Hello all my favorite lovely people! I'm in an extremely good mood today because I just realized that the semester is like half-way over and I am one semester closer to getting my degree...but enough about me. I want to thank everyone who has been reading/alerting/favoriting this, but I especially want to thank three chicas (I'm assuming you're chicas) who have kinda been consistent in reviewing. AnimaniacXOX, Kaysty, and LadyNorth76 are amazing and I wanted to say how much I appreciate you all for taking the time to review and for the advice and support :)
This chapter is turning out to be a lot longer than I originally thought it was going to be so I'm posting part of it, but don't worry, it's a pretty long part. I want to give the ending of the actual chapter justice since it's a pretty significant part, but I don't want you all to be waiting forever for an update either. So here's part one, I hope you like!
I wish I owned Naruto, that way I could pay off my student loans with the quickness...Do you think Kishimoto would pay them for me if I asked nicely?
Meeting Again for the First Time
As Sakura made her way down the village streets, her gaze was glued to the horizon. She was memorizing every last detail of a sun rise in Konoha, knowing it would be her last time to see one. She regretted that she didn't have enough time to stop by all the places where her most precious memories were made.
You're just visiting the place where your most important memory took place…isn't this where you last saw Sasuke before he left? Inner Sakura cut into her thoughts. Sakura took notice of her current surroundings, noticing the bench that she had awoken on when she realized Sasuke had abandoned Konoha, his team, her…
"They let you out," came a voice behind her. Sakura whirled around and was greeted with the sight of a person who she had never thought she would see again, a person she had almost completely forgotten.
"I see they let you out as well, Karin," Sakura said, looking the ex-Oto nin over.
Sakura stared at the red-head walking slowly towards her. "How are you?" she finally asked, breaking the awkward silence.
"As well as one can be after being burned by Sasuke, you should be able to understand that better than anyone," Karin answered, adjusting her glasses.
Sakura flinched at the girl's words. It was ironic, when she had first seen the red-haired kunoichi, she was insanely jealous. She had thought Karin was living the life she should have been living, helping Sasuke achieve his ultimate goal. However, that quickly changed once she saw what he had done to her. He used her, not only for her chakra-sensing and healing abilities, but also she suspected that Sasuke had used the ex-Oto nin sexually as well. She had seen the bite marks riddled across Karin's chest. There was no way those marks were placed there without some kind of sexual act. Her jealousy had quickly turned to pity when Sakura realized that she had been spared that brutal experience when Sasuke refused to take her with him the night he defected.
You could have easily been Karin. Obsessive, immature, turned out like some cheap whore. If I were you, I'd thank my lucky stars that Sasuke still had some decency left within him when he fled Konoha and refused to let you follow him, Inner Sakura commented.
Sakura whole heartedly agreed, noting the sympathetic tone her subconscious had. It was almost serendipitous, running into Karin as she was leaving for a mission. It was like fate was warning her of what would happen to her if she refused to give up on the love she still desperately clung to. She would suffer the same fate as Karin if she threw this mission for Sasuke again.
Don't worry, I won't let that happen, Inner Sakura said, a wicked smile clearly evident in her tone. Sakura wasn't sure if she meant failing the mission, or suffering Karin's fate. She hoped it was both. The mission is not our main concern. You should be more worried about not being charged as a treasonous murderer, her inner voice reminded her.
"You seem troubled," Karin's voice cut in. "It's that second presence, isn't it?"
"What are you talking about?" Sakura asked, eyes widening by Karin's observation.
"You can't hide it from me. I can sense two chakra signatures within you. Funny how I never noticed it before…" Karin trailed off, lost in thought as she reflected back on the day she had first met the pink-haired kunoichi. No one had ever showed any concern for her well-being. Not her parents, not Orochimaru, and certainly not Sasuke. But this pink-haired medic, this girl she had never met before, was examining her wounds and crying. She knew the medic wasn't just crying for her, but also for Sasuke. Her normal reaction would have been jealousy over a rival kunoichi showing concern for Sasuke, but she wasn't jealous of the medic. Instead, she was grateful that the kunoichi was tending to her, and sympathetic that Sasuke had seemed to destroy the-pink haired girl the same way he had destroyed her. Karin had felt she could relate to Sakura because they had felt similar pain.
"I've wanted to speak with you for awhile," Karin said, shaking her head free of her thoughts.
"About?" Sakura asked, impatiently folding her arms across her chest. "I'm not trying to be rude, but I do have a mission to go on."
