SAW remained in his room for the rest of the day, and didn't come out for the night either. Frenzy came to the door more than once, but his mate's unresponsiveness turned him to sleep with Barricade that night. Honeydew kept asking Bumblebee what was wrong, but he, nor no one else, knew exactly what was. She worried so much she stayed attached to Bumblebee, even through recharge.
The next day, SAW woke up early, around five in the morning, and slid out quietly to see the morning sun. He had taken to looking at sunsets for awhile now, and wanted to see sunrises. He found that his vision had both brightened and expanded exponentially, making something like a sunrise or set ten times more beautiful and worth seeing.
The air was really cool for February; a light breeze gently rustled the trees, adding to the effect. There were few clouds in the sky, which had turned a gentle pinkish-mango color. SAW climbed up the side of the small mountain, which wasn't very hard, what with the deep ridges in it. He finally made it to a small shelf he carved out and sat facing the east.
"Breathtaking, isn't it?"
SAW jumped, his blade sliding out automatically. He whipped around to see Perceptor standing on another shelf about ten feet away from him. Perceptor raised his hand non-threateningly.
"Sorry," he said, shifting to sit himself on his shelf. "I didn't realize this area was occupied…"
"I…just woke up, actually," SAW replied sheepishly, retracting his blade. "I wanted to see the sunrise."
"I was thinking the same myself, actually," Perceptor said. "I saw the sun set last night. I was told by Optimus that the sunrise is more beautiful." He looked in the direction SAW looked. "I do believe he was right."
SAW looked east as well, leaning back against the mountainside to enjoy it. Silence resounded throughout the secluded area, save for some sparse birds singing in the trees around them.
"…You haven't been recharging well, have you?"
SAW looked up at Perceptor's question. 'How did he know?' he asked to himself. "…No…" he said softly. "Not since I was transferred into this body." He looked down at his hands. "I mean, I'm comfortable enough in it, but I cant really recharge more than a few hours--five, if I'm lucky. The funny thing is, I dont even really feel like I havent gotten rest. Even if I take just a half-hour nap, I..." He stopped short. "...Sorry..." he mumbled.
"For what?" Perceptor asked. "I'm actually very interested to hear your side of being the new Allspark--and converting from an organic lifeform to one of metallic structure." He scooted closer to SAW on his shelf. "Please, do continue. I really am interested."
SAW's immediate thought was 'guy wanting to talk -equals- wants to get into my armor', but the tone in Perceptor's voice was truely innocent. The scientist really just wanted to know about him. It was like a two-year-old asking why the sky was blue--he just wanted to know for the sake of knowing.
He didnt know what came over him after that, but SAW just spilled everything he'd been holding in for the past two years.
"It sucks!" he burst out, apparantly startling Perceptor. "I know it's so selfish of me of to say it, but I hate this 'being the Allspark' thing! I hate it that the future of an entire race is put on me! I hate that I have to choose who to father the next sparkling! It's just...it's just too much!" He buried his head in his hands, feeling ashamed he was telling a newcomer this. And it did sound selfish.
"I cannot even imagine," Perceptor said, making him look up again. The scientist was looking at him understandingly in a non-judgmental way. "The Allspark is the ultimate giver of life; that power--the power to give life--has been passed onto you, along with the responsibility and decision-making that comes with it. I cannot imagine having that kind of power intrusted to me. It would be overwhelming."
"It is," SAW replied. "I mean, no one comes right out and says it, but I know that everyone is waiting for me to choose the next father of my sparkling. I dont know who to choose!"
"Well," Perceptor said slowly, "have you narrowed it down any?"
"Yes," SAW said. "To two." A short silence came between them.
"...And...?" Perceptor pressed softly. SAW shifted slightly on his perch and drew his knees to his chest.
"...Bumblebee and Barricade..."
Perceptor was thoughtfully silent for a few moments. "...You care for the both of them deeply, dont you?" he said, making it sound more like a statement than a question. SAW nodded.
"I know it's a little...wrong..." he mumbled softly. "...I mean, I have Frenzy as a bonded spark mate, but that was a fluke. We're only bonded by Honeydew, but isnt that the same thing? Wouldnt it be cheating or something, if I chose Bee or Barricade to be the next father?"
"Is that what's bothering you?" Perceptor asked.
"...Only part of it," SAW replied, shaking his head. "I dont want to hurt Bumblebee or Barricade with any decision I make. I dont want either of them to feel left out, or that I dont care about them."
More silence.
"...I see," Perceptor murmured. "It's the loyalty to both of them that keeps you from making that first decision, yes?"
"...Yeah..." SAW leaned back against the mountainside again. "I just dont want anyone to get hurt, is all."
"Which is perfectly understandable," Perceptor said. "But you are the new Allspark, and this is your choice to make. It pains me to say it, but when it comes to us Cybertronians, we tend to put our emotions aside to do our duties, even if it hurts in the process. But you know what?" He waited until SAW looked up at him. "...It almost always works out in the end. And it will. Keep in mind that no matter who you choose first, the next will still have a sparkling with you. If Bumblebee and Barricade care as much about you as you do about them, then they will understand perfectly and just be happy with having you, regardless of who came first or second."
SAW stared at Perceptor, his words making his spark settle back into a calm pulse. He smiled at him and leaned his head back against the rock. "...Thanks," he said. He heard Perceptor copy his movement in relaxing.
"Anytime, SAW," he replied kindly. He was silent for another few moments. "...If you dont mind my asking, how did it feel, switching from one sentient being to another...?"
SAW smiled again and shook his head. 'Oh well,' he thought. One good turn did deserve another.
Aaaaaaand, CUT! Okay, SAW has spilled, and Perceptor should be a counselor. Anyhoo, next up, Mikaela drops by with some news, and SAW discovers something he probably shouldnt have.