Chapter 7

Santana's POV

I can't figure out what the hell went wrong. I mean, I know, but that shouldn't be a reason.

Right now, I hate myself for ever mentioning Puck or that I had boyfriend. Shit, and then I cried all about- well, I don't know what about exactly. I think it was all of it. Puck and Brittany and everything. My increasing feelings for the blonde girl and my decreasing feelings for my boyfriend. I was just so overwhelmed.

And Brittany was so great too. She could have just let me to myself and cry but she didn't. She wrapped me up in her arms and made me feel safe. She made me feel like everything would be alright.

But, right now, everything doesn't seem alright.

I get in my car and turn it on and Brittany's Meatloaf cd starts playing. "Fuck." I harshly hit the stereo knob with my knuckles, turning the music off.

I slump down in my seat and rub my face with my hands. I probably screwed things up with Brittany before they even started.

I'll admit that I don't know what I want with Brittany. But, I do know that I want to find out. I want to find out if there is something there. I have never been with a girl in any way, shape, or form. Unless you count kissing girls at high school parties for the attention or for your boyfriend's pleasure. But, I'm not opposed to being with a girl.

I have always thought that girls were very attractive but never thought that I would/could get into a relationship with one. Right now those very thoughts are running through my head.

I want to see what can become of me and Brittany. I want to see if we could become more than friends. I want to explore every possibility. I never saw myself with a woman. I always thought I would be married to a guy by thirty and have our two point five kids by the time I was thirty-five. But, right now I don't see any of that. I don't know what my future holds and I find myself thinking differently about it for the first time.

However, I don't know where I stand with Brittany right now. After last night's kiss and then subsequent cry fest I don't know what gonna happen now. This morning I woke up happy and excited. I greeted Brittany with a hug at the fire and everything seemed fine between us. We had a blast playing in the river and then I worked up the courage to kiss her. For a second, everything seemed perfect. But, then Brittany brought up Puck and- it wasn't.

I can hear my phone vibrating in my purse but don't feel like talking to anyone at the moment. I just feel frustrated with myself. I ignore whoever is calling and start my drive home.

It takes fifteen minutes to get home from the diner parking lot. When I get there, I bring my stuff from camping up to my room and start unpacking. I went to get my swimsuit and all of my clothes in the washing machine as soon as possible.

I take my phone out of my purse and put it on my nightstand not bothering to look at the screen to see who called me before. If it was important they will call back.

I work on pulling out all of my clothes. The clothes I wore to work yesterday. And then the tank top and boxer shorts that I wore to sleep in last night. After that, my swimsuit, that is wrapped up in a towel. They all smell like wet, musky river water and campfire smoke from being stuffed in the bag together.

I hear my phone vibrate against the hard wood of my nightstand while I work on unpacking but ignore it. It buzzes again immediately after the first call. I don't want to answer it but what if it's an emergency? What if it's my parents and they are trying to get a hold of me. Whoever it is called twice in a row so it must be important, right.

I walk across the room to my nightstand and pick up the phone. I look at the screen to see who it is that is calling.

Puck.

He's the last person I want to talk to right now. I am frustrated and he probably won't stop calling so I answer it just to make him stop.

"What?" A growl into the phone.

"Hey, baby, I've been trying to get a hold of you." He says in a too sweet voice. "What's up? You must be very busy working if you can't even pick up the phone. Who do you work for? I'll call them up and tell them to give you some time off so you can talk to the Puckster."

"How do you know I have a job?" I return with. I don't have time to put up with his crap.

"Oh, Quinn told me."He says easily into the phone.

Oh, crap. Fucking Quinn. I told her all about my job when I talked to her last week. She doesn't know that I'm not talking to Puck. Though, she probably knows now. Him asking her questions that he should know the answers to probably tipped her off to something. I'll have to call her up and talk to her.

"Oh, yeah, well, I've been busy." It's the partial truth. I don't feel bad not telling him the whole truth though.

"Too busy for little ole me?" Puck asks into the phone.

Yes. Too busy and I don't want to talk to you.

"Kinda." I tell him.

"Well, you are gonna have to do something to change that. It's not easy being in a long distance relationship. You are gonna have to start finding time to talk to me."

