Okay so while writing this chapter I heard a song that I thought was perfect for this chapter so I'm going to add clips of it in. It may not be in the exact order but I'm putting in as I see fit. The song is I Can't Hate You Anymore by Nick Lachey. It just fit the mood I needed for this chapter. As always, thank you guys for the reviews. They really were amazing this time. I was in awe when I read what you all took the time to write. So thank you! Review and let me know what you think.
Lucas sat comfortably on Nathan and Haley's sofa with a nine month old in his arms. He decided to skip graduation and go visit his family for a while. Besides, he had a beautiful 9-month-old nephew he wanted to get to know. These were the times that he wished he were closer to his family. As he looked down on his beautiful nephew he couldn't help but fall in love with him. He had little blond curls and blue eyes. He was a spiting image of Lucas as a baby. He wondered how his brother managed to have such an amazing family and never fuck it up, like he always managed to. Somehow he thought that at this point in his life he would have a home with Brooke, their new careers to begin, and Brooke getting ready to be the mother of his children. Just the image brought a smile to his face. It quickly went away when he remembered that they weren't living their happily ever after.
He didn't want to file for the divorce papers; in fact that was the last thing he wanted to do. Every time he saw Brooke, he saw the look of distrust and hurt spread across her face. He tried fighting for her, he did but she wouldn't let him back in. He wasn't sure why one kiss from Peyton would send her running like that. It lasted all of thirty seconds before Lucas pushed her away. They had spent a lot of time together when Peyton and Jake lost the baby. He was trying to be a good friend. They talked about it and he told her that it would never happen again. They were just friends and he would never hurt Brooke. The more he thought about it though, something weird was going on. Peyton was avoiding him like the plague too. He thought about the night a few weeks ago when he decided that he wasn't going to hurt her anymore.
"Lucas I don't want to talk to you, so why are you here?"
"I love you. You are my wife. Why are you throwing everything away because of one kiss? A kiss that I didn't even return. You weren't there, you didn't see it."
"Stop right there. Just because I wasn't there doesn't mean you shouldn't have told me. I asked Peyton if you guys slept together and I got silence before I left. So why should I believe you right now," Brooke asked.
He was getting frustrated with her. He grabbed her arms and forced her to look at him. "I swear to god, we did not sleep together. I would NEVER do that to you Brooke."
"You mean you would never do that to me AGAIN Luke. Because if memory serves me right you did it before."
"Don't even go there Brooke. You did the same exact shit, so don't put everything on me," Lucas said as his anger built and he accidentally squeezed her arms harder than he meant to. When he saw her wince he let go. "I'm sorry Brooke. I didn't mean to. I'm just frustrated and angry that you won't listen to me. Why can't you fight for me this time? Everything I do is for you Brooke. You are the only one I want to ever want me!" he said pleadingly.
"Because I don't want to Luke," she said, knowing she was lying to herself. "I don't want to continue a relationship where I always have to fight for you when it comes to someone else. I'm done being that insecure girl I've always been. I love you Luke, I do. I just don't think I'm in love with you anymore. So why are you here fighting for me?"
You're not the person that you used to be
The one I want who wanted me
And that's a shame but
There's only so many tears that you can cry
Before it drains the light right from your eyes
And I can't go on that way
And so I'm letting go of everything we were
It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt
Lucas snapped back to reality with those words running through his mind. It hurt, it really did but he wasn't going to force her to stay with him. He looked up from his nephew just as Haley and Nathan walked through the living room door. He gave them a sincere smile. Marriage and a family has definitely done them good. They looked so happy and in love. He longed for that feeling again, but he knew he would never get it unless he had Brooke, and that wasn't going to happen again. EVER. Not after she received those divorce papers. He knew that she would hate him for that. Deep down inside he knew that she just needed time and he should have given it to her, but hearing her say she wasn't in love with him made him so angry. He knew it wasn't true, but the thought of it burned a hole through his heart. The day he filed he wanted to hurt her like she hurt him. He knew the minute he got home he made a mistake, but it was too late to change it. He walked away from the situation with no answers if she needed them and ran from his heart.
"So what brings you to L.A. Luke. We have missed you, but didn't you have a graduation to attend?" Haley asked.
"With your wife" Nathan chimed in.
Lucas didn't know what to say. He knew he would have to tell them, but he didn't want to. Speaking those words out loud made it final. And in his heart he didn't want it to be final. "Well I decided that I wanted to see my family more than attending graduation. Besides, I have my diploma and I have a nephew I want to get to know."
Haley knew there was more to this. She had a knack for knowing these things. "Okay, we are glad to have you buddy. When is Brooke going to be joining you? We miss her too." She saw the look on his face and knew she had hit his visit right on the nose.
"Brooke isn't going to be coming. We are not together anymore. We are getting divorced," Lucas said and looked down at Jamie to avoid Nathan and Haley. He took the little guys fingers and wrapped them around his own. They were so tiny and warm. They reminded him of how Brooke felt next to him. So warm and tiny, but a perfect fit for him.
"What? What happened," Haley asked, while Nathan stood back with an unshocked look on his face.
"Not now Haley. Maybe later we can talk about it, but for now I just don't want to. Actually I was thinking that if you guys didn't mind I could stay here with you for a while" Lucas asked hopefully.
"As much as we love you here Luke, that's not possible," Nathan said. "Only because I just got a kick ass job back in Tree Hill to coach a basketball team, so we are moving back there. However, you are more than welcome to stay with us there," Nathan said with a smile. Little did everyone know that Nathan had A LOT of contact with Brooke and knew for a fact that she was on her way back home too. She had become like a sister to him and they had a rock solid bond with each other.
