Die in your arms

Disclaimer: I don't own victorious

It wasn't surprising that karma came to bite me in the back.

I wasn't the nicest person in earth. In fact, I was far from that. Every student in Hollywood arts is known to stay a mile away from me, because they are frightened by the fact that I could beat them senseless. Everyone is terrified of me, except for him.

He is the opposite of me. He is loved by all the students, and I was shunned by the society. He is a perfect example of a gentleman whilst I am a bitch. He is very friendly and approachable while a student will stutter and probably pass out while talking to me. Of course, I being skeptical didn't fall for his 'nice boy' act.

He wanted to be friends with me, but certainly, I didn't want that. He kept on insisting to be my friend and he is adamant about it, until his mere presence annoyed me. I believe no one is that nice, and he is a fake. He is showing he is nice for people to like him, to gain popularity, and I don't want that.

Finally, one day, he finally snapped. He forced his lips upon me, making me feel things that I didn't want to feel, yet, pleasure is burning inside of me when his lips crashed with mine. That day, I felt something burst inside of me, like someone completed the puzzle which is me.

The day he asked me to be his girlfriend was the happiest day of my life. The scowl that was plastered on my face became a genuine smile, which surprised me because I didn't know I had it in me to smile like that. Everything was perfect, he was perfect.

He taught me how to smile and how to love, but I didn't know that he will also teach me how to grieve and feel pain.

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One late night, Beck called me and told me to go to our secret place, a place in the woods where we stumbled in our 3rd date. It is a very beautiful place, surrounded with trees, flowers and when you look up, you will see countless of shining stars. It was truly magnificent, and the fact that it is Beck and I's secret place added more sentimental value to me.

When I got there, I saw Beck sitting on the grass. His elbow is rested on his leg and his head is rested in his elbow. He looked like is in a deep thought; he didn't even noticed me arrive until I placed a kissed in his cheeks.

"Can I rest my head on your lap?" was the first thing he said to me. Normally, I would classify that action into a very cliché one and it is way too overused. But hearing the vulnerability and sadness in his voice made me oblige.

I nodded and a shocked expression flashed into his eyes before it turns into happiness and pain. What is the pain all about? Something I wished I didn't know. But back to the story:

He faced me and gave me that smile I always love, but it didn't reached his eyes. He placed a closed mouthed kiss on my lips. The kiss took longer than expected; it was as if he is savoring my lips.

He laid his head on my lap, making himself uncomfortable. I absentmindedly run my right hand on his hair, loving the feeling on how silky it is. He grabbed my other hand and he squeezed it, as if reassuring me. I didn't know that if he is reassuring me or reassuring himself.

"Jade, I need to tell you something." I know this is a break up line and every girl would freak out upon hearing it, but I wished that it is a simple break up line, but of course, fate is just too cruel. "I'm dying." He croaked out, obviously trying hard not to burst out crying.

I froze and blinked. I waited for him to tell me that it was all a sick joke but it never came, instead I was met by silence. Beck was still studying my reaction. When he saw that I was still in the state of shock, he took it as a sign to explain. "I was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. My cancer didn't heal and it didn't even get better. All the medicines I was taking were having no effect in my body. It came into a point that they started predicting my death."

"Over this past year, I started being an overly happy teenage boy, hiding the fact that I could die very soon. When I first met you, I wanted to befriend you because I know that deep down; you are a nice person that is just misunderstood. I didn't know that I would love you. The harder you pushed me away, the harder I fell for you. It came to a point that I kissed you and asked you to be my girlfriend." By the end of his speech, my tears were flowing freely until I felt his soft hand caressing my cheeks and wiping my tears away. He is now sitting beside me.

"When will you die?" I voiced out the question that was lingering on my mind when he started delivering his speech. I stared at him expectantly, and in return he gave me a weak smile.

"Tonight, at exactly 12 am." He stated, blinking the tears away. I looked into his eyes and gazed in his brown orbs, the happiness were long gone and replaced by a faraway look, something I wasn't familiar of. He is telling the truth, the intensity of his gaze told me so. I glanced into my watch and noticed the time, 10 minutes left. I burst into hysteric sobs as I noticed of the time left between is so short. He wrapped his arms around me, not bothering to wipe my tears because they are flowing like Niagara Falls.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I replied through his chest. My heart is beating rapidly on the thought of him dying. If it hurts so much to think about it, what if it happens in real life? This would be in 9 minutes.

"I got scared thinking that you wouldn't want to be with a disease ridden person like me." He mumbled through my hair. "My death will come a lot faster if that is the case." I wanted to hate him, loathe him even, but I couldn't, because frankly speaking, he had a point.

"I love you so much." I muttered and I noticed him stiffen.

"I love you too." The pain rose in my chest upon hearing those words, probably because it is the first and last time I will hear it.

