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Chapter 26: June 1997

Cheating

I saw Eddie at a restaurant, outside of Vegas… small, not well known… the only place I had found in the entire metropolitan area that served good German food. I had been craving knoephla soup like nobody's business, maybe because I'd spent so much time longing after everything I'd lost in Minnesota.

People say that time heals all wounds—whoever said it had never lost a child. When I made big changes in my life, I could focus and therefore not suffer with every breath… but I was settled in Vegas, with no intent nor desire to leave, and I didn't really have anyone… I had two people at work I talked to, only at work—A woman who certainly had her own share of personal issues to deal with, and another middle-aged man who didn't share much of himself either, except for the bottle of scotch he kept in the bottom drawer of his desk.

With thoughts on the Midwest, I suppose it was only natural to crave something thick and warm and satisfying, even if it was only a soup that reminded me of my life there. Laura always made it, when me or Amber were sick—better than Chicken Noodle, she would tell me, and I would roll my eyes indulgently.

Still, when you drive a half an hour to an obscure mom-and-pop diner for food native to an entire other region of the country… you don't expect to see your coworker's husband with his tongue down another blonde's throat. I was stunned at first—my mind unable to catch up with my body fast enough to tell me to look away, to not be seen…

And then he caught my eye, and I wasn't sure what to do. I'm not a confrontational man—I have to pushed to anger—but I cared about Catherine… her husband and her daughter were the most important things in her world. …Maybe that's why I didn't tell her. It certainly wasn't for Eddie's sake…

I had looked away, shaking my head in disgust, and turned to my food. I heard him murmur something to the woman—clearly too young for him—and then in a moment he was sitting across the booth from me.

"Gil…"

I shake my head. "Eddie."

"Listen… let me explain the situation…"

"Let me guess, she's your kid sister?"

He laughed. I didn't. His smile faded.

"No… I can't deny it, I know you're not an idiot… I was having an affair with her."

"Was?" I asked, with a raised brow. His mouth was still stained red from her lipstick.

"Yes!" He seemed eager to grasp onto this. "I… I'm breaking it off with her. I, well… I already did, last week… and then she calls me, today, and says she's moving back home, to Virginia... and can I come have dinner, one last time, to say goodbye? …I—I love Catherine, Gil."

I shake my head. "A happily married man doesn't cheat."

He almost growled at my words, but I wasn't afraid of the man—my eyebrows simply moved closer to my hairline as I watched him try to dig himself out of the hole he was in.

"I'm obviously not happily married, Gil. You've had to take Lindsey enough times to know as much… but I do love her, and that's why I ended it. …I want things to work between us. I want… I want us to feel like we did when we first got married."

I shake my head. "It isn't going to feel like that… at least, not all the time. You can't be a newlywed forever… but even so, when you love someone, you don't… you don't need the butterflies. That person is enough, on their own, without the excitement of the newness of it…"

"God damn it, Gil! I'm trying! I broke it off with her! I just… you have to listen…"

But that's when I reach my breaking point, slamming a fist on the table between us, causing several of the conversations that had been lilting around us to falter.

"No, you listen! Catherine is the best thing that ever happened to a dirty scumbag like you, and for god knows what reason, she loves you. Not only does she love you, but she supports you, and Lindsey, while you're trying to chase one of the least-reliable careers out there, instead of providing for your family. Now, I'm not stupid enough to believe that you're actually breaking it off, or that Miss Virginia over there is really headed home to her mother… so give me one good reason why I shouldn't call Catherine right now and rid her of the parasite you are in this farce of a marriage?"

He draws in a shuddering breath, but I feel no sympathy for the man. Finally, he speaks. "…One… one reason. …She loves me. If you told her… she would fall apart. You know that, as well as I do."

