CHAPTER 42

"Don't panic," Alex thought. "He's in another room…" She knew the thought wasn't true even as it passed through her brain. She knew the sound she'd heard was the front door opening and closing, but she still moved through the house to make sure Bobby wasn't there. Satisfied he wasn't in the house, she returned to the front hallway. His coat, keys, and wallet were gone. His gun, badge, and cell phone lay on the small table near the door. Alex looked out a window to the garage. Her car blocked the exit, and she knew Bobby hadn't taken his car.

"He's out," Alex thought. "He's out walking, and he didn't take his cell. He doesn't want to talk to me or anyone. I should call for help…No…He needs some time alone…I've been living in his pockets…A lot has happened to him…He needs to sort it all out…You've got to trust him…But what if…He gets drugs or drunk…Or hurts himself?" Alex shook her head. "I gotta trust him…I have to let him know that I trust him…I can't hover over him…Smother him…I'll give him a couple of hours…"

She settled in for two of the longest hours of her life, longer than the time she spent in the hospital waiting for news of Joe's fate or the time she spent in labor with her nephew. She drank her tea. She looked at the many books on Bobby's shelf. She watched TV. The last was a bad move. Every channel—even the weather channel, it seemed—reported on the conclusion of the Sebastian case. Alex's resolve had crumbled and she was about to grab her keys and rush out in search of Bobby when her cell phone rang. She didn't recognize the number, but answered it before the first ring ended.

"I…I'm sorry," Bobby said in a low, apologetic voice.

Alex tried not to cry in relief. "It's…It's ok…Are you all right?"

"That might be an exaggeration." Alex heard voices and glasses clinking in the background. "But…I'm better…I…I needed some time…Alone…To think…To sort things out…"

"That's what I thought," Alex said. "That's why I didn't come after you…Not that I knew where to go…"

"I…I didn't know that myself," Bobby said. "I…I'm sorry…The press conference…It all got too much for me…I had to get away…To clear my head…I…I'm still not used to having someone I can trust…That I can talk to…I trust you…I really do…Maybe it's me I don't trust…I…I'm coming home…If…If I can…"

Alex discovered she wasn't really angry at Bobby. "Of course you can come home," she said. "It's your house, for heaven's sake. Would you like me to pick you up?"

"No," he said quickly. "The walk will be good for me…"

"Ok." Alex decided the last thing Bobby needed was to be pushed.

"Alex…I…I'm glad you're there…I…I…Please…Will you wait for me?"

"Of course," she said after a moment. "Of course…"

"Thank you…" His voice dropped to a whisper. "I…I love you."

"I love you too."

Alex waited for the next hour with wildly shifting emotions. Relief didn't begin to express what she felt about Bobby calling her, but his words and the tone of his voice troubled her. She wasn't sure what she was feeling when Bobby finally walked through his front door. He carried a bouquet of flowers like a shield in front of him and handed her a bag of Skittles.

"Hi," he said shyly. "Uh…These are for you…A small and entirely inadequate expression of my gratitude and respect…I know you like Skittles better than chocolate, but I'm afraid they don't come in fancy boxes." He stared at the floor. "I…I have a confession to make…"

She stepped closer to him, and the scents of tobacco, Scotch and beer added to the flowers. Again, she didn't feel angry, but sad.

"How much?" she asked gently.

"Two Scotches. One beer. A couple of smokes. I…I'm pretty ashamed of myself…But…But I stopped…I did stop. And I called you…I…I hope that counts for something…"

"I think it does," Alex said softly. "Only the three drinks?"

"Yes…I…When I left here…I…I was thinking about drugs…" He swallowed. "But I couldn't…I couldn't…"

Alex pretended to examine the flowers.

"I…I'm almost sober now," Bobby said. "And I promise you I'll never do anything like this again."

"I believe you…"

"I owe you a lot…A lot…" Bobby said. "Including a good dinner. Could…Could I give you that this evening? But I…I understand if you don't want to be around me…"

"You're a good man," Alex said. "Of course I want to be with you. One slip…one under a lot of pressure…Doesn't change that…"

"Good…Good…Then…Ms. Eames…I would very much like to fix you dinner…"

"You're in shape to do that?" Alex asked gently.