I roll my eyes. "Fine. I'll try to call you and answer the phone if you call me. But, I can't make any promises. I work a lot and I really am busy." I tell him hoping that he will get the hint.

He doesn't. "Good. You can't be that busy. You're just a waitress right?"

First off, that's insulting. And second, I do have things that I do that don't involve work. "I am busy besides work. I do other things than just work. Like, last night, I went camping." I inform him. I want to rub in the fact that I can get along fine without him around or without talking to him all the time.

Puck balks. "What? You hate camping." He says, like, he can't believe those words came out of my mouth.

"Yeah, I absolutely hate it." I say sarcastically. "But, hey, it was great to hear your voice and get to talk to you a little but I gotta go finish unpacking and wash my clothes. Stinky."

"San, wait. I-"

But, I don't hear what he say because I hang up the phone on him. Feeling slightly satisfied and a little better I throw the phone down on the bed and then throw myself down after it.

I make a mental note to tell Quinn what's going on with me and Puck and also with me and Brittany before I shut my eyes for a little nap.

(Santana falls asleep thinking about Brittany.)

A few days pass and I work my shifts at the diner without any sight of Brittany. I haven't heard from her either by call or text. I'm starting to get concerned and starting to think that she is avoiding me intentionally.

I even ask Janet if she's seen Brittany but she told me that she hasn't. I'm honestly worried.

It's Saturday at lunch time when Brittany finally shows up during one of my shifts. She comes in and politely talks with a older couple in one of the booths near the door. After her conversation she comes up to the counter and takes a seat at the usual spot.

I walk up to her more nervous than I've ever been around her. "Hi." I say quietly.

"Hi, Santana. How are you? How is you shift going?" She asks politely, something unfamiliar in her voice.

"Good." I reply.

"Good." She says with nod.

"Can I get you something to eat?" I ask and pull out my notepad and pen.

She nods. "Cheeseburger and a side salad. And a water. Please and thank you." She says quickly and gives me a polite smile.

I write it down and tell her it will be out as soon as it's done. I walk the order into the kitchen, letting out a breath that I didn't know I was holding. Something's off with Brittany. She is her polite usual self but something is amiss. Her sentences are short and clipped. She seems uneasy too. Which is making me uneasy. I don't like what's going on at all. I thought we were friend but she is acting like I am nothing but just a waitress at her favorite diner.

I give the order to the kitchen staff and return to the dining room. A table of mine in the corner looks like they are done with there meal, so I go over to them and give them the check. I also check up on a few other table of customers. I clean up a table from a group that just left, bringing the dirty dishes to the kitchen to be cleaned, and then wiping down the table with my washcloth.

Back in the kitchen I wait for Brittany's food to be ready. I am the one avoiding Brittany now. I am nervous and my palms are sweaty. I rub them on my apron trying- but failing- to keep them dry. Even though it makes me nervous I have to figure out what's going on with Brittany and where her and I stand.

When her cheeseburger is ready I grab that plate and the plate of salad in each hand. I make it back to Brittany with her meal and set it down on the counter.

Brittany takes a hold of her fork and stabs at her salad. "Thanks." She says looking down at her food.

"I haven't seen you in awhile." Since we went camping last weekend. Since, Sunday morning when she dropped me off at my car.

She pauses her movements but doesn't look up. She nods.

"I haven't heard from you either." I add.

She looks up and her eyes are dark and squinty. "You could have called or texted me."

I nod dumbly. Brittany's right. But, that's not what I really meant. I meant why hasn't she called or texted me. I half-expected her to after last weekend.

There's a long pause. And Brittany starts eating her salad again. I walk away and tend to my other customers. When I come back Brittany has her salad finished and is halfway through her cheeseburger.

"Is everything alright?" I ask as bravely as I can but there is a little waver in my voice. "You know, between us." I flick my wrist between myself and her.

Brittany finishes chewing the bite in her mouth. "Yeah, everything's fine." She says and takes another bite of her nearly finished burger.

"Then why do I feel like I'm getting the cold shoulder." I ask the question and I can hear the bite in my voice. I don't want to get mad at her but I find that I am.

Brittany puts the last bite of her burger down and wipes her face with her napkin. "Listen, Santana, camping was fun but I'm gonna be real honest right now. I want to be your friend. And I am. And you are mine but I need some time."

