Hey everyone! I'm super excited because I just got back from a little road trip with my friends, and I proved myself as a strong independent woman of the 21st century by changing a flat tire by myself in the rain. I think I deserve a handclap :). Anyways, I am officially done with Proust and my homework load looks like it's easing some, so hopefully I'll be able to upload more often/regularly. Anyways, I want to thank everyone for reading/alerting/favoriting and especially those that have been reviewing. I appreciate the kudos, criticisms, and advice. So on that note I'm going to revive an old deal that I had: leave me a review and I will do the same for one of your fics. Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy!
Sadly, I still don't own Naruto, if I did I wouldn't have had to change a flat tire by myself in the rain...I would have had some uber sexy shirtless man do it for me ;)
You Can Never Come Back
Sakura had spent the day with Sai at his apartment. With their friendship now mended, she was able to learn more about Naruto's whereabouts since she had last seen him. She wasn't surprised to learn that Naruto was able to convince the Eight Tails Jinchuriki to help him learn to control his own tailed beast.
Foxy always has a way with people doesn't he? Inner Sakura had commented.
Sakura was inclined to agree with the voice in her head and was curious about his progress. She knew that by taming the demon within him he would not just gain more abilities, but also a better insight of who he was as a shinobi. She was more curious to see Naruto as the more matured shinobi than the more powerful Jinchuriki.
"I suspect that the mission Kakashi-sama has in store for us has something to do with aiding Naruto," Sai speculated.
"What makes you think that?" Sakura asked.
"Well, Kakashi-sama has kept Shikamaru, Neiji, and I updated on Naruto's progress before you joined the team. Once you joined the team, the updates stopped which leads me to believe that Naruto has successfully gained control over the Kyuubi," Sai explained thoughtfully with a finger to his lips.
"Or Kakashi-sama didn't want you all to tell me about what was going on with Naruto," Sakura said sadly.
"Don't be ridiculous," said Shikamaru, suddenly walking in the front door followed by Neiji.
"Yeah," the Hyuuga added, "Stop thinking everyone in this village is against you. It wouldn't make any sense for Kakashi-sama to want to hide information about Naruto's training from you."
"He probably just didn't want to give away too much information about the upcoming mission until he was sure our team was solid," Shikamaru agreed.
Sakura still looked unconvinced, but kept silent.
"Speaking of mission," Sai began, "I guess we should all head to the Hokage's office to get briefed." He stood up and walked to his other two team mates by the door. "You coming?" he asked, turning to the still seated kunoichi.
"Yeah," Sakura sighed standing up, "But I wish I wasn't still in my PJs." She brushed off her sweatpants in disapproval.
"Why would you leave your house dressed so inappropriately?" Neiji asked.
"It's not like I had a choice," Sakura countered, glaring daggers at Shikamaru.
"Hey we were pressed for time," said Shikamaru. "Just like we are now."
"Don't worry," Sakura said with a wicked smile, the same smile that all three ANBU members had witnessed when they were alone with the medic-nin, "I'll make sure to make you pay later."
Shikamaru swallowed uncomfortably, while Neiji looked away, cheeks slightly flushed by the innuendo implied with her statement. Sai just stared at her curiously, his head slightly tilted to the side.
Sakura, with her head held high, moved past her team mates and walked out the door. As the ANBU members trailed out behind her, she desperately held in the evil laughter that echoed in her head and threatened to spill out her lips. She wasn't at all worried that Inner Sakura had surfaced and briefly dominated her personality. Perhaps she should have been concerned with the ease in which her subconscious could gain control over her.
"So it's all been settled then?" began Kakashi. "There are no more grievances to air out?"
"No Hokage-sama, we're ready," Shikamaru confirmed confidently.
Kakashi glanced at each member of the team before him, assessing the validity of Shikamaru's statement. "Alright then," he stated, satisfied. "As you all are aware of, we are now entrenched in war, and the Akatsuki must be stopped at all costs. Unfortunately, wars tend to have a nasty habit of lingering for years, but I am determined to end this as quickly as possible."
Listen to that arrogance, Inner Sakura scoffed. You're all fools if you think Madara is going to be so easy to defeat.
"Naruto has succeeded in taming the Kyuubi," Kakashi continued, unaware of the subconscious voice dwelling within his former student. "I am confident that he will be able to resolve this conflict, and you all are going to help him do it. You all have been assembled as an offensive tactical team that will help Naruto and our allies bring the fight directly to the Akatsuki. You all will leave at sunup tomorrow."
"You're putting all of your faith into Naruto because of what he said during that mission in Iron?" Sakura asked quietly. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her former sensei was asking her to help Naruto carry out his promise to Sasuke. She couldn't block out those horrible words Naruto uttered that had sent her over the edge. She wouldn't be able to bear watching them kill each other before her eyes.
Kakashi nodded at Sakura's question.
