CHAPTER 40

"Let's get him out of there," Ross said.

Alex was already at the door. "Bobby," she said as she entered the room.

He didn't move.

"A great job, Detective," Ross said as he followed Alex.

Bobby didn't respond. Alex stepped closer to him. Her hand hovered over his shoulder.

"Bobby…Are you…What can we do…"

"Alex," Ross said. "Get him out of here…"

"C'mon, Bobby," Alex said with a confidence she didn't feel. Her hand rested on Bobby's shoulder. His body vibrated with tension.

Bobby shakily pushed away from the table and stood. He stumbled slightly as he walked to the door. Alex picked up his abandoned leather binder. He stopped in front of the door.

"They're…They're all out there…" he whispered. "I can't…Please…I can't…"

"You don't have to," Ross said. "I'll run interference. Alex…Take the back elevators. Both of you get out of here…I don't care where you go, but get out of here."

Alex nodded. She gripped Bobby's right arm, and guided her partner through the door. Ross turned right to face the swarm of FBI agents, detectives, psychologists, and psychiatrists, while Alex turned Bobby to the left. She looked down the hall, and saw only one edgy uniform standing before the elevators used for moving prisoners and supplies up and down the building.

"Clear?" she asked the uniform. She recognized him as a Major Case veteran.

He nodded. "Linley's back down in the holding area. He may even be out of the building by now…"

"C'mon, partner," Alex said. "Let's get you out of here."

She guided him to the elevator, but took it only to the second floor. "You don't mind going down just a couple of flights?" she asked Bobby.

He shook his head no, and followed her down the stairs to the parking garage. Alex opened the door to grey, concrete bunker. Bobby followed her, but suddenly stopped and started breathing rapidly.

"Hey," Alex said softly. "It's ok…I'm right here…I'm safe, and you're safe. We just need to get in my car, and then we can get out of here."

Bobby closed his eyes as she spoke and took several deep breaths. Alex tentatively and gently laid a hand on his chest. He trembled and opened his eyes.

"Sorry," he said in a strained voice. "It's…It's…"

"It's ok," Alex said. "This isn't one of my favorite places, either."

She guided him to her car. He managed to get his seatbelt on, and seemed calmer.

"It's ok," she said. "Don't worry. I want to help you."

He leaned back against the seat and closed his eyes.

"What do you want?" Alex asked.

"I…I don't know…I…Please…Alex…I don't want to think…I…I don't want to have to decide…Please…"

Her hand again touched his chest. "You…You trust me," she said.

"Oh…Yes…Yes…" His eyes opened and looked at her with so much love and trust that Alex could scarcely hold his gaze. "It's the only thing I'm really sure of."

Alex swallowed. "All right…I'll take care of you. Don't worry. I want to do this. I'm going to take you home. I'm going to get some food inside you and make sure you get some rest."

Bobby's nod of agreement was a formality. Alex had already started her car. She vaguely hoped he might fall asleep on the trip to his house, but he stayed awake as she drove.

"My…My binder," he said. "Did I…"

"It's in the back seat," Alex said. "I picked it up."

"Thank you," he said with relief. "You've probably noticed I don't function well without it."

"You left it on your desk," Alex explained. "That's when I knew you…You were preoccupied."

"Thank you for taking care of it."

They arrived at his house. Bobby lurched to the front door and struggled with his keys.

"Here," Alex said gently. She took the keys and unlocked the front door. She shut the door, making sure the lock caught. Bobby struggled out of his coat and hung it on the coat rack. Alex hung her coat next to his. She felt the exhaustion and despair rising from him.

"Bobby…"

He spun to face her and wrapped his arms around her. She nearly collapsed as he leaned heavily on her.

"Please," he whispered. "Please…Alex…Please…Let me know I'm human…Let me know that I'm alive…"

She tenderly lowered his face to her own. "Of course you're alive…Of course you're human…You're a good man." Her lips brushed his.

"Alex…Alex…I don't know…I don't know if I can do this…It…It's so hard…"

"What? What can't you do?"

"The job…You…Everything…It's all so much…Oh, God…I…"

"Look," Alex said as calmly as she could. "Today was about as bad as it could be, right?"

"No…"

Puzzled and surprised, Alex looked at him.

"And…And it wasn't when they had me…Or when I was going through withdrawal…Or when I was at Tates…It…It was when you were taken…I…I lost my mind, Alex…I did…It wasn't just that you weren't there…The idea that Sebastian had you…What he might be doing to you…And it…It was my fault…Oh…Alex…Alex…Please…Forgive me…Please…" He slid through her arms to fall on his knees.

"Bobby…Bobby…There's nothing to forgive." She wrapped her arms around his head and held him against her body.

"He…He was right." Bobby's voice was muffled against Alex's body.

"Who? About what?"