"What?" I ask in confusion. What is she talking about? Time for what? Did I miss something?

I watch as Brittany gives me a sad smile, then shrugs, and averts her gaze to the far corner of the room. When she speaks again it's with a dimness, a stillness, a sadness, in her voice.

"To get over the crush I have on you." She says with a far away look on her face. "You have a boyfriend and I can't be around you with the feelings that I have. I need some time to realize that you have a boyfriend and I need to get over my silly crush. I hope you understand." Her eyes flick back to mine for a brief second before they return to the opposite corner of the room again.

"I will still stop in to grab something to eat every now and then but we can't hang out like we did camping or at the bonfire. If you need anything, though, don't think twice about calling or texting me. I'm still your friend and if you need help with something or advice or anything, please, give me a call. Hopefully, after some time passes we can hang out again. I want that but I can't do it right now."

Brittany stops talking and clears her throat. "B-but-" I stammer.

"No but's." She tells me. "I'm sorry. I don't think I could control myself around you right now. And I believe it's best if we keep some distance. You have a boyfriend and I don't want to have anything to do with that. I don't want to get in the way of that. I don't want to cause any problems. I don't want to make you into a cheater- in his eyes or anyone else's."

I stand there in shock. I don't know what to say or do. I know I should say something. I should tell Brittany what I want. But, I'm still not sure what I want.

I want to tell Brittany that she's wrong. I want to tell her that I don't want to be with him. I want to tell her that I want to be with her. I want to tell her that I don't want to stop spending time with her, especially when it's just started. I don't want-

Brittany's voice brings me back and I don't say a single one of those things.

"The meal was very good. Thank you." She stands up and pulls a twenty out of her pants pocket and sets it on the table next to her nearly empty plate. "I'll see ya 'round." She waves her hand at her waist and turns to exit the building without another word.

I stand there for- I don't know how long. After what must be less than a minute I feel something touch my shoulder. I tear my eyes away from the door where they had been focused and look down at my right shoulder.

Janet's hand rests there. She stands behind me and squeezes at my shoulder. "Are you alright?" She asks in the most caring, gentle voice I've ever heard her use.

I shake my head. I finally get my feet to work, turn, and storm into the kitchen leaving Janet in my dust. My purse sits on the back counter and I am after my phone even though I'm not allowed to use it while I'm at work. But, I don't care right now. If I get fired for making the phone call that I'm about to make, it will be worth it.

I know what I need to do. I finally know what has to happen- what I want.

I yank my phone from my purse and dial the number. It rings once before he picks up.

"Hey Santana, it's good to hear from you. How are you babe?" Puck uses his too sweet voice.

"Cut the crap Puckerman. I have something to tell you." I growl into the phone.

"What is it, babe?" He asks oblivious to the venom in my voice.

"We're done." I say with a much finality as I can muster.

"What?"

I steel myself and say it again. "We're done. Through. Finished. Finito. I'm breaking up with your ass."

I pull the phone away from my ear. A faint 'you can't break up with me' comes through the phone as I pull it away and hang up on him.

He will try to call me back right away. I know this. So, I shut my phone off and throw it back in my purse. I go back out into the diner to finish my shift.

I just want to call it quits for the day and go home. I can't do that though. I am a big girl and I am working on being responsible. I have to stay through my whole shift even though I feel like an atomic bomb was just dropped on me.

A part of me feels terrible- the Brittany part of me. But, another part of me feels light and free- the Puck part of me. Both combined just make me feel anxious and sick.

I want to get home and think of what to do next. Do I try to find Brittany and tell her that I broke up with Puck? Do I let her come to me?

I know what I can do though, that's call Quinn and ask her for her advice. I also need to tell her what happened before Puck gets to her and starts asking questions or worse. I need to tell Quinn all about Brittany too. Tell Quinn that she is the reason that I broke up with Puck.

I also just want to just go home and sleep away the rest of this day.

It's not until the next day that I call Quinn and tell her what's been going on.

"Hey, Q. What's up?" I greet.

"Hmm. Why don't you tell me?" She comes back with.

"So, I guess you talked to Puckerman."

"Yep. He told me that you called him up and broke up with him. Is that correct?" She snips.

"Yeah. Geez, Quinn, who's side are you on?" I can't believe her right now. "You're my best friend. You're suppose to be on my side."