Keep it together…you don't want them to send you back to the loony bin do you? Inner Sakura warned. Sakura took a deep calming breath and tried to relax.
"I know this is hard for you, because of everything that happened and how it has affected you mentally, but I need to know Sakura, will you be able to handle this?" Kakashi asked. Everyone turned to the medic-nin and gazed at her expectantly.
Still questioning our abilities, eh? Inner Sakura tsked. I swear, I don't understand why we haven't left this village behind and struck out on our own. It seriously is not worth hanging around these people if they're going to continue to doubt you. Honestly, we don't need them or their complicated bullshit politics.
"I appreciate the concern, but I'll be fine Kakashi-sama," Sakura answered ignoring her inner voice, but she couldn't chase away her piqued interest at the thought of running away.
"Good," Kakashi said nodding his head in satisfaction. "I suggest you all pack and settle any affairs before you leave. Good luck."
"So we'll meet at the village gates at dawn," Shikamaru said, once his team was standing on the street outside of the Hokage Tower.
"Sounds fine with me," Sakura said beginning to walk away.
"Where are you going?" Sai asked. He had seen the look on Sakura's face when they had learned what their mission was, and he had been concerned for her. She looked as if she had been lost in some internal dialogue, and he was curious as to what she was thinking.
"I'm following orders and settling my affairs," Sakura called over her shoulder. "I'm going to visit Tsunade-shishou in the hospital."
"Do you want some company?" Neiji called after her.
"I'll be fine. The streets are hardly crowded this late at night," she answered without breaking her stride. Her mind was still reeling at the possibility of witnessing the deaths of her former team mates, and she desperately needed some guidance. Although her shishou wouldn't be able to answer her, she would at least be able to listen to what she had to say, and hopefully, that would bring her enough comfort to carry out this mission. She needed to be brave, and no one had been better at whipping Sakura into shape and preparing her to deal with life's difficulties than Tsunade.
I think I've done a pretty good job so far, Inner Sakura sulked, jealously. I don't see the point in talking to someone who won't be able to respond. Don't you think it would be better to confide in someone who could actually give you sound advice, like me?
"I would never call anything you ever had to say 'sound advice,'" Sakura snorted when she was out of earshot of her fellow team mates.
You're an ungrateful bitch, you know that? Inner Sakura huffed.
Sakura smiled and tried to suppress a giggle. "What's got your panties all twisted?"
I'm just not exactly thrilled to be visiting the woman who's responsible for locking me away in the first place. All I tried to do was demonstrate your power and the Old Bitch ended up flipping out and sealing me away.
Sakura wished she remembered the events of that day better. Back when Tsunade had first taken her on as a pupil, Sakura had struggled through the training. Tsunade had quickly become frustrated and began to question whether it had been worth to take Sakura on as a student at all. Feeling insulted, her subconscious had taken over. Sakura didn't know what her inner demon had done. All she knew was that one minute she was being screamed at by her shishou, and the next her shishou had been bloodied and chakra drained, muttering something about how dangerous that inner voice was and how Sakura would one day succumb to its control if it hadn't of been sealed away.
"Can I trust you to behave?" Sakura asked carefully, stopping outside of the hospital entrance.
I promise you, if anything happens to the Old Bitch, it'll be because of your actions, Inner Sakura tried to smile innocently. Cross my heart.
"Somehow I'm still not convinced," Sakura muttered before entering the doors. Nervously, she looked around and sighed in relief to find the staff too busy to notice her presence. She had been afraid that she would be ordered to leave as soon as she stepped foot on the premises. Not wanting to press her luck by lingering in the lobby, she moved quickly down the winding halls and stairways until she stood outside of the room of the person she had been avoiding since her return from Iron.
Tsunade laid comfortably comatose, tucked securely into her hospital bed. If it wasn't for the continued whirl and beeps of the hospital's machines, Sakura would have thought her shishou was just resting for the night, recharging before resuming her Hokage duties.
Oh how the mighty have fallen, Inner Sakura quipped as Sakura took a seat next to Tsunade's bed.
"No need to sound so bitter," Sakura chided. "Shishou, can you hear me?"
She's in a coma you moron, she can't answer you, Inner Sakura sniped.
"A lot has happened since you've been gone," Sakura whispered to her shishou, ignoring her inner voice. "I'm such a mess. I've fucked up horribly, Shishou, and I don't know how to fix it." She took a deep breath, trying to gain control of her emotions, and then like a breached floodgate, everything came out in a rush.
"I tried to kill myself, Shishou. I couldn't deal with the shame and the blame for failing. I couldn't deal with the fact that I still love him. I was so alone. Naruto wasn't there, no one was there." Her voice cracked, a telltale sign that she was about to cry.
I know you didn't delay your visit to the Old Bitch just so you could throw your training out the window and sob all over her like some pathetic child, Inner Sakura scolded. You could at least act as if you were trained by a legendary sannin.
