Unavoidable

He was sitting in the darkness alone. He didn't need the light to see. It was more proof that he wasn't one of them, that he didn't belong with them. He was doomed to live alone. The only thing that gave his life meaning was his skill as a doctor, his ability to take care of them. He didn't need to sleep, was never worn out, couldn't get sick himself and had more medical knowledge than ten doctors had together. In a way he was the perfect doctor. He could even find it in himself to care about them, to understand their needs and to feel for them. People tended to like and respect him, but there was always that gap, that unbridgeable gap. He had controlled his bloodlust to the point he barely felt it, but now instead of the scent of blood his loneliness burned his troth. If people thought torture was bad then they never had to suffer through being alone every single day of their eternal life. The loneliness scorched his heart with unbearable pain. He sighed and stood. Now that the darkness had fallen, he could get to work.

Death was surrounding him everywhere. His compassionate nature made him fill with sorrow. The disease was spreading fast and there was nothing he could do, but ease their suffering. Their coughs and death sputters were everywhere. After all his years in medical training, he still stood helpless against this. He walked in between the beds, checking on one or two patients that were about to die. In those last moments of their lives, he was so close to them but still so far away. Lately he couldn't keep his thoughts from the idea of turning one of the dying humans into a vampire. If he could make a companion for himself he wouldn't be so alone. If the human was dying anyway, it wouldn't be so bad, would it?

He walked on to the two patients that had somehow attracted his attention. It was a boy and his mother. He didn't know why he was so drawn to these specifics patients. Was it because the mother held on her last shred of life impossibly long to make sure her son was alright? If a mother loved her son that much he had to be something special, a person worthy of saving. The problem was that he wasn't really saving him, condemning him was a better word. Could he really do that to an innocent boy, throw him in an eternal life of drinking blood and walking in the shadows? Wouldn't the boy prefer death? There was a time when he definitely preferred death above what he had become. At that time he had relentlessly tried to take his own life, but now he was less sure. He had found a way to live that didn't consume him with hatred for himself. The only thing that destroyed him now was his solitude.

He watched the boy's face, it was peaceful, accepting the fate that lingered so close. No, he couldn't do it to the boy. He couldn't put him through all that pain and suffering for his own selfish reasons.

Next to him he heard the mother cough painfully. He turned to her and knew immediately she was close to death.

'Please, I beg you, save my son.' She said with her last strength.

It were not her words that drew him in. He bowed over her and looked in her face. Her look was knowingly and certain. She stared at him in a way that went straight in his soul. In that moment he was completely sure she knew exactly what he was. She grabbed his hand desperately to pull him even closer.

'Please, you must do everything you can for him.' She emphasized the word everything.

He stared at her in complete astonishment. She knew what he was and still wanted him to save her son. For a short moment he wondered why she didn't ask to be saved herself, but he saw quickly that her heart held only love for her son. She didn't care what happened to her as long as her son was safe. How could he deny this beautiful soul her dying wish? Especially when he wanted it for himself desperately.

Her face went white when she breathed her last breaths, but her eyes held no fear, there was even a hint of a sparkle there. He squeezed her hand.

'I promise.'

She gave him a short nod and breathed out. Her eyes glazed over. He sighed deeply when her heart stopped beating. He carried her to the morgue himself and walked back to her son. The boy was struggling, it wouldn't be long. If he was going to do it, he should do it now. He glanced around him, but nobody was paying attention to him, too absorbed in their own suffering and they trusted him. He carried the boy from the room and into his apartment. Nobody was going to miss him, too many died every day. He placed him on his table gently.

This was the moment. He had to do it, but didn't exactly know how. He knew he had to bite, but he had never tasted human blood before and it scared him. What if he killed the boy himself? His record was clean until now and he would give his life to keep it that way. But he promised and there was no going back. He bowed over the boy, thinking the neck would be easiest.

'Please forgive me,' He whispered in the boy's ear, 'I swear it will be alright eventually.'

He placed his teeth in the boy's neck, sinking easily in his flesh. The human blood flowed in his mouth and he swallowed. It was a taste unlike anything he had ever tasted and he drank eagerly. The boy screamed and it was all that was needed to stop him. His heart contracted painfully when he saw the boy wither in agony. Each and every scream of pain was a stab in his chest. He could feel it all and he wished he could scream himself. He did everything in his power to keep the boy as comfortable as possible, but there was no relief from the agony and he knew it. He had felt it all himself so long ago and it was etched in his memory. The boy was going to carry the same tortuous nightmare for the rest of his limitless existence and it was his fault.

He was the one to blame.