"Yes…But I understand…And would appreciate…If you'd like to supervise…"

They worked happily in the kitchen, although Alex knew little about what Bobby was preparing beyond that it contained chicken and wonderful smelling spices.

"I gather this isn't a low calorie dish," she said.

"It isn't," Bobby said. "But it does have a lot of broccoli…And I am using lowfat cream."

Bobby shooed Alex from the kitchen as the dinner neared completion. Alex decided to change her clothes. When she returned, she discovered that a tablecloth and candles transformed the kitchen table. A few flowers Bobby had lifted from her bouquet rested in a small vase at its center.

"This is nice," she said from the doorway.

Bobby turned to her. "Wow," he said. "You…You look great…"

She wore her snug black jeans and black V neck sweater. "Thank you," she said. "I wasn't sure of the dress code."

"Whatever it is, you look much better than it requires…"

"Can I help?" she asked.

Bobby shook his head. "But you can sit down."

He carefully pulled out her chair for her.

"Thank you, Sir," she said solemnly.

"You're welcome." He paused. "You're sure…We're ok…What I did…"

Alex looked up at him. "I don't know what it's like for you…But I've seen other people deal with addictions. I've seen how hard it is. It was one slip. You were under unbelievable pressure. Of course I forgive you."

"I…I'll tell Huang," Bobby said. "Do…Do you think he'll be disappointed?"

Alex didn't know if she should laugh or cry.

"I don't think so," she finally said. "I think he'd be much more disappointed if you didn't tell him. I think he'll understand."

"Thank you." He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. "I'll be right back."

It was a wonderful dinner. Alex had seen Bobby's charm in action many times, and had frequently been its subject. She knew that one of its goals this evening was to get her into his bed, but since one of her own hopes was that she might get there, she didn't mind. She wasn't above enjoying the experience of seduction. Something did gnaw at her, a sense that Bobby wasn't telling her something.

"He's cautious," she thought. "But maybe it's because in the last months we've had so many hopes dashed so many times. Maybe we're both waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"I hope," Bobby said as he gathered the dishes. "You're not expecting some complicated dessert."

"I'm full, thank you," Alex said, and stood to follow him into the kitchen.

She watched as he rinsed the dishes and placed them in the washer. As she watched him lean and stand, reach and pull, a great longing and desire filled her. It had been so long since she'd felt anything like these feelings that even when Alex recognized them they stunned her.

"Alex?"

Bobby stood a few feet away from her.

"I…Just…Just feeling some things I haven't felt in a long time…And never quite like this…" She smiled. "I think I know what I want for dessert." She stepped close to him and kissed him.

"Alex," he breathed when they finally broke the kiss. "Are you sure…"

"Yes…Oh…Yes…"

The first time they made love had been desperate, full of need and longing. Alex knew it had been more for Bobby than for her, although she cheerfully admitted that the experience provided her with a great deal of pleasure. This time, while the need and longing were still there, there was also tenderness and compassion, and Bobby focused his attentions on Alex. She'd heard the rumors, of course. She'd even spoken to one of his ex-girlfriends who admitted that she'd stayed in the relationship longer than she should have because the sex was great. But this wasn't just sex Alex and Bobby were having; this was love, and Alex had never experienced it in this way before. As wonderful as her first time had been with Bobby, this was more. He worshipped her with his hands and tongue and lips, creating flames of pleasure and then cooling and soothing the fires. She was delirious with pleasure long before the most intense organism of her life seized her.

She slowly returned to something resembling reality. She became aware she lay on Bobby's chest with his arms wrapped around her. He'd pulled the sheet and blanket around her, and his chin rested on her head.

"Wow," Alex murmured.

Bobby softly chuckled. "I take it," he said huskily. "That you're ok…"

"More than ok, "she said. She yawned.

"Go to sleep," Bobby said gently. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you," she whispered. The beat of heart and breaths lulled her to sleep.

END CHAPTER 42