Sakura clenched her fists in anger at the berating tone in her voice. "She's back Shishou," Sakura whispered. "She's back and I can't get rid of her. I don't know how and—"
What do you think you're doing? Inner Sakura interrupted, her quiet tone threatening. Did you think that if you came in here and told her all your troubles, that she would magically wake up and make everything right again? Come on Sakura, you know better than that.
Sakura looked down at her comatose shishou forlornly. Shame burned her cheeks as she let her subconscious's words sink in. That mischievous voice was right, she couldn't expect Tsunade to just wake up and right all the wrongs in her life for her. Tsunade had trained her and given her strength so she could solve her own problems.
You need to be strong, Inner Sakura continued, knowing that she was gaining influence. Pull the plug Sakura, Inner Sakura commanded. Don't let your precious shishou suffer like this.
"What?" Sakura's eyes widened in confusion at the sudden change in subject.
You heard me, Inner Sakura countered. You need to let go. She can't help you anymore. She's not going to wake up. Look at her hooked up to all those machines to keep her alive. You're a medic, you've read her file and the conclusions the doctors have come to. The only things keeping her alive are those machines. The machines are causing her to linger and suffer. You should help your shishou and set her free…
Sakura stared at the plug in the electrical outlet beside her. She had thought about pulling the plug before, back when she had first read the reports on her shishou's condidtion. However, it was against the oath she had sworn when she had first learned medical ninjutsu. She had sworn that she would take whatever means were necessary to keep any patient or injured person alive, and now her resolve to that oath was being tested. She had come to her shishou because she needed someone who would just be able to listen to her and not pass judgment. She didn't think she would end up debating with herself over helping her shishou die. She was emotionally confused and didn't know what to do.
Think about what your shishou would want, Inner Sakura continued persuasively. Would she want to ride out the rest of her miserable existence hooked up to machines, or would she want to be allowed to die and be remembered as a hero who sacrificed her life to protect the village from Pain's invasion?
Sakura didn't even realize that she had fallen under the influence of her inner demon's words until she heard the plug clatter onto the floor. Panicking, Sakura shot out of her chair and rushed out the window, keeping to the rooftops as she made a mad dash back to her apartment.
Sakura should have stayed. If she had, she would have been greeted by the now very conscious and alive Tsunade.
"What did you make me do?" Sakura whispered, wringing her hands as she paced back and forth in her bedroom.
Shouldn't you be packing for your mission? Inner Sakura countered in a bored tone.
"I just killed my shishou!" Sakura shouted half-deranged. "And you want me to just act like nothing happened?"
No one saw you do anything, Inner Sakura argued. No one can prove you did anything as long as you act like you didn't do anything.
"I won't be able to come back," Sakura whispered sadly.
Not exactly a bad thing, Inner Sakura remarked. Look, do you really want to live in a village that is out to get you? No matter what you do, they'll never forgive you.
"Of course not, I just killed the Hokage!" Sakura cried in despair. "This is what you wanted all along isn't it?"
Inner Sakura merely shrugged at the accusation.
"Why? Why would you do this? We were making so much progress!" tears began to spill down Sakura's eyes. "I was developing friendships again, I wasn't going to be alone anymore…"
You don't need anyone else but me, Sakura. It would be so much better for you if you remembered that, Inner Sakura sneered. Now if I were you, I would pack for a very long journey.
Sakura wiped the tears angrily from her face and began to quickly pack. As she opened one of her drawers and grabbed a handful of clothes to shove into her bag, a folded up piece of paper fell out onto the floor. Sakura stared at the paper transfixed. She knew what it was. It was the portrait that Sai had drawn for her. Tentatively, she reached out and picked it up before unfolding it. As she gazed down at the sketched image of the woman she wished she could be, she wondered if she would ever be able to obtain that goal.
I can help you with that Sakura, Inner Sakura said firmly. I am helping you do that right now. So hurry up and pack, it's almost sunrise.
"What am I going to do about my mission?" Sakura asked.
Don't worry, we're still going on that mission. I doubt anyone even knows what has happened yet, and once they do find the Old Bitch dead, we will be too far away for them to do anything, Inner Sakura reasoned. Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
Sakura nodded and finished packing, and dressed in her mission clothes. She felt like a hypocrite donning the green jounin vest over a black mesh top and matching black form-fitting shorts. Here she was, having just finished murdering the Hokage, and now she was wearing the uniform of a loyal Konoha soldier. She shook her head of those thoughts though, as she hurriedly folded up the portrait and stuffed it into her pocket. Confident that she had everything she needed, she walked out the front door for what she sadly knew would be the last time. As she headed down the still darkened village streets, she hoped that when she did finally slip away from her new team mates, that they would somehow find a way to forgive her.
Let me know what you think! I'm already working on the next chapter but I'm always open to new ideas...and remember my offer from above (I am a woman of my word). Thanks again!
