CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Alex spent most of the next days by Bobby's bedside. It took the combined efforts of Captain Ross, her father, two of her brothers, and, finally, a Megan Wheeler comment that Alex's collapse certainly wouldn't help Bobby to get Alex to leave Bobby's side long enough for her to get a shower, a change of clothes, and some food. It was another day before the hospital staff convinced Alex that Bobby would be in the coma for some time and they would call her immediately if there was any change in his condition. Alex staggered to her home and managed to reach her couch before she collapsed. She lurched back to the hospital after several hours of desperately needed sleep to find Bobby's condition unchanged. After that, Alex occasionally left the hospital to at least fall on her own bed and pretend to sleep. But she spent most of her time by Bobby's side. Reassured by the steady rise and fall of his chest, she mindlessly watched TV or read. She brought every newspaper and magazine she thought might interest Bobby and read them out loud to him. When she couldn't stand the scientific or historical or psychological material any longer, Alex began reading from the gossip magazines she bought for herself. "You want me to stop reading this stuff, Goren," she muttered to Bobby at one point. "You wake up and tell me to shut up."
"The Yankees are lousy this year," she told him on another morning. "The pitching is awful. You gotta wake up and give me grief about this."
She got to know the nurses. One appeared every hour in Bobby's room. The doctors also frequently appeared. She liked Dr. Wasson best, but all of the doctors were kind, efficient, and considerably more than competent. The doctors and nurses all seemed to like Alex and Bobby.
"You got a tough job, Detective," one of the nurses commented.
"So do you," Alex replied.
"It's not always easy," the nurse admitted. "But most of our patients get better…And we're going to make sure Detective Goren is going to be one of those…"
Others occasionally spelled Alex. Her family came, her brothers awkward, her sisters steady, and her father tough and concerned. Her father gently suggested that Alex might want to consider how much she wanted and could do for Bobby.
"He's my friend, Dad," she said. "He's my partner. He doesn't have anyone. I gotta help him."
"All right," her father said, and the subject of Alex helping Bobby never rose again among her family.
James Deakins appeared several times. He hugged Alex and said all the right things, but he also grew white when he saw Bobby and when Alex explained some of the things that had happened to him.
"He's one of the toughest and smartest men I know," Deakins said. "But…" He shook his head.
"I know," Alex said. They both studied Bobby. The rise and fall of his chest, in spite of being produced by a machine, was an oddly reassuring sight. "Thank you," she said. "For not pretending everything is ok…That he'll survive this…"
Deakins placed his hands on her shoulders. "I don't think pretending this isn't going to be very hard would be very helpful."
And, for the first time since Caldwell and Linley had taken Bobby, Alex allowed herself to cry. She fell against her former Captain and sobbed into his soft jacket. When she recovered, Alex found she leaned heavily against him.
"I…I'm sorry…I…I'm ruining your jacket…" She tried to pull away, but Deakins guided her to the chair by Bobby's bed.
"It's all right," he said. "I can get it cleaned."
"Well," Alex said, wiping her eyes. "At least send me the bill."
"I think…You needed that," Deakins said cautiously.
"Yea…I think I did." Alex pulled a tissue from the box on the table next to Bobby's bed. "And I guess I felt safe with you…"
Deakins smiled sadly. "I'm honored." He turned and studied Bobby for a moment. "Danny Ross," he said deliberately. "Doesn't know quite how to deal with this. He feels terrible…especially since he and Bobby got off on the wrong foot with each other."
Alex sighed. "Well…They both kept trying to lead…"
"Just remember," Deakins said. "It took me two years to trust him, Alex…And I never came close to figuring him out. He's just too far from what I was used to. Just know that Ross wants to help Bobby and you. He may not always express it in the most subtle or clearest way, but he does want to help."
"Ok," Alex said.
Ross appeared every day, even if he didn't know what to do and was often visibly tired. Alex knew from other cops that the Captain was fending off the FBI, the Chief of Detectives, other police agencies eager to interview Linley, and the press. She knew the last group heralded Bobby as a hero. The nurses told her about the cards, notes, and flowers that arrived daily. Ross was with Alex during one of these reports, and her sad smile when the nurse left intrigued him.
"What is it, Alex?"
"Just…" She shrugged. "You know Bobby's reputation…He hasn't always been a darling of the press…Any more than he's been a darling of the Brass…And now he's in a hospital bed with a machine breathing for him…And he's the golden boy…"
Ross stood silently.
"It's ok, Captain," Alex said. "I'm not sure there's anything to say about that."
Megan Wheeler was one of the most frequent and welcome visitors. She never arrived empty-handed, always carrying some coffee or snacks or books and magazines. She brought news from the outside world—she was the source of much of the information about Ross' efforts to shield Alex and Bobby. Alex liked Wheeler, but they had never had the opportunity to become close. Now, over coffee in the waiting room or bland lunches in the hospital cafeteria, they came to regard each other as friends.
"Thank you," Alex said one morning as she accepted a complicated coffee concoction from Wheeler. "For this…and everything…"
Wheeler smiled sadly. "You're welcome…Truth is…I'm on desk duty for while…They're making me talk to a shrink…Coming here…Well, it helps. And you and Goren…You've been good to me…"
"He appreciates the way you help him with the copier," Alex said.
Wheeler laughed. "God…He has so much trouble with machines…"
"I know." Alex sipped her coffee. "You ok?"
"Yea…I think so…If people would just stop asking me if I'm ok…"
"I know…I've been there," Alex said.
"You…You don't get used to it," Wheeler said after a moment.
"No…No you don't…And I don't think you should," Alex answered.
