Chapter 12

SAW sat by the metal table that held Barricade, and was holding his hand. The Mustang was still out like a light, and it had been a day since SAW was almost captured (again) and his spark mate had tried to rescue him. He knew that he was in big, deep trouble, but for the moment, everyone was letting him be. At least, until Barricade woke up. Then the shit was going to hit the fan, and SAW was sure he'd be put in the brig for at least a month.

He sighed and folded his arms on the table, resting his head on them. He really didnt know what he would've done if Chromia, Arcee, and Elita-One hadnt shown up when they did... He shuddered. He'd be in Starscream's grasp right now, probably getting raped and impregnated, that's what would be happening! He had was eternally grateful to them, and told them so.

After Ironhide had gotten over his shock of seeing Chromia (and SAW had gotten over the shock of seeing Ironhide so...well, shocked...), he had transformed and told the femmes to put Barricade on him the best they could. He had also directed a personal warning to SAW, promising harsh words and punishments to come once they were situated at home.

But while they drove, Chromia, whose alt. form was a dark blue 2008 Dodge Ram, had told him that she would calm Ironhide down. Arcee--the small purple MV Agusta F4--gave him words of condolences. The pink Corvette Stingray--Elita-One--gave him the most comfort, for some reason. She had this motherly aspect to her that SAW found very calming, something like how Optimus had a certain fatherly aspect...he shuddered, thinking that if Optimus was angry at him before all this...

Everyone was waiting for them when they arrived back. Ratchet immediately took Barricade to the med lab, demanding the twins' help. Ironhide kept staring at Chromia, who smiled back, as though waiting for Ironhide to say something. SAW just wanted this whole day to be over with, really, and didnt really pay much attention.

And then Optimus came out. SAW felt his systems freeze over as the Autobot leader stalked right over to him and loomed over him almost menacingly, arms crossed, faceplate retracted, and optics flaring. Everyone else went dead quiet.

"...I am...very....very upset with you, SAW," he said slowly, enunciating every syllable. "...You caused a panic in the base...nearly gave Barricade a spark attack....nearly gave ME a spark attack..." He shook his head, his words stiff. "...Honeydew is frantic. Bumblebee is on the verge of a mainframe meltdown. Ratchet has gone through unspeakable scenarios regarding your well-being......you had me so worried, I couldnt think of anything but you and where you were, who might have gotten their hands on you...!" He paused, and SAW could hear angry whirring in Optimus' throat. "...Do you understand what I am trying to tell you, SAW?"

SAW nodded, tears running down his face. "...Y...yes, Sir..." he stuttered. "I'm...I'm s...sorry..."

"Dont apologize to just me, SAW," Optimus replied. "You owe everyone here an apology for causing them panic and trouble. Rest assured, SAW...you will be punished." SAW flinched. "You will be confined to your quarters for three months. No company. No Internet. No nothing. When your confinement is over, you will be doing hard manual labor, and assistant work for Ratchet. After that, you will be on probation for a year."

SAW's tears continued to run, but he nodded. "Yes...yes, Sir," he said. He wiped at his eyes, cursing the fact that he was crying like a child over this. He froze when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked up to see Elita-One standing next to him, staring at Optimus.

"...You're being too hard on him, Optimus," she said firmly. Optimus' eyes narrowed.

"No offense," he replied testily, "but you have no say-so in how I deal with my comrades."

SAW felt a twinge of hurt in his chest. He had been demoted from son to comrade. Great...he really did fuck up bad... Elita-One's hand tightened on his shoulder.

"...Has war hardened you so, Pax?" she said softly. "He's just a child...barely out of his sparkling years..."

"...What did you call me?" Optimus said, his eyes widening a little. SAW was also confused. Who was 'Pax'? Elita-One gently shook her head.

"...You dont recognize me, do you?" she asked. "...I didnt expect you to...I upgraded since last we met, Orion Pax...you're so different..." Her voice sounded so sad. "...Nothing like the youngling working the docks I met..."

SAW was surprised when Optimus' legs seemed to give out, and he supported himself up on the wall with one hand. "...A...Ariel...!?" he murmured. Elita-One shook her head.

"...Not anymore, Prime," she replied. "I go by Elita-One now. Just as you go by Optimus Prime. It would seem that we have both changed..."

Optimus gaped at her for a moment before flickering his gaze up to the other two femmes. "And...they...?"

"Arcee, Optimus Prime, Sir!" the violet motorcycle said, bowing a little.

"Chromia, at your service!" It was now that SAW heard that Chromia had something of a Southern accent...Texan, probably. "We arrived five years ago, in case you were wondering."

