I sat on the van seat of the TARDIS, glad to be back in my own clothes, glad to be back somewhere at least semi-familiar. It's funny. I've only known the Doctor for a few days but it already feels like I've known him all my life. It just feels… right, him at the console pushing buttons and me standing around looking impressed. Or in this case, sitting down and acting sullen.
"So where are we going?" I asked.
"I have absolutely no idea," he said.
"How can you not have any idea? You pushed the buttons!" I said.
"I pushed the buttons, yes. But I pushed the buttons that set the controls to random," he said, "Do you feel okay?"
"What? Um, yeah, why wouldn't I?" I replied, confused.
"Never mind. Sometimes the TARDIS makes people a bit… time-sick, if you will," he said, oblivious to his status as a terrible liar. I stood up and came over to the controls.
"So how do you steer this thing?" I asked.
"Depends on what kind of mood old girl is in," the Doctor replied.
"So the TARDIS is a person? That seems stupid, a person trapped in a box," I said.
"She's not a person. She grew there. It's as natural as you living in a human body," he replied smugly. I stuck out my tongue at him and smiled as he stuck his tongue out back. The TARDIS jolted and he looked at the computer screen. When he saw it, he instantly grinned, almost literally ear to ear.
"So where are we then, Captain Kirk?" I asked.
"Barcelona!" he yelled.
"Barcelona? As in the town?" I said. Earth. Okay. I was hoping for a planet.
"No, the planet! Oh, I've been trying to get here for ages!" he said back extremely enthusiastically. He sounded like a little boy going to Disneyland. Or whatever they have on whatever planet he's from. Spaceland, maybe. But that didn't matter, I got a planet!
"Really? There's a planet called Barcelona? So how did we get the name? Or did they get the name from us, ages ago? Are there aliens there, or is it like in that one book where the humans land on this planet but there's no one there?" I said just as enthusiastically.
"Yes, there's a planet called Barcelona. No the names are not connected to my knowledge. Yes, there are aliens there. Just be calm. Just walk about as if you own the place and you'll do fine," the Doctor said, reminding me that I had not to act like I'd eaten an entire pot of coffee. And then my haywire brain reminded me you can't eat coffee, and then I thought about how if a cow had a baby with a space unicorn it would be a space cownicorn. Then I wondered if those existed. Just another moment in the thought process of Beatris Marlow
"So can we go out there now?" I asked.
"Just a few rules first, okay?" he asked back.
"Okay!" I replied, wondering what sort of rules time travel has and if they applied to space cownicorns.
"Rule one: Don't wander off. Rule two: Don't murder anyone you think might be important. Other than that, you're golden. Oh, and here," he pulled a stick about six inches long that had a bunch of notches in one end out of his pocket. It looked kind of like a harmonica.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Unlimited credits. Get whatever you like," he replied. He opened the door and I walked out.
"Into the looking glass, Alice!" he said, and followed me out the door into what quite possibly might have been the most gorgeous thing I'd ever seen. It was a gorgeous with the most beautiful grass. The grass looked like fire, like real fire. It was orange and red and yellow, and sometimes blue and white. It looked like a dancing flame as it waved in the wind, and was speckled with cute little white flowers. Just as I lay down in the grass to look at the three moons that had risen, yet oddly still shone as bright as any sun, I was conked over the head with… something that snatched me violently from consciousness.