Chapter 5: Building and breaking up

Now

Surprisingly the dinner went well. Neal's apartment was comfortable and nice enough, a little messy but still, even Regina's exquisite taste was pleased. They started with Bourbon Chicken and red wine, the dish was quite simple to cook but this one was made perfectly well.

"I need to admit, I am surprised," the brunette said taking the next bite and tasting the flavor of tender meat with a hint of apple in her mouth. Exactly as she loved it. "In a good way." Came a moment later and she smiled.

"I told you so! I have learned some things." He winked. They were sitting facing each other and Regina noticed how smug Neal was about himself and he had every right to be.

"I am very grateful you agreed to have dinner tonight. So thank you. Again. Can't say I am very pleased with Emma taking all these night shifts but I know she needs it and hell, she is the Sheriff. So it's her job, anyway, right?"

"Absolutely," Regina tensed when Neal mentioned Emma but she knew it was just chatting and nothing more. "And as a Mayor of this town I need to say I appreciate it greatly. She is one of those people who are really able to protect its citizens. Hmm… don't tell her I said something like this, though. She is too self-confident, already".

"You have my word." Neal chuckled. "Listen, I know this is not exactly what we planned to discuss tonight but I was always dying to ask, even back in Enchanted Forest. Just never had a chance, you know." Neal said placing his both hands on the table and pausing his meal for a while.

"Ask what?"

"How does it feel like? All the power you had, your magic, your possibilities." The right to take someone's life he continued mentally but never spoke it aloud.

Regina stiffed immediately; this conversation definitely wasn't what she expected from this dinner. It was too unexpected, unpleasant somehow like one more reminder of who she was, who still is. And yet, what she saw in Neal's eyes wasn't some kind of reprobation but pure interest.

"That's quite a question, isn't it?" she said weighing every word that came out of her mouth. She stopped eating too, her index finger playing with the edge of wine glass. She wasn't sure where did this curiosity come from.

"Different." Her sigh is barely visible. "It's intoxicating and overwhelming at first, and then it strangles you. You don't belong to yourself; you are a slave of your own power, your own needs. You are never enough." She stops still starring at him and not saying a word more.

"I guess that's the place where you say 'I am not Evil Queen anymore', blah blah blah." Neal laughs trying to lighten the situation.

"I am not saying it. I am NOT the Evil Queen anymore, not in this world. But it doesn't mean people don't see me as one. Maybe partly, some of them. I am trying to leave this present time, a lot of things happened lately and let's say I just hope that one day I won't be evil for others and I won't be evil for myself." She stops and drinks some wine. "What about power, well… I do enjoy power; I am not even hiding it. I like controlling things, it's in my blood. But I am not planning using it against people. Not now, not ever." She titles her head. "What about you?"

"Me?" Neal arches his brows in surprise. "What about me?"

"What was your life after living your father? I have done many things but honestly I don't imagine wandering like this across time and places."

"I wasn't wandering for 200 years, you know. I mean, I was able to cross time and countries for some time, I stayed in Neverland for a long period but time was different out there; you never knows if it's a year or ten passed and then I just ended up here, in this world."

"You regret it?"

"My life? The decisions I made?"

"Yes." Regina nods.

"No. It made me who I am. It would be stupid to regret you own life, don't you think so? And then again, I got my family, Emma and Henry, first of all. I would never regret anything that led to them, no matter how horrible it was. They are worth of it."

They are worth of it.

Regina sleep is disturbed by continuous and annoying buzzing. She glances at electronic watch then. 2:05 am it says. What the… she thinks trying to find the source of buzzing inside of her purse. When she finally finds the phone, it's still vibrating and she frowns sliding her finger against the screen.

"It's 2 in the morning…"

"Hello to you too, Regina". She can literally feel Emma rolling her eyes. "I am only calling you because you were calling me several times before and then left a voice mail. I thought it's something important. That's why I am calling you at two it the morning." She growled, her voice was tired and irritated.

"Does it mean you recently got home? Is everything all right?"

"Yes, madam Mayor, your town is all right. Just a few drunkards and a couple of kissing teenegars. So what was it?"

