.:Chapter 18:.

Denial, Denial

Zack gripped his fingers tightly together as he watched the girl's basketball game play out in front of him. He cheered for his friends each time they got the ball; particularly shouting out instructions whenever they were driving for the basket, otherwise, he stayed silent. Not even the conversation going on around him enticed him to speak up. There was something in the air, something off that he could just barely sense. Despite the situation around him, he kept his eyes down on the court for the duration of the game.

"C'mon, Crys!" Zack cupped his hands around his mouth, shouting as Crystal grabbed the ball from one of her teammates and broke away from the pack, driving the ball down the court.

"Go, Crystie!" Sydney and Aaron shouted as well. They were shouting between handfuls of the food and mouthfuls of the drink they had managed to con out of everyone else. Zack had even laughed when the two told him their plan. It was genius and he wondered why he and COdy hadnt' thought baout it when they were kids. Their being twins would have pushed the scam even further.

Zack focused back on Crystal as she darted around an opponent. She wasn't the point guard on the team. That position, of course, had gone to Max, but she had probably just as many career points that Max had for the game. She was definitely faster than her other teammates, sprinting up and down the court with each pass of the ball. Max, however, was the leader of the team, able to encourage everyone else and always able to set herself up for the best shots on the basket. It was no wonder their record for the season, so far, had them undefeated.

Crystal skidded to a stop at the end of the court and was immediately surrounded by players on the opposing team. Zack leaned forward, pressing his lips together, his eyes darting over to the clock. Not much time left in the fourth quarter, they were going to have to make a move soon. Zack looked down at Max, who was trying to break away from a player that was in her face. He could see the frustration that was brimming within her from where he sat on the bleachers. She was gnawing her bottom lip so hard he was afraid she was going to bite right through it. He had been on the receiving end of that glare many times to know that she was getting to her breaking point.

"Max!" Zack called. "You have to lose her!"

He thought for a moment, thinking of all the times they had practiced together. Since Max was always on the short side, they typically practiced her way of getting around whoever was going to get into her face. He had always towered over her, holding out his arms each way Max moved so that she was blocked in. The dance had continued until Max got so frustrated that she slammed the basketball into Zack's face and drove around him, making the basket. She then stuck her tongue out at Zack and teased him about his 'funny looking nose' as she bounced the basketball next to her.

He ignored her jab and instructed for her to make the shot again. This time, he continued to get into her face until she pushed her shoulder into his chest, pushing him back with the force that was allowed, knocking him out of her way and getting back to the basket again. That's what she needed to do at that point, or else she would potentially get kicked out of the game for harming someone with the basketball.

"Just don't put the basketball in her face!" He added after a minute.

Cody snorted, giving him a weird look. "What does that mean?" He asked. His eyes moved to the court, his eyebrows rising as Max started to push her chest into the girl in front of her, moving her back out of her way. She managed to sprint around her and called for the ball, holding up a hand. Crystal nodded and dribbled the ball at her side for a few moments before managing to bounce pass it through a girl's legs and over to Max, who scooped it up and took a shot at the basket from the three point line. It went in and Max pumped her fist before hurrying over to Crystal, giving her a high-five.

Zack gave a half smile. "It's something that we used to practice," he murmured under his breath. "Max used to throw the ball in my face whenever she got frustrated. I was reminding her that she could get ejected from the game if she did that here."

Cody rolled his eyes. "How romantic. You sneak around behind Mom's back to have sex and she beat you up." The corner of his mouth turned up at the corner. "If I didn't know any better I'd say that you had been dating Riles."

"I wish," Zack joked back. His eyes narrowed. "And this is coming from the guy that talked somewhat like a baby, when he was with Barbara, pushed away Rhuben when all she wanted was your support and understanding, and then pushed away Crystal when you got scared of commitment. Sorry if I'm the only one that knows the real meaning of romance around here." Cody smiled and shoved him on the arm, causing Zack to shove him back. He reached out and brushed his hair back off his forehead. "Though if you want to be completely honest, we probably don't know a lot about it anyway, considering Mom and Dad though."