"Five...FIVE YEARS!?" Ironhide shouted, staring at Chromia. "You've...you've been here for FIVE years, and you didnt bother to come seek us out!?" Chromia just gave Ironhide a smile and touched his face with her hand.

"Dont get your wires in a bunch, Sweetie," she replied, that Texan accent coming out. "We're big tough girls...we can wax our own paint jobs and everything..."

"Besides," Arcee cut in, "no Decepticons in the Southern US, you'll be glad to know."

"But there are some former Decepticons and Autobots here," Elita-One added, looking back at Optimus. "They've been here for awhile, and have no interest in the war anymore. They're content with their lives as they are. Remember Hoist?" She shook her head. "Neutral. Working for a towing company in Louisiana now."

"Hoist?" Ironhide said. "But...but he's one of our best maintenance workers!"

"He said that he'd had enough of the fighting," Arcee replied. "His human charge is a junkyard keeper who has Hoist help him with repairing and restoring cars. He's happy with his life. Happier than I've seen him in millennia..."

SAW listened to all of this in silence. He half-debated sneaking off to his room, but he had a bigger sense of self-preservation than that, and stayed put.

Optimus sighed and shook his head at all this new information. "...This...this is all very sudden," he said, looking over at SAW, who flinched as soon as he made optic contact and looked away. "...But that still doesnt draw away from the situation at hand. SAW is extremely valuable to us, and the Decepticons are always watching for a way to capture him. And then he runs away and almost gets captured again! If you hadnt been there...Primus only knows what would have happened!"

"Well, why did he run away in the first place?" Elita-One demanded. "From the way he's acting, you must have frightened him! That is not like you, Prime!"

"He caused a Pit of damage and withheld information from us!" Optimus shot back.

"A Pit of damage..." Elita-One scoffed. "Look at the youngling, Optimus! Does he look like he would purposely cause trouble!? Did you even ask him what was going on?"

"Of course I did!"

"But did you listen?"

Silence.

"...Optimus..." Elita-One reached over to touch Optimus' face. "...I didnt want to fight with you after seeing you again after all these thousands of years...I've missed you more than you can even imagine...I've prayed to Primus to see you again, and here my prayers are answered. But I cant stand to see you so angry for a matter that doesnt require your anger."

"...You dont understand, Ari--Elita-One," he replied. "...SAW is the Allspark."

Silence once more.

"...The...the Allspark?" she murmured, her optics shifting to SAW, who really wanted nothing more than to disappear. "...He has the Allspark within him?"

"Yes," Optimus replied, holding Elita-One's hand in his own. "...That is why he is so valuable to us. That is why I worried so much for him."

"...I...I dont know what to say..."

Neither did SAW. For some reason, he felt...angry. He felt angry that Optimus didnt seem to think of him as a son...but rather, think of him as an artifact. A...a thing... Like being the Allspark was all he was worth a damn for in this whole situation. He wasnt just the Allspark! He was SAW! He was Sam. He was a person, with emotions and needs that werent being met nowadays, and it was driving him fucking insane!

"...That still doesnt change the fact that you are being far too harsh to him!" Elita-One continued. "The youngling ran away because you didnt listen to him, and you frightened him away! Yes, some form of strictness should be installed, but nothing as harsh as you are condemning him to!"

....SAW suddenly felt a rush of love and gratitude toward this mother-figure. She could tell what was wrong with him for some reason, and it was elating to know that someone besides his own spark mate did. He blinked when Elita-One knelt down in front of him, her blue optics soft and warm.

"...SAW," she said softly, her thin hand brushing his tears from his face. "...Why was Optimus mad at you the last time?"

SAW didnt dare look at Optimus. "...B...because...I...I caused an uproar without meaning to..." he replied softly. "...I...I was just talking to...to Thundercracker..." He almost winced when he heard Ironhide growl at the Seeker's name. "...He's...not a Decepticon anymore..." He looked down at his hands. "...Starscream...did something terrible to him...he left the Decepticons, and...he was trying to warn me about Bludgeon and Shockwave, two new Decepticons that landed here recently..." He took a shuddery breath.

"...I...I've been trying to get him to come to our side," he continued. "...He refused the first time...but last time...before all this...this Hell broke loose...he told me that he'd think about it..."

"That's bullshit," SAW heard Sunstreaker growl, having come out of Ratchet's med bay to listen. SAW's eyes flashed and he shot up.

"You know what, fuck you, Sunstreaker!" he shouted. "You dont know anything! You dont know what..." He clenched his fists. "...You dont know what Starscream did to his own brother! You dont know how badly Thundercracker was hurting! You dont know anything, so just keep your mouth shut before I rip your glossa out and shove it up your tailpipe!"