"It's actually nothing. Well now it's nothing. I was calling you to say about my dinner with Neal and to ask if you know anything about it but it's all over now, so…" She pauses and there is nothing from Emma. Not a word, just silence. "Miss Swan? Are you there?" She was still using this 'Miss Swan' from time to time and it irritated the blonde endlessly.

"Say it again. I think I overheard you. Did you really say about dinner with Neal?"

"Yes, Emma. I hope night shifts are not impairing your hearing. It would be devastating." She couldn't keep the sass. "Anyway, I suppose Neal didn't tell you." Regina chewed her lower lip.

"No, he didn't! What was it about, Regina? What were you talking about? Does he…" Emma panicked.

"Knows about us?" Regina continued. "No, I don't think he does. We were talking about things in general, Henry of course. In connection with this, there is something I want to discuss with you. It is important for all of us. Not now, of course. Tomorrow."

"I can come now, if…"

"Tomorrow. I will let you know." And the line went dead.

Yes, good night to you too, Regina", Emma thinks fretfully across the town, throwing her phone to the night table and falling asleep as she is – in her jeans and tank top. She is tired, dirty and exhausted and thinking about the conversation with Regina is the last thing she wants right now.

Regina entered the diner sharply at 9 am. She woke up at 5 am this morning and at 6 was already in the office. The bill was driving her crazy the second day in the row and she needed at least a short break.

"Good morning, miss Lucas." She greeted Ruby leaning to the counter.

"Morning, Madame Mayor." Ruby smiled brightly. She wasn't Regina's best friend obviously but they were quite friendly after the last events and even could enjoy each other's company from time to time. "What can I get for you?"

"Just coffee to-go, please. Black, two sugar." She smiled tiredly.

"My, my, Madame Mayor, you are altering your ways." Regina heard a very familiar voice and sighed soundly. She turned around to see the blonde standing behind her and even if Emma was grinning and looking cocky, Regina saw her tired eyed and even her posture was more crocked than always.

"Morning, Sherriff. I wasn't hoping to see this morning. At least not that early." Regina said referring to her night shifts which became very usual by now.

"You look tired," Emma said back instead of greeting, stepping closer and totally invading Regina's personal space.

"So do you," Regina replied pointing with her eyes at Ruby. But she was rather far and didn't seem to care so Emma didn't want to care either.

"I went to bed late."

"And I woke up a way too early," Regina parried and Emma grinned again.

"You wanted to talk about something. Will we talk now?"

"No, I can't now, I am sorry." The brunette replied apologetically. "I have a Council Meeting later this afternoon and I still need to prepare."

"Your order, Madame Mayor!" They heard a loud perky voice of Ruby next to them and both jumped from surprise. "Morning, girl!" Ruby was less formal with Emma. "You look like shift," she noticed and laughed.

"Yes, good morning to you too, Rubes." Emma frowned comically. "Just get me some latte please. I am afraid black coffee isn't something my heart is able to handle this morning."

"Thank you, miss Lucas," Regina said handling her money for the coffee.

"Have a nice day, Madame Mayor," Ruby smiled once more. "One latte for my favorite, Sheriff. Will be right back!"

"Thanks Rubes! Soo… later then?" Emma continued the interrupted conversation with Regina.

"Yes, I would appreciate that. I will call you as soon as I am free."

"Okay. See you later then," Emma smiled.

"Have a good day, Sherriff," Regina started her way to the exit.

"You too, Regina."

It was an awfully tiring day and the moment Regina came home, she could feel her legs burning and being somewhere apart from the rest of her body at the same time. She kicked off her heels and groaned from pleasure as her sore legs touched the cool surface of the floor.

"You should be forbidden to make such noises anywhere but the bedroom, you know." The voice said. Regina dropped her purse and her heart stopped for a moment.

"I beg your pardon?" She exclaimed entering the same room they were drinking her cider for the very first time. The source of fuss was right there. "How did you even enter the house?" Emma was sitting on the couch, her legs crossed and laying on the glass table in front of her. She clearly made herself at home because Regina spotted leather jacket carelessly tossed over the chair and the glass of whiskey in her hand.