Cody's smile faded as he gazed at his brother. Zack could feel Cody's eyes burning a hole in the side of his face and continued to watch the game in front of him. Why did he have to bring that up? He wasn't even sure how he felt about it. Crystal had only mentioned that he may have needed to talk to his mom and dad about their divorce and everything that had gone on between them. He hadn't ever stopped to think about how it could have affected him and Cody as they were growing up. Now he had a lot of equate it to in his life and the way he reacted to things. It was actually kind of eerie. He and Crystal had never been that close, it was very obviously she was a lot closer to Cody, but he found it was easy to talk to her. Just as easy as it was to talk to Riley. Without having the emotional baggage when he was talking to Crystal, he found that he was able to think of things in a clearer way. With the emotional baggage when he was talking to Riley, he was able to become more vulnerable and say things to himself he had never thought about saying before. They were different, but he could already tell their different ways of opening him up could help him.

"Nothing," Zack denied. "I was just thinking out loud." He placed his hands into the pockets of his jacket and something bumped against his hand. As if he had been burned, he quickly pulled his hand back out of the pocket. Clearing his throat, he turned to Cody. "So are we still on for that annual Christmas party before we go off on break?"

"Bowling and exchanging gifts," Cody replied. "Of course." Out of the corner of his eye Zack could see Cody's expression slowly start to change. "Just remind me, this time, to bring that anti-fungal crème, and the disinfectant. I don't want to put my fingers or toes into the stuff there again." He held up a finger and started to shake it. "That's the last time I listen to the man behind the counter say everything is cleaned. I watched him take the shoes from the counter that had just been placed there, put back on the shelf, and then re-rented."

Zack shook his head. "I know! My feet really stunk that day didn't they? I feel bad for the poor sucker that had gotten my shoes." He rubbed a hand over his face. "Remind me to make sure that we can get our normal lanes. I still have to let Mr. Moseby know that I'm not going to be working this weekend."

"How's that job going anyway?" Cody asked.

Yeah, now you care. Zack pressed his lips together again, trying not to say those words out loud. Before you were saying that I wasn't good enough to get the job and that I'd ruin everything. Thanks for that. Zack tried to push away the feeling of bitterness that sudden held him in a tight grip, but he couldn't let it go. He hoped it wasn't evident in his voice. "It's pretty cool," he replied. "Maddie has really been showing me the ropes, which is the best part, of course." Cody grinned. "But hanging out with the kids is cool too. They're always so funny." He cleared his throat. "How's the internship going? It must be hard having both of your ex-girlfriends around all the time."

He could see Cody's face fall, a light flush appearing on his cheeks. Now that he wasn't the only one with girl problems he was glad to be able to push it onto someone else. Cody had always hemmed and hawed about this particular topic of conversation when Zack teased him about it. "It's…not bad," he admitted. "It gets kind of awkward sometimes. Not for them though, more for me."

"Your entire life is awkward," Zack pointed out to Cody. "You went years wearing some of the dorkiest clothes. Sorry, I really had no choice but to emphasize that, you needed to catch on at some point." He shook his head. "I mean…math camp? Who goes to a math camp?"

"If memory serves correctly, you actually missed me," Cody pointed out. "So the more you tease me about camp, the more I can tease you about missing me." Zack grimaced. He was always going to have that held over his head. Not that he didn't miss Cody, he did. He just never liked to admit it. He was supposed to be the strong one of the twins. He and Cody weren't the kind of twins that openly admitted it whenever they missed each other, loved each other, or that they liked having each other around. Sure, they felt that way at times, they both knew it, so why did they have to announce it when the right time wasn't present?

"Not unless you want to get a fist in your face," Zack threatened. He then smiled evilly. "Or blankie taken away."

"Thanks," Cody said sarcastically. "You really know where to hit a man where it hurts." He sighed heavily, now it was his turn to run his hands over his face. "It's not that it's terribly awkward. I'm just not sure what they feel."

"Dude," Zack said slowly. "You're entering a science fair…and Rhu willingly said that she would enter the competition with you, just like you guys used to do." He slowly raised a hand. "If that's not a sign to go for it, I don't know what is. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that she's interested. Why else would anyone who seems interested in anything other than science do it?" He then grimaced, an icy cold wave freezing his muscles and bones hit him. "That probably wasn't the best choice of words, given your situation."

