This is my favorite story. Get ready, because I'm about to tell you the tale of how I escaped the clutch of a ferocious CYCLOPS!
That's right, folks, I single-handedly outwitted that brutish Polyphemus. He was so terrible that he smashed my best men's brains out and ate them like grapes, bones, and all. He then rolled a boulder in front of the exit to seal it up.
To begin with, I offered Polyphemus a goblet of especially potent wine, and it went straight to his head! I then convinced him I was "Nobody" then blinded him with a single blow to his monstrous eye. That thing freaked me out, kind of like in The Telltale Heart.
Here's the best part. The next day, the Cyclops rolled the boulder aside to let his sheep out… And I clung to the nearest ram's belly to escape! The blind ol' Polyphemus had no idea! My squadmates followed my lead and we all escaped, thanks to my quick wits.
I also yelled some insults to Polyphemus as we were leaving. I knew he heard me, and I heard him cursing us in the distance.
Oh well, he's blind and we escaped. Can't touch this.