Warning--graphic, but not in a sexual way. And, again, what I know about drug addiction and withdrawal comes from reading. My apologies if I've gotten anything wrong.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

The smell forced her back. The sight of Bobby, wearing his boxers and T-shirt and covered in blood and sweat and vomit, nearly sent her running away. Bobby moaned and shook, and Alex steeled herself. She walked towards him. He was curled up against the door leading to the bedroom and lacked the strength to hold his head up. Alex stepped around the pill bottles scattered around the floor.

"He's in withdrawal," she thought. "And he could die." Her first thought was to call for an ambulance. "No," she thought. "Everyone will know…They'll try to keep him from the one thing that can save him…Work…Huang…I should call Huang…"

Bobby's body twisted in pain, and he moaned again. Alex grabbed a towel from the rack and moved closer to him. "Bobby," she said softly. He moaned again, and tried to fold his body tighter. "Bobby," she said again. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"No," he groaned. "Don't…Don't want you to see me like this." His voice was horribly hoarse and raspy.

"I'm afraid," Alex said as gently and calmly as she could. "It's too late for that."

He finally looked up at her, and Alex saw blood smeared over his face. It came from his nose and a gash just above his right eye.

"I'm going to get you some water…And then try to get you cleaned up some…And we'll go on from there," Alex said.

She stood, walked to the sink, filled a glass with water, and returned. She carefully and tenderly placed her arm behind his neck and raised his head so he could drink. He drank it slowly and steadily. He finished, and Alex placed the folded towel beneath his head. He blinked up at her.

"I…I'm sorry…So sorry…Eames…I…I don't know…I don't know how it got this bad…I…" He swallowed and shivered.

"Bobby…Bobby…Take it easy…" She pushed his soaked hair off his forehead. "If I help you, do you think you could get in the tub?"

"Maybe…"

Alex reached in the cabinet beneath the sink and pulled out several towels. She used one to wipe Bobby's face. "Ok," she said. "Let's see if we can get you in the tub…"

It took some effort, but they managed to get Bobby in the tub. "All right," Alex said as matter of factly as she could. "Let's get your shirt off…" Bobby hesitated, and then weakly lifted his arms. Alex peeled the shirt off and tried not to think about what stained and soaked it.

"I…I think…I can get the boxers off," Bobby said.

Alex tried not to look at the scars on his back. "Ok," she said. "You just hand them to me…I'm afraid these clothes aren't going to survive all this." She looked away as Bobby slipped out of the boxers, and she tried not to stare at him when he handed them to her. She put the ravaged clothes in the trash. "I think a nice warm bath will help you a lot. I'm going to turn on the water…Let me know if it's too hot or cold." Still avoiding looking directly at him, she turned on the water. "I'm sorry if I'm embarrassing you."

Bobby stared at the tile wall. "I'm sorry…So sorry…That you have to do this for me…"

Alex stood and gathered up the trash bag from its basket. "The way I see it," she said deliberately. "You're alive and I get to do this for you. How's the temperature?"

"Uh…Fine…" His eyes were closed, as if he could distance himself from her if he didn't see her.

"You get started getting cleaned up," Alex said. "I'll take way these and get you some clean clothes."

"Eames." His eyes were still shut. "This is just a lull…It's going to be bad…Probably worse…"

"I know," Alex said. "And that gash over your eye probably needs stitches. After we get you cleaned up, we should…"

"No…No…Please…No hospitals…They…They can't know…All my doctors would know…It's bad enough that you…I've lied to everyone…I'm a terrible, weak man…I don't…"

Alex moved to the tub and placed a hand on Bobby's shoulder. He shuddered.

"No one will think that, Bobby. I don't think that…It's just…This is way beyond what I know…You need help from someone who knows what they're doing…"

He calmed and nodded slowly.

"I thought I'd call George Huang…"

Bobby stared at the water. "He's one of the people I lied to…"

"I don't think he'll see it that way," Alex said gently. "You go ahead and wash and I'll call him."

"All right…"

Alex stood. "Bobby…I…I'm not angry with you…I'm confused and afraid and…and sorry that I didn't see this and help you…But I'm not angry…I just want to help you."

She heard a small choked sound as she left the bathroom. She left the door slightly open and moved into the kitchen. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed George Huang. She liked the psychiatrist, and her respect for him grew as they worked together in the search for and recovery of Bobby. She reached Huang's voice mail and left a message that she hoped conveyed the urgency and delicacy of the situation. Whatever she said apparently worked; Huang, puzzled and concerned, returned her call in a few minutes.

"It's Bobby," she explained. "He got addicted to the painkillers and the sleeping pills." She thought that if she spoke quickly and simply she might be able to get through this. "He threw them all away last night. All of them. He's going through withdrawal."

Huang was silent for a moment. "Where is he?"

"At his house. I'm there. He's been terribly sick and in pain. He's a little better right now, but…"

"I'll be there as soon as I can," Huang said. "Detective Eames…I need to warn you…He may do or say things…He won't mean them…But he may be dangerous…"

"I don't think he's strong enough to be dangerous," Alex said. "At least not physically. He's terribly afraid of going back to the hospital. He's ashamed. He thinks he let everyone down."

"That doesn't surprise me," Huang said. "Like I said, I'll be there as soon as I can. Try to get some food inside him…Soup or cereal…And water…He's probably dehydrated. No alcohol…I suspect he's been using that as well…"

"Yea," Alex sighed. "It looks like it."

"Good luck," Huang said.

After she shut her cell phone, Alex felt very alone. "Ok," she said and went in the bedroom. She found a clean pair of boxers and a T-shirt. She knocked on the bathroom door and was enormously relieved to hear Bobby's low "Come in." She braced herself and walked in. Bobby sat in the tub. He'd made a good start at cleaning himself. Alex saw that the gash over his eye still oozed blood.

