Chapter 4 - The Grief in the Man

After spending what seemed like an eternity crying himself sick on Cam's sofa, Seeley Booth pulled himself back together and pulled himself from Cam's arms. He leaned back against the back of the sofa, closing his swollen eyes and sucking in deep breaths.

"Seeley, are you...will you be alright?" Cam asked, feeling helpless and a little ridiculous. Obviously, "alright" was the last thing he was.

"Yeah, Cam, I'll be ok. I...thanks for letting me..." he shrugged, not really able to finish the thought. He stood and moved to the door. "I gotta go, Cam. I need to get out of here." He looked at her apologetically. "I can't be here when everyone comes in and you have to tell them...what happened."

Cam nodded and stood as well. She reached out to squeeze his arm, saying "I understand, Booth, it's fine." She stepped closer and waited until he met her steady gaze. "Just don't do anything...stupid, Booth, ok?"

Booth tried to summon something that looked like a smile and merely shook his head. He had plenty of stupid things in mind he could do, but nothing for Cam to really worry about. He took another swipe at his wet face, turned and made his way out of the Jeffersonian, leaving a worried looking Cam to stare after him.

~~BB~~

Although Booth had thought he wanted to be away from anywhere memories of her would dog him, he ended up sitting on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in their spot. It was a beautiful spring day, the sun glinting off the water in the distance, the air warm and dry. It was just the sort of day they would have taken a few minutes to enjoy together. Perhaps sharing a cup of coffee or just watching all the people go by. Sometimes Booth would make up stories about the people they saw, crazy stories, just to hear her laugh.

Booth dropped his head between his knees and twisted his fingers behind his neck, trying desperately not to get swallowed up in his grief again. He had arrangements to make, people to contact, and he couldn't afford to completely lose his mind. He owed it to her to take care of things as she would have wanted. The tears he'd shed in Cam's office had only taken the very first blush off what he was feeling. The hole in his heart was so enormous, he could barely breathe, barely keep a conscious thought. It had only been a few hours and he was already missing her so badly he wasn't sure how the hell he'd make it through an entire day. And then there were going to be just more and more of those days ahead, so many more days.

Seconds stretched into minutes and minutes stretched into hours. The sun traced its usual path across the sky and the breeze slowed and stilled, then resumed. The shadows from the building and the trees and people changed and lengthened. Time passed. Life went on. People went about their business as they did every other day. Booth, from his perch on the steps, noticed little of it. His mind had only one interest. Remembering the woman he loved. Occasionally, tears would track slowly down his face. Other times, he would smile and shake his head. Some moments he even laughed out loud.

Eventually, day passed into evening as it always does. The workday ended and the busy people from earlier were replaced by couples and friends and families enjoying the excellent weather. The breeze shifted again and brought the smells of nearby restaurants. Sometimes, if you listened closely, you could even hear the laughter and conversation from the patios around those restaurants. Time passed. And life went on.

While it really shouldn't have surprised him, Booth was a little startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He raised weary eyes to meet Cam's sympathetic ones. He dropped his gaze back to the concrete steps in front of him and grunted, "What are you doing here?"

Cam took that as an invitation and settled herself next to him. She kicked off her insanely high heels and sighed in relief. "I'll assume that was a rhetorical question, Booth," she muttered as she stretched her legs out in front of her. "So, Seeley, been sitting here all day?"

Booth shrugged, tracing aimless designs on the step with a twig that had blown by. "Yes, Camille," he replied, dragging out her full name sardonically, "I've been sitting here all day. Alone. As in by myself. Without anyone else."

"Don't call me Camille," she replied automatically, elbowing him lightly in the ribs.

"Don't call me Seeley," he said, a small smile lightening his face as he glanced at her and elbowed her back.

Cam stood, grabbing her shoes in one hand and holding out the other to Booth. "Come on, Booth, let's go to Wong Foo's and I'll buy you some dinner." He didn't move immediately, so she nudged him with her bare foot, saying, "Seeley, get your ass up off these steps and get moving."

He sighed and allowed her to pull him up off the steps. He knew it was useless to resist when she took on that "I'm the Boss" tone. Booth's joints protested rather loudly as he straightened, stiff from sitting in the same position for so many hours. "Alright, Cam, alright," he said as she dragged him down the steps, off toward Wong Foo's. He looked back, just once, as they stepped off into the evening crowd.

"Cam, is that you?" Brennan said as she took the phone from Agent Simons. "Cam?"

"Yes, Dr. Brennan, it's me," Cam replied. It had been agreed during the strategy meetings prior to Dr. Brennan's "accident" that Cam would initiate contact when it was safe to do so. She'd just returned home after getting Booth to eat at least a little food to soak up the scotch he'd insisted on at Wong Foo's. She'd left him snoring softly in his bed, where he'd collapsed after she'd practically had to drag him up the stairs to his apartment. "How are you feeling, Dr. Brennan?"

"Still a little woozy with a bit of a headache, but not too bad," Brennan said. They had dosed Brennan with a carefully controlled version of tetrodotoxin, derived from the fish commonly known as the "pufferfish." It slows respiration and heartbeat to a almost undetectable level, thus simulating death. It's not an ideal situation as it can cause brain damage if left too long, but it was enough to serve their purposes. "How's...is everything...I mean..." Brennan was wanting to ask about Booth, worried about how he was handling the situation, but almost felt ashamed to ask. This was, after all, her fault.

Cam tried not to sigh too loudly into the phone. She was pretty sure Dr. Brennan felt badly enough about all this without her adding to it. But she wasn't really inclined to sugar coat anything either. She was the one who'd held Booth while he sobbed his heart out then watched him drown his sadness in booze and she wasn't real happy about it at this point.

"Booth is...well...," Cam began, trying to find the best way to put it. She did sigh this time and said bluntly, "Booth's in living hell right at the moment, Dr. Brennan. I'm sorry, but I can't put it any other way. We need to figure out Lockton's deal and get him into custody soon." At her words, she heard Dr. Brennan suck in a startled breath. She felt guilty for a brief moment, but pushed it away. Brennan should know the consequences of all this, even though the whole situation was hardly her fault.

Brennan could barely get the words out, but she finally whispered, "Oh, ok, well, thanks, Cam. I'll...um...talk to you soon." She snapped the cell phone shut, nearly threw it back at Agent Simons and ran into her adjoining bedroom.

Collapsing on her bed, Brennan tried desperately to hold back the tears filling her eyes. She'd known, really, what would happen if they carried through this plan, but it was the only way. It was the only way to keep him safe. It was the only way. She kept repeating the words to herself, but it wasn't easing the strange ache in her chest. Booth was suffering, again, because of her. She'd been right when she told him he needed protecting from her.

All she did was cause him pain.


A/N: Wow, let me say thank you again for the reviews and alerts! I'm just stunned at the response this story has received so far! I hope you're still enjoying and that I'm doing them justice! Next chapter will be some work on the case, and, of course, more Booth!