"You gave me the key, remember?" Emma smirked. "And never took it back." She took her legs off the table.

"Well, that was clearly a mistake." Regina mumbled more to herself. "Are you supposed to drink?"

"Are you supposed to come back from work that late?" The tone betrayed the blonde's irritation. "I was calling and you texting you through the day and never got a reply."

"I know, Emma. I am sorry." Regina softened. She was sorry. She got carried away with the bill and then the Council meeting. And to be completely honest, she tried to delay this unpleasant conversation as much as possible. She sat down on the couch her knees touching Emma's. Emma reacts in instant grabbing Regina's head and pulling her into a kiss. The kiss is feverish; Regina mentally scolds herself but doesn't stop, deepening the connection when their tongues meet. They kiss hungrily like for the first time, their hands tangled in each other's hair.

"Stop, please stop." Regina feels Emma's mouth going aside to her jaw. "Emma…" She presses her palm to a swollen lips looking straight into confused green eyes.

"I don't want to stop. I missed you so much." She really doesn't want to stop. She grabs and presses Regina closer once more, pulling slim legs onto her lap. She sneaks under the tight skirt and a moan of pleasure escapes her throat as she starts to stroke the tender skin of Regina's inner hips.

"We agreed to talk." The brunette's voice is shaking and she unsuccessfully tries to push another woman away.

"Hmm," Emma hums going along Regina's neck. "I am here, I am listening." Emma voice is barely audible as she sliding her hand between Regina's hot legs. She is sucking the pulse spot, feeling Regina's heart beat going wild. She mentally grins and doubles her efforts.

"Emma, I am serious. It has to stop right now." Regina's voice is harsh as she pulls herself away from Emma and tries to fix her dark tousled hair.

"All right, Regina." Emma growls in displeasure. "Let's do it now. What did you want to talk about?"

"As I already said, it has to stop."

"I don't understand."

"What exactly you don't understand?!" Regina gets up from the couch in irritation. "We should stop this… what we're doing."

"This? You are calling us 'this'?" Emma got up too as anger overtook her whole body.

"There are no us Emma. There will never be 'us'! How you don't understand it? When will you stop coming here and ruining your life and mine as well?"

"I am ruining your life? I am?" Emma's cheeks were bright red as she yelled. "As you wish, I am leaving now and don't worry, I will never come again!" She grabs her jacket storms to the outdoor.

"No, Emma, wait!" Regina grabs her hands trying to stop her from living. "I didn't mean that, not like this."

"You didn't mean what exactly, Regina?" Emma turns around and faces the brunette. "You know what? You are a fucking liar! I hoped I can trust you and I was wrong. Again. 'Oh Emma, you are so beautiful! Oh Emma, you are so special! Let's make love Emma and then I will leave the town to find my true love that is, surprise, not you!"

"I wasn't lying to you! You knew I was going to leave the town to find him! You knew and you said you understand."

"Well, guess what, I didn't understand!"

"That's why you accepted Neal's proposal? To get even?"

"It has nothing to do with Neal!"

"But it does, it does! You were celebrating your engagement the day we came back and now you are blaming me. That's not fair." There is pain in brown eyes.

"This would not happen if you stayed!"

"And what would you do? Asked me out? Told your mother you had sex with her mortal enemy? Told your son you stepped the boundaries you shouldn't step?"

"You stepped them too!"

"I know, that's why I take responsibility for this. And I make my decision. We are ending this right now. You are doing what you are to do - marrying Neal and we forget about it like it never happened." Emma blinks as she doesn't understand but it doesn't stop Regina. She knows it's the right thing to do. They had no right to do this to Neal, to Henry, to each other after all. No matter how much it hurts her, no matter if it hurts Emma now, she will understand eventually.

"Fine, you are right. It would never work anyway." Emma spits her last words and finally leaves the house. She walks fast towards her car and doesn't look back. It's for the best, she thinks. It's finally over, they are over now. It's not necessary to hide anymore, to blush or awkwardly hide eyes when they meet. She is tired of feeling guilty all the time she is with Neal. She wasn't trying so hard to end and now when it's finally over, she can't believe it. She feels relieved and rejected at the same time, betrayal and frustration stuck somewhere in her stomach but it's still for the best, she thinks starting the engine and heading away from this place.

