.:Chapter 28:.

Some Things Never Change

April 20

I've gotten really used to the way things work around here. I think I'm better, in fact, even my therapist says that I've been making a lot of progress. I feel a lot better actually. Mentally, Emotionally, and Physically. Everything that I've gone through in here, everything that I've talked about with my therapist had really opened my eyes to a lot of stuff, though I know it's still a long journey until I'm totally, completely, in a place where I'm not afraid of a relapse. A complete one, anyway.

I've thrown up a few times while I've been here.

First time it was because of the foot. It tastes exactly like the food we had in the hospital. The Boston hospital. The only difference being I don't have Donna here to sneak me pudding cups whenever I wanted something good to eat. She's sent me a couple of letters, though. That was pretty cool. I was only there for a couple of days and I already have a fan club there. Apparently I was one of the more entertaining and engaging patients they've had. I guess kids are usually like that, anyway. There was a guy across the hall from me that had been there for a while; I only knew from sneaking a peak at his medical chart once, when I snuck out of bed. What can I say? It's hard for me to sit still unless I'm sleeping.

He complained about a lot of things, it made me laugh from time to time because he was, like, a stereotypical old man that had a complain about everything, but he told cool stories. Here, in the medical center, I've made a few….well, I don't know if I'd really call them my friends. But it's the closest I can get while I'm in here. They're great support and its fun getting to know some new people, being in a different environment where we're all together 24/7 had really opened my eyes. There's Dustin; he has anger management issues, but he's an all around cool guy. He knows everything you need to know about cars. Then there's Colette; she has bad hallucinations, though rumor has it she's really schizophrenic, but she's really nice and really funny. She wants to be a comedian and can make a joke to of anything. Finally there's Tom; he self-harms, tried to commit suicide by swallowing pills, but he makes some of the most amazing drawings I've ever seen.

We even made a comic together, about some of the hospital staff. A lot of the patients enjoyed it as well. I don't think the staff did, we did embellish their personalities and stuff a bit, but they acted like they didn't see it.

Being here has helped me in a lot of different ways than I expected and I believe that I'm ready to go back into my former environment with a better idea of how I want to live my life. I don't blame anyone around me for what I did or what caused me to get to that point, and, honestly, I still can't take the responsibility for myself. Not completely. I don't think I've ever been able to do that, really. It's one of my biggest flaws though I never had a reason to try to work it out before.

Sorry. I'm jumping around a lot.

I guess I should just do a few final words.

I want to thank everyone here that helped me in different ways; talking with me, laughing with me, listening, and venting. Even those that told me to shut up at times if I started o talk too much. I'm glad to have met you all and while I don't ever want to come back, I won't forget this experience.

-Zack

PS: If you look in my room, under the bed, you'll find all of the candy bars that I have left over from my stash. I know I wasn't supposed to have them and that I was to stick to my strict diet to get healthy again, but you can't really call any of the stuff you gave us, food. ;)

…

..

.

Zack lifted his head, closing his notebook. He let out a sigh of content, leaning back and placing his hands behind his head. "So that's everything," he said to the man that sat across from him. "That was everything that happened from the very beginning to where we are now." He raised an eyebrow. "I didn't think it'd take this many sessions to get through, though."

"You had a long story to tell," Dr. Morrison remarked with a light laugh. "If I knew I was going to hear it all the day you got here, I don't know if I would have listened, honestly." Zack smirked back, knowing that he was just teasing him. "Especially with that droning voice of yours."

"Try listening to Cody when he goes on a tangent," Zack replied, it's much worse.

"I'll keep that in mind," Dr. Morrison replied. He closed the manila folder he had opened in his hands, setting it aside. "So, now that you have all of that off your chest, what are you going to do while you wait for your parents to get here to take you back to Boston?"

"First thing I'm going to do is probably go to my favorite restaurant and order a bacon double cheeseburger," Zack said with a large grin. Dr. Morrison laughed for a couple of seconds before choking back his laughter and giving him a stern look. Zack raised his hands defensively, palms out. "Don't worry; I'm just going to have the burger and small fries. I don't think my stomach is equipped for the meal that I usually get. Though it'll be fun trying." He paused, his smile slowly starting to fall. His doubts were starting to creep in again. "I don't know how long I'd be able to last out there again."

That was his biggest fear. How long could he handle his old environment, going back to what potentially caused it in the first place. He still wasn't entirely sure. Maybe it had been hiding dormant within him for years. Maybe since he was a little kid, he didn't know for sure. He had been asked that a few times while he had been in there for the past three months. When did he think everything started? He could have used the easy way out with a few short months before he was put in, though part of him wasn't sure if that was the truth.

Being back there…maybe it was better if he stayed inside.

"You know your parents…your brother and your friends are waiting for you," Dr. Morrison said evenly. "We could keep you here if you think you need some more time to get your head straightened and everything. But it may just be hindering your recovery, staying in a place that isn't going to challenge you." He laced his fingers, leaning towards Zack, his eyes narrowing. "You have a support system out there; you just have to decide whether or not you believe in it."

Zack licked his chapped lips. "Of course I believe in it," he said slowly. "I just don't know if I believe in myself."

