Chapter 5

Somebody Told Me…You Can't Move Forward Without Accepting Your Past

Love. Hate. Deception. Betrayal. Violence. Sacrifice. Guilt. Fear. Anger. Doubt. Loss

The usual suspects when you are spiralling out of control. However, Alexis and Sonny did not feel these emotions like, dare I say, "normal" people especially when these so- called normal people are slipping into oblivion. They felt it too deeply, too strongly, too frequently for as long as they could remember or that is what they tell me. You see, there weren't always Sonny and Alexis. They were once Michael and Natasha, innocent and naïve. Michael and Natasha could not survive for long, they were weak, beaten down, abused, hurt and ultimately destroyed. But, a part of Michael and Natasha would always live in Sonny and Alexis and sometimes they would come out to play.

Alexis checked in on Kristina to find Sam and Dante sitting by her side. When they saw her walk in, they saw an exhausted Alexis barely holding it together. It was Sam who spoke her first,

"Mom, are you okay?"

"Alexis, what is going on?" asked Dante

"It's Keifer. It was he who attacked Kristina. How did I not see it?" Alexis asked.

"KEIFER! Keifer did that to Kristina," Sam asked incredulously.

"Has he been arrested?" the detective asked

"They can't find him or his family. They are looking," Alexis responded blankly.

"I'm going to call the station to see what I can find out. Are you okay, Alexis?" Dante asked noticing the spaced out look on Alexis face.

Alexis felt the walls closing in on her. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't see. She needed to leave. She needed air. She couldn't focus on Kristina. Kristina. Kristina. Kristina. Sonny. Sonny.

"What? What? I need to get out of here. Can you stay with Kristina? I'll be back soon. Please stay with Kristina. Call me if anything changes."

"Mom, hold on," Sam implored. It was too late. Alexis had already left.

Sam and Dante were left to wonder what just happened. They had to do something. So, they did what they were told. They stayed with the Kristina, taking turns, and in between Dante called PCPD and all his contacts while Sam called the ace of cyberspace for information on Keifer Bauer and his family.

Somewhere in Port Charles

After leaving the hospital, Sonny wandered aimlessly without his guards or limo or anyone. He was just walking with no destination in mind. He was thinking, thinking about what Alexis had said, what Alexis did, what he did, what he said. He thought of his mother. He couldn't protect his mother from the abuse and now he couldn't protect his own daughter. He blamed himself for not being there for Kristina. She was his only daughter and he couldn't protect her or any of his children. Didn't he learn his lesson with Michael? No, he went ahead and shot his other son. He never learned. How many people had to die for him to learn? How many were sacrificed for him, his business, his interests? He thought of the people he lost. Over the years, he had lost count.

What happened to him? What happened to living for those who could not? How many promises had he made? How many had he broken? He thought of his children. Dante, a well brought up boy. No, he was a man, a respectable man on the right side of the law. Dante hated him. Sonny understood; he couldn't blame him. Then, there was Michael. He never had a normal childhood as much as Sonny, Jason and Carly tried. Nothing they did was enough. What had they done though? Nothing. Michael was going down a dangerous path now. He thought of Morgan. Still innocent and untouched. That was a fragile existence. Everything was fragile and with one wrong move, everything would crumble. Maybe it already had.

He didn't want to think of Kristina. She was lying there in the hospital. But he couldn't. He couldn't stop thinking about how she was beaten, how she was abused, how he couldn't protect her. How many times was that now? He had lost count. It didn't stop. He found himself in front of a bar. He walked in and asked for a scotch. The bartender dutifully placed it in front of him.

He thought of his past mistakes. He thought of Alexis. What had she said to him? It was all a blur. He thought of all the women in his life. He had lost count. His life seemed empty with them. He had yearned for something that had eluded him all his life. He yearned for love, for safety that he had only felt that twice. Once with his mother and if he was honest himself, once with Alexis. After he lost his mother, he thought he had found it in Lily, Brenda, Carly and then Alexis came along. Life was different with her. He was himself. He laughed, he joked, he cooked, he talked, he requested, he sacrificed, and most of all he believed again. He became vulnerable; he opened his heart to her, who was kidding, he had given his heart to her. He told her about his childhood and she told him about hers. It was the first time they had ever spoken of it to anyone. She had challenged him, questioned him, berated him and even loved him all so that the little boy in him could grow to be a better man. She had almost succeeded. But fate had other plans for them.

He had destroyed everything and with that, he drained the scotch in one gulp. He made a few calls and called in a few a favours. He was going to find that kid. He ignored calls from Dante. He couldn't talk to him now. He had asked Bernie to keep updated about Kristina's state. Bernie had desperately asked him where he was, but he received no reply just an order to find Keifer. He asked for another scotch. It was going to be a long night.

Cassadine Cemetery

Alexis found herself walking away from the hospital thinking of Kristina. Alexis wondered how she could she have been blind to it all. Was she spending too many hours at work? Was she neglecting Kristina? Didn't she smother her enough? She was a lawyer. It was her job to protect the innocent. She vowed she would protect her children after Helena terrorized her. She had failed her own daughter.

She went to the only place that she could think of as peaceful. She went to the grave of her beloved younger sister, Kristina. Alexis stood there and thought of her sister and prayed for strength. She was the light at the end of the tunnel for Alexis. She had lost her, forgotten her and somehow, Jax found Kristina and brought her back into Alexis' life along with the tornado was Kristina. Kristina was a firecracker. She loved from her heart and she loved deeply. She was sweet, innocent and happy, untouched by the hell that Alexis grew up with. She forced Alexis to loosen up, have fun and believe again in love, life and second chances. She had opened up a world for Alexis that no one ever had. She had encouraged Alexis to pursue her relationship with Sonny. She had seen their connection long before they had and out of that came little Kristina. But Aunt Kristina did not live long enough to see her. With her death, came the eventual end of Sonny and Alexis.

It was Kristina's wish that Sonny and Alexis get together and raise their child. They were meant to be. She told Alexis to follow her heart. It pained Alexis to think that she could not do that for her sister. She could not look pass the mob lifestyle that had taken her sister. She couldn't forgive him for that. Kristina would have. Kristina did a lot of things that Alexis would never do or could ever do. But she was trying. And with Sonny, she had done something so radical. She fell in love with a mobster. He may have been the most infuriating man on the planet, but he was a good guy underneath the macho exterior. He was passionate and Alexis had felt for him what she had never felt for anyone. But good things don't last for long. She knew that. She learned that the hard way. She saw her mother being murdered. She saw her sister blow up before her. She and Sonny would not work. She may have been hard on him but it needed to be said. She hurt him and she knew it. It pained her when she told him he was not there for his children. It was easier than blaming herself. It was her fault that Kristina was beaten. She trusted Keifer. She let her guard down. She didn't believe them when they told her Keifer was no good. She was to blame not Sonny. It's not his fault. He was broken too, just like she was.

He lost his mother to abuse and her mother was murdered before her. Both helplessly watched and could do nothing. They promised they would do better, be better with their own families. They had lost Kristina and Courtney before they had a chance to fully know them. They both had a love-hate relationship with their brothers. Ric and Stefan were no more, but the scars were still there. How could they move on…how could they live? How did they even manage? They were just drifting.