Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. These ditties are mine, as are Duke and McCallister. I promise not all of these are going to be funny and goofy. I've got a few more serious ones in the works…but not in this chapter. Tee hee.
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016 – Cable Guy
"Move it a little more to the left." Tifa said from the living room.
Out on the fire escape, Leon groaned. "If I go any more left, I'll land in the middle of the street."
"Then…move it to the right." Tifa waved her arm as if that would help.
The television screen displayed only static and that harsh sizzling noise. If there were any less signal on this television, it would have been dead. Antennae hadn't worked, giving Duke an aluminum foil tail hadn't worked, but according to the cable company, they should be getting crystal clear reception.
So they were making their own reception.
The screen flashed into some semblance of a visual before immediately fuzzing back into nonsense.
"You're…you're making it worse!" Tifa walked over and looked out the window.
Roughly one flight higher up on the fire escape, Leon glared daggers at her. "Well, why don't YOU dangle off the building and try to hook this up and I'LL sit in the room staring at the screen!"
"Because my rock crushed your scissors, now move it to the left!" She ducked back into the apartment.
Static just blared at her from the television box.
So much for catching the game this afternoon. Oh well, this was more entertaining anyway.
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017 – Prank War 1
Leon casually walked into Tifa's office, leaning against the doorway, the face of nonchalance.
Tifa looked up, eyes cold and a vein sticking out of her neck. "You are so dead."
"What?" He feigned innocence…he'd never been good at that. "You look upset."
"When I get out of this—" She snarled.
Leon fought to repress a smirk, allowing only one corner of his mouth to turn up slightly. "This is just payback for setting my alarm clock to go off at four a.m. to the sound of the firing squad."
Tifa glared furiously, but didn't stand up from her chair…well, couldn't was the operative word, seeing as Leon had layered copious amounts of glue to the seat of it.
"You son of a…" She snarled. "You better watch your back!"
"Yeah, yeah." He turned and walked out of her office.
"I will end you!" She yelled after him.
"Yeah, yeah."
(…to be continued…)
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018 - Rumors
"Well, you don't exactly give off a just-friends vibe."
"McCallister."
"I don't mean to overstep my bounds—"
"Well you are."
"But seriously, you two are like—"
Leon stopped and turned to face McCallister squarely, eyes narrowed. "Like what?"
McCallister's jaw glued itself shut.
Leon folded his arms. "No, come on. Five seconds ago you wouldn't shut up…What are Tifa and I like?"
The private's eyes dropped to her boots, "I apologize, sir."
Leon rolled his eyes and turned to walk away.
"But…but you gotta admit it LOOKS suspicious!" She chirped.
Before he could lock his gaze o'doom on her again, McCallister lifted her hands.
"Speaking from a purely outside view, sir. You and Brigadier General Lockhart spend an awful lot of time together. The public might find it…odd."
"We work together, McCallister. It's hard to work together when you aren't in the same place." Leon replied flatly.
"Yeah, but…but even going on missions together. It's dangerous for two high priority leaders—"
"I don't trust anybody else. Neither does she." He snapped, walking on.
McCallister trailed after him, "And the living together part?"
"Practical purposes."
"But what about—"
"Private McCallister." Leon said, nerves fraying.
She fell quiet behind him and he turned around to face her again.
"I don't give a rat's ass what the public opinion is. It's none of their damn business. And for the record, we are just friends." Leon blurted, tongue loose from the pent up frustration. "Whoever is voicing these opinions to you needs to get their heads out of the damn soap operas."
Making a noise of pure annoyance, he marched into his office, slamming the door behind him.
"Bit of an ass, right?" Tifa walked down the hallway, thumbing through a file. "What were you two talking about that got him so riled up?"
McCallister opened and closed her mouth a few times before shrugging, "Nothing apparently."
"Huh, must be the Man Time of the Month." Tifa snorted, going into her office.
Thoroughly perplexed, the private hung her head and sighed in defeat, going back to the main work area. Why did I even open my stupid mouth?