"That'll come in time," Dr. Morrison reminded him. "Time heals all wounds."

Zack snorted. They most certainly did not. He knew that for a fact. Whatever, people were allowed to have their own dreams and he was a bit of a cynic anyway. He rather believed if you didn't help yourself no one else was really going to be able to do it for him. Zack's eyes narrowed for a moment before he let out a humorless chuckle.

"I don't see what's so funny about anything that we've been talking about," Dr. Morrison said, raising his own eyebrow.

"I'm not laughing at that, I'm laughing because I just gave myself some advice I should have listened to ages ago." Zack reached up, running a hand through his hair.

He let it grow since he had first moved in there, and was even glad to know that he had managed to grow some chest hair and a bit of beard while he was in. He smiled to himself, remembering the times he and Cody used to compare armpit hair while in the bathroom of their suite, waiting for the times where puberty would show them that they really were growing up. Life had really gotten in the way, showing them more of what the darker side of life and people had to offer. Showing them that life wasn't all about school and graduating and making relationships. Figuring out yourself was the main thing you were to do in life. If you didn't know yourself, how to help yourself when you were down in the depths of drowning darkness you didn't know how to dig your way out of, you couldn't always expect people to know how.

"I hate when that happens," Zack said. He tilted his head back to look at the ceiling. Anywhere but at Dr. Morrison. Sometimes he couldn't handle his stare, knowing he was supposed to say something, or have some sort of revelation. It got to the point where he would be disappointed in himself if he couldn't come up with something that would continue to roll on until he was subconsciously revealing something about himself he didn't know. That's what worked for him. He didn't notice it until much later whenever he would go back to think about it. Dr. Morrison would say something that hadn't made sense at the time, and then later it would hit him like a ton of bricks.

Just like…

Zack shook his head, his smile sliding onto his face once more. "Are we really going to have my last conversation here about really depressing stuff?"

"What would you rather talk about?" Dr. Morrison replied.

"How about those Red Sox?" Zack rapidly raised and lowered his eyebrows, showing his teeth as he smiled. Dr. Morrison gave him the stink-eye before bringing a hand up to his mouth. After a few more seconds he pressed his hand against his mouth harder before bursting out into hysterical laughter. Zack held up his hands. "I mean, I know you're a Yankees fan, but come on. First few games of the season and they've been sucking."

"You can be an asshole sometimes, Zack, you know that?" Dr. Morrison said.

Zack scratched the back of his neck. "I get that a lot."

"I don't doubt it." Dr. Morrison looked at his watch, then at the clock before standing up and holding a hand out to Zack. "It was a pleasure getting to know you, Zack. In some ways I'm disappointed that you're leaving, but in many others, I want you gone. I hope we meet again under better circumstances."

"Thanks." Zack stood up and shoot his hand firmly. "For everything. Even taking the time to listen to me when I had absolutely nothing to say."

Dr. Morrison shrugged. "Sometimes not having to say anything says it all."

Zack frowned. "I hate it when you do that." He glanced over at the clock once more.

Time to go.

Time to finally get out of the hospital and go see what life was going to throw his way this time. "Gotta go." Zack stood up, grabbing his notebook and walked quickly to the door. He was only stopped by Dr. Morrison asking him what his rush was. Zack paused at the door and turned back to him with a charming smile, a sign that he really was turning back to his old self. "Prom is tomorrow," he said. "I have to get a date."

"A date? Really? You've been in here for so long and you're worried about getting a date to prom?"

Zack turned and grinned at Cody as he came to a stop beside him. The twins looked at each other for a moment, smiling at each other before they were in each other's arms, hugging each other tightly. Zack wrapped his arms around Cody's neck and shoulders, grabbing onto his opposite elbows to keep him close. He realized then that he didn't blame his brother for anything. He cared about their friendship more than trying to lay the blame and point fingers. Just as long as his brother was there, he didn't have to worry anymore.

"Zack?" Cody gasped for air. "You're crushing me."

"Sorry." Zack quickly let go of his brother, clearing his throat and brushing off his clothes. He had to regain his sense of masculinity somehow. Zack ran a hand under his nose and clasped his brother on the shoulder. "Alright, let's go. I'm sure Mom's waiting back at the Tipton for my welcome home party that no one is good at keeping a secret."

Cody let out a groan of disappointment, also turning on his heel and walking alongside Zack as they went to his room to get his bag before leaving. He slapped his hands down at his sides before crossing his arms. "How did you find out?"

"Again, you, Dad, and Mom are terrible at keeping secrets," Zack said monotone. He waved a hand. "When we were on video chat last weekend I saw some of the decorations in the background, you were talking about cakes a lot because you sure as hell weren't going to have Mom make it, and we all know Dad is incredibly terrible at lying so it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out." He ducked his head. "Speaking of rocket science, how's everyone else doing?"

"They're excited for you to get home," Cody replied with a warm smile. He reached out and gently pushed Zack on the arm. "Even Max, though I know you guys have this strange thing going on." Cody chewed his bottom lip for a moment. "Seems to me you care more about each other now that this happened then when you were actually dating."