'I am really sorry.' Carlisle looked at Edward. 'It was such an obvious mistake.'

He was sitting on a chair, comforting Bella on his lap. Esme walked towards him and laid her hands on his shoulders. Carlisle placed his hand on Bella's hair when she pressed her face deeper in his chest. His other arm was around her completely.

'You mean everything to me. I should have known.'

Jasper shook his head, using his powers to relief Carlisle of his guilt.

'We all made the mistake, Carlisle.' Jasper said calmly.

'So your most important moment was when you changed Edward?' Emmett asked.

Carlisle looked down on Bella, his eyes burning with emotion.

'It was the beginning of our family, Emmett. The choice I made when I turned Edward placed me on this path, made me who I am.'

'I have never regretted changing Edward, although I felt every stab of pain he felt. He turned my life around and I gained a companion, someone to share my way of life with. I wasn't alone anymore. Spurred on by my success with Edward I found Esme and gained even more.' Esme squeezed his shoulders. 'She gave Edward and me her love and formed the base of our family. You became the source of my happiness. Before our family I merely existed, afterwards I lived.'

'How did Bella know?' Rosalie wondered.

'I told her how much I missed her.' Carlisle answered. 'By saying that I showed her my feelings and—'

'She felt it.' Jasper interrupted.

Carlisle frowned.

'How?'

'The moment she touched you, she knew.' Jasper said, sure of himself. 'I have felt similar things before with Bella, but I didn't understand until now. I am very certain she felt what you felt the moment you embraced her.'

Edward bowed his head defeated. He had done so much to keep Bella from his past. If she really could feel things they felt, it was going to be much harder and through Carlisle she had already seen a part of his past. He felt like he was keeping sand from slipping through his fingers. There was no way he could win. It seemed unavoidable for Bella to see their pasts. Jasper felt his defeat.

Don't give up yet, Edward. If anyone can do it, it is you.

He looked at Jasper questionably. What made him so special? He heard Jasper's estimation.

You might not realize it yourself, but your self-control is staggering. It might be even better than Carlisle's.

He shook his head disbelieving, but knew he would keep trying nonetheless. Even if it was impossible to prevent, he was going to try. It was all he could do.

Later that day Carlisle had invited Liam over to lighten the mood and distract Bella. The two kids were sitting on the floor in the middle of the living room, playing a game of chess. There was no sign that Bella was distressed in any way. She had bounced back from her experience last night as if it was nothing. He wondered how a young girl like Bella could have the resilience to deal with the stress of her nightmares over and over again. In some strange way her body and soul remained unscarred.

'Liam, it is your turn, remember.'

Liam ripped his eyes from her face and looked down at the chessboard. Edward couldn't help to laugh. Bella was stunning company, especially to humans. The boy was hopelessly lost. Liam was losing the game of course, even if he was smart enough to beat Bella, which he was not, there was still her striking presence to distract him. He hung on every word she said and on every movement she made. Liam tried his hardest to concentrate on the board, failing miserably. Bella noticed his struggle and selfless as she was, her brow furrowed. She got up and walked towards Edward, who was sitting on the couch.

'Edward?' She asked with a small smile.

'Yes, Bella.'

She bowed close to him and turned her voice down to a whisper.

'Could you come and help Liam beat me in chess. I won the last three times and I don't want to hurt his feelings.'

He chuckled, but gave her a short nod. She obviously liked this boy and he was happy she finally found a human friend. She was doing everything she could to keep his friendship, although Edward was sure she didn't have to try so hard. The boy would probably follow her to the end of the world. He could point out to her that it was easier if she just played very badly herself and let Liam win, but he knew Bella and therefore knew she couldn't do that. It was not in her nature to throw a game on purpose.

He got up and sat down next to Liam. In the beginning the boy was afraid of them, but he was used to them now. It went faster than they expected and Edward understood why Bella wanted Liam's friendship. He was a kind boy. Edward stared at the chessboard and only needed a second to see exactly what Bella was planning and to develop a counter strategy. He helped Liam just enough to let him think he came up with some of the strategy himself. Bella's eyes gleamed excited when she was not winning as easily anymore. She liked the challenge, even though she was no match for him.

He helped Liam until it was almost impossible for him to lose and left to sit on the couch again. Liam did win and Bella gave him an appreciative smile. Edward returned her smile affectionately. She was such an incredible person. Esme walked in.

'Liam, your mother called. She will pick you up in a few minutes. You should get ready.'

So soon, I feel like I am hardly here. I wish I could stay longer.

Edward smiled again, when Liam started to help Bella clean up. Yes, Bella most definitely didn't have to try so hard.