She doubted she'd ever been this angry. Although she probably thought that whenever she got this way - and this time around she was in the fade where it probably wasn't the smartest idea in the world to give into her rage…

"No," she said, facing the body of the man she loved. "No you'll stop here by all that's holy and unholy in this stupid place and you will sodding explain yourself, spirit. Anders said you were one how can you…"

"You misunderstand, Saoirse Hawke," if it hadn't been so booming she could almost fancy she caught a bit of Anders at his most exasperating, but the expression was all wrong and his eyes… his eyes…

"Enlighten me, Justice."

He sighed. "Truly we have not the time for this."

She pushed his shoulder against the wall with one hand. "Make the time."

"Anders and I are one," he said. "However the fade is not his natural realm. It is mine. Just as the waking world is not my natural realm, it is his. When I was in Kristoff, this did not matter, as Kristoff was dead and had no consciousness to speak of there. Thus I was the only… being… in control of my actions. With Anders it is different. It is natural, and right, that I be in control here where I… would live, just as it is natural for him to be in control in your world."

"But I've seen you take over there," she was fuming, angry and not even certain why until the … the thing in front of her tossed his head back in a gesture that was so totally Anders that it suddenly hit her, making her skin flush with embarrassment. If they weren't one then Justice really was an unwilling participant in their threesome. She felt dirty and even angrier with the man.

His voice changed. "Love, please," he said. And it was Anders, even though his eyes were still blue and his skin still cracked with the light that was his curse. "It's too hard to explain and Feynriel needs us…"

She snarled at him. "Fine," she said. "But don't think this discussion is ended, Anders or whoever you are."

He looked even more pained for a second, before standing taller and narrowing his eyes. "You do him a disservice, Saoirse Hawke," Justice said and she drew in a breath at the note of… possessiveness that was there. Maker's Breath, what have I gotten into? Jealous spirits and Vengeance demons.

"I don't want to fight with you, Justice."

"Then do not."

She snorted and spun on her heel to see Fenris, standing directly behind them, sword drawn. "What are you doing?" she snapped.

"Protecting you from an abomination," he spat back at her and she repressed an urge to firestorm the fuck out of the entire fade. Why had she decided it would be a good idea to take Fenris here? Oh, that's right, Sebastian had screamed like a girl when she'd even dared to suggest it.

Fuck this.

"Don't touch him," she spat at Fenris, not adding if anyone is going to kick his skinny arse, it's going to be me. "Let's go find this fucking elf."

At this point, she was almost of the opinion that tranquility would be a blessing.

Almost.


She should have realised. The trick, her father had told her when she was only a child of ten, with avoiding demons, was not to want anything, and she'd never come across someone who was such a mess of different desires as Fenris. If only she'd thought that, before she'd dragged the poor elf into the fade with her.

Her vague notion that it might make him understand the plight of mages more… couldn't really have turned around and bitten her more thoroughly.

Tempted and taken by a Pride demon.

"Fenris, please…" she hadn't expected the elf to swing at her so quickly, lyrium ghosted as he was and she let out a strangled cry, too late to block him with her staff, before Anders/Justice was there, snarling in rage, the blue of a forcefield stopping the elf from plunging his sword into her chest.

"You will not harm her, elf," Justice's boom shook the walls of the room they were in and Saoirse blinked, startled by the rage there, even as the pride demon threw back his head and cackled with glee.

She gathered mana and tried to forcefield Fenris so he wouldn't be hurt, but the spell was flicked away by the demon, whose power was astonishing, even for one of its kind. She had faced demons before, in the fade and out of it, her father had not been fool enough to think the Harrowing was something circle mages did out of malice, but this one was far more powerful than any other's she had faced and she was afraid.

"Fenris I don't want to hurt you!" she shouted.

He snarled and she almost sobbed as she channeled more magic into a cone of cold, not her favourite spell, but perhaps it was strong enough to get past whatever defenses the pride demon was channeling into her…

…friend.

Her spell fizzled and she dropped her hands. Justice's voice boomed again and she saw Isabela's lithe form flitting around behind Fenris. She opened her mouth to shout something… anything, but the pirate's face was set as she aimed her daggers at the vulnerable gap in Fenris' spiky armour - angling the blades so they would pierce his kidneys. The elf stiffened as the blades sank home and his green eyes found hers, wide, beautiful and accusatory, even as Isabela withdrew her daggers with a professional nod and launched herself at the demon.

