CHAPTER 33
Over the next days, Bobby disappeared into a shell. He went through the motions of being alive. He went to work. He ate—or at least he nibbled at food when Alex and others reminded him. He slept—or at least tried to sleep. He spoke with Dr. Huang, but said very little. He never started a conversation and said few words during one. Alex watched with growing despair as he became less and less Bobby, less and less human. His work, at least, was brilliant. He found a pattern of disappearances of young women in upper New York state and matched it with a time period when Thomas Linley was in the area. Bobby tied that knowledge to what was known about the discoveries of the bodies of Sebastian's victims, and authorities in the area found three sets of remains. The physical evidence had deteriorated, but enough remained to demonstrate the bodies were all Sebastian's victims. The FBI agents working the case regarded Bobby with awe. Part of this came from the fact Bobby had survived Sebastian, but their reverence grew as they watched him work the cases.
"He's a great detective," one young agent told Ross and Alex one morning. "I'm surprised the Bureau hasn't tried to get him."
"Goren is very loyal to the NYPD," Ross said.
"More than the NYPD is to him sometimes," Alex muttered as she walked past the two men.
Declan Gage, at least, no longer physically haunted Bobby. There were no more trips to Rykers to confront him. There was no funeral, no memorial service, nothing to mark Gage's departure from this world. "Nothing," Alex thought. "Except Bobby Goren's ravaged mind."
Alex and George Huang watched Bobby closely to make sure he didn't return to alcohol or drugs or fall into the depths of depression. But Bobby refused to take anything, not even an aspirin, and drank nothing stronger than coffee. Alex wished he would take some of his prescribed painkillers. It broke her heart to watch him trying to hide his physical and mental pain behind a mask of seeming numbness.
She studied him as they sat in one of One PP's finest conference rooms and listen to a FBI forensics expert describe the results of an autopsy on one of the bodies Bobby helped find. She wondered that Bobby could bear to hear about the horrible torture the young woman endured. She looked around the large table. At least half of the people there were useless baggage, with representatives from the Chief of Detectives' office, several FBI agents, and members of several unknown organizations ranking in that category in Alex's mind. All of these people and their agendas were why this meeting was taking place in a luxurious setting. Alex knew the case would be better served if the few FBI personnel who know what was actually going on, Dr. Huang, Bobby and she were meeting in an interview room at Major Case. She caught Ross' eyes, and felt a guilty pang. Ross had done and was doing everything he could to protect Bobby from the Brass' demands, the FBI's appeals, and the press' cries, and he'd done it while running the rest of Major Case.
"I'll have to make this up to him somehow," Alex thought.
The expert concluded his presentation with an effusive expression of thanks to Detective Goren. A discussion of what step to take next followed, but the voices stopped when Bobby leaned forward and indicated his desire to speak. Beyond presenting his results, Bobby rarely spoke in informal sessions, let alone a formal one like this. Even the superiors recognized this was something unusual. Bobby calmly and clearly explained that the discovery of these bodies gave the investigation a rare advantage over Linley.
"Up to now," Bobby said. "He's always been in control. But now we've discovered something…"
"You discovered something," Huang said, and several people around the table nodded. Alex wanted to hug the psychiatrist.
Bobby shrugged. "Someone would've seen it," he said. "Anyway…I think we need to reveal this…First to Caldwell…Show him that his mentor isn't quite the genius he thinks…We may learn something about Linley from Caldwell…And then confront Linley with what we know already and what we learn from Caldwell…"
There were nods and sounds of agreement with Bobby's words.
"And…" Bobby pointedly avoided looking at Alex. "I think I should speak with both Caldwell and Linley…"
A battle followed his words. Alex and Huang led the forces arguing that this one of the worst ideas they'd ever heard. Alex noted that Ross was one of their lieutenants. As the argument raged around him, Bobby leaned back in his chair and watched. He refused to look at Alex. When the air finally cooled a little, Bobby leaned forward.
"Look," he said in a calm tone that maddened Alex. "We know they want to talk with me…I may be the only person they will talk to…I think I can get them to tell me where other bodies are. Or at least give us some hints where they may be."
Before Alex could trust her voice, Ross spoke.
"Detective. You'd be dangling yourself out like bait for them to attack. We don't know what we'd get in return. You've already done so much…Faced so much…"
"Yes," Bobby answered quickly. "But it's the best…The quickest…Way we have of finding victims and helping survivors."
"Detective," Ross said. "These men are capable of…"
"With respect, Sir," Bobby said softly. "We all know what they're capable of. Me especially."
A terrible quiet descended over the room. After a moment, the FBI agent officially in charge of the case cleared his throat. "We'll discuss your offer, Detective Goren…And give it serious consideration…" Alex wanted to cry out in protest; she though she heard a small groan from Ross. "And thank you for all you've done on this case," the man continued. "There's no question we'd have very little without your work."
