CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
He was again one of the favorite patients. He was again cheerful, grateful, polite, and patient, even when he suffered the lingering withdrawal symptoms. And he was again hidden behind walls of carefully constructed defenses. He maintained a warm, friendly tone with Alex. He asked her about her family and work, but she knew this was designed to keep her from asking or pursuing the real issues between them. Alex was so guilty and frightened she played the part he wanted her to in their shared drama. They avoided discussing the Sebastian case. Alex certainly wasn't going to bring it up, and Bobby knew better than to talk about it with her. He turned to George Huang for information on that case. He'd discovered that by revealing some of his feelings and experiences the psychiatrist would reveal some of the case's developments in return. He knew that Huang knew what was going on. The man was too good at his job not to. But Huang seemed more than willing to engage in the bargain, and Bobby found his respect for the psychiatrist growing.
"I wonder," Bobby said as he and Huang sat in one of the surprisingly cheery waiting rooms at the hospital. Huang had discovered his patient was more relaxed and likely to talk away from a hospital room. "I wonder if you could do me a favor."
Huang leaned forward in his chair. Bobby Goren rarely asked for favors, and when he did, it was for information he couldn't get from Alex Eames. In return, Goren would offer something about his torture at the hands of Linley and Caldwell, or, more infrequently and importantly, about his past. Huang found Goren intelligent, brave, and fascinating. The psychiatrist had read the many files on the man's life dating back to his childhood. Goren had raised no objections to Huang seeing these files; the detective had been extremely cooperative in agreeing to their release. Huang was stunned that Goren had not only survived the childhood described in those files, but had become a sensitive, intelligent, good man. Huang learned far more about Goren's traumas from those files than he did from the man himself. The doctor discovered he could get Goren, reluctantly and slowly, to talk about his life if he asked the man to confirm or deny some point in the files, and if he could offer some information about the Sebastian case. It appeared to Huang that this was one of those occasions when Goren was about to ask a very big favor, and Huang wondered what he might get in return.
"What is it?" Huang asked.
"Can you…Can you find out how Declan Gage is?" Bobby's hands plucked at his robe.
The request didn't entirely surprise Huang. It was entirely in what he'd learned about Goren's character.
"I believe I can," Huang said.
"I…I know it's hard to understand," Bobby said softly. "I have trouble understanding it myself. But…In spite of what he did to me…He did a lot for me. And I may be the only person left…Do you know…Does he know about the Sebastian case? About what happened to me?"
"I've heard some things," Huang answered, carefully weighing his words. "The press…Well, you know how unreliable those reports are…"
Bobby smiled wryly and nodded his head. "I understand the POST has had me dead and the funeral arrangements made at least twice."
Huang returned the smile. "The FBI has tried to interview him…But Gage can't…Or won't…Speak to them. You know that Detective Eames spoke to him when…When they were trying to find you…"
"I…I've heard something about that," Bobby said. "But…I…Eames hasn't said…"
"She hasn't told me a great deal about it…But it helped find you…That…And your phone call of course…"
Bobby pulled his robe closer around him. "She…She hates Gage…Has every right to…For her to go talk to him…I can't talk about him with her…"
"It seems you can't talk about anything related to Sebastian with her." Huang pushed gently at the small opening.
"Yea…" Bobby pinched his nose. "It doesn't help that I failed…"
"How did you fail?"
"I…I've failed her…Ever since Jo Gage took her…Before then…I've ruined her career…Probably ruined Deakins' career…And now Ross…"
"I don't think you've ruined anyone's career." Huang treaded carefully. Bobby had circled this subject before, but had never been so direct about it.
"I'm the Typhoid Mary of the NYPD," Bobby said. "Half the department wants me gone because I shamed and arrested Frank Adair…The other half wants me gone because of the way I reopened the case of the murder of Eames' husband and got Patrick Copa thrown off the force. And then I went undercover and became a rat…And Eames has a target on her back because of me." Bobby spoke without anger or bitterness; he might have been relaying the details of a case.
"Have you talked to Eames about this?"
Bobby shrugged. "A little…She says everything's ok…Of course…"
"You don't believe her?"
Bobby recognized Huang's tone. The psychiatrist employed it—usually successfully—to get patients to reveal something. Bobby had seen members of group sessions fall for it. Bobby had fallen for it. Bobby knew that he used a similar tone in interrogations. He quietly weighed how much learning about Declan Gage's condition was worth. Quite a lot, he decided.