"Are you sure that wouldn't be a problem. I mean I can help you guys with little J. Luke for a while. I'm gonna try and get my book published too so I can help out with some stuff." He would go to Tree Hill because he knew Brooke was in Boston. He knew that she wouldn't go back to a place where everything was a reminder of her and Luke. He thought he might be crazy for doing it himself, but at least he had his family.
"Not at all big brother. I think going home will prove to be what is best for us all," Nathan said with a big smile on his face as he sat next to his brother on the couch. "Now give me my baby. I don't want him thinking you're taking over for me. It already creeps me out that he looks more like you than me" Nathan said with a laugh.
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An empty room can be so deafening
The silence makes you wanna scream
It drives you crazy
I chased away the shadows of your name
And burned the picture in the frame
But it couldn't save me
How could we quit something we never even tried
Well you still can't tell me why
Brooke had bought this beautiful little house in Tree Hill. It was what she and Lucas always talked about owning one day. She had taken every bit of money she had and saved it for this. She didn't have just herself to think of anymore. She had a baby to care for and living in a small one-bedroom apartment wasn't going to cut it. She stood in the living room starring at the fireplace she always wanted lost in thought back to the night she got pregnant.
Lucas was lying on the sofa with Brooke underneath him. He was unbuttoning her shirt and kissing down jaw line. It was a chilly Boston night and they decided to stay in and spend some alone time with one another.
"I love you so much baby," Lucas mumbled as he kissed her.
"I love you too. I can't wait to have a family with you one day Broody."
These words made Lucas so happy that he got sidetracked from kissing her. He sat them both up and pulled her into his arms. "One day my book is going to be published, you are going to be a high profile lawyer, and we are going to have a nice house. Inside the house it will be spacious, but there is only one thing that is a must. In the living room I want a nice big fireplace where we can cuddle every night. You can watch the fire while I watch you. I'll make love to you every night right in front of it. Then you'll come home from work one night and tell me you're going to have our baby, and make me the happiest man in the world."
Brooke couldn't contain how happy his words made her. "I love you more than any thing in this entire world Lucas Scott. I can't wait for the day we can start a family," she said as she shifted herself into his lap. She kissed down his jaw to his neck. He was so hard beneath her and she couldn't remove her clothes fast enough. Lucas Scott inside her made her feel like the most complete person in the world.
She stopped herself from thinking any further. If she let herself remember that night the tears would come again. She put her hand protectively on her belly and rubbed small circles around. "I guess it's just me and you against the world little guy." Her eyes left her belly to the top of her fireplace. On top was she and Lucas's wedding picture, and next to it the divorce papers he filed. If he wanted a divorce then she wouldn't fight him for it. She wasn't going to hate him for it anymore. She was going to let him have his happy ending.
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Lucas stood with little J. Luke in his arms feeding him a bottle. He was looking out the window of the new Naley family home in Tree Hill. Next-door was this little house that was so amazing. It was exactly the kind of house he and Brooke used to talk about owning. He wondered what she was up to at this exact moment. Was she smiling a deep smile? Was she laughing? Was she with some one new who would treat her how she deserved? A million thoughts of her were running through his mind when Nathan interrupted him.
"What you looking at Luke," Nathan asked already knowing the answer.
"Nothing. That house next door is just really cute. It reminded me of something. Just looking at all of the things surrounding our new home."
"If you think the house is beautiful, you should see the girl who lives there. She is a complete goddess," Nathan said, knowing exactly who lived in that house. "I got to talk to her the other night when you and Haley were out and she's really sweet. You should go and introduce yourself Luke."
Lucas laughed. He knew what his brother was trying to do and he wasn't going to have any of it. "Nathan my divorce papers still haven't been finalized and I'm not looking to get into any relationship. I need to fix my own life before I involve another person this time." Lucas said this, but still held on to some hope. It had been nearly a month and the divorce papers still hadn't been returned. His lawyer had asked if he wanted to try to proceed even though Brooke hadn't returned the papers. He said no, because he didn't want to lose her. He didn't want to lose her because then it meant that everything they ever had meant nothing it up.
His breath caught in his throat when he saw the neighbors long chocolate tresses from behind in her window. He really needed to stop starring in her windows or she was going to think he was some sort of weirdo. Just something about her hair reminded him so much of Brooke. 'Stop thinking that you idiot, it's not Brooke' he thought to himself ' she gave everything to you and you walked away. So don't get some weird hallucinations that you are seeing her.' He walked away from the window and turned around to see Nathan waving. "Come on Nathan. Stop ogling the neighbor, you're married."
"It's not like that Luke. Hailey is going to love her when they meet. She reminds me of what a sister should be, so I'm just looking out for her."
Lucas found this statement very odd. Nathan's obsession with the neighbor was one that was worry-some to him. Although Nathan would never be tempted to ever ruin this life he built. He had more self-control than Lucas ever would. So he pushed the though out of his head. He handed J. Luke to Nathan and went to his room. He just wanted to be alone. He curled up on his bed and pulled a picture out from under his pillow. It was the same one he looked at every night. The infamous wedding photograph of him and Brooke.
We built it up to watch it fall
Like we meant nothing at all
I gave and gave the best of me
But couldn't give you what you need
You walked away and stole my life
Just to find what you're looking for
But no matter how I try
I can't hate you anymore