"C'mon," she said, maintaining the matter-of-fact tone she'd used with Huang. "Let's rinse you off."

"I…I might be able to stand up…Use the shower," Bobby said.

"I can help you," Alex said, and before he could protest, she got him to his feet.

He leaned heavily against the tiled wall as she turned on the shower, but he managed to move under the water to rinse the soap and dirty water off his body. Alex tried not to embarrass him as she turned off the water and wrapped a towel around him. She helped him step out of the tub.

"Can you dry yourself off and get those on?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Good. I'm going to fix some tea. You want some?"

He nodded again.

"I'll be back with the tea and to help you get in bed. Just call for me if you need me before then."

He nodded again.

She was at the door when he spoke.

"I…I'm sorry, Eames…So sorry…"

She turned to him. He stared at the floor. "Like I said, it's all right. I'm glad you're here and alive and that I can help you."

She listened intently for any sound of trouble as she filled the teakettle and put it on the stove. She found the tea and placed the bags in two mugs. She poured the boiling water over the tea, spooned and stirred sugar in the mugs, and carried them into the bedroom. She sat them on the small table next to the bed. She checked the pillows and sheets and found them clean enough. She moved to the bathroom door and knocked on it.

"Come in," Bobby said weakly.

She found him dressed in the clean clothes, but leaning heavily on the sink counter. He shivered, and looked terribly pale. He looked everywhere but at her.

"This…It's such a mess," he said.

"It's ok. I'll take care of it," Alex said.

"You shouldn't have to…"

"C'mon…" She carefully and gently placed her hand on his elbow. "Let's get you to bed…"

He leaned heavily on her on the short walk to his bed. He fell into it, and she helped him get his legs up and under the covers. She propped several pillows behind him and handed him a mug of tea. His hands shook as he took it. He took a tentative sip, followed by a deeper drink.

"I called Dr. Huang," Alex said as she placed a large band aid on his head. "He's on his way here."

Bobby stared into his tea. "I…I'm going to have to go back into the hospital…"

"Yea…"

"I…I…Eames…I'm going to be sick again…"

He shivered, and turned a terrible grey color. Alex grabbed his mug with one hand and a bowl she'd brought from the kitchen with the other. She held it while Bobby threw up. When he finished, she took it to the bathroom, emptied its contents, rinsed it, and returned as quickly as she could with the bowl and a wet washcloth. Bobby rested against the pillows. Sweat glistened on his face, and he shivered. She sat next to him and tenderly wiped his face.

"I…I'm sorry…I…" he murmured.

"Bobby…You don't have to keep saying that…"

"It…It hurts…It hurts so much…Please…Please…Can you give me anything? Is there…"

"I'm sorry, Bobby," she said gently. "I don't have anything. Dr. Huang will be here soon. I'm sure he'll have something that'll help."

Bobby groaned. "There's nothing…"

"I think if there was you would've found it."

"A drink," Bobby pleaded. "I know there's some…Just one drink…Please…"

She was strongly tempted to give it to him, but Huang's warning and her own good sense won out against her heart. "Bobby…With the shape you're in, it's not a good idea. And we don't know what Huang will want to give you to help you."

He wasn't so far gone that he couldn't recognize her logic. "You…You're right…But…Oh, God…It hurts so much." He twisted, and his hands clutched the sheet so tightly that his knuckles turned white. "I…I'm going to be sick again…"

Alex held the bowl for him again, and again took it away to empty and clean. When she returned, Bobby was curled in a fetal position. He shivered and sweat poured down his face.

"Here," she said. "I brought you some water…"

His hands shook too violently for him to hold the glass, and Alex had to help him lift his head so that he could drink it.

"Eames…You…God…I've done some stupid things…But this…And you have to clean up…" His face twisted in pain. "Oh…It hurts…It hurts so much…"

"Bobby…You didn't start all of this," Alex said firmly. "What caused this wasn't your fault…" She brushed her hand across his damp hair. He shook. "Am I hurting you?"

"No…No…It helps…" he confessed. "Forgive me…It helps…"

The doorbell rang, and Bobby started.

"That's probably Huang," Alex said.

Bobby seized her hands. "Don't…Don't go…Please…"

"Bobby." Alex wondered where this calm and reasonable tone came from in her exhausted and frightened mind. "He's here to help you…He probably has something that can help your pain. I'll be gone for only a few moments…I promise you I'll be right back…"

His grip eased slightly. "You…You promise?"

"I promise."

He reluctantly released her hands. "Ok."

Alex moved quickly to the front door. After checking through the small window, she opened the door for George Huang.

"Bad…" he said as he examined her.

"He…He's in a lot of pain…He can't keep anything down…" Alex said as she led Huang to the bedroom. "He has chills—really bad ones—and he's drenched in sweat. He's got a nasty gash on his head…And…And he's so ashamed. He thinks he let everyone down."

"That sounds like the Bobby Goren I've come to know," Huang said sadly. "Has he had any hallucinations?"

"Not that I've seen," Alex answered. "And he hasn't been aggressive or hostile…He wanted me to find something to help him. He wanted me to give him a drink. And I was tempted…But I didn't…"

"You did the right thing," Huang assured her. "Right now, it wouldn't help him and could hurt him badly."

They reached the bedroom door.

"I feel terrible," Alex confessed. "He was in trouble…Horrible trouble…And I didn't see it…Or I didn't want to see it…"

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Alex," Huang said gently. "I didn't catch it either. A lot of good doctors didn't catch it. We all wanted him to get better. We wanted to believe he was doing so well. And he's very good at hiding his pain."

"Ok." Alex took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

END CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR