Chapter 11 - The Fear in the Heart

Hodgins sat in his car, head leaned back on the seat, eyes closed. He was methodically running through possible locations where he might find Booth. He considered and rejected The Founding Fathers, the Mall, Wong Foo's, the Hoover Building, and the Jeffersonian. All were too crowded, too familiar and with too much chance of running into someone he knew. "If I were Booth, where would I go?" he muttered to himself. "If I were Booth and I was upset, where would I go?"

Seconds later, he sat up with a grin and pulled out his phone. A few quick taps and he had the information he needed. Starting the car, he pulled out of the parking deck and merged into traffic.

A short drive later, he parked the car and stepped out onto the pavement. He stood for a moment, taking in the architecture of the Church of St. Michael the Archangel. It was incredibly beautiful with intricate carvings of angels and cherubim. Taking a deep breath, he pulled open the heavy wooden doors and stepped inside.

Immediately the scent of incense overwhelmed him. The sanctuary was lit only by candles, supplemented by some light from a few stained glass windows. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he spotted the target of his search. Booth was seated by himself, a few pews from the back. He was kneeling, his forearms resting on the back of the pew in front of him, head bowed.

Hodgins approached quietly and slid into the pew beside Booth without a word. They sat silently for a few moments, then Booth eased back off his knees and onto the bench. Hodgins glanced over at him and cringed slightly. Booth's face was drawn, his eyes haunted. Five o'clock shadow darkened his jaw, enhancing the rather dark and dangerous vibe he was currently working. He looked like a man on the edge. Hodgins was just hoping he wouldn't be the one to push him over it when he asked him to come back to the hospital.

"What are you doing here, Hodgins?" Booth growled, narrowing his eyes at the scientist. He'd come here to get away, be alone. He apparently needed to find some better private spots since everyone seemed to be able to find him whenever they wanted.

Hodgins met Booth's hostile gaze without flinching and said softly, "Dr. B. woke up and asked for you."

Booth ended up being the one to flinch and drop his eyes at those words. "She asked for me?" he murmured, trying to fight back the hope rising within him.

"Yup," Hodgins replied. "Quite frantically in fact. She tried to get out of bed and when that didn't work, she demanded that we find you as soon as possible." Hodgins paused, trying to decide whether to include the last bit. "She...she seemed worried about you. I told her I'd come get you and she slipped back under."

Booth leaned his head against the back of the pew, closing his eyes with a heavy sigh. That figured. He had shot her and she was worried about him.

Hodgins was silent for a moment, then asked, "Why did you run, dude?" He didn't back down when Booth glared at him again, just stared at him calmly, his bright blue eyes concerned, curious, and a little annoyed. Hodgins knew just as well as anyone else, perhaps better, how much the two partners meant to each other. He also knew that Booth wasn't the type to run away when things got tough. Obviously the last week had been difficult for both of them, for varying reasons, but the bond between them was stronger than anything Hodgins had ever seen. And yet, for some reason he wasn't able to fathom, Booth was sitting here in church instead of by Brennan's bedside, holding her hand, waiting for her to wake up.

Booth turned his head back to stare at the frescoes on the ceiling. It was an excellent question. Booth had never run from anything in his life. Yet here he was, sitting in a church, instead of sitting by Bones bed, holding her hand, waiting for her to wake up. After several minutes of silence, he whispered, never taking his eyes from the ceiling, "Because I'm afraid..."

Hodgins lifted an eyebrow. "You? Army Ranger sniper, FBI special agent, all-around alpha male specimen, Seeley Booth?" Booth didn't move or respond, just continued his contemplation of the frescoes. Hodgins huffed out a breath and murmured, "Afraid of what?"

"I'm afraid we're not going to be able to come back from this," he said heavily. Hodgins didn't have to ask who "we" was. "I'm afraid she'll hate me for shooting her. I'm afraid her guilt over the whole faked death thing will make her push me further away. I'm afraid..." He paused and swallowed hard before whispering, "I'm afraid I love her too much to let her walk away again."

Hodgins sat for a moment, stunned, and frankly shocked, at the vulnerability Booth was revealing. He wasn't entirely sure how to respond to Booth's comments, but he knew he'd have to if he had any chance of getting him back to Brennan. He'd already been here for some time; he didn't want to push it much further or she'd wake up.

He cleared his throat and turned his gaze to the alter to give Booth a little space. "You know, Booth, to be honest, I've never seen anything like you and Dr. Brennan. The connection you two have is amazing, and, honestly, a little strange." Booth snorted. "Well, it is!" he said, smiling a little himself. "But that connection, from all the evidence over the last five years, is absolutely unbreakable. Criminals have tried; the Gravedigger and Epps. Other people have tried; Tessa, Catherine, Sully, your boss. Even the two of you have tried. But at the end of the day, it's always been you and Dr. Brennan, sometimes bent, a little scorched, maybe somewhat worse for wear, but inescapably connected. Always there for each other." He shook his head, before continuing in the same soft voice, "It's stunning and kind of inspiring to watch actually. You two have something that most people look for their whole lives. Tough or not, afraid or not, you can't let it go. It's not right."

He was quiet then. Both men were silent for a few moments. Hodgins finally turned his head to cast a glance at Booth. Hopefully his little speech wasn't too much, too crazy sounding. His eyes met Booth's and he was astonished to find the other man's eyes were wet with tears. Great, now he was really in trouble. He'd messed this up completely. His wife was going to kill him and then let Dr. B have a go at him.

Before Hodgins could finish mentally flailing himself for screwing up his mission, Booth straighted in the pew, then stood. "You're right, Hodgins, you're absolutely right."

"I am?" the confused scientist replied. He recovered quickly and stood as well. "Right, yeah, of course I'm right, Booth."

Booth clapped him on the shoulder, pushing him out the pew at the same time. "Nothing comes between Bones and I, ever. Not my fear, not hers, not anyone or anything." He smiled at the bug man, who still looked a little shell-shocked, and said, "Come on, buddy, let's get back to that hospital!"

~~B&B~~

Angela looked up from her magazine as Brennan stirred in the hospital bed. She'd been out for some time now, restless the whole time. Angela was sure she'd heard her mumbling Booth's name a few times, her face pulling into a frown. She glanced at her watch; it had been about 45 minutes since Jack had left to find Booth. It was now looking like Brennan was actually going to awaken this time, her eyes fluttering, struggling to come back to consciousness. And Jack hadn't returned.

Brennan's eyes drifted open slightly, blinking at the light in the room. She looked around, trying to get her bearings. Angela stood and moved closer to the bed, stroking her hair away from her face. "Bren? Sweetie? Can you hear me?"

Brennan nodded, shifting painfully on the bed. "Yes, Angela, I can hear you just fine." As the memories flooded back at her again, she sat ups suddenly, sucking in a gasp as the pain flooded her sore shoulder.

Angela reached for her, trying to help her find a comfortable position. "Sweetie, let me call the nurse, they can give you something for the pain."

"No, Ange," Brennan replied, shaking her head vehemently. "It'll make me sleep again and I need to talk to Booth. Where is he? Where's Booth?" Her voice rose with each syllable, fear and some other emotions she couldn't quite identify taking her voice out of her control.

"Ummm," Angela began, before she was interrupted by a voice from the door.

"I'm here, Bones, I'm here, it's ok." Booth said soothingly as he rushed into the room. He made his way to the other side of the bed, gently running his finger down her cheek.

Brennan relaxed back on the bed, finding that Angela had raised the back into a more comfortable reclined position. She reached her free hand out to Booth and he immediately wrapped his fingers around hers, his other hand coming to stroke the back of it. Their eyes met and held. Something passed between them, along that unbreakable connection Hodgins had identified. Some of the worry eased from Booth's face; some of the panic eased from Brennan's. Booth slowly raised her hand to his lips and he kissed the back of it, eyes never leaving hers. A small smile turned up the edges of her lips; a similar smile crossed his, dimpling his cheeks.

"Ahem!" came a voice. "While I hate to interrupt this touching moment, I'd like to know what the hell has been going on around here!"

