more than you."

Bella listened from the kitchen as she prepared their plates. Obviously Edward could out-eat the two of them combined, but challenging Briella was the best way to get her to clean her plate.

They found this out a couple of weeks ago when they started having dinners together. At first, she'd just wanted to return the favor—make him dinner like he'd done for her the night she stayed at his house. But it quickly evolved into more, and Bella started extending an invitation to him on a regular basis.

She could have attributed it to a desire to spend all her time with him, but that would have only been a partial truth.

His ease with Briella, the way he helped dinner time go smoothly as she transitioned into a phase where she hated everything that wasn't a cookie, had a lot to do with it.

He knew so much about parenting, he was amazing with Bree, and a natural with Maggie. Yet, any talk of kids …

"Need help?"

Bella gasped, and looked up to face Edward. He was staring at her in that smirky way she loved—eyebrows raised, and a teasing grin—but it dropped when he saw her face. "What's wrong?"

"Huh?"

"You seem like … are you okay?"

"Yeah."

Edward didn't believe her, but he chose not to say as much. Clearing his throat, he thumbed over his shoulder to where Briella was sitting; fork at the ready, and an intense look on her face. "You're delaying what's about to be an epic eating contest."

"My apologies." Bella handed him his plate and the smaller one for Briella. "Just make sure it's a slow eating contest, please. I don't want her to choke."

This was easily the fourth or fifth dinner he'd had at their house. So it wasn't the first time he used the contest tactic to get Briella to eat. But it was the first time Bella gave him what felt like an order or reprimand.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm great." She forced a smile, leaning up to press a quick kiss to his cheek. "Let's eat."

Throughout dinner, Bella remained quiet as Edward let Briella out-eat him. He didn't have to do much pretending this time. He could barely get dinner down, wondering what was going on with Bella—if he'd done something to upset her.

'Are you mad at me?' he mouthed, tapping her foot with his under the table.

Bella shook her head, mouthing back a confused, 'Of course not.'

What she hadn't realized was that her body language said the opposite.

"Do you want me to go?" Edward asked, once Bella had finished getting Briella down for the night.

Normally, he would have stayed with no questions asked so this threw her off. "Do you want to stay?"

"Only if you want—"

"Edward, stop …" Bella grabbed his hand and brought him over to the couch. "Come here. Talk to me."

It was impossible to miss the pleading tone in her voice. "What do you want me to talk about?"

"Anything, everything … I don't know." She looked down and started playing with his fingers. "I feel like I know so much about you, but the truth is I don't."

"You do." He flipped his wrist over to lace their fingers together.

"No. I know your favorite color is red. I know you'd eat steak and potatoes every day if you could. And I know you listen to just about any kind of music, even though you hate cover bands. But …" she trailed off, sliding her fingers up his forearm and letting them hover above a series of scars that didn't match the rest on his arm. She'd seen them before. Noticed how perfect they were in proportion and placement. They weren't the kind meant to cause permanent damage. But she wanted to know why Edward had put them there.

"That ..." Edward pulled his arm away and pushed his sleeve down. "Was a short lived habit that made me feel better for about two seconds, then made me feel like shit for hours after."

"Do you still—"

"No." He looked over with an anxious smile. "I don't do any of the stupid things I used to."

"I wouldn't call it stupid," Bella whispered, folding her hands in her lap. Now that he'd pulled away from her, this time literally, she didn't know what to do with them.

"Then what would you call it?"

"Without sounding judgmental? I'd called it a cry for help." Edward hummed, and chose neither to agree nor dispute her claim. He'd heard many people theorize why he'd done it—why people hurt themselves; cut—but he didn't need to be shrinked about it. Simply put, like he'd said, it made him feel better at the time. "Am I right?"

"About what?"

"That it was a cry for help."

"I guess."

Defeated, Bella sighed and leaned away from him. She didn't want to push. She just ached to get to know Edward better, to learn things about him on a less superficial level. She wasn't expecting to get his life story in one sitting. However, she couldn't help but feel she deserved to know something by now.

"Hey." Edward noticed her disappointment and squeezed her knee. He could tell he had hurt her feelings, which had not been his intention. "That's not what it was—not for me. I didn't do it for attention. No one hardly realized, and like I said it was short lived. I was 15 and I'd just broken up with … my girlfriend. " Edward paused, still unsure how to word that time in his life. "Anyway, for lack of a better word I was lost. I didn't know anything about pot or anything like that, yet. So …" he shrugged.

"Thank you." Bella pulled his arm back to her, pushed his sleeve up, and dropped a soft kiss on his forearm. "Thanks for telling me. I'm not trying to be nosy, it's just that with what I do know about you, I really like you. And … all I can think about is how much more I might like you if you just talked to me." As the words caught up to her, she grimaced. Did she make sense? Was she coming on too strong?

But Edward just smirked at her, as and tension in his shoulders quickly faded away. "So, you like me, huh? I like you, too, and I don't want to ruin that."

"And you think somehow that'll change once you tell me...what? What could you have possibly done that's so bad?"

With her question, Bella tried to remain casual as if there wasn't anything he could say that could change the way she looked at him. But she knew that wasn't true.

Looking over her shoulder, she thought about the little girl who slept in the other room, thinking as a mother and of the things she had been through, the things she could lose. Bella realized, probably for the first time, that there were a lot of things Edward could say that would make her walk away and never look back.

"I would never hurt you." Edward reached over to brush his thumb over her cheek. "And I would never hurt your daughter. I've never hurt anyone, not intentionally. Umm … it's more about what I want. What I can do, and what I can give. It's complicated."

Bella snorted. "If that's all you got … take a look at my life. I own complicated." It looked as though Edward wanted to say something else, but Bella continued, "Look, I'm not saying I'll have the best reactions to whatever it is you're afraid to tell me. But, I'll always do my best to understand. No matter what."

"Okay," Edward said, nodding. But what his heart was saying was, 'We'll see.'

Thank you for reading!

OH, and thank you so much for sharing all your recs with me! :-) I already got sucked into a couple.

I'm leaving today for my vacation (hence why I'm even updating this so early lol) but that means there won't be an update next week. Well, at least not next Sunday.

I'm sorry if this chap didn't turn into the sexy one some had hoped. But these two aren't ready. *shakes head* Nope.

Leave me your thoughts :-)

Until Next Time,

~Lo