Zack didn't know all of the details, but he knew that his and Rhuben's breakup had, ultimately, been due to the face that Cody didn't know how to help Rhuben get over the—he wouldn't say it was depression—transition from being in so much misery, to being happy. There were many times where she would just want to be alone and try to figure out her own feelings, and even Zack knew that it was a silent cry for help. While they still had moments where they had fun together, Cody was frustrated that things weren't the way they were before, which, in retrospect, was funny as things weren't ever really 'normal', and the two had broken up. They remained friends with little problems, but even Zack could see that there was still something there. It was strange that he could see things in other's people's relationships so easily and couldn't even see his own falling apart.

"That's probably not the best choice of words around them in general," Cody said, lowering his voice. He glanced over his shoulder to see if any of the Jacksons had heard, but they hadn't seemed to notice. All five of them were on their feet, yelling down towards the court and jumping up and down as the game went on. Bailey was taking picture after picture of the stands as well as of the court, and Tapeworm was leaning back, resting his arms on some of the empty seats behind him, calmly watching the court. Every now and then he would shout instructions, otherwise he remained silent. "I don't think they heard."

Zack made a low humming sound. He thought about telling Cody what Riley had told him earlier, that the reason they had been so mean at the beginning was that they weren't supposed to be friends with the boys and that they were supposed to focus on their work. He thought about telling Cody about how manipulative Robert really was to his own kids before he had lost his rights to be their foster parent and Christian had taken all of his nieces and nephews in. He really wanted to explain it to him, but decided not to. It wasn't his place and if Riley had put that trust in him to explain how things had been going on behind the scenes, he wasn't going to break that trust.

"Can you even think what it would be like if Mom and Dad had…" Cody trailed off for a moment. "Things would be so different. We probably wouldn't have ended up at the Tipton."

"Yeah," Zack said slowly. He stretched the word out into about five syllables. "We'd probably still be with grandma…accidentally drinking out of the glass that holds her teeth…having her drop them in our chocolate milk….finding them in the bread box…" The twins shuddered at the same time, remembering all of the times they had stayed at their grandmother's place before they had arrived at the Tipton hotel. Zack's stomach churned at the thought. Might as well. He stood up from the bleachers. "I'll be back in a minute."

He clambered down the bleachers and watched the game as he walked around the court. There was about five minutes left in the game, if he moved fast, he would be able to see the final shots. He had been doing very well of puking quicker and quicker each time he went to the bathroom. He had only thrown up about five times so far, but each time was getting easier. Zack slipped into the bathroom and locked himself into a stall, kneeling down by the toilet. Looking at his reflection, he could see bags starting to form under his eyes. All of the early morning swim practices must have been catching up to him. Physically, he felt ok, but it was taking a while for his body to get used to his new sleep schedule. In his mind it was worth it-what guy didn't want to spend a lot of time watching a girl in a bathing suit-but his body had been protesting for a while. His teachers weren't very impressed by his increased drowsiness in his classes either.

Zack stuck his finger down the back of his throat and quickly removed it, allowing the contents of his stomach to fill the toilet bowl. He gripped the edge of the toilet, gasping for air, spitting out the remnants in his mouth. Once he finished, he stood up and flushed the toilet, walking out to the sink. Turning on the faucet, he rinsed his mouth out with water before popping in a mint. He quickly found out he could smell his own breath after he puked; he didn't want anyone else to be able to smell it. That's what all of the sites online said as well.

He had spent a few minutes looking up throwing up and how it aided with his diet. Some people said it helped their diet so well that they lost weight fast. Fast enough so that people noticed their change right away. A lot of others said that skipping a couple of meals was better than throwing up, but he found puking to be easier, and it was something he could control. He was in control of his body and his life, if he continued to work out a lot, doing cardio and lifting weights, soon he wouldn't have to throw up anymore.

It's just a reassurance, Zack reminded himself.

He walked out of the bathroom and went back into the gym. He stood by the doors, watching the last two minutes of the game. Crystal and Max dominated, darting back and forth across the court with their teammates, intercepting passes and taking more shots on the basket then he could count. Zack crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the wall, a small smile on his face as he watched the two girls. Max grabbed the ball, dribbled down the court. She was blocked off by two members of the opposing team. She looked around and passed it back to Crystal, who was sprinting down the court behind her. Crystal caught the ball on a bounce pass and ran to the basket, doing an easy layup, getting the ball in seconds before the buzzer sounded.

