100 Tales 80

How I Used To Be

I used to be loyal to my Clan. I used to be a good little apprentice, always wanting the best for my Clanmates. I could have grown up to be a loyal warrior….

All day staring at the ceiling

Making friends with shadows on my wall

All night hearing voices telling me

That I should get some sleep

Because tomorrow might be good for something

But, no; my mentor, Thistleclaw, was mean to me. He worked me really hard, and he taught me that power meant everything…. Blood, too.

Hold on

Feeling like I'm heading for a breakdown

And I don't know why

I remember that, at first, I was frightened. Who was this vicious cat who was trying to teach me the ways of a bad Clan cat?! Who was he?!

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be...me

But, eventually, I fell for him. Oh, yes; how I fell for him…. I thought he was one of the smartest cats in the Clan. I eagerly lapped up all the advice he had to give me—like a dog.

I'm talking to myself in public

Dodging glances on the train

And I know, I know they've all been talking bout me

I can hear them whisper

And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me

Out of all the hours thinking

Somehow I've lost my mind

I later learned that Bluestar—then, Bluefur—had been watching us—she had seen all the exchanges, yet…. She never did anything to stop them. And then, she even went on to trust me!! When I, myself, knew that I couldn't be trusted!! She went crazy, mad!! She believed the alien that inserted itself into my body when I died!!

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be

Yes, that's right; I died. I died a little inside, and went to StarClan. And then, an alien…. some alien!.... came and took over my brain. And Thistleclaw just thought that he had a good apprentice.

I've been talking in my sleep

Pretty soon they'll come to get me

Yeah, they're taking me away

In some ways, I regret what happened to my body. In others, I don't. ThunderClan has been in such turmoil lately—I know, I know, I'm bad for saying this, but…. I'm glad that I wasn't there.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be

Instead, you will find my spirit in Tigerkit, Tawnypelt's kit. Yes, that's right; you heard me right; I am in Tawnypelt's kit.

Yeah, how I used to be

How I used to be

Well, I'm just a little unwell

How I used to be

How I used to be

Oh, how I used to be; and will be once again!!