A/N: Back again! Hope you like this update.

It's almost over. The closing arguments for Katniss' trial finished this afternoon. I watched everything I could, but I missed most of it except the recaps. The defense has done a pretty good job of casting Katniss as a complete loony. Even ex-gamemaker Heavensbee, who is now President Paylor's Secretary in charge of communications (including the broadcasts) was a witness for her. But it was that head doctor who really sold it. Apparently he's been treating her since the end of the war - since Prim died. If I didn't know Katniss, I might be convinced myself. But I do know her - or I did - and I'm not convinced. At least the trial has been a distraction from my own issues.

I can't help but wonder about the timing. They just had the closing arguments, and now Mrs. Everdeen will be coming to 4? It's as if she is staying in the Capitol for the trial, and then getting out as fast as she can. But these plans have been in the works for awhile, and she couldn't have known when the verdict would be announced. Could she? It has to be coincidence.

I only have two days until Mrs. E comes to district four. I still haven't decided what to do. It's not like I'm going to be in her welcoming committee, I reason. It feels a little ironic - growing up as the mayor's daughter, I was always a part of the welcoming committee in 12. But at least I don't really need to decide before she gets to town. I'm sure I can avoid her at least for awhile. If I need to.

I try to think it through rationally. I had no reason to go back to Madge before I found out about Katniss' mom. Does her coming really change anything? It's not like she'll be here forever, right? She's probably helping with the hospital and then going back to district 12. Maybe. And sure, Bear will be working with her, but that doesn't mean we'd have to meet ... does it?

Tonight's broadcasts are showing someone's notion of highlights from Katniss' trial. I can't turn it off and despite my efforts I can't tune it out. I cradle my head in my left hand and close my eyes, watching the dim red shadows that filter through my eyelids. The flickering screen of the broadcast pushes its way into my empty vision.

I'm beyond frustrated. I've been staring this decision in the face all week and I still have no idea. I keep trying to make a decision and I just give up and put it off again. When Bear tries to ask about the trial I get tangled in my explanation and wind up venting, "I don't know what to do!"

Bear doesn't answer. He's given up trying to argue with me, trying to reason with me, trying to talk about it at all. He probably wishes he never told me about it. He just watches as I pace the room. I throw myself on the bed in frustration.

"I hate this! I wish ..." I can't say it though. What I really wish, is that my father were here to tell me what to do. I even wish Spinner and Johnny were here, that they could tell me what they thought. I bury my head in a pillow, wishing I didn't have to deal with this.

Last time I saw Rose I almost told her everything. I wanted to so badly. In the end that weighed heavily enough to make a difference. This is my first real issue with my new identity and I already want to spill my guts. I hate myself for it.

And that's not even my biggest problem. If Mrs. Everdeen could turn up in district four, who knows what else could happen. It scares me. I want Bear to make Maddie Amelin real, but that scares me too, after everything he's told me - it's so final.

I feel terrible. There isn't a good option, just maybe a slightly less bad one.

I can't decide. It's too big a risk, either way.

I need to know more.

Bear is against it. For one, he wants to be the one taking the risk. We both agree it can't be me and he thinks it's too risky to have Mick do it. I would have agreed. Mick was my supposed brother which meant if things go wrong it could be traced to me too easily. But Mick is so outgoing and friendly, so much more talkative than Bear. And a much better liar. I'm convinced he'd be able to pull it off. Plus, he's already made friends at the command center.

I just ... I need to know how big a deal it would be, if I did come clean. Hopefully Mick can help figure that out. All he would have to do is act curious and ask a few "what if" questions.

Even without Bear's objections I know I shouldn't put Mick in jeopardy. It's yet another layer of guilt making me feel bad about the whole situation. But as it is, I am paralyzed, unable to make any decision, just trapped between two unknown futures. Right now I can't even fathom what would happen if I came clean. And if Bear creates a record of me - of Maddie .. who knows what could happen? Nothing about growing up in district 12 prepared me for this.

