Love
He thought he had loved Jocelyn, but all they ever did was argue anyway.
He thought he had been in love with his best friend at first, but thank the Lord he...came to his senses. Thank the Lord indeed…
Jim was a sweet kid, albeit a trouble magnet if he ever saw one, but that would have mucked up their friendship to get involved, and dammit if he was going to let that happen.
All in all, if he were being honest, there were only two people his old heart had ever loved. That honor, that special place inside, was reserved for his dear old man (may he rest in peace) and little Joanna. And maybe, just maybe, one more.
...
Fear
"Doctor-"
"I'm sorry-"
"There wasn't anything else you could do-"
No. No, no, bloody no.
This would not, could not, absolutely was not happening.
But when the moment came to step away from the commotion, the time read aloud and at least one head bowed in mourning, all he could do was stare at the blood soaked hands he was dimly aware were his, and the blond idiot on the table who would never open those pretty blue eyes again. Who would never run away from hypos, or try to skip out on his physicals, or drag him to a dingy bar in who-knows-where in who-even-cares.
Who would never know that he was loved, and he was appreciated, even if the heart of the old country doctor was too far beyond repair to ever admit it.
...
Loss
With his father's death on his hands (the ones that were meant to save lives, not take them), the bitter divorce which took from him the entire planet, and his little angel too, on top of the day-to-day stress over losing patients that were too far gone to help, Leonard McCoy could say he was used to loss by now. And that's all there was to it.