CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Alex stood in front of Bobby's door and took a deep breath. "Please," she thought. "Please help me to help him. Please let him let me help him." She knocked on the door.

Bobby opened the door before she finished knocking. "Hi," he said shyly and handed her a cup of coffee. As he did, he pushed through the door and shut it behind him.

Alex sipped the cell charging beverage. It was hot, strong and sweet, just the way she liked it. "Hey, you got something or someone in your place that you don't want me to know about?" She meant it as a joke, but Bobby jerked and nearly spilled his own coffee.

"Uh…No…No…" he mumbled as he turned away from her. "It's…It's a mess…We…We should hurry…"

"We've got plenty of time, Bobby," Alex said as she followed him to her car. "Even if you testify first…Which you won't…"

He was terribly quiet as she drove to the courthouse, not responding to any of her efforts to get him to talk. At one point, he stealthily reached into his pocket, pulled out a small tin box, opened it, and slipped something from it into his mouth.

"Mint?" Alex asked.

Bobby fumbled with the tin and nearly dropped it. Panic briefly swept his face.

"Wow," Alex said. "They must be strong…Could I have one?"

"Uh…Uh…That…That was the last one," Bobby said desperately. He slipped the tin back into his pocket, and Alex heard it rattle. She knew it wasn't empty, and from the look on Bobby's face she knew that she knew.

"You could put that tin in the trash," she said.

"I…I uh…I keep them…Put things in them," Bobby stuttered.

They were about to enter the courthouse's parking garage. "My sister likes to use them as pill boxes," Alex said.

Bobby jerked again. "Uh…Uh…Yea…They're good for that…And for paperclips…"

"You know, Bobby," Alex said softly and cautiously. "No one would blame you if you needed to take some painkillers…Or needed something to help you sleep…sometimes…"

He was quiet.

"You…You'd just need to be careful…" Alex continued. "I mean…Ross has and will do everything he can…But there's only so much he can do…And there's other cops to think of…"

A wave of guilt hit Bobby. "I didn't think," he thought. "I'm a danger…A danger to other cops…A danger to Alex…"

"If…If you need any help, Bobby," Alex said. "I'm here…Dr. Huang is here…There's a lot of people." She eased her car and turned to him. Bobby stared at the dashboard. Her hand hovered over his shoulder.

"I…I…" For a moment, Bobby considered confessing everything to her, but the possibility that it would drive her away was too horrible to contemplate. "I know," he said. "Right now…I…I just want to get through this…" He stepped out of the car.

The day went as badly as Alex feared and Bobby thought it would. It was nearly one before Bobby was called in front of the grand jury, and his testimony was interrupted by questions and motions. Alex saw that he watched the clock intently, and that at several points he pulled out the small tin and took something from it. He was eerily calm through everything—through the terrible wait, through the objections and recesses, and through the questions. In a flat, even tone he described what Caldwell and Linley did to him. Alex knew the details, but it hurt to hear him. Several of the grand jury members turned white as Bobby spoke, and one of the recesses resulted from a request from one juror. Bobby was the only person in the courtroom who wasn't appalled by his words. Even the defense attorneys seemed affected. But Bobby seemed to be in another place, and Alex, with increasing dread, sensed how he was getting there. During one of the recesses, she saw him furtively pull out the tin box and slip a yellow circle in his mouth.

"That," she thought. "Wasn't a mint."

And she knew. She'd suspected it, but hadn't allowed the thought to fully grow. Bobby was taking drugs. "Don't panic," she thought. "He's still in pain. He has nightmares. Maybe he's finally realized that he doesn't have to suffer. But…It's more than that…It's been more than that since he got out of the hospital. And you know it. And you haven't said anything or helped him…You know him too well. It's not just the physical pain…And he's probably taking too many…"

As the day dragged on, Bobby's mask cracked. He looked at his watch more frequently, and his answers, although still polite, became shorter and edged with frustration. When the court was finally adjourned, Bobby bolted from the courtroom. Ross, who'd arrived to catch the end of Bobby's testimony, offered to take Alex and Bobby for a bite to eat or a drink, but Alex, her eyes on a pacing Bobby, gently refused.

"I think Bobby needs to get home," she said softly.