"I don't feel bad about shooting him," Wheeler said slowly. "I mean…I never want to shoot anyone…But he's a bad man…He was going to…To at least hurt…and probably kill Goren…He killed and tortured that poor girl…I'd do it again…What scares me…Is what would've happened if I'd missed…If I hadn't moved fast enough…"
Alex leaned forward and placed her hand over Wheeler's. "But you didn't miss…And you did move fast enough. You had the best shot, and you took it. You did the right thing."
Wheeler swallowed. "Thank you," she said softly. "Thanks…That means a lot…Especially coming from you…"
All of these small dramas took backstage to Bobby's recovery, or at least what the doctors and nurses assured Alex was Bobby's recovery. The process of slowly weaning Bobby from the drugs keeping in a coma began on his third day in the hospital. As the drugs' grips on him lessened, Bobby showed signs of being in pain. The doctors told her he didn't feel that much, but the nurses had a different take.
"He's feeling pain," one nurse told Alex. "But from what other patients have told me, it's not that bad. And he's really not aware of it. You need to remember that pain is one of the most basic responses of our brains. Unfortunately, it's one of the first things Mr. Goren will feel as he comes out of the coma."
On Bobby's fourth day in the hospital, Ross arrived and hesitantly asked Alex to join him in the waiting room.
"I told you that I'd try to find someone who could help," he said tentatively. "And I think I found someone who can…Someone who's close to us…"
Through the waiting room doors, Alex saw Dr. George Huang seated and studying a thick file.
"Makes sense," she said softly.
Tension left Ross' body. "Don Cragen, the SVU chief, says he's the best. He's already familiar with the Sebastian cases. He knows a little about Goren. He's worked with him, and he respects him. I think Goren respects him…"
"He does," Alex said.
"And Huang has experience dealing with the victims of…of torture…" Ross also looked through the window. "It made sense to me."
Alex nodded. She walked through the door.
Alex already liked George Huang. She liked him even more after he suggested several ideas for Bobby's care.
"I've talked with his doctors here," Huang said. "They're very optimistic about his physical injuries. What they…and I…are very concerned about is his mental health."
Alex nodded.
"Bellevue has an excellent center that treats torture victims," Huang continued. "I know and have worked with several people on its staff…They…and I…think it might be a good place for Detective Goren when he's physically ready."
Alex turned to Ross, who shook his head. "I'm sorry, Alex," he said softly. "I'm way out of my league here…But this sounds good…"
Alex sighed. "Ok," she said. "I'm going to have to trust you on this, Doctor."
"You can," Huang said firmly. He shut the file and stood. "I'll contact the center and let them know."
Alex returned to her vigil. On Bobby's sixth day in the hospital, the doctors removed the tape from his eyes.
"We'll see how he is tomorrow," one said. "And see about removing the ventilator."
Alex read most of four newspapers to Bobby while she drank her coffee. She'd read him about half of the current NEW YORKER before the nurses gently hustled her to the cafeteria for lunch. After lunch, Megan Wheeler kept Alex company for an hour, and they talked of things that didn't matter. When Wheeler left, Alex turned on the TV and found a Yankees game in progress. The game wasn't particularly exciting, and Alex hadn't slept particularly well the previous night. She dozed off.
Beeps and buzzes and a choked cry woke her. Alex bolted up in her chair and saw Bobby, his brown eyes wide with terror, shaking violently on the bed. She heard nurses and doctors coming.
"Bobby…Bobby…" She touched his face. "Please calm down…Listen to me…"
He turned to her. The look in his eyes suggested that he wasn't sure she was real.
"Bobby…You're safe…You're in the hospital…I'm real…Trust me…"
A wave of doctors and nurses rushed in the room. Alex refused to move.
"Bobby…Don't be afraid…These are doctors and nurses…You can trust them…They're here to help you…Believe me…"
He calmed slightly at her words.
"Now," Alex continued. "You're on a ventilator to help you breath. The doctors and nurses are going to help you…Probably take it out…I need to get out of their way…I'll be right over here…And I'll be right back when they're done…Ok?"
He stared at her with his great, dark, frightened eyes. He nodded. Alex stepped away from his bed, and the doctors and nurses descended on him. She occasionally glimpsed his face through the forest of blue, white, and green scrubs. He was terrified but winning the battle to control himself. It was a very long time before the doctors and nurses stepped away from his bed, and before they did, Bobby cried out in pain and fear several times. Each time Alex fought to keep from rushing to his side. All of the doctors and nurses made gentle, reassuring sounds as they left. Alex scarcely heard them. All of her attention was on Bobby.
Finally, only one nurse remained. She adjusted and checked all of Bobby's IVs and monitors. There were still many of them, but far fewer than when he first regained consciousness. She carefully injected something into one of the IVs, and then smiled at Alex.
"I've given him something strong for the pain," she whispered. "He'll probably go back to sleep soon. Just waking up has taken a lot from him…But this is very good."
She turned to Bobby. "Don't fight sleep, Mr. Goren. We'll take good care of you…"
Alex stepped close to the bed as the nurse left. Bobby blinked at her. She touched his face. He struggled to speak.
"Are…are you real?"
She fought against the lump in her throat. "Yea…I'm real…"
"I…I'm not…I'm not there?"
"No." She shook her head.
His eyes closed, and she thought he might be asleep. They opened again.
"Al…Alex…"
"Yea, Bobby…"
"The…daffodils…Are they still blooming?"
She tried not to choke. "Yes, Bobby…Yes…"
"Good…Good…Thank you…"
He drifted into sleep. Alex dropped her head on her outstretched arms and buried her tears in the sheets.
END CHAPTER SIXTEEN