Startled from their little bubble, the partners looked for the source of the demanding voice and the foot they could hear tapping the linoleum. Angela looked at them sternly from the other side of Brennan's bed, arms crossed, the look on her face telling them she wouldn't be put off any longer. Brennan glanced at Booth, who shrugged, the smile on his face widening. This had been her plan and he was leaving it to her to explain.

She frowned at him, causing him to snicker softly, and turned her attention back to Angela. "Well, Angela," she began, "you see, I...well, it was sort of like when Booth and I went undercover, except this time, I was playing dead." She stopped when they all burst into laughter. A frown creasing her brow, she said, "What? I don't understand what's so funny."

Angela shook her head at Brennan. "Seriously, Bren? Faking your death and going undercover are not exactly the same thing!"

Booth stepped in then and explained all that had happened over the last week, including him pulling Brennan from protective custody and coming up with the plan for the funeral. When he reached the place in the story where Lockton grabbed Brennan, his voice broke a little and he stopped, looking at Brennan, the pain of that moment clear on his features.

She picked up the story at the point, explaining that Lockton held her such that she couldn't disarm him or get away, even with all her martial arts skills. Lockton was also aware of Booth's excellent shooting skills and was able to use Brennan as a human shield. Her eyes never left Booth's face, although he couldn't quite meet her eyes, as she talked about her insistence that Booth take the shot anyway to take down Lockton.

She tugged a little on her hand, wanting Booth to look at her, to see that she was fine, that she had trusted him. He finally raised his eyes to hers and she could see what the decision had cost him. Her next words were meant for him, to make him understand. "I trusted that Booth was quite capable of placing the shot in such a way as to cause me the least amount of harm while still causing Lockton to release me. And he did what was necessary. The doctors say the damage was quite minimal and that while I'll be sore for awhile, there will be no permanent injury." She squeezed his hand and smiled. "I'm alive, Lockton is dead and the FBI mole was apprehended. It's over." She looked over at Angela, her face contrite. "I'm sorry you had to think I was dead, Ange."

Angela leaned forward and patted Brennan's leg. "I know, Sweetie, but I understand why you felt you had to do it. And as you said, you're alive, he's dead and it's all over." She paused, then glared at the two of them. "But I swear to you, if you two ever try a stunt like this again, you will be in so much trouble, fake death will seem like a day at the beach!"

Hodgins, who had been mostly silent through this discussion, cleared his throat. "Well," he said, touching his wife's shoulder gently, "we should probably get out of here. I'm sure there's probably plenty of evidence to be processed." Angela looked up at him, her expression clearly saying she thought he was nuts to be talking about processing evidence, but when he cast his eyes pointedly at Booth and Brennan, she took the hint.

"Right, yeah, evidence and stuff," she said, standing and gathering up her things. She bent over the bed to give Brennan a careful hug. Her mouth close to Brennan's ear, she whispered, "Make sure you talk to him, sweetie. He was absolutely devastated when he thought you were dead and then he had to shoot you. You two need to stop dancing around each other and be honest about how you feel." She kissed Brennan's cheek and turned to the door, dragging Hodgins behind her. He grinned, waving as she pulled him out the door, leaving the partners alone.

Now that they were alone, neither seemed to know what to say. They looked at each other, waiting for the other to speak. There was so much to say, but it was difficult to know where to start.

Brennan finally broke the silence. "Booth," she murmured, her eyes on their intertwined hands, "I...there's something...there's something I need to know." She could feel his eyes on her face, but she just couldn't meet his questioning stare. Her fingers tightened on his as she spoke. "I need to know..." Her voice cracked and she swallowed hard against the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. "I need to know if you can forgive me for betraying you," she said in a rush, and then waited to hear her fate.


A/N: Hope you all enjoyed this one! Booth and Hodgins don't get to bond as much as they really should, but I always see Hodgins as such a romantic, he could say what needed to be said. Oh, and there's no Church of St. Michael the Archangel that I'm aware of, but I chose St. Michael as he's the patron saint of police and the sick. And, thanks to my wonderful reviewer Southun Lady for the idea to have Booth at church! Next chapter, the last one I think, is in the works, I'll try not to make you wait so long for it! Thanks as always for all the support, it means a great deal that so many people are enjoying this story! Standard disclaimers still apply! :)