There was no blood as Fenris sank to his knees.

"Saoirse Hawke, you must fight," Justice said. "I would not see you harmed."

She couldn't bring herself to move as the demon charged towards her. Even when Justice's glowing hand grasped her arm, the raw pulse of the fade stronger under the skin of the man she loved, all she could see was the slumped form in front of her. "Please love."

The elf's body faded from sight. A massive, purple, clawed fist slammed into the ground inches from her boot and she was thrown backwards.

"Saoirse, dammit!" Isabela sliced in and hamstrung the demon before the second claw could scoop up her unresisting body, and Justice swung his staff upwards, channelling a massive burst of electricity. The demon screamed, clawing at the air, before falling backwards. Isabela lost no time but plunged her daggers into its brain casing, and the demon twitched and died.

"Bela," she blinked. "Bela you killed him."

"Damned right I did, pet," the rogue said, sheathing her daggers and sauntering back to where Justice knelt beside her. "It was either that or he would have killed you and I don't know about you being all magical as you are, but I know I don't fancy being tranquil."

"This is the boy Feynriel's dream, not ours," Justice said, healing magic dying on his hands as he realised she wasn't hurt, just stunned. "The elf is not dead. Nor is he tranquil. He will awaken back in the alienage with the knowledge of his betrayal fresh in his mind, we hope."

She let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding. "You mean it won't kill us? Or tranquil us?"

Justice sat back on his… Anders' heels. "It will not," he said.

"Could have mentioned that, spirit boy," Isabela said. "It was a wrench stabbing someone that pretty so lethally."

Saoirse reached out a hand and found Isabela's thin, strong, brown arm and squeezed it. "Thank you Bela," she said softly.

The Pirate winked at her. "I'll just add it to the long list of ones you owe me, pet," she said. Saoirse laughed weakly as Justice helped her to her feet. She unconsciously ran a finger across his knuckles as he took her hand, something she would do in the waking world, were it Anders helping her, and she was startled when the hand was pulled back abruptly. And hurt.

"There is another demon close by," Justice said, and he was frowning slightly, looking down at his hand as though it pained him. "We must find and defeat it before we can hope to free Feynriel." He started towards the door and Isabela sighed.

"You know, there are lots of things I envy about you, Hawke," she said, patting her shoulder and starting them moving. "But at the moment, I think you'd be happier if you'd stuck to the old right hand."

Saoirse narrowed her eyes. "How do you know I use my right hand, Bel?" she said.

Isabela let her eyes flick down to where she was holding her staff and grinned. "You didn't get such strong fingers from writing manifestos, sweet thing."

"Maker's balls, Isabela."

"These things are important."

"I require your assistance," Justice's voice came through the open doorway, and the two women startled and followed.


"I like big boats, I cannot lie."

Saoirse felt this one like a punch to the gut, but she shook herself and channeled magic without thought, blasting Isabela hard before the rogue even had time to unsheathe her daggers. Justice tangled with the desire demon and it fell almost as quickly, her eerie wail giving voice to the hurt she felt in her chest at her friend's betrayal.

"Why did they give in?" she asked in a small voice, watching the corpses fade. She turned then, accusatory eyes on the man next to her, consciously echoing words Anders had said, deep in the sewers, faced with the raving insanity of Tahrone. "Can't you people say no?"

"The touch of a demon in the fade is more potent, especially to those not used to them," Justice said, and she could hear compassion in that voice, where previously she'd only been able to hear anger. "Had the demons attempted to pervert you, you would have felt how difficult it is to resist. Do not blame your friends. They had no defenses."

She was shaking her head. "I've faced demons before, Justice," she said. "In the fade and out of it. They've tried to tempt me and they have failed."

"You are an uncommon woman, Hawke," Justice said.

She cocked an eyebrow. "Are you saying Isabela and Fenris are common?"

He shook his head. "You are a mage. And you have been trained. Your father was skilled and cautious - better than those who trained Anders in the Tower, and you learned well," Justice seemed almost to be smiling as he talked. "Do not underestimate your own talents in an attempt to think better of your friends."

She couldn't repress a quirk of a smile. "Justice, are you trying to say you like me?"

The spirit stepped back, suddenly awkward. "My personal feelings are not relevant, Saoirse Hawke."

She frowned. "That's not true, Justice," she said. "Anders doesn't think so. Neither do I."

"It is not important," Justice said, starting for the door. "What is important now is Feynriel."