"That's what I want to talk to you about," Karin said, giving an impatient huff herself. "I know you're still messed up over Sasuke."
Sakura's eyes widened "No, I'm not," she tried to deny weakly.
"Don't bother trying to lie to me. Even if I didn't have the ability to detect a lie through chakra, I would still be able to tell you were lying. A girl just doesn't get over someone like Sasuke so easily," Karin commented wryly.
"So how did you get over him?" Sakura asked quietly.
"I look at the scar on my chest courtesy of his katana, Kusanagi," Karin replied dryly.
Sakura reflexively looked at the spot on Karin's chest that she had healed. Although the scar was covered by the long-sleeved black turtle-neck Karin wore, Sakura could still imagine in her mind's eye the gaping hole Sasuke had left Karin behind with. She had never seen the wound after it had healed and scarred, she only remembered it fresh and bloody. She wondered how badly the ex- Oto nin's chest was scarred. Was the scar tissue still pink and rough, or was it faded to white and smooth?
You would have a gaping hole in the back of your head if Karin hadn't of warned you while you were too busy trying to work up the courage to kill Sasuke, Inner Sakura reminded the medic.
Sakura glanced at the neat white scars that lined both of her wrists. She hadn't escaped that encounter with Sasuke untouched either, although her scars were self-inflicted.
"I'm grateful to you," Karin said quietly, breaking Sakura away from her subconscious's voice and her thoughts of failed suicide. "You could have killed me and gone with Sasuke—"
"I've never killed anyone before," Sakura said quietly.
Liar, Inner Sakura giggled mischievously. Or do you not count pulling the plug as murder?
"I couldn't kill you just like I couldn't kill Sasuke," mended Sakura, hoping her facial features didn't betray the shame she felt at her inner demon's words.
Karin looked at Sakura curiously. She could tell that Sakura had lied and that the second chakra presence within her was fluctuating wildly, as if trying to devour the pink-haired kunoichi from the inside. She wondered if this was the result of the green-eyed girl's brief reunion with Sasuke. She silently thanked her lucky stars that Sasuke had just left her with a physical scar. Sakura's mental and emotional scars seemed to be so much worse, but then madness was always more torturous than any physical sensation. At least physical pain could be controlled and overcome; there was no such hope for insanity.
"What?" Sakura asked, catching the look of sympathy in the red-head's gaze.
"Nothing," Karin said, quickly dismissing her thoughts. "I just want to wish you luck on your mission. Don't let him do to you what he did to me," she added softly. Without thinking about it, the ex-Oto nin embraced the Konoha medic. Karin was overwhelmed by her feelings of gratitude and pity towards Sakura, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she was also saying good-bye to the kunoichi forever. "Thank you again," she said, releasing Sakura and smiling embarrassedly.
"I'm thankful I got to meet you Karin," Sakura whispered softly, watching the ex-Taka member retreat back into the village. She hoped that Karin would at least be able to find some happiness in her new home in Konoha. Perhaps she would become Sakura's replacement after Sakura had officially defected. She thought the red-head would be able to hold her own against Naruto's antics, Sai's apathy, and Kakashi's demeanor.
Why are you thinking of Team 7? Inner Sakura asked. Team 7 no longer exists…If she was to replace you, it would be in the hearts of those you love, and I don't think your jealousy would be able to handle that.
"It won't matter because I won't be here to see it," Sakura replied resuming her walk towards the gates, sparing a glance at the bench Sasuke had lain her on before looking ahead and spotting her new team clad in their ANBU uniforms, faces unmasked, and assembled at the village's exit.
"Ah Sakura, you're here," Sai greeted coolly.
"Are you alright?" Neiji asked, glancing over the kunoichi's shoulder and staring at the barely visible retreating back of Karin.
"Oh so you saw that huh? I'm fine," Sakura reassured. "I'm sorry for keeping you waiting."
"No it's alright," Shikamaru said. "I just got here myself."
Not surprising, you Lazy Bum, Inner Sakura hissed playfully.
"We should head out," Neiji commented, heading for the gates.
Team Shikamaru followed his lead and began to walk. As Sakura passed through the gates, a feeling of exhilaration overcame her. A weight she hadn't known she had been carrying was lifted. She no longer felt as if she had to keep up appearances or walk on broken eggshells to please those around her. She could be as dysfunctional and neurotic as she wanted to be, her teammates had already seen that side of her.
