CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Ross hovered behind Alex as they returned to the waiting room. Alex sensed that this was one part of his job that Ross wasn't either good at or used to doing. She remembered that Captain Deakins was a master at comforting cops and their families even though he hated that aspect of his position, and for a moment she hated Ross and the NYPD. "He's trying," she thought. "He's trying." She calmed.

"Is there anyone I should contact for Goren?" Ross asked as he started to open the waiting room door for Alex.

"No," Alex said sadly. "I can't think of anyone…I can call his buddy Lewis…but aside from him…"

"He's a better man than that," Ross said. "He deserves…" He looked at Alex. "Do you need anything…anyone…Alex…"

"Bobby," Alex thought. "I need Bobby…"

"Maybe a change of clothes," she said out loud. "And some coffee."

"I'll see about both of those," Ross promised. "Alex…I think Goren is…Is going to need a lot of help…And not just physically…Although that's bad enough…"

"And that's if Bobby survives," Alex thought. "Oh God…Please…"

"Inside his head," Ross said carefully. "I know that he's strong…Stronger than most people…But this…"

"I know," Alex said. "And right when he was coming back…He really was, Captain…You know that…"

"I know, Alex…I know…The thing is…This is way out of my league…But I think I know someone who can help him…If I'm not intruding…"

"Captain…Right now…Bobby needs all the help he can get," Alex answered.

"Uh…Captain…"

Alex and Ross looked up to see two Major Case detectives approaching. Their arms bore the rolled up sleeves and band aids of the recent blood donor.

"We got here as soon as we could," one apologized. "But we wanted to stop and give blood first."

"There's more coming from Major Case," the second said. "A lot of them are giving or waiting to give blood. There's a lot of cops giving blood."

"How you doing, Alex?" the first detective asked.

"I'll feel a lot better when I know Bobby's ok," Alex said. She was enormously grateful for the responses of the other cops.

The second detective sat across from Alex. "The big guy will be ok. He's tough…He's tougher…" The man shook his head. "He'll be ok…"

"Quit while you're ahead, Torelli," Ross said kingly. He stood. "I've got to go…I'll be back as soon as I can…"

"We'll take care of her, Captain," Torelli said. .

"Start by getting her some coffee," Ross answered. "Do you have a change of clothes at the Squad?"

Alex nodded.

"I'll get them to you." Ross placed a hand on Alex's shoulder. "He'll be all right. He knows I need him to keep me honest."

Cops, showing signs of a stop at the blood bank, slowly filled the waiting room. Torelli brought Alex the first of many cups of coffee. Donuts and sandwiches appeared. Alex didn't touch the food; her stomach churned at the thought of it. All of the cops made reassuring sounds that might have comforted Alex if she hadn't made those same sounds in similar circumstances or if she hadn't heard the same sounds the night of Joe's death. Whenever a figure remotely resembling a nurse or doctor appeared, the assembled cops swarmed over it trying to find out anything about Bobby.

"We're scaring them," Alex said to one cop. She rubbed her eyes. "I just wish someone would tell us something."

After several hours, an impossibly young looking woman in surgical scrubs walked through the waiting room door. "I guess many of you are waiting for news about Detective Goren," she said calmly.

Every head spun to face her.

"Or maybe all of you…I'm looking for Alex Eames…"

Every head spun to face Alex, who suddenly felt as if she couldn't trust her legs to support her. She stood shakily. "That's me," she said.

The crowd cleared a path so that Alex and the doctor could meet each other.

"I'm Dr. Wasson…One of the surgeons who worked on Mr. Goren…"

"One?" Alex thought. "How many did it take?"

"He's stable right now," the doctor continued calmly. "He's badly hurt in many ways, but he came through the surgery very well."

The tension in the waiting room eased considerably, but Alex knew nothing was that simple.

"Can we see him?" Alex asked.

"One at a time," the doctor explained. "He's being moved to critical care, which isn't as frightening as it sounds. We went to keep a very close eye on him. I understand he doesn't have a family."

"Yea, he does," a voice from the back of the room declared. "He's got the whole NYPD."

"If only that were true," Alex thought. "But at least he's got the guys here." She turned towards the source of the voice. "Thank you," she said. "It would be really great if you let him know that when he…he gets better."

"I can take you to him," Dr. Wasson said.

"Don't worry, Alex," Torelli said. "We'll let Ross and the rest of the Squad know."

"Thank you," Alex said softly and followed the doctor.

"We have him in a medically induced coma," Dr. Wasson explained as they walked past a nurses' station. "It'll help while his body gets rid of all the other drugs in his system. It'll help him get through the worst of the pain, and his body heal. It also gives us time to get a plan together to deal with all of his injuries." She paused in front of a room. "I don't think I have to warn you that this is the start of a very long and very hard road for Mr. Goren."

Alex swallowed.

"Mr. Gore is on a lot of monitors and other machines, including a ventilator. I just want to warn you," Dr. Wasson said.

Alex tried to prepare herself, the sight of Bobby shocked her. Surrounded by machines, he looked like some horrible robot. Dr. Wasson pulled up a plastic chair.

"You can stay for a while," she said gently. "Talk to him…Touch him…Let him know that you're here. Even patients in deep comas are often aware of their surroundings."

Alex, unable for a moment to speak, nodded and perched on the chair. She forgot Dr. Wasson before the doctor left her alone with Bobby. His arms were covered in bandages, and above the sheet that covered him, Alex saw more white bandages on his chest and shoulders. "They didn't touch his face and head," she thought. His eyes were closed with strips of tape, and the terrible snake of the ventilator curled into his mouth. Tubes and wires were everywhere, and several machines beeped and hummed in an erratic symphony. Alex placed the back of her right hand against Bobby's cheek. The graying stubble was soft against her skin. In contrast to his terribly pale color, Bobby felt warm and alive.

"Bobby," Alex whispered. "You're keeping up your end of the bargain. You're staying alive. I forgive you…But…But…If you…If you die…I'll never forgive you…I'll never forgive myself…"

END CHAPTER FIFTEEN