6 months ago

"Miss Swan!" She heard the name through her sleep and although this interpretation of it means she is in trouble she is still too tired to care, so she just buries her head deeper in pillows and tries to sleep some more. The door of her room swings open with a loud thud a few moments later.

"Get up now!" Regina bursts into the room and moves quickly towards Emma's bed, tossing the blanket away and causing the blonde to shiver.

"Regiiinaaa, it's Sunday morning, go away!" Emma tries to cover herself with a blanket once again.

"You are getting up right now or help me god and other forces!" The blanket is tossed away again. "Looked what you did! Again!" Some unrecognized weird colored shirt flews right into Emma's face.

"Eww, what's that?" She disdainfully threw it away. "Why are you running around with some dirty shirt in your hands?" Emma straightens herself in bed and tries to fix her mused hair. Regina is ominously looming over her bed breathing hard, her both hands on her hips.

"Dirty?" She asks raising her voice once again. "Dirty? That is, THAT WAS my blouse! It was supposed to be clean and crystal white after the laundry! And look what you did!" She waved a dirty shirt in front of Emma's face. "I found your stupid vulgar black top in the basket of dirty laundry! White laundry! Again! I am literally dying to know how it happened!" Regina was out of her breath from yelling.

"Emm… I guess it felt there. By accident?" Emma smiled sheepishly.

"Felt? Like felt from your body right in the basket?" She can't believe Emma is not even trying to find some convincing excuse. This woman completely lost the remains of her conscience.

"Yeah?"

"Don't be stupid! We both know what happened! You showered in my bathroom although you have your own and I was asking you nicely not to use mine several times! More than that, you undressed and carelessly threw your top in MY basket with MY white laundry! You owe me a dozen of white shirts and blouses now!" She said leaving the room.

"What?" Emma jumps from the bed trying to squeeze her legs into yoga pants and heading after Regina down the stairs. "I can't believe someone is having a fucking dozen of white shirts! Isn't one or two enough?"

"Well, I did have a dozen!" Regina suddenly stops and turns around so Emma almost bumps into her nose to nose. "Not every woman can allow herself to walk around in one pants like -" She was about to finish the sentence when she spotted Henry sitting in front of TV with a bowl in his hands. "Henry!" She yelled even louder and Emma jumped. "How many times do I need to repeat not to eat in front of TV?! Take the bowl and go finish your breakfast in kitchen please!"

"Thank you for pissing her off," he grumbles walking passing by Emma.

"Yes, good morning to everyone," Emma rolls her eyes entering the kitchen to have some coffee. It seems all Mills are not morning persons.

"Henry, your mother is right. It's a school time tomorrow and you should be in bed by now. It's almost midnight." Emma said sitting on the couch and looking up at her teenage son. They had a movie night like every Sunday for the last 5-6 weeks and he asked to finish 'The Avengers' but since it was the second movie tonight and it was a way past his bed time, Regina and Emma were adamant.

"Fine but I will watch it the next weekend. Without you!" her turns to leave.

"Dream away, kid!"

"Goodnight, sweetheart" Regina is smiling fondly at her son.

"Yeah, goodnight sweetheart," Emma is trying to copy Regina's intonation. Henry chuckles and grins widely.

"Night, moms!"

"How mature," Regina mutters the moment she hears Henry steps on the stairs.

"Shh! Let's finish the movie." Emma shifts herself on the couch getting more comfortable and taking the remote.

"Oh no, no! Not tonight!" Regina says an hour later - leaving the bathroom and entering her room. "You are grounded!"

"You can't ground me, Regina! I am not your child!" Emma says throwing herself on Regina's bed and closing her eyes. She needed sleep more than anything especially after the messed up morning. Those night shifts were killing her.

"You are acting like one. Your own room is perfectly fine." Regina noted how domestically and yet weird this 'own room' sounded considering that this room was in her house.

"It's cold out there!" Emma pouted.