I can finally be free, Inner Sakura sighed. Sakura let her subconscious's sigh escape past her lips as she felt Inner Sakura stir within her. Oh do let me out to play for just a little while, Inner Sakura begged. At least let me out long enough to stretch my legs…
Sakura conceded to that inner voice and let her lips twitch into that tell-tale smirk. She felt herself jog ahead of her teammates and cast a mischievous glance over her shoulder.
"Stick-in-the-Mud, Lazy Bum, Heartless, hurry up! I can't wait to see Naruto again," she ordered before taking off at full speed, riding on the energy and euphoria provided by leaving the village.
"What did she call us?" Neiji asked with a raise of an eyebrow at the use of nicknames.
Sai merely glanced at Sakura's quickly retreating back. "Naruto will be in for a surprise when she finally catches up to him," he commented before running after the kunoichi.
"God help him," Shikamaru muttered before sending Neiji an amused look. "Stick-in-the-Mud, eh?"
"Oh shut up Lazy Bum," Neiji growled before running off.
Shikamaru laughed before moving to catch up with his team.
Sakura was overwhelmed in glee as she ran. It felt so liberating to feel the wind through her hair, the earth beneath her feet. She knew she probably looked a mess, drenched in sweat, short of breath, and hair disheveled, but she didn't care. The boys were having a hard time keeping up with her, and that was all that mattered. Finally, someone was running to catch up to her and not the other way around.
"Sakura, stop please," Sai called after her. "We need to take a break."
"Look at you," Sakura sneered playfully."I'd think someone who was raised in Root would be able to handle long distance sprinting. I swear, what are they teaching the next generation shinobi these days?"
Sai glanced at Sakura curiously as she mocked him in an unfamiliar tone before picking up her pace, giggling at the artist-nin as she sped ahead.
"Come on Sakura please! We're begging you," Shikamaru called.
"Now those were the magical words I wanted to hear," Sakura said mischievously before stopping and turning to her team. Both Shikamaru and Sai looked as if they might keel over if the wind blew too hard. Neiji was the only one who seemed unphased.
"Years of running with Gai-sensei," he explained simply at the dirty glare Shikamaru gave him.
Sakura smiled at the Hyuuga's words and glanced around at her surroundings. The few hours of sprinting hadn't gotten them out of the thick woods that the Fire Country was known to have, but they were nearing the border. She turned her back on her team and sat down cross-legged. Although she was out of breath and soaked in sweat, she never felt more alive. She felt as if she could have run forever, and very well may have tried to if her team hadn't of convinced her to take a break.
"They're slowing you down," Sakura said aloud, still under the control of her subconscious, before the demon relinquished control to the medic and receded back into the far corners of her mind.
At her words, Sai, Shikamaru, and Neiji shared a knowing look before glancing at the kunoichi on their team. Neiji turned on his Byakugan and examined the pink-haired medic closely. His eyes widened as he recognized the strange chakra signature that resided within Sakura.
"Her chakra flow is different than it normally is," Neiji whispered quietly to the two ANBU members near him as they all sat down to rest. "Her chakra is always different when she acts like this."
"How so?" Sai asked.
"It's darker and chaotic, the flow is unstable," the Hyuuga answered.
"And you're sure it's like this whenever her behavior is abnormal?" Shikamaru questioned, staring at Sakura and listening intently to his teammate's words.
"Well I can't say if it's like this when she acts out of character when I'm not there, but I am certain that every time I've seen her act…differently, her chakra is also different," Neiji replied.
"Can you see what is affecting her chakra and behavior?" Shikamaru asked, worry beginning to replace the boredom in his tone.
"No," Neiji began, "But I can see that the unstable flow is getting worse."
"We should take her back to Konoha," Sai stated firmly, staring intently at Sakura's back. "If her mental state is deteriorating because of a corrupted chakra flow, then she is in no shape to be outside of a hospital, let alone on a mission."
"We can't just turn around and go back," Shikamaru said, dismissing Sai's suggestion. "It's not like she would willingly come back to the village and be hospitalized. Besides, if Kakashi-sama believes she can handle this, then we should too."
"But Hokage-sama doesn't know about the behavior changes or chakra irregularities," Sai argued, turning to face Neiji and Shikamaru. "I wouldn't be able to stand it if something bad happens to her because we didn't seek help for her. Naruto would never forgive me if anything happened to her."
