CHAPTER 28
"I don't need that," Bobby said, giving the wheelchair a disdainful look.
The nurse smiled. "It's the rules, Mr. Goren. You could always stay, I suppose."
"All right, all right," Bobby said quickly. "I'll get in the wheelchair."
Alex picked up Bobby's book bag. "Good grief, Goren…Whatya got in here…"
"I'll take that," Bobby said. "It's got my books and stuff…The important stuff…"
Alex handed the bag to Bobby, who held it tightly as the nurse wheeled him out of his room. He clutched it like a shield as they moved down the hall, and doctors, nurses, staff, and patients spoke warmly to Bobby and congratulated him. Bobby shyly and awkwardly accepted their greetings and wishes.
"We usually have a bit of a celebration when a patient leaves the hospital," the nurse said.
Bobby sank in the chair, and Alex and the nurse shared a knowing look.
"Don't worry, Mr. Goren," the nurse said. "We're not going to do that to you."
They reached the main floor, and Alex shouldered Bobby's large duffel bag. "I'll bring the car around," she said cheerfully. "Would you like me to take your backpack?" She thought she saw a flash of fear in Bobby's eyes.
"Uh…No…I'll keep it…You know how I am about my books," Bobby stammered.
"You get your car, Ms. Eames," the nurse said. "And I'll make sure we've got everything taken care of."
Several minutes later, Bobby was seated in the passenger seat of Alex's car, his backpack safely in the seat behind him.
"It's almost winter," he said as he stared out the window. "I…I remember…When they had me…I wondered if I'd ever get to see daffodils again."
Alex held her breath. Bobby rarely spoke of what had happened when Linley and Caldwell had him. She was relieved that he was speaking about it, but terrified of what he might say and how she might react.
"You lost a few months," Alex said carefully.
"So did you," Bobby responded.
"I helped a friend," Alex said after a moment. "I don't regard that as a loss."
"Thank you," Bobby said after several blocks passed. "For picking me up and getting me home…and for…Well…Everything…And please don't say it's nothing. It…It means a lot…A lot…I don't know what I would've done without you."
She was stunned by his openness, his sincerity, and his use of her first name. She chanced a quick look at him. He stared out the window, and one hand tightly gripped the dash while the other clutched his left knee. His left leg jumped nervously, and Alex thought only his hand kept it from banging against the dash.
"You're very welcome," she said when she could trust her voice. "And thank you…"
"For what?" He turned to her in surprise.
"For staying alive…For coming back…For not giving up…"
Several minutes and miles passed, and they were nearly at his home before Bobby spoke again. "You're welcome, too."
He accepted her help as he slowly got out of her car. He quickly grabbed his backpack and held it tightly as they went in the house.
"Wow…It's clean," he said.
"I gave it a quick once over," Alex admitted. She carried his duffel into the bedroom "You want anything hung up or put away?"
"No," he said as he made his way to the living room. He sat heavily on the couch and placed the backpack at his feet. He fought the urge to lean his head back on the cushion and close his eyes.
Alex stepped into the room. "You ok?"
"It's not the drugs or pain or anything like that," Bobby said. "I'm really tired."
"So…What's so important in that bag?" Alex sat at the other end of the couch.
"You're a good detective," Bobby said. He ran his hand through his hair. "I need a haircut," he said. "Maybe I should get to a barber."
"That bad, uh?" Alex said.
"Maybe worse." Bobby leaned forward, picked up the bag, and sat it between Alex and himself.
"What have you been doing? And who's been helping you do it?" Alex's voice suggested that Bobby and whoever was helping him were in serious trouble.
"I'm not going to rat out anyone," Bobby said. "Although you'll probably figure it out." He unzipped the bag's biggest compartment and pulled out several files. Alex saw that they were related to the Sebastian case. She began to see red.
"Bobby…You're in no shape to deal with this…"
"Al…Eames…Alex…God…" Bobby ran his hand through his graying curls. "Please…I need this…I need the work…I need the job…I need to know that I can do this…"
"Even if it hurts you…"
Bobby put the files on the coffee table in front of the couch. "The job…The work…It isn't why I took the drugs…It was because of the pain…And the shame and the guilt I felt…But the work…The work helps me…"
Alex sat stiffly on the edge of the couch.
"Alex…Please…I have to tell you…I know…If I can't or don't tell you, it's never good…But…I can't not be me…Not do what I am…"
She took a deep breath. "All right. What are you doing?"