"Linley…"

"Bobby! He knows nothing about you…"

"He knows what Gage told him." Bobby's voice dripped with the pain of the betrayal by his mentor. "Alex…Gage told him…When he wasn't sick…Gage told a hanger-on about me. Gage knew how private I was…Am…He knew how much I tried to keep my private life away from my work…And…And he told people…People he barely knew…That I didn't know…He wasn't sick…Why would he do that to me? How could he…" Bobby blinked, and Alex saw the tears run down his cheeks. "He…He told me…I was his best student…That…That I was his legacy…The son he never had…How could he?"

He shook, and Alex tried to soothe him.

"I don't know, Bobby…I don't understand…All I know is that you're a good man…You're nothing like Declan Gage…You care about other people…You care so much…"

"I…I've always tried to do the right thing…To help people…My family…My Mom…My brother…The man I thought was my father…I tried to make them proud of me…I tried so hard…I just want…To be loved…And…And they just…Betrayed me…"

"Oh, Bobby…Listen to me…Please…"

"I…I can't do it any more…I can't…"

"Bobby…Bobby…Please…I'm here…"

"All I do…At work…I love the work…I want to help people…But they whisper behind my back and stare at me and put rats in my desk…"

Alex winced. "Bobby…Many people…Cops…They care about you…They helped find you…"

"There must be…There is…So much wrong with me…I abandoned my family…I hurt you…"

"Bobby…No…No…"

"And even you…"

Alex couldn't breath.

"I'm sorry," Bobby said. Tears streamed down his face. "That…That wasn't fair…I'm…Oh, God…Alex…" He tried to pull away from her, but she was strong, and he was weak. He began to sob, and she held him. "Alex…I'm sorry…So sorry…"

She slid to the floor until she sat with her back against the wall. She still held him, and she said soft, comforting words that he didn't hear. They were lost in his sobs and cries.

He didn't wake up as much as he slowly drifted from a fog. He tried to move, and pain and stiffness rewarded his efforts. He realized he lay on the floor with his upper body and head pillowed by Alex's arms and lap.

"Hey," she said gently. "Are you ok?" She shook her head. "God…That's a stupid question."

He tried to move and speak, but neither his body or mouth obeyed him.

"Take it easy," she said.

Bobby closed his eyes and rested in her warmth. "She's sitting on the floor," he thought. "I must be crushing her."

He blinked. "I…I think…" he said. "I…I can get up…"

"Ok…But let me help you…"

He didn't argue with her. He needed her help to stagger to his feet and stumble to the couch. Alex slipped pillows behind him and draped the throw over him.

"How's that?" she asked.

"Good…Much better…"

She touched his forehead, and the warmth flowed through him. "You don't feel warm…I think what you really need is some food. I'm going to fix some chicken noodle soup. That should help."

"Uh…Yea…That sounds good." His voice had returned to him.

She smiled. "I'll make some tea. Put lots of honey in it."

"That sounds good too."

She touched his cheek. "I can't tell you," she said. "How happy I'm you're talking to me."

He watched her walk to the kitchen and tried to understand why anyone like her was with him. His head hurt, and he closed his eyes. Pains from all over his body joined the pounding in his head. It was as if the battle he'd just fought in his head had moved to his body. A low moan escaped him.

"Hey." He felt Alex's gentle touch and smelled a wonderful mix of tea and honey. He opened his eyes.

"It…It's my body," he admitted. "My head…They hurt a lot."

Alex placed the cup on the table by the couch. "Look," she said patiently. "You've got painkillers. Dr. Huang and the other doctors said that if you take them as they're prescribed, there's no danger of you getting addicted."

Bobby tried not to show any sign of the growing pain.

"It's not a sign of weakness, you know," Alex said.

"Ok…Ok…" He finally surrendered. "But…But as little as possible…"

"It's probably a good idea if you don't take it on an empty stomach. You think you can eat a little soup?"

"Yea…"

He managed nearly a bowl of soup before he took the pill.

"You want some more soup?" Alex asked.

"No…I'm fine…But…I…I'm so tired…It…It's like my body and my head…They know they can shut down now for a while…"

"I'd listen to what they want." Alex kissed his forehead. "C'mon…"

She helped him to his bedroom.

"Already," he said. "It doesn't hurt as much…"

"Do you need help with your clothes?"

"No…I'm fine…" He perched carefully on the edge of his bed.

"Ok…I'll just deal with the dishes…"

"Alex…You…You'll come back?"

She touched his cheek. "Of course."

Bobby slipped out of his clothes and into a T-shirt and pajama pants. A few minutes later, Alex knocked on the door and entered the room. Bobby's grateful look broke her heart. She pulled the blanket and sheet back so that Bobby could slip his legs under tham.

"So," she asked gently. "Could I keep you company?"

"Yea…I'd like that…I'd like that very much…"

Alex slipped into the bed next to him. Bobby curled up close to her."

"Thank you," he whispered. "I…I don't know what I would've done…"

"You're welcome," she said. "Like I keep telling you…I'm glad I get to do this…"

He touched her cheek, his gentle, long, elegant fingers splaying over it. "I love you so much…"

"I love you too…Now…Try to go to sleep, ok?

"Ok."

END CHAPTER 40