"No," Bobby admitted. "It can't be ok. It shouldn't be ok. I've done too much to her…She's done too much for me. She was right that I treated her like she carried my water…"
"Carried your water?"
"When I was suspended…After Tates…And I went undercover to get my shield back…I think the Chief of Detectives hoped I'd get killed. I know," Bobby said in response to Huang's reaction. "Sounds paranoid. But the same thought crossed Ross' mind. One condition was that I couldn't tell anyone…Anyone…Even Eames…She was so angry after all of it…"
"Detective Eames knows the rules…"
"She almost shot me," Bobby said flatly. "She thought I'd turned…That I was a bad cop…There's rules, and there's a partnership…A friendship…I should've told her…But…I had to protect her…I had to get my shield back…But she didn't understand…" Bobby's defenses cracked. "That the reason I had to get it back…" He choked.
Huang was on the edge of his chair. "Why? Why did you want this job back so badly? Especially if, as you say, so many people are against you? Don't want you?"
Bobby struggled for several moments. When he raised his head, Huang saw with disappointment that the detective's defenses were again in full operation.
"Well," Bobby said casually. "It's the only work I've ever done really. First with the Army, and then the NYPD. It's the only thing I'm remotely good at. And there's my pension…"
"There's other places you could work for." Huang moved on the attack.
"The FBI?" Bobby snorted. "Even if it would have me, the rules would drive me crazy. And I can't see myself living or working in another city."
"Why not?" Huang challenged him. "What do you have to hold you here?"
The question threw Bobby for a moment. "I…Uh…Friends…Associates, I guess…"
"I know something about them," Huang said. "An interesting and eclectic group, but scattered all over the world. Very few in or near New York City."
Bobby shifted uncomfortably in his chair.
"And your closest family that you've had recent contact with lives in Minnesota," Huang continued.
Bobby again pinched the bridge of his nose. The thought that knowing the state of Declan Gage's health wasn't worth this crossed his mind.
"Bobby," Huang said gently. "You're a bright man. You know why you came back…And why you stayed…"
"I…I…She…She's a friend…My best friend…" Bobby stammered. "But…But it's selfish…I shouldn't have come back…I…"
"Has Detective Eames said that? Has she ever given up on you? Has she ever asked for a transfer?"
Bobby looked as if Huang struck him. "She did once…"
It was Huang's turn to be stunned. "When?"
"At…At the beginning…"
"How long ago?"
"Eight years ago," Bobby said softly.
"It's not in your files…"
"It didn't go through…She didn't push it," Bobby said wearily.
"Why didn't she?"
"Because…Because she…She said working with me…She learned…She said I was an ethical and efficient officer…"
"That sounds like huge praise from what I know about Detective Eames," Huang said.
Bobby stared at the ground.
"After your suspension…During all of what you described…" Huang continued. "Did Detective Eames make any kind of move to get another partner? Or to transfer?"
Bobby shook his head. "But…Maybe…Being partnered with me…Maybe she couldn't…"
"Maybe she won't," Huang said. "Maybe she wants to work with you…Needs to work with you…As much as you do with her."
Bobby stared up at Huang. He seemed unable to process the psychiatrist's words.
"Here's the deal," Huang said. He leaned forward so that his knees nearly touched Bobby's. "I'll find out how Gage is. And I'll throw in another thing. I'll find out how the Sebastian investigation is going. I know you also want to know about that."
"What's it going to cost me? In addition to this conversation," Bobby asked cautiously.
"Talk to her," Huang said. "Talk to Detective Eames."
Bobby was silent for several minutes. "I…I'm afraid," he finally said. "I'm afraid she'll go away…That she'll see me for what I really am…"
Huang felt ridiculously triumphant at Bobby's revelations. "Have you considered," he said, trying to control his excitement. "That Detective Eames may be afraid? That she may feel guilty?"
Bobby stared at Huang. "Why…Why should she? Eames…Eames is strong…She's the strongest, best person I know…What…"
"She may feel guilty for some of the same reasons that you do," Huang said patiently. "Just talk to her…And I'll get that information for you."
As Huang walked away, Bobby wondered if any information was worth opening his heart and soul to Eames.
END CHAPTER 27