I close my eyes, sadly, but reopen them with no less anger. "Go end it with that woman, really end it, rather than your bullshit excuses. Then, you go buy Lindsey a new copy of Aladdin, because she's watched it so many times with babysitters, when you couldn't watch her, that the tape is stuttering in some places, and then you buy Catherine the nicest piece of jewelry you can afford, and you go home. You spend some time with the family that you're damn lucky to have, and you learn to be content sharing your bed with just one beautiful woman."

He looks uncertain, and I pull out my phone, even angrier. "Or I can call her and let her know, and then I'll pick up the items on my way over to pick up the pieces of a life that was more than you ever deserved… You make the choice."

And I watched, my anger not subsiding, as he went back to his booth. I could hear snatches of the conversation, and she left ten minutes later with tears running down her face… I hope it was honest, but you can never be sure. He glared at me, before he left, and I put my phone away, feeling exhausted.

Maybe I should have told her… she did have the right to know… I just knew how much it would hurt her.

And the next night, when I saw her at work, gushing to anyone who would listen about the necklace she was wearing and how wonderful Eddie was… I couldn't bring myself to take that happiness from her, even if it was false, and even if I had the feeling that it was short-lived, at best.

There were enough broken families in this world, without my help.


Wedding

Of course, Kelly being the woman she was, married Eric the following June. It was to be expected, really… she'd always been impulsive, and anyone could see how sincerely they loved each other. And even though I had sworn up and down when she got engaged that there was no way in hell I was putting on a bridesmaid's dress and prancing around her while she let her father 'give' her to her husband, somehow here I was, clad in a strapless red gown, tying up the corset back of her poufy white princess dress.

I hated dresses. And I was the only-eff-ing-bridesmaid, so I couldn't even get lost in the group.

…But I'd never in my life seen anyone so truly and honestly happy, and I bit my damn tongue. Kelly didn't need my cynicism.

Eric's brother walked me down the aisle, his daughter—Eric's niece—behind us, dropping flowers for the most beautiful bride I thought I would ever see—face bright, already streaked with tears, expressive and uplifted in the most reverent smile I'd ever seen. And a glance at Eric showed me that it was every bit reciprocated.

It was in that moment I decided I believed in true love. Like, one-person-on-the-whole-face-of-the-fucking-earth-that-is-meant-for-only-you love.

I just thought that most people didn't find it. And there was not a soul in the world who deserved it more than my Kelly.

So I smiled even as tears cascaded down my cheeks all through the service, and I smiled when I fixed her make up in the church bathroom before pictures… I smiled when Eric's drunken brother hit on me, I smiled when I held up her dress in the bathroom so she could pee for the first time since early that morning, and I smiled when I told the bar tender to mix her drinks very weak… she had always overdone it, and she deserved to remember her wedding night.

I caught her bouquet, I danced the chicken dance, I gave a speech that made her blush—payback—and threatened Eric's manhood if he ever hurt her, but mostly just expressed how much I loved her and how happy I was for the pair of them. And when she hugged me at the end of the reception, off to her first night as a married woman, there was no doubt in either of our minds what we meant to each other.

"Thank you so much, Sara. I… I couldn't have done this without you."

I scoff. "You didn't need me… you have Eric. He's all you need." I almost felt like I was losing her… how strange. But she seemed to sense it, and gripped me tighter.

"You're my best friend in the whole world, Sara… you're my sister, and my mother and my daughter, and I love you so much."

I laugh, wiping away tears. "I love you too. …Go get laid, Mrs. Reed."

She grinned, and hugged me again, and ran into Eric's arms before leaving the ballroom to great applause, and I made my escape shortly after.

What she had said was true—even if it was a little… deep for her. We had both been that, to each other… mother and sister and daughter and best friend… I didn't think there would be another woman, my whole life long, who would be dearer to my heart than Kelly.

…But she did have Eric, now.

I would just have to keep searching for the one.

Truth be told, I hadn't believed in a "one" before now, but today I had seen otherwise… and now that I knew such a thing existed, how could I ever settle for anything less?