"Not much. Yet…Most of these…" He waved at the files. "I'm doing what I did before. Looking for patterns. Trying to see where Linley may have dumped bodies." He put the backpack on the floor and winced.
"Are you ok?" Worry and fear replaced Alex's anger. She moved closer to Bobby.
"Yea." Bobby leaned back carefully. "My body is just reminding me to take it easy…Like I need to be reminded."
"You need anything? Something to eat? Drink? You need some rest?" Alex asked anxiously.
He was, in truth, exhausted. He wanted to stumble into his bedroom, collapse in his bad, and wrap the sheets and blankets around him. "No," he thought. "I've got to talk to her…Suck it up, Goren…Suck it up…"
"I'm ok," he lied.
"I'll get you some tea or something." Alex started to stand.
"Alex." Bobby caught her arm. "Later…I…I…We…" She sat again. Bobby felt her vibrate with tension—at least he thought it was her. He was so nervous and anxious that it might have been his own muscles and nerves trembling. "God," he muttered. "This was so much easier when I practiced it in the hospital."
"Bobby…Whatever you do…Please…Don't apologize…Don't say you're sorry again…All of this wasn't your fault." Bobby couldn't tell if Alex was angry or upset.
"It certainly wasn't yours." Bobby stared at the carpet's design. Alex didn't respond, and he looked at her. She sat with her arms folded and gnawed on her lip.
"Eames…Alex…You can't think…" Bobby remembered Huang's words. "You…This wasn't your fault…"
She squeezed her arms tighter around her body and refused to look at him. Bobby moved closer to her.
"Alex…You can't think…After all I've done to you…None of this was your fault."
Tears formed in her eyes. Bobby's hand hovered over her shoulder.
"Alex…This wasn't your fault…There's no way…"
She shivered. "I…I should've gone with you…I should've called sooner…"
"Alex…You got people to look for me…You listened to my message…You followed and found that van…You…You even went to Declan Gage…"
Her head shot up to look at him.
"Huang told me," Bobby said. "You must have really wanted to find me if you were willing to talk to Gage."
"Maybe…If I hadn't been so stubborn…If I'd paid attention to you and listened…" The tears brimmed in her eyes.
"Alex…There's no way…No way…That you were responsible…" His hand rested on her shoulder. "This wasn't your fault."
The tears started to fall down Alex's cheeks, and Bobby couldn't see clearly for the tears in his eyes.
"Alex…Please…Please…" He'd expected her anger, but this was far worse. "Please…"
A sob shook her, and Bobby wrapped his arms around her. She fought him for a moment, and then collapsed in his arms. Bobby tried to hold and comfort her, but his exhaustion, and guilt, and the pain of seeing her in such anguish overcame him, and he was suddenly sobbing with her. Neither of them knew how long they clung to each other, but they found themselves hugging each other.
"I…I…" Bobby choked.
"Bobby…Don't you dare say you're sorry," Alex managed to say.
"Ok…But you know I'm thinking it," Bobby said. He tenderly rubbed the tears from her cheeks with his thumb. "Are…Are you all right?"
"Getting there." She brushed the tears from his face. His stubble felt soft and his skin warm.
"You know you kept me alive," Bobby said softly. "When…When they had me…You kept me alive…"
Alex's hand drifted to the back of his neck. "How…How did I?"
His hand gently held her face. "The thought of you…Of seeing you again…Of telling you how sorry I was…How grateful I was…Am…It kept me alive…It kept me…Something around sane…"
Her fingers moved slowly through his hair. "I…Just the thought of me did that?"
Her touch sent warm waves through his body. He began to find it difficult to think. "I told you…When…You found me…"
"My memories of that are confused," Alex murmured. The warm touch of Bobby's hand on her face filled her with strength. "I was so glad that we found you…I was so glad you were alive…And you were so badly hurt…I was so scared…I heard you, but I didn't hear you."
Her face was very close to his, and he could feel her breath.
"Eames…Alex…Uh…Please…I can't…We can't…Please…"
Her face slipped over his until her lips rested on his. His thoughts blurred. Alex said something in a sweet, husky voice, but he couldn't make out the words. Her touch was warm and wonderful, but the faces of Linley and Caldwell invaded his mind. His throat and chest constricted, and he couldn't breathe. His heart raced.
"Alex," he choked. "Please…I…"
Red pulsed in his vision, and there was a roaring in his ears. He was dizzy and sick, and darkness took him.
END CHAPTER 28