The score ended at 85-66.

Cheevers High wins.

Zack clapped and cheered as the audience erupted into cheers, the buzzer sounding above his head. The crowd started to storm the court and Zack held back, waiting for things to clear out before going over to congratulate them. Besides, he wasn't really sure what to do with Ma either, give her a hug or just say congratulations. He wasn't mad at her exactly, but he knew that things weren't going to go back to normal that quickly.

"Hey there, son." Zack turned and grinned when he saw his Coach standing beside him, arms across his chest as well. Zack smiled and nodded at him. "The girls are playing a lot better than we thought they would be this year. There's a pretty good chance that we're going to have both of our teams go off to the championship this year."

"Hopefully," Zack agreed. "That'd be really cool. For both teams and for the school in general." He was never one that was particularly fond of school spirit. He barely ever went to a pep rally unless he was on the team that was being showcased, he didn't always like going to the school dances, the date he had at the time was hot enough that he didn't mind. Otherwise he wasn't the kind of person that particularly liked to be around people that showed so much spirit for a place where you were stuck for four years of life while the only good sports teams were the ones in the winter. "It should be a pretty good season for all of us."

"I can already see that this is going to be a turning point for everyone," Coach Sanderson agreed. "You know, Zack, I've seen how tough it's been for you since your brother has joined the team. But I want you to know that I didn't have him take your place to smite you. I think that your new position is where you can thrive more."

"Hm." Zack silently nodded. He didn't want to have this conversation; too many people brought it up to him on an almost daily basis. He had been good at ignoring it, but ignoring his coach was always the worst thing you could do. If he was talking to you, you listened; it was as simple as that.

"I, personally, believe that being the power forward will make you a better player overall," Coach Sanderson continued. "When you were our point guard, I could tell that you were basking in all the glory of getting as many points as possible during the game. You strutted through the halls with this big smile on your face, enjoying the attention the whole experience gave you."

Zack made another grunting sound, but didn't reply. What was the point of this conversation? This is everything he'd ever heard ever since he started school and got into spots. He was always told he had an ego, he wasn't a team player, and he was always trying to be the best. He had even heard that when it came to that stupid bowling competition he and the rest of the Tipton staff had gotten into when he and Cody were thirteen. Was it his fault that he was so good? Was it his fault athletics was where he prevailed?

"And while I think that you really do have a future in athletics, I think that being a power forward and holding a position of responsibility is the better fit for you." Zack's eyebrow twitched upward for a minute. Responsibility? What'd that mean? "I think you'd be a really good captain for the team, I just need to be sure that you're the best choice for the position."

"As opposed to who?" Zack blurted out. "Cody?" Coach Sanderson's eyebrows rose in surprise, though he smiled a little. "Sorry, I didn't mean that the way it sounded…" he trailed off, suddenly zeroing in on what the coach said. A future in athletics? He had never really thought about it before. He knew he'd be good as a CEO of a company, or something that would be able to have him make a lot of money and support himself the further he got into whatever business he decided to venture into.

"What you have to understand is the point guard isn't a star of a team," Coach Sanderson said. Zack's frowned, his eyebrows twitching together as he listened to his coach. "And I can see that in your face each time we practice. If you're not ignoring your brother, you're especially hard on him. I understand that he's not the player that you'd expect him to be, I understand that you might be a little jealous of the attention he's not getting. But I want everyone to understand that we work together as a team on and off the court and I don't want your guys' sibling rivalry to get in the way."

"I'm not jealous," Zack denied. He growled to himself. He was doing a lot of denying that day and he was becoming more and more aware of it, the longer he went on. He shook his head, turning his gaze up to his coach. "If anything, we're just having some…miscommunication, I don't know." He shrugged, looking away from him for a moment. Who was he kidding? He was jealous? He had always been jealous of Cody. They had even talked a little bit about him taking over the position and Zack had lied, saying he was ok with it and that everything was fine. If he couldn't honestly talk to his brother about it, who could he talk to? "It's just a bit…weird, to be in a different position. I'm trying to learn everything again and-"

"And that's what I mean," Coach Sanderson said. "You have the heart and drive to really get into this sport, and I bet you could get a scholarship for it." He reached out and clapped a hand on Zack's shoulder. "I know your grades aren't stellar, but with a bit of hard work you can get it up there and you can really succeed. I hope you can show me that I'm making the right choice with thinking of you for the Captain position." He looked Zack up and down for a moment. "I can already see that you've been taking your position seriously, what with the muscle gain and everything."

"Yeah." Zack shrugged. "I just started a new diet." And a few other things, but you don't need to know about that. "It seems to be working so far, but I've heard that you can plateau, so I'm trying to work hard to keep that at bay."

"Keep up the good work, son," Coach Sanderson said. He looked over at the court, noticing that the crowd had started to disperse. "I have to go talk to the girls' coach." He headed out onto the court, and then turned back to Zack, still speaking to him. "But think about what I said. I want to be sure that everyone is the best they can be this year."

"I will." Zack nodded then glanced down at his arms, flexing his muscles as he did so.

They were getting there. A little while longer and he could get to the point where he didn't have to diet anymore. He always felt himself getting stronger. Maybe he'd start swimming along with Riley when he helped time her in the morning. The extra work out there could speed things up a little more. Maybe he could take some of his study halls and do the same thing, get some more weight lifting in, work on his free-throws. Maybe make some of his own players; he could work them out with Patrick, Noah, Cody, and Tapeworm. That would prove that he really as captain material.

Zack spotted his friends come down the bleachers and he pushed himself off the wall, moving to join them. He slowed his steps, his head suddenly feeling heavy. Was he getting sick? His head felt as heavy and foggy whenever he got the flu, otherwise he didn't feel any of the other symptoms coming his way. And Cody made sure Zack knew the symptoms of falling ill so that wasn't it. Zack placed a hand on the wall beside him, trying to steady himself, his blue eyes darting around the dark. The faces around him were fuzzy and moving in and out of focus as the seconds passed. Zack let out a heavy sigh, pushing himself off the wall and starting to walk again. The gym tilted sideways and he fell to his knees.

"Hey, Zack, are you ok?"

Zack looked up to see Christian standing in front of him, reaching out to grab onto his shoulders and lift him to his feet. Zack didn't even notice the older man had gotten to the game. Then again, he did remember Crystal saying something about killing her father if he wasn't there and while her cousins were the ones that were more open to making threats, he knew there were times where she could get pretty angry herself. Getting any of the Jacksons or Mannings angry was not a good idea. He had only seen Christian angry once; Zack had been joking around when he, Cody, Riley, Rhuben, and Crystal were studying for a test back in the eighth grade. He had gotten tired of going over useless facts he didn't deem important and was throwing paper balls around, spit-balled the side of Cody's face, continued to flirt with the girls, anything to get some attention. Christian had stormed over to him, grabbed him by the shoulders, and demanded to know if he wanted to throw away his future.

Zack had gaped up at the older man, listening as he told the story of one of his former friends, a man who had given up schooling because he deemed it a waste of time and ended up in a life of drugs and partying. Zack never thought he would be one to go to school, rather jump right into a job, he never thought about going into drugs or drinking. But having seen the intensity on Christian's face, how his light blue eyes flashed, and saw up close the snarl on his face, he knew that Christian was serious. Zack had buckled down and gotten to work then, receiving a B on most of his tests. He had never thought to make Christian angry again. Cody had seen glimpses of it shortly after he had broken up with Crystal, and that was only for a couple of weeks at the most, before he returned to his easygoing disposition.

"Zack?" Christian placed a firm grip on Zack's arm and lifted him to his feet, steadying him. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah," Zack finally managed to say. He swallowed thickly then gave a cheerful smile, one that he was known for. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just got dizzy for a second, lost my footing." He took a step back away from Christian. "I'm ok."

"Are you sure?" Christian pressed. He ran a hand over his mouth and chin, rubbing at the stubble that was starting to grow. Zack took a good look at him, noticing how tired he appeared; dark bags under his eyes, more of stubble than he usually allowed growing on his face, a bit more neglectful than he had been before. It was strange. In a way; Zack felt he was looking at an older version of himself. Someone who was probably hiding more than he would have liked to admit, keeping up appearances for those he cared about around him.

