Sorry it's so late. I'm failing Chem so I have an excuse. This is dedicated to one of my bffs, Loliver Fanfiction (GO LOLIVER!), yes, we are addicted to Hannah Montana. I know i know, I'm fifteen, get over it. Loliver is LOVE! Anyway, here's the chapter. Hope you enjoy.

Live long and prosper


Shut Up and Drive

"Wahoo!" Holly yelled, throwing her hands into the air. "That's what I'm talking about!" Artemis grinned at her and pushed his foot harder on the accelerator, cranking up their speed to 150km/h which was pretty good for a rookie. They sped along the motorway, the Scud, accelerating at an unbelievable rate. Good thing their hair was so short, otherwise it would have blown everywhere in the extreme wind coming straight at them. Holly casually leant back in her seat, putting her arm over Artemis's head rest.

"So," she said. "Do you think we'll be pulled up at this speed?" Artemis shrugged.

"Probably," he replied. "But you need to remember that this is the car that my father got me. He will have done something to it to avoid me getting caught by the cops." Holly smiled ruefully, there were times that she found it difficult to keep her policeman side to herself when Artemis was breaking the law, but hopefully he would get his just desserts.

The next thing they heard was a siren. At first, Artemis ignored it, claiming it to be running after a criminal. But then he heard it directly behind him, the familiar 'pull over' coming from the loud speaker. Artemis sighed and did as he was told, pulling over onto the grass on the side of the motorway. The young cop parked behind them and came round to the Scud.

"Excuse me sir," he said. "But are you aware of what speed you were going at?" Artemis tried acting innocent.

"Yes," he replied. "Why? I wasn't speeding was I?" he asked, his face perfectly portraying a non-guilty citizen. The cop pulled out a device that Artemis immediately recognised as a hand held speedometer.

"You were going at 200km/h," the young man said. "That's double the speed limit." Artemis's eyes widened as if he really was surprised.

"Really?" he asked. "I was told by my teacher that that was the speed limit." The cop put away the device and pulled out a notebook instead.

"What was your teacher's name?" he asked. "They sound like someone who's just asking to be put away for a few years. Oh and what's your name" Artemis smirked slightly; it was time to get his own back. He quickly wiped the smirk off his face and replaced it with an innocent smile.

"I'm Artemis Fowl the second. My good friend Damon Kronski was my teacher," he said. "He came over here to teach me." Holly smirked behind him, Kronski was bound to remember the ten year old Artemis who spoilt his life and now, he would be discovered by the police and found out for other things that he had done in the past. He would hopefully be thrown into jail for a good few years.

The policeman hummed and hahed, writing down something in his notebook. He looked back up at them.

"We have quite a file on our friend, Damon," he said. "There have been many rumours that he has been involved with extinctionists." Artemis raised his eyebrows and turned to look at Holly.

"We thought that everyone knew that," he said innocently, then opened his mouth in fake shock. "Oh no, he told us not to tell anyone. He said that he'd kill us." The policeman scribbled something down.

"That he'd kill you?" he asked. "That could add another few years onto his sentence." Artemis inwardly grinned; this little encounter was going completely his way.

"Really?" he asked. The officer nodded, putting his notebook away.

"Yes," he said. "Thank you, Master Fowl. You've been great help." He smiled and went back to his car, driving away as fast as he had come. Artemis looked at Holly. They sat there for a few moments, their lips twitching, but they couldn't hold it in anymore and collapsed into fits of hysterical laughter.

"That," Holly choked, "was awesome." Artemis, having composed himself already and beginning to drive at a much slower speed, just raised an eyebrow at her.

"Really, Holly," he said. "'Awesome'?" Holly nodded, gripping her side.

"Awesome." She then groaned. "Great, now I have a stitch."

"Obviously, the build up of lactic acid is often found after excess laughing." Holly rolled her eyes.

"Lactic acid?" she asked. "You sound like my old physics teacher."

"Biology," Artemis corrected. "And if you are going to complain about something, you may as well use its proper name."

"What," Holly said. "You expect me to say that lactic acid has built up in my stomach?"

"No," said Artemis patiently. "I'd expect you to say that lactic acids have built up in your external oblique." Holly sighed dramatically.

"Why are we even having this conversation?" she asked. Artemis shrugged.

"I don't know," he said. "Maybe to distract us from seeing the policeman that is following us." Holly glanced behind them. Sure enough a cop was following them, at a safe distance, but definitely following.

"We're not speeding, are we?" she asked nervously. Artemis shook his head.

"No," he replied. "But we were and the young man who pulled us over seemed awfully suspicious. He must have contacted another officer who is now tailing us…" The police car's bonnet