Ross nodded. "I can understand that. It's remarkable how he's come back. I can't help but feel we let him down somehow…"

"I know…Every time I pick him up for work, I feel like I should apologize to him."

"Is he ok, Alex?"

"I…I don't know." Alex didn't exactly lie, but she wasn't telling the whole truth. "He's still got the most brilliant mind…He's one of the most honest cops…But I don't know if he's ok…And if I don't trust him…"

"Even behind a desk," Ross said. "He's a value to Major Case. His work with the FBI has been remarkable. He's been through a lot. Right now the Brass sees him as a golden boy, and I can and will protect him…"

"And let me babysit him," Alex said.

"I'm not sure I'd use that term," Ross said evenly.

"He…He is getting better," Alex said. "Dr. Huang and the other psychiatrists say so. Maybe he just needs more time." Her words failed to convince Alex, and she was sure they didn't entirely convince Ross.

"I think," Ross said as he looked at Bobby. "You should get him home before he wears a hole in the floor."

"Yes, Captain," Alex said. "And…thank you."

Bobby grew increasingly agitated as Alex drove him home. She suggested they stop for dinner, but Bobby snapped at her.

"I'm sorry," he said when he realized what he'd done. "It's…It's been a long day…"

"I think that's an understatement," Alex said gently.

"I…I just want to get home..I…" He gripped the dash so tightly that his knuckles grew white. Alex thought she could hear his muscles and nerves vibrate.

"I'll get you there as soon as I can," Alex promised.

As she drove, Alex chanced an occasional look at Bobby. He rubbed his head and curled in on himself. He caught one of her looks and smiled weakly.

"I hate traffic," he muttered.

"I'm not crazy about it," Alex answered.

The last surge of the day's traffic caused the trip to Bobby's house to be longer than usual. By the time they arrived, he was ready to jump out of the car, and Alex ready to join him. She parked carefully in the small space behind his garage.

"Thank you, Eames…For everything…You…You don't have to come in…" Bobby pushed the car door open.

Alex unbuckled her seatbelt.

"No…No…Eames…You've done more than enough…You…You do so much for me…" Bobby seemed on the edge of tears.

"Bobby…Let me help you…"

He struggled and managed to control himself.

"No…I…I'll be ok..Really…I'm grateful…But I'll be ok…"

"Bobby…You've been through so much…You shouldn't be alone…"

"Eames…Please…Please…I…" He stood by her car and rubbed the back of his neck. "I…I promise you…I'll call you later…I…I just…I appreciate it…Please…I…I need some time alone…To put things in perspective…Please…"

Alex sat uncertainly. She desperately wanted to be with Bobby, to make sure he was all right. But she remembered George Huang's words that Bobby needed space and time alone as much as he needed friends and support.

"You promise me," she finally said. "That you'll get something to eat? That you'll rest?"

"Yes…"

"You'll call me if you need anything?"

"Yes…"

"All right." Alex retreated. "But I'm calling you tomorrow. And if you don't answer…"

"I understand…Of course…"

"Ok…Take care, Bobby." Alex buckled her seatbelt and backed her car out of the drive. Before she was out of the drive, Bobby was in his house and the front door locked behind him. He rushed into the bathroom and flung open the medicine cabinet. He seized the oxycontin, and dropped twice his usual dose. He swallowed the pills dry. Shaking, he shut the cabinet and stared at his reflection in the mirror.

"Oh, God…I've lied to Alex…My partner…My best friend…I've lied to Ross…Who's stuck his neck out for me…To Huang…To all those people…Who've done so much for me…I've…I've become Frank…No! No! No!"

Bobby shook his head. "I will not become him…I will not be Frank…"

He straightened, walked out of the bathroom and into his bedroom. He slowly knelt by his bed, reached under it, and pulled out the steel safety box containing his gun and the heroin and the cocaine. He stared at the box for several minutes. "I am not Frank," he whispered. He picked up the box and walked into his kitchen to retrieve his keys from the kitchen table. "What a waste," he thought as he walked back to the bathroom. "What a waste."

END CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

Ok, I'm not sure if I got the grand jury procedure right, and I apologize for any mistakes I made regarding it.