Bear finally agrees - reluctantly - to at least let Mick hear the plan, though he insists on being the one to explain it. He tries to emphasize how risky it is, how unlikely it'll get us any useful information - but Mick is all for it. He barely waits through Bear's initial explanation before breaking in.

"I'm in. I bet Rachel or Kevin could give me some idea. I can see what I can get out of them tomorrow."

I'm relieved, but Bear sighs. I'm sure he thinks that Mick doesn't appreciate the risks. He should really know by now that Mick loves this stuff. From the moment I dragged him into my cover story, he's considered it one big adventure. He relishes the subterfuge and sees fun instead of danger in the whole charade. I guess I understand why it worries Bear, but I know Mick gets the idea. He may act as though it's all fun and games, but I know Mick will be careful.

Katniss is declared insane and set free - well, not actually free. Really she's been ordered back to district 12 under the supervision of that head doctor that spoke in her trial. Rose invited me over but we were expecting the verdict so I made up an excuse. I remembered her comments about Katniss from before. I didn't think I really wanted to be there for her reaction to the judgement. I watch the broadcast with Mick as he fills me in on how his investigating is going so far.

I would love to talk to Mrs. E about it ... if that were an option. Maybe it is. I still don't really know. She and the other consultants arrived yesterday - there was practically a parade welcoming their train. Not for them. Word got out that the darling, damaged Annie Cresta would be with them. It's got the whole district talking. Most people are still not really over Finnick's death - he was the district's true champion, of both the games and the war. He was an icon. Who could feel anything but sympathy for Annie? I can't help but wonder what happened to her cousin, Adrian. I haven't seen him in months. I make a mental note to ask Bear about him.

Mick's had a few days to pry into what might happen if someone were to come forward after changing their name. Unfortunately since it hasn't happened, it's pretty much all guesses and gossip. But that's why Mick is on the case, trying to figure out how the administration here would react.

I remember his report from yesterday. He'd told me his friend Kevin hadn't even believed the possibility, just laughed it off like it could never happen. The bad news is that the rebels are pretty twitchy about possible Capitol hold-outs.

Bear updates me about work: the timeline for the medical center, the consultants, patients being sent from the Capitol, everything. He also did some digging of his own and confirmed that the Amelins were staunch rebel supporters. That's mostly good news, except that there are probably some rebels around somewhere in sector two that know I'm not really an Amelin.

Tonight Mick's news is more promising. He's done everything I can ask of him. Any more would put him at risk. After hearing everything he has to say, I thank him, hug him tight, and leave. I need to decide which path to follow.

I head to the roof alone, carrying a thick blanket with me to keep comfortable. Sitting out there, staring up at the stars, I go through every possibility and what the risks are. And in the end, I know what I'm going to do.

In the morning Bear comes and finds me, handing me a hot mug of tea. I smile my thanks as he asks how I'm doing. "Decision's made," I tell him nervously. I've set my mind to it, but I'm still scared. I'm deathly afraid of everything that could happen.

A week later I am still Maddie. Nothing has changed; I haven't gone anywhere close to Mrs. E and the medical center. Tonight I'm visiting Rose and Naiya. Rose has been coming in with Naiya to help at the provisions center, but we need some time outside of work. I didn't really want to talk with her after Katniss' verdict. Now ... it's been long enough. I need someone besides the boys to talk to.

Naiya's provided a delicious dinner, but I just don't have an appetite tonight. Seeing I've barely touched my plate she asks me, "Maddie honey is something wrong? You seem a little quiet tonight. Are you feeling okay? Can I get you anything darling?"

"I have something to tell you," I admit. "I'm a little nervous I guess."

Rose looks at me suspiciously. Naiya just looks surprised. "Honey you know you can tell us anything. We love you, you know that right? We're practically family."

"I'm not who you think I am."