8 minutes

He wrapped his arms around me and I did the same. Tears were streaming out from both of our eyes and it makes my heart break every time I looked into his tear stricken face, but I couldn't do anything. I don't want to wipe his tears away, I just wanted to wrap my arms on his waist and never let go.

7 minutes

He planted his lips with mine and I inwardly moan at the touch of his soft lips. I kissed him back with so much passion I can give. He licked my bottom lip, asking for entrance which I wasted no time in granting him. Our tongues moved in sync as a battle for dominance started to arise. Sparks tingled in every part of my body as he continued pleasuring me by simply kissing me. Emotions were felt in the kiss: pain, sadness, lust, nervousness and the one I can't forget, love.

5 minutes

I wrapped my arms on his neck, as if, if I didn't hold him tight, he would vanish in a mere second. He is still kissing me with so much passion and so much pain that reminds me that he will be gone in a few minutes.

4 minutes

We pulled away, both panting and gasping for air, our lips are swollen but we didn't care. Beck gave me a reassuring smile, but I didn't know if it was to reassure me or him. Beck laid his head on my lap again and I stroke his hair.

"Talk to me please." I pleaded. I never once heard my voice so weak and vulnerable. Usually, I would be using a demanding tone, to get what I wanted, but now, I don't care if I have to beg, and fall into my knees for him not to die.

3 minutes

He started speaking, telling me some hilarious stories that made me guffawed with laughter. He looked at me, a faint smile gracing on his lips. But his eyes betrayed him, a look of hurt clearly shown in his eyes. Why did I didn't notice this sooner?

"You once looked in my underwear drawer?" I exclaimed, looking at him shock. He nodded guiltily and played with his fingers, something he does when he is being reprimanded. A trait of him will I will dearly miss. "And you wore it too?"

"I couldn't help but think that I will look good in those lacy bras." He admitted guiltily and I chuckled quietly. The playful banter is nice, except for the fact that he will be long gone as this day is about to end.

2 minutes

The clock was ticking slowly, but not slows enough for me to be relieved. It was as if taunting me, saying that I only have a few seconds with the man I loved, before he turned into anything but alive.

"Jade" He spoke softly, his eyes fluttered close as if he is getting ready to sleep, an eternal sleep at that. My heart started beating painfully as I felt that my heart is being ripped from my chest. What did I do to deserve this? "I wanted you to love again." Is he crazy? How the hell will I do that? "But never forget me and I wish I will be always in your heart." He doesn't have to remind me. My heart will be always his and I have no plan on getting it back.

"Enjoy your life for you have a long and blissful life ahead of you." I doubted his words. How could I live a blissful life knowing that the he is about to die in my arms in less than 2 minutes? "Meet a new guy, marry him and have kids with him. If you get a baby boy, name him after me." He added. "And if he hurt you, I'll be paying him a visit." He tried to joke, but seeing the pain in his eyes didn't make me laugh. I tried to push the tears because I don't want me crying in front of him. The mere fact that he is leaving me in this world made him guilty, so why would I add another thing for him to be guilty about?

60 seconds

His eyes flutter open and turn to look at me expectantly. I gulped the lump forming in my throat whilst I tried to speak. "You will never leave my heart. Even if you go, you'll be forever staying in my heart." I spoke with tears brimming in my eyes.

He paid me a last weak smile before closing his eyes. I wanted to yell at him and tell him to keep his eyes close so I could get lost on his brown orbs. But my breathing hitched, as if suffocating me. I opened my mouth but no words come out which lead me into closing it. All I could do is watched Beck.

Watch as his breathings got shallow and his heart stopped pumping.

I glanced in my watched and I noticed that it is past 12 already. I shook my head, not believing that the guy lying in my arms is already gone. I shook him a few times before I let my tears fall freely.

My sobs echoed through the woods but I didn't care, no one will hear me anyway. The pain in my chest got stronger as I started into Beck's lifeless body. I cried and cried; I knew I look so ugly right now but I didn't care, because the only guy who made me feel so beautiful is gone.

Dead in my arms

After an hour of crying, my heart turned numb; no longer did I felt any emotion. It seems like I am an empty vessel, lifeless just like Beck is. The only difference that I didn't left earth.

But I wished I did.

I scanned the place and I found a small chunk of wood sitting nearby. I stretched my arms and I took it. I poked the end and I hissed when I felt the pain. It is really sharp. Will I be dead if I plunge it to my heart?

I was about to plunge it to my heart, killing myself but an image of Beck staring disapprovingly at me popped into my mind. I suddenly let go of the piece of wood. Beck wouldn't like it if I killed myself. Beck wouldn't like it if I did this.

I took a sharp intake of breath and visibly relaxed. I forced a small smile to appear in my lips. I will never break my last promise to Beck. I will continue with my life and make him proud. And when the time comes, I will join him.

And we will be happily reunited.

~ THE END ~