"SAW!" Optimus reprimanded. "That's enough!"

"No, it's NOT!" SAW shouted, putting his hands over his face. "...Thundercracker pledged his loyalty to me...he...he has feelings for me..." He heard sounds of disbelieving shock around him. "...I told him...that if he joined us, then he would be able to help me...and you would be able to help him! But now he can just forget about that! You guys ran him off, right after he told me that he would ask you for his services for MY sake!"

He felt Elita-One pull him to her in a comforting embrace, but he still couldnt feel any better. "...Starscream...he...he raped Thundercracker...!" he stuttered out, starting to tremble. "...He...he was so scared when I saw him...he felt scared and betrayed, and so alone because he had nowhere else to go but to me, because I understood what was going on!"

"SAW..." Optimus said softly, reaching out to touch SAW's shoulder. SAW jerked away.

"NO!" he shouted, glaring at Optimus. "...I'll serve my time. I'll do the labor. I'll do whatever you want me to do, I dont care anymore!" He turned to the med bay. "It's not like YOU care, anyway!" He shoved Sunstreaker out of the way and ignored Ratchet's angry protests, and sat down next to Barricade and held his hand tightly, starting to cry from rage again.

And that is how he stayed, without moving or recharge, since yesterday. Ratchet had ceased his tirade after his harsh threats and a thrown piece of equipment didnt deter SAW, so he had just let the Allspark-carrier be. It was just as SAW needed it, because right now, his emotions were out of whack. It wasnt like he felt guilty enough for Barricade getting hurt, or Bumblebee having to be put into stasis because he was freaking out too badly...or Honeydew for worrying so. He felt so bad for his actions, and as he told Optimus, he would do the time...but it was all the yelling and anger he couldnt handle.

He reached over and brushed the tips of his fingers over Barricade's arm. It would be lonely, not having Barricade's company for three months...he so enjoyed Barricade's presence, and not just as a spark mate. He enjoyed Barricade's presence in the same way he enjoyed Thundercracker's presence...because Barricade would show him unconditional affection, and just make him feel good...like all the bad was out of the world and only loving touches and sweet words existed. He mentally snorted at how sappy that sounded. But it was true.

Barricade's arm twitched and he made a soft sound, his optics coming back online. He looked over at SAW and raised his hand to caress the side of SAW's face. "...You're okay..." he murmured. SAW nodded.

"You are too," he replied softly. "Barricade...I'm so sorry...you were hurt because of me...it was all my fault..."

"No..." Barricade said, stroking SAW's face. "...You did exactly as I would've done...you were under a lot of stress...and so you took some time for yourself..." He sighed. "...I'm just so glad that you are my spark mate...I was able to track you down as soon as I realized you were gone. I was just going to catch up to you...talk to you...then we would slip back in the base." He paused. "...SAW...please dont blame yourself for this."

"It's hard not to, 'Cade," SAW replied. "...It's...I'm going to be put on lockdown for three months...I messed up, Barricade...I messed up bad." He felt a few tears run down his face. "...Because of me, you got hurt, Bumblebee almost had a spark attack, and Honeydew is so upset, she cant really function right..." He wiped at his optics. "...I'm a terrible friend, a terrible mate...a terrible father...!"

"SAW, never say that again!" Barricade said, sitting up, ignoring the slight vertigo from the action. "...You are an amazing friend, a perfect spark mate, and a marvelous father! None of us could ask for better!" He reached over and picked up SAW to hold in his lap. "...I will speak to Optimus. Even if it means being confined with you for those three months, I refuse to be separated from you for that long."

SAW made a soft keening sound and leaned into Barricade, feeling very exhausted all of a sudden.

"Barricade's up," Sunstreaker deftly announced after sticking his head in the med bay for a quick peek. Ratchet sighed.

"Finally," he said. "I'm going to need his help if you want your leg to be in proper working order again..."

"You should make that little glitch polish my armor for damaging me so badly!" Sunstreaker put out testily. "I cant even go back to Alicia's place until I'm fixed! This sucks coolant, man!"

"No one will have SAW do any such thing!" Arcee shot at Sunstreaker. "You're too busy kissing your own aft in your rear view mirror to see that something was really wrong with the kid! He didnt mean to hurt you that bad! And quite frankly, a busted hydraulic is no big deal, it'll be fixed in just a few hours with the right part, so get a grip, you infant!"