"I know you're concerned about her," Neiji spoke up, "But Shikamaru is right. We can't just go back now; we're almost at the Land of Lightning. Her behavior and chakra may be unusual, but we can't be concerned with that right now. Besides, you saw how desperately she wanted to see Naruto. Who knows, seeing him might actually bring her back to normal."
"Are you boys holding a team meeting without me?" Sakura growled.
The ANBU members glanced up from where they were seated to see a very angry kunoichi towering over them.
"No Sakura-chan," said Sai, flashing her one of his fake smiles to cover up his worry for her. "We were just talking about whether we should sleep outside tonight or try to find an inn to stay in."
Sakura raised an eyebrow at the artist-nin's fake smile and flimsy lie. Although she had been busy regaining control from her inner demon while they all were taking a moment to rest, she had still heard every word her teammates had said about her. She had been concerned when she heard Neiji reveal that her chakra flow was unstable and steadily getting worse, but that concern had been replaced by anger when she heard Sai suggest taking her back to Konoha, to the hospital, to hell…
"What's your opinion on the matter?" Shikamaru's question stirred Sakura from her memories of days spent in a state of catatonia, pumped full of drugs and under constant doctoral observation.
"I don't mind sleeping outside," Sakura said, walking away from her teammates. Her brief recollection of her hospital stay left her feeling cold, and she wrapped her arms around herself in a vain attempt to shield herself from the numbing coldness that bad memories always bring. "I think we rested enough, we should start moving again."
She didn't wait for a response. She simply began a slow jog towards the border that would lead them to the Land of Lightning. It wasn't long until she sensed her teammates join her, trailing behind her. She quickened her pace, and felt her teammates do the same, adjusting their strides to match the pace she was setting. However, Sakura knew it didn't matter how fast she tried to run, she wouldn't be able to outstrip those memories that haunted her, reminding her that she was badly damaged and unable to be fixed.
Don't worry, Inner Sakura comforted, I'll never let them put you back in that place. I'll kill anyone who tries.
Sakura glanced at Sai, concerned at the threat her subconscious posed. She didn't want to end up hurting him the way she did her shishou. Sai caught her look, and returned it with his own look of concern. Her heart squeezed painfully at the thought of him hurting because of something she did. She knew that he had only suggested returning her to the hospital because he thought she needed help. However, he had no idea the hell she had experienced while locked up there, and she had no intentions on ever going back. Besides, the last time she had been to a hospital, she had killed the one she had been visiting, her shishou, rendering any therapeutic possibilities a hospital could provide as useless. She had struggled living in Konoha with the knowledge that she had failed a mission through borderline treasonous actions. She knew she wouldn't be able to stay at a hospital with the guilt over what she had done to Tsunade. If she went back to a hospital, she would open up her wrists again to escape that guilt.
They continued running in silence until the terrain gradually shifted into a heavily mountainous area, signifying that they had finally reached the border. Exhausted, they set up camp near a quietly trickling river, Sakura and Sai pitching up the tents while Neiji opened their rations and began to prepare a stew for dinner. Shikamaru had quickly gathered firewood and started a fire.
"This is good Neiji," Sakura said, trying to break the awkward silence they sat in after everything was set up and the food was ready.
"Thank you," Neiji answered politely. No one else made an attempt to make conversation.
Sakura sighed and continued to eat in silence, trying to fight the urge to just get up and leave.
You know you could just talk to me if you want to chat so badly, Inner Sakura suggested.
Sakura just rolled her eyes in response and stood up, leaving her meal only half eaten. "I think I want to scout out the area for a minute. When I come back, I'll take the first watch," she stated simply before quickly turning around and walking into the surrounding thicket of trees.
"Be careful," Shikamaru warned.
"I always am," she replied without turning around. Once she felt that she had put sufficient distance between herself and her team she let out a sigh of relief. There was tension in the air, and she had a feeling she knew where it was coming from.
You wouldn't be referring to me, would you?, Inner Sakura asked coyly.
"Actually, I was referring to my teammates. They know something is up," Sakura whispered. "You don't think they already know about Tsunade-shishou, do you?"
"What about Tsunade-sama?" a voice asked behind Sakura.
"Sai, what the hell?" Sakura shrieked as she whirled around and spotted the artist looking at her concernedly. "Are you spying on me?"
"I'm worried about you," Sai said quietly, stepping closer to the pink-haired kunoichi. He stopped right in front of her and grabbed Sakura by the chin to force her to look at him. "Tell me what's wrong," he demanded quietly.