"Justice stop."

"We do not have time. The boy's mind hangs in the balance. We must save him!"

"Justice!"

He turned back to her, snarling. "There are things more important than you or I here, Saoirse Hawke."

"I…" she sighed. He was right. "Very well."

When he was safe and they were back in the mansion, after Fenris and Isabela had slunk away out of the Alienage, eyes haunted with betrayal, even as Sebastian's were full of smug righteousness, Anders tried to smooth the tension from her shoulders with strong fingers and light magic. She sighed and leaned back against him.

"Is it bothering you?" he asked. He didn't mean Isabela and Fenris.

"You could have explained it better."

He sighed. "I haven't been back to the fade since Justice," he said. "Not consciously, not like that. I… tried to avoid it. It's disturbing when he takes over."

"But you knew he would," she shifted away from his fingers, even though she ached to be touched by him, the many layers of hurt over Sebastian, Fenris and Isabela's small and big betrayals desperately needing to be eased by his clever hands. "Anders you said you were one."

"We are."

She sat up, turning to face him. "Yet you can conveniently split off into different personalities whenever the mood takes you…"

"No. No we can't, Saoirse. You know there's a definite line between us - you saw it in the deep roads. It's just that that line is only brought out when we're in discord… I remember… I remember everything we said to you in the Fade. I remember thinking it. I just… I'm different there."

She shook her head. "I… he…" He cupped her face in one hand and gently brushed his thumb over her cheekbone. She couldn't help leaning into it.

"He cares for you just as I do - he can't not. But it's different for him. I'm a…" he dropped his hand and looked into the fire, eyes shadowed, mouth quirking. "I'm a person with a purpose," he said finally. "He's a purpose within a person. Does that make sense?"

She laughed helplessly. "Not at all."

His lips formed a wry smile. "Well, that's good to know."

She sighed and hugged herself, cross legged now on the bed. "I worry, that's all. About us. About what he thinks of us. You said he didn't approve - and I just thought then… that it didn't matter. But he's in there and he… while I don't think he should be driving you so hard, I don't want him… tagging along in a relationship he doesn't want. That's…" She shivered. "That's a little creepy, to be honest."

Anders looked surprised for a moment. "It's not important to him," he said after a pause. "He doesn't mind…"

She made a face. "See, that's almost worse," she said pushing off the bed and making her way to the fire. "That he could be indifferent to something that's so important to you…"

Anders rested his forehead in his hands, heaving a deep sigh. "I used the wrong words. He admires you. He likes you. I think he'd call you his friend."

She cocked an eyebrow at him. "So when you're fucking me what is he thinking?"

Anders winced. "I wouldn't know."

"Perhaps you should ask."

"Saoirse…"

Her shoulders slumped and she shook her head. "I don't have the energy for this," she said.

He was very still, sitting on the bed. "I can't just… talk to him like that. But… for what it's worth…" he frowned, then got up and came to her, hesitantly wrapping his arms around her. She leaned into the familiar embrace. "Kristoff, the man whose body Justice inhabited before me… he was married. To a woman named Aura. Justice used to speak about what they had, he remembered bits and pieces, you understand, nothing truly concrete, just images and feelings…

"When I first started…" he swallowed, "thinking about you he was appalled. Because it was so much more intense. Everything was more intense for him, being in me. I'm not a corpse, and my feelings aren't compartmentalised into boxes that are closed and finished, not the way Kristoff's were. He thought I was… consumed by lust, like the worst kind of desire demon, and he tried to keep me away from you."

She shut her eyes. "How did you convince him otherwise?"

He laughed. "I didn't. It wasn't until… our first night that he understood those feelings didn't have to lead to something destructive."

She frowned again. "That's not exactly reassuring, Anders."

He leaned his chin on the top of her head, hands stroking down her arms and fingers entwining with hers. "The morning after, he was thinking of Aura. He envied what they'd had, when he was in Amaranthine, envied it without truly knowing what it was. Now… he doesn't envy it any more."

"He doesn't feel the same way about me as you do," she said softly.

Anders shook his head. "No." She craned her head around so she could see his face. "But he cares for you, Saoirse. Never doubt that."

She reached up to run a hand along his jaw, tucking a strand of his hair behind an ear. "I suppose that will have to do," she said, leaning up to kiss him. He returned the kiss, sighing into her mouth, and she felt the tension leaving his shoulders.

It was enough.