"Enough arguing!" Elita-One cut in, prompting silence from both of them. She looked to Ratchet. "I spoke with Optimus," she said. "He said that he wants to see SAW as soon as possible." Ratchet nodded, and went into the med bay, where Barricade was coddling SAW like a child as SAW held onto Barricade like a life support.

"...SAW," Ratchet said, getting their attentions. SAW looked up. "Optimus wants a word with you." SAW sighed, but nodded and slid off the table. Barricade followed suit. "With just SAW, Barricade."

"I dont care," Barricade growled back. "You think I couldnt feel how bad SAW was feeling while I was out cold?" He let out his patented 'Decepticon' growl at Ratchet. "Dont try to stop me." He put a hand on SAW's shoulder and they walked to Optimus' 'office space' together, and he emitted calming waves to SAW, who returned it with a grateful look.

They came to the room, where Elita-One was waiting by the doorway. "He's just inside, SAW," she said in a very mother-like voice. "Barricade, wait with me, alright? It'll be okay."

Barricade gave her a curt nod, then gave SAW a soft look and SAW walked into the room, where Optimus was sitting in his makeshift chair. His blue optics shifted up to SAW, who was nervously wringing his hands. "...Come in, SAW," Optimus said. SAW nodded and walked up to Optimus, who motioned for SAW to sit down. "...You havent been recharging, have you?"

SAW shook his head. He hadnt had a decent recharge at all, even before Perceptor had called him out on it. "No, Sir," he replied dully.

"How long have you been without adequate recharge?"

"...A little over a year."

"....Why didnt you tell anyone?" Optimus asked.

"...I never really felt the need to," SAW replied. "...I found that I can function on less than an hour of sleep..."

"Physically, you can," Optimus said, shaking his head. "But mentally, you'll suffer. Shorter tempers, impaired judgment, frequent uncharacteristic thoughts and behaviors, overreaction to certain situations..." He sighed. "All of these are symptoms of inadequate recharge, and not even Ratchet caught it. Even I should have seen it, but I didnt."

"...Perceptor...?"

Optimus nodded. "He's seen how worried we are, and he told me about your inability to have a full recharge. He hopes that you'll forgive him for divulging that information, but at the moment, I see that it was the right thing for him to do." He paused. "...I also see that I too was overreacting. Your lack of a proper recharge has made your behavior a little rocky, and my parental feelings for you have made my reactions and decision-makings too overreactive and personal. And for that, I apologize."

SAW blinked. Oh. Oh, damn, he realized. That was why Optimus had blown the gasket so harshly with him. He really did think if himself as his father... He lowered his head in somewhat shame. Optimus was so angry at him because he cared so much for him, and didnt want to see him get hurt again.

"Please..." SAW replied, making Optimus look up. "...Dont be sorry..." He felt tears well up again. "...The last thing I need is for you to not be my father anymore...! I'm sorry for not being a good son! Just...please...dont...!"

Optimus stood up and walked over to SAW, kneeling down and holding SAW's shoulders. "SAW, no matter what you do, I will always think of you as my son!" he said, looking SAW right in the optic. "If I didnt care about you so much, I wouldnt react as I do! You worry me in a deeper way none of the others can, and while I simply worry for their safety when they're not in my sight, I worry about your very existence..." He gently pulled SAW forward in a gentle hug. "...I told you that I would be your father. I took up that mantle, and I stick by it. I just...dont know how to be a father to your standards..."

SAW hugged Optimus back, squeezing slightly. "...You do just fine," he replied. Optimus pulled back and smiled at SAW.

"I'm going to have Perceptor have a better look at your mental well-being, to see why you cant recharge properly," he said, standing up. "As soon as I have you in full proper running order, we'll decide what to do from there." SAW nodded and also stood up.

"Alright," he replied, turning towards the door. "...When do I start my three month lockdown?" Optimus shook his head.

"Forget about it," he replied. "I will increase your security and I must insist that you have a chaperon on you at all times...but other than that, just forget earlier, alright?"

SAW blinked, then smiled back, nodding. "Yes, Sir," he said, then walked out the door to join a worried Barricade as Elita-One stepped into the office.

"...You did well," she said, smiling at Optimus. Optimus smiled back.

"...Thanks," he replied motioning for her to come closer. "...You always did have a perfect voice of reason." Elita-One laughed and sat down on Optimus' lap.

"Where do you think you learned it from?" she teased, earning her a gentle shove. "...Optimus, you do make a wonderful father," she said, leaning her head on his shoulder. Optimus' arm curled around her waist.

"...And you'd make a wonderful mother," he replied. Elita-One shifted her gaze over to SAW, who was now hugging his daughter and comforting a worried Bumblebee.

"...I'd like to think so," she replied.

*sigh*