"Yeah, well, things have a strange way of working out," Zack replied. He nodded to a few of the nurses and doctors he passed as they arrived at Zack's room. Zack went inside and grabbed his bag off the bed, slinging it over his shoulder. He turned and watched as Cody slowly walked through the room, looking around at what little it had to offer. "Uh, you've seen the room before, bro."

"I know," Cody said. He scratched the side of his jaw. "I guess I just never noticed that you were really here." He winced, squeezing his eyes shut. "Sorry, that probably didn't help much." Zack shrugged. He wasn't bothered by it. Anyone that visited seemed to have 'foot-in-the-mouth-disease'. Though Patrick's had gotten considerably worse while he was there, earning a piercing cry of his name and a elbow to the ribs or a slap to the back of the head with each sentence that came from his mouth. "It's just so real now." He looked at Zack over his shoulder. "I tried hard to ignore what was going on…I've been having my own problems…but I haven't meant to ignore you."

"You weren't ignoring me, Cody," Zack said quietly. "If anything, you were helping me. I had to do this on my own and I did. And I'm still going to. I may be at a healthy weight now, but it's going to take some time for a good diet and to get back to the way I used to think."

"Girls, video games, girls, food, girls, girls, and more girls?" Cody shrugged. "Just a stab in the dark."

"If you add in one more instance of video games then yeah," Zack said. He and Cody laughed for a few moments before a calming silence settled over the twins. Zack repeatedly opened and closed his hand around the handle to his bag as it dug into his skin. Anything to distract himself from the nerves that were gurgling in his stomach.

"Same ol' Zack, of course," Cody said, rolling his eyes. His eyes then narrowed as he got a good look at Zack. "What's up with the 50s hair do?" He asked and then his eyes widened. "Hey! When'd you grow a beard?"

Zack ran his fingers over his chin. He could feel the tiny pinpricks that let him know he was going to have to shave again soon. "These things take time, little brother." He grabbed Cody's shoulder and pulled him into his side before turning and leaving the room, heading towards the lobby. "These things take time. Speaking of time, I don't have much to find a date for Prom."

"Of course that'd really be the first thing you'd think of," Cody mumbled.

"Yeah, well, I have to work fast if it's tomorrow," Zack said. "Sure there's that pesky matter of buying a ticket, but I'm sure I can convince Miss. Class President to let it slide for once." He gave a smarmy smile. "Now, who to ask?"

"Please, we all know you're going to ask Riles even though we all know she's gonna say 'no' and end up dancing with you out of pity," Cody reminded him.

Zack clicked his tongue. Clearly his little brother underestimated his powers of persuasion. "It was never out of pity, she just doesn't want to admit we have something special." He noticed Cody move his mouth to the side, as if he was trying not to say something. Zack was about to ask, but Cody shook his head, looking away from him. "Besides, we've gone out on two dates before."

"Actually it was three," Cody swiftly reminded him. He held up his fingers and started to count them down. "I think you're still blocking out that one time you said that you knew how to ride a horse and you don't." Zack winced. That had been pretty bad. "And the first two were out of pity too, one at Maddie's prom, and the other when you chased that girl away because you were too competitive at mini golf."

Zack shrugged carelessly. "Then I'll ask Crys or Rhu. We've got something special too." His smile morphed, almost to an evil one this time. He really did miss being able to mess with his twin brother, especially knowing exactly what it was that would push his buttons.

Pausing, Cody looked at his brother with narrowed eyes. "Like what?"

"You wouldn't understand," Zack replied. He probably wouldn't, he realized. It wasn't until something big happened or until the late hours of the night or early hours of the morning that you really got to know someone. There was something completely vulnerable about the dark; he had found that with many late nights talking to Dustin, Tom, and Colette. They would spend hours just talking about nothing, getting to know each other, not realizing how long past curfew they had been until it was too late. I guess it's just the first thing we aren't going to be able to share.

"So why don't we just go to prom together?" Cody suggested.

Zack gave him a funny look, raising an eyebrow. He pictured many people that he would go with, even with Agnes if she had even found herself back in Boston, but he hadn't pictured his brother on his arm. Zack took a tiny step back away from him. "Dude, I know we're close…and I know that we may have gotten a bit carried away with our imaginations when we were searching for Hot Peppers DeLeo, but that's a bit weird." Zack smiled again.

He couldn't help it. He was starting fresh. He had a second chance at life and he wasn't going to let anything get in the way of that.

Cody rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. "Why did I want you back?"

"Because you'd feel left out if you knew that I was planning something with you."

"What do you mean?"

"What better way to announce my arrival back at the Tipton than seeing Mr. Moseby?" Zack smirked then started to rub his hands together. There were so many things he could to do to make up for lost time, but so little time to get them all done.

Cody laughed. "I love you, Zack." He smiled warmly.

Zack shuffled his feet. For the first time he wasn't afraid to be open with what he was feeling. "I love you, too, Cody."

THE END

A/N: Yeah, this was a short chapter, but I had it planned since the very beginning of the story. The next chapter is the last one, which is an epilogue. Then I'll start working on Downfall, though I don't know when it'll be up.

Cheers,

-Riles