The Chief of Detectives' representative looked distinctly unhappy.
Bobby smiled sadly and closed his binder. "Thank you, Sir," he said and rose from his chair. He left the room and headed to the elevators as quickly as his still recovering body allowed him. Today he had no wish to discuss the case or anything else with anyone. He moved so quickly that he wasn't sure if Alex followed him. He reached the elevators and wondered if his body could stand running down the stairs to the eleventh floor. One of the elevators pinged open, and Bobby found himself face to face with the Chief of Detectives. The icy blast from the Chief nearly caused him to shiver, but Bobby recovered.
"Excuse me, Sir," Bobby said as he stepped back and to the side. He nearly stepped on Alex, who'd followed him from the conference room. Ross and Huang were close on her heels.
"Detective," the Chief said, and pressed past Bobby.
The head FBI agent appeared in front of the Chief. "Detective Goren is a remarkable investigator," he said.
Bobby turned to the elevator, but it doors shut in front of him. "Damn," he thought. He turned back to face the Chief and the FBI agent, and saw Alex, Ross, and Huang.
"You may have some competition for his services," the FBI man continued. "His work on this case is very impressive, and it hasn't escaped the attention of my superiors in Washington."
Bobby desperately wished one of the elevator cars would come or, failing that, that the floor would open up and swallow him.
"That would be very difficult," Ross said. "Since as long as I'm head of Major Case, Detective Goren will be wanted and needed."
The Chief managed to control his emotions, but Alex looked at Ross with undisguised admiration and gratitude. Bobby stared at his feet, not sure if he'd really heard the words of praise from his captain.
One of the elevator doors finally opened, and Bobby rushed into its embrace. "Thank you," he said. "But I think you're overestimating my contributions."
Alex and Ross joined him in the elevator. Bobby huddled against the back wall.
"Detective," Ross said deliberately. "There's no way anyone could overestimate your contributions to this case. There wouldn't be a case without you. Your willingness to speak with Caldwell and Linley…It's duty beyond any expectations."
Bobby shifted uncomfortably. "It…It's my job, Sir…If I'm coming back…I have to do this."
The elevator reached the eleventh floor, but Ross pressed the button to hold the door closed. "What you're doing goes well beyond the usual for the job," he said. "I could show you the thank you letters we've received from the families of the women whose bodies we've already found. This goes well beyond the usual, Goren." Ross released the button; the door opened; and Ross stepped out of the elevator. Bobby, baffled and exhausted, started out, but Alex stopped him with a gentle touch on his arm.
"C'mon," she said. "Let's grab a break. Go somewhere where there aren't any FBI agents or NYPD Brass to annoy us."
He slumped against the elevator wall and said nothing as Alex led him out of One PP and to a corner booth in a nearby coffee shop. Their coffee arrived before Bobby spoke.
"I…I haven't been very good to you lately, Eames…Alex." He held his head in his hands. "I…I'm not sure where we are right now…The professional or the personal…"
"I think we're at the point where they meet and blur," Alex said.
"I'm afraid that in my life that's become a big place." Bobby stared into his cup.
"You did a pretty good job of keeping things separate…Until Jo Gage took me," Alex said softly.
"I musta been better at it than I thought," Bobby said. "It…It always seemed to take up so much of my energy. And then…Everything collided into everything else…You saw what happened. It hit you more than anyone else."
"Remember," Alex said gently. "We agreed…No competition over who had a worse time."
"Right…But I feel like I'm laying so much on you…"
"I'm glad you're talking to me, Bobby. This is what I want."
"These last few days…It's not that I didn't want to talk to you…It was…I couldn't talk to you…I…Sometimes I felt too much…There were so many things banging around my head…And others…Sometimes I wasn't sure if I felt anything. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't talk to Huang either." Bobby shook his head. "Those were uncomfortable sessions." He smiled wanly at Alex. "At least I could talk about work with you."
Alex leaned across the table. "Bobby…How do you feel?"
"I…I don't need any drugs or alcohol," he said. "Don't feel bad," he said in response to her guilty look. "You and Huang are right to worry about that. But I think I'm ok in that area. I wish…I wish I could get more and better sleep. If I could just get through a night without a nightmare…Or go to bed and not worry about one coming…If I could just sleep more than a few hours…You…You help so much. I don't think I could sleep at all if you weren't there…"
"You want to go home and try to get some sleep now?"
"I…I don't know," Bobby said. "It's strange…When I'm at work…I have to relive everything…But…I can deal with it there…But when I'm away from the job…It's much worse…"
"You really think facing them will help you?" Alex asked.
"I don't know. I don't know if how it affects me is even important. I have to do it because it's my job and it'll help the victims' families. If I can do my job, I win."
"I can understand that," Alex said gently.
END CHAPTER 33
My apologies for the delay in posting an update to this story