Was that what he was doing? Keeping up appearances? He was just trying to stay in shape for the basketball season, what was the problem with that? He was thinking about his future, about the possible athletics scholarships he could receive. "I'm sure. Thanks, Christian." He reached out a hand and slapped the older man on the arm before moving around him to go to his friends. He forced a smile on his face—he had been doing that a lot lately—as he approached. "Hey guys, nice game." He reached out and gave Crystal a hug, then turned to Max, hesitating a moment and doing the same.

The hug was brief, kind of strange, she suddenly felt cold to him, but it was good to see the smile on her face. It may have been because she was fresh from a win. He didn't care, the sooner things could go back to normal, the sooner they could try and talk about what happened, the better off they'd be.

"Great job," he congratulated the two of them, and then grinned. "I knew that practicing with me would pay off."

"Zack Martin, the guy that seems to be able to get an ego from everything," Aaron teased, his arms wrapped around his sister's waist. "But he's right, you all played great." Zack opened his mouth, about to ask how he could tell, but a sharp, disapproving look from Bailey cut him off. He closed his mouth and smile down at the boy, knowing he couldn't be seen, but knew the younger boy could sense everything around him.

Instead, Zack shrugged. "What can I say? I think we should get credit where credit is due."

"Then that means I shouldn't have had to share that A on our last math project," Bailey spoke up. The group laughed as Bailey pushed her hair behind her ear. Her phone buzzed and she looked away for a moment, to see who had texted her. When she pulled her phone from her pocket, her face paled slightly and she replaced it, suddenly looking anxious.

"Who cares?" Max interrupted. "We've still got our winning streak, thanks to the team effort." She blew a breath of air onto her hand and buffed it across her chest. "And my killer plays, of course." Crystal cleared her throat and Max gave and apologetic smile. "Which wouldn't have worked without everyone's help of course."

I wonder if that's what the coach meant, Zack thought, looking at his feet. The girls do play well together. Even if they lose, they always have a smile on their face when they come off the court, knowing they played the best they could.

"If this has been any indication, then we can expect to have a really good season," Patrick agreed. "For both teams. It could even bring in some more money for the school so we can get some new uniforms or something." He then snorted, rolling his eyes. "Or else we can actually bring more people to the game."

"Aww, bro, you make it seem like family's not enough for you," Riley teased, reaching out to pinch his cheek. He batted her hand away.

Maybe it's not. Maybe the only thing you can really rely on is yourself.

"Whatever, we need to go get changed and then we can head out of here," Crystal said. She brought her hair down from the ponytail it was resting in and shook her hair out before turning to Zack. "I saw you over with my Dad. Is everything ok?" All eyes turned to Zack and he felt trapped; stuck in a glass case with everyone being able to see each and everything he was doing. He had never felt more vulnerable in his entire life.

"Everything's cool," Zack replied. "I was just asking him about scholarships and stuff, no big deal." He shrugged, scratching the back of his head. His eyes moved over to Max and he found her staring back at him, giving a small smile. He gave her one in reply. She had always tried hard to get him to understand the positive side of going to school, though tried not to push the topic.

"Do you know what you want to go into?" Rhuben asked. There was something to her tone that Zack couldn't quite place. She was looking at him as if she could see right through him, as if… His eyes narrowed for a second.

"Just don't do anything stupid."

"Athletics mainly."

"Wow."

Zack looked over at Sydney, who was nodding. Behind him, her hands resting on his shoulders, Riley peered at Zack for a long moment. She looked impressed. Zack's smile widened.

What I ate today

Breakfast

-Power Bar

-Orange

-Yogurt

Lunch

-Hamburger

-Fries

Snack

-Half a bottle of diet soda

Dinner

-Half of plate

Time spent at the gym today

-2 hours

Weight loss to date:

Thirteen pounds

Gained Muscle to date:

Four pounds

*Threw up two times

A/N: Hmm. I just realized that I could have waited and put my CodyxRhuben one-shot Catching Up in this story. The things you notice when you go back to look at different things you've done. Haha. So I'm working out the last sixteen chapters of the story and that brings up one question I usually ask. Do you think the pacing is ok? Sometimes I think I have Zack angsting too much, but then again, with a lot of different factors going into why he's going into the eating disorder I feel justifies it, but still. Just wondering.

I'll update again soon.

Cheers,

-Riles