"No, it's not. I checked. The temperature in this room is even lower than in yours." Regina sat on the bed from the other side.

"The mattress is itchy."

"We bought it together!"

"You ruined my beauty sleep. You owe me," Emma said opening her eyes.

"You ruined my shirts! So it was your entire fault!"

"All right, all right, I will buy you this damn shirt; just let me stay here for a night. I don't like sleeping alone. And I have a very long day tomorrow at the station." She pouted once again and made her best puppy eyes.

"Your puppy eyes are not working!" Regina was trying not laugh because to be honest Emma looked adorable this way. She hated to admit it but yes, that's exactly what she thought.

"They are," Emma grinned. She saw the smile hidden in the corners of mouth in front of her. "Please?" She scratched the back covered in black silken robe. She knew she was pushing her luck, Regina was very rare fond of such caresses but she also knew that despite her fail with shirts, Regina was in a very sentimental mood for the last few hours (God only knows why) and now she could almost saw Regina smiling. And that really meant a lot. "Please?" She repeated trying to sound like a capricious child. It could irritate Regina but at the right time it reminded her of Henry when he was younger and she wasn't able to resist.

"Fine," she murmurs and sighs. "You can stay for the night. But no cuddling! I can't stand when you are almost on top of me and I woke up all in sweats."

"Thank you!" Emma giggles and closes her eyes again. God, she loved this bed and even she would never admit it to herself and especially to someone else, she loved Regina's presence even more. "Night, Regina." She mumbles half-asleep and when she doesn't get an answer she is surprised by how fast Regina is asleep.

"I need to leave for some time," the brunettes says suddenly turning around and facing the blonde.

"What?" Emma's eyes are wide opened right away. "Why? Where?"

"I am not sure yet. This week. I am afraid even in the next few days." Regina is chewing her lower lip in frustration.

"Where will you go?"

"Massachusetts. Boston most probably. I hope Boston."

"Are you going for him?"

"Yes… I have to. It's my fault he left in the first and-"

"Regina, it's not your fault. He made his choice. He is a grown man. If you want to find him, go, but please don't feel guilty. It's really not your fault."

"Maybe you are right. I hope they are both fine. I just need to make sure, understand?"

"Yes," Emma smiled. She wasn't fond of this idea at all but since Regina wanted it, the best she could do is support her.

"Will you take care of Henry while I am gone?"

"Yes, you know I will." Emma sighed. "Thank you."

"For what?" Regina arched her brow in confusion.

"For trusting me, for sharing this with me. It means a lot, you know." They stare long at each other, not saying a word, just breathing quietly not even seeing properly each other anymore but acknowledging each other's presence.

Today

She felt anger building in her stomach once again. Her parents' and her son's cheerful voices were heard downstairs her parent's house; they were so out of her current mood that she wanted to scream from frustration. She sat on the bed and squeezed her head from both sides. She couldn't believe she got herself into this situation. The worst part was that Regina actually let her go; Emma didn't even have this excuse anymore. Deep inside she knew she needed Regina more than anything and this feeling was sick and absurd. The woman who stole her childhood and chased her parents for years. Yes she has changed, drastically to be honest, but still. But still. It wasn't even about the sex, not anymore. The feeling of longing for Regina was eating her from inside. It was killing her. And she didn't know what to do with this feeling. She didn't plan it, she didn't want it. It was bigger than Emma herself, bigger that something she ever experienced, not even with Neal years ago. She risked everything because of this pathetic affair with Regina. Pathetic because she wasn't even nearly satisfied, she tried to fill the void with sex, a lot of sex, she begged and forced and it was never enough, she wanted something else. She wanted something more. And she knew she couldn't afford it. She actually couldn't even handle it. Not with Regina. And now she wasn't even sure she could ever count on it. She knew Neal would never forgive her, she knew her parents would never forgive and right now she was scared to let them down no matter what. She wasn't even sure if Henry could ever forgive and that scared her even more. She screwed up badly this time. Regina was the one who pulled her out of the darkness and the one who dragged her back once again. She wanted to hate Regina but she couldn't. And she hated herself for this.