"What is your side, Santana? You've been with Noah on and off since you were sixteen. I just assumed that this was it for you. That after college you would settle down with him and have a couple of kids."

"I did too." I sigh. Because that's what I thought too.

"So, what changed?" Quinn asks quietly, her voice calmer and softer now.

I calm down too and speak in a much quieter voice than before. "I did. I think."

"And why did you feel you had to break up with Puck?"

It's really hard to talk about with everything that happened yesterday but I know that talking it over with Quinn will help and that I will feel better afterwards.

"Puck and I weren't working anymore. Plus, there's someone else." I whisper that last part. I know she hears me cuz there's silence on the other end of the phone as she processes the new information.

"Someone you met this summer?"

"Yeah. A couple of weeks ago. That's why I had to break if off with Puck. It's become more complicated then I could ever imagine and it took me awhile and a lot of soul searching and thinking- something happened and I knew that I had to break up with him. I think I was just scared to do so. We've been together for a long time. He's like my security blanket. And to let that go is scary. Also, she won't have anything to do with me as long as I have a boyfriend." I explain my circumstances the best that I can.

"Excuse me?" Quinn's voice gets higher then it previously was.

"What?"

"Do you just say she?" She practically squeaks into the phone.

I grin goofy. "Yup." I nod even though Quinn can't see me. "Like I said, I've changed. I've started to think about my life. Like, really, think about my life. Who I want to be? Who I want to be with? How I want to feel? Quinn, she makes me so happy and she makes me feel like I'm special. Puck never made me feel special. Brittany makes me feel different. I don't know, I just feel really good when I'm around her."

I am greeted with silence on the other end.

I look at the phone screen to make sure the call wasn't dropped. "Q, are you still there?"

"Yeah."

"Well, say something." I prod.

"I don't know what to say. Santana, I'm speechless."

I giggle. I can imagine Quinn laying on her bed with her phone wedges between her ear and her shoulder while she paints her fingernails, her mouth hanging open dumbly.

"So, you're serious about this? Switching teams like this?"

"It's so totally not about that. It's not because Brittany is a girl and is smoking hot and is a total badass. Cuz she is, but it's about her- who she is. It's about the way she makes me feel and how I want her to feel the same way. It's about a connection on a deeper level than just the physical. Although, the physical is pretty damn great. I don't know what's going to happen but I want the opportunity to see if something can happen. And I realized that I can't do that with Puck still attached to me." I try to explain to her. I don't know if Quinn understands but I really hope that she does.

"I see. Well, it sounds like this living at the summer home has done a lot for you. I'm glad."

I smile because now I know that I have Quinn on board with me in this journey.

"Do I get to meet this girl when I come next week?"

"I don't know." Her question brings down my happy spirits. "I don't know when I am gonna get to see Brittany again. She kinda came into the diner and broke up with me. She said we couldn't hang out knowing that I had a boyfriend. She said she didn't trust herself being around me."

"Santana, did you cheat on Puck?"

"No! Well, not really." I tell Quinn, feeling guilty all of a sudden.

"What the hell does that mean?" Quinn squawks through the phone.

"We kissed. Twice." I tell her honestly and bite down on my lip waiting for what she is gonna say next.

"Well, good thing you broke up with Puck then." She laughs airily.

I laugh deep from my belly. "When we went camping I told Brittany that she had to meet you when you came. She said she would."

"Santana Lopez, you went camping?" Quinn sounds scandalized.

"Yeah, Brittany took me camping last weekend. It was so much fun." I grin like a fool.

"Holy shit, this girl must be magic."

"She is." I say dreamily. Brittany is like a dream come true. "I will text her and make arrangements for a meeting. You're gonna love her."

"I can only imagine." Quinn comments. "Well, as great as it is to hear about your crazy, crazy life I gotta go help my mom with lunch. Sunday bonding time and whatnot."

I laugh. "Okay, Q. Thanks. Have fun with your mom. I will see you on Thursday."

"Yep, see ya Thursday. I'll text before I leave town. Okay? Bye."

"Okay. Bye." I hang up the phone and sigh. Maybe things won't be so bad. Maybe Quinn can meet Brittany and they can be friends too. Maybe I can convince Brittany to hang out before then. Maybe I can… Maybe it's all wishful thinking.