"I-I can't," Sakura stuttered, scrunching her face up in frustration. The imploring gaze and comforting tone from Sai were making her feel so conflicted. She desperately wished she could confide in him, but she knew once she did, he would not be looking at her and speaking to her as he was now. He would hate her and despise her. He would hurt her.
Hurt him before he hurts you, Inner Sakura suggested calmly. Basic rules of survival, maybe you should brush up on those since we will be striking out on our own soon.
"Do you not trust me?" Sai asked, tone clearly indicating that he was hurt.
"Shouldn't I be asking you that question?" Sakura growled, recalling the conversation amongst the ANBU members she had heard earlier that day. "Did you all lie when you all promised Kakashi-sama that your issues were settled with me?"
"Did you lie to Hokage-sama when you said you'd be able to handle this mission?" Sai countered calmly.
Heartless indeed! Inner Sakura cried outraged. You could make him hurt so badly for that slight against you if you follow my directions exactly. First take out your kunai, then—
The sound of Sakura's fist connecting with Sai's jaw cut off Inner Sakura's ramble. The look of total shock and pain on Sai's face made Sakura immediately feel bad for what she had done.
"The last time you struck me like this," Sai said, wincing as he began to gently rub his already bruising jaw, "Was when I badmouthed Sasuke to you and Naruto. This is about Sasuke again isn't it? You're afraid you're not going to be able to follow through again."
Not the way I would have preferred you to handle things, but at least he thinks you're upset over Sasuke and not Tsunade, Inner Sakura commented, nodding her head in approval.
"I'm sorry Sai," Sakura said, stepping closer and infusing chakra in her lips before gently brushing Sai's hand away and kissing each bruise, watching them fade away as quickly as they had bloomed. She felt Sai immediately stiffen at her touch.
"Sakura, I don't think that's appropriate right now," Sai said gently pushing Sakura away from him. He ignored the sad frown of rejection that briefly crossed her features as his mind was filled with images of her lying naked in his bed, skin glowing in soft candle light. Skin that he had discovered was quite soft to the touch…
"You're right," Sakura said, flashing Sai one of his own fake smiles. "We are on a mission; I don't know what I was thinking."
I know what you were thinking, Inner Sakura commented suggestively, winking playfully.
"We should head back to camp," Sakura said, ignoring her subconscious and immediately started walking. She didn't look at or wait for Sai, she didn't want to make an awkward situation worse.
"Wait Sakura," Sai said, grabbing her wrist and stopping her. "I need to know, can you do this? Will you be able to complete the mission no matter what happens or who appears? Can I trust you to be in control?"
Sakura stilled at the last question. She looked up into Sai's eyes and was surprised to find many tumultuous emotions clouding his normally emotionless gaze. She wanted to ease those concerns and promise him that she could stay in control, but that would be a lie. Her control over her subconscious was slippery at best. Inner Sakura did whatever she wanted to do, appearing and disappearing whenever she felt like it. The only time she had ever exuded any control was only after Tsunade had locked away the demon inside the far corners of the medic's mind. However, deception was the name of the game in the shinobi world, and if deceiving her team would save them from her volatile side, and save herself from Konoha's wrath, then so be it.
"I am in control now Sai," Sakura said, continuing to meet his gaze to convince him to believe her.
Sai stared at her intently as he dissected her words and her gaze. Her words and tone suggested that she actually believed what she was saying, but her eyes were more ambivalent. If she knew how much her emerald orbs could reveal to him, he doubted she would have even looked him in the eye. He could tell that she was urging him to believe her even when she didn't fully believe herself, and this confused him. What was so terrible that she couldn't confide in anyone on her team? He still believe that whatever it was, Naruto would be able to help her, and that belief was hurting him more than he had originally realized. Sakura and he had always had a strained friendship, and recent events were just adding to that strain. However, just because their friendship was confusing and unconventional didn't mean that he didn't legitimately care for her. Despite their unusual relationship, he still wished he could be the one that redeemed the pink-haired medic.
"I believe you," he said, and instantly felt bad for lying to her. He let go of Sakura's wrist and let her walk back towards the camp, trailing softly behind her.
As they both walked in silence, dwelling on the shared guilt of dishonesty, Sai stared at the kunoichi's back. He couldn't shake the feeling that he wouldn't be seeing her for much longer.
What do you think? Do you like it so far? I want to know what you think. I'm almost done with part two of this chapter...I'd like to get it up in a week, but we'll see what happens. School, work, and life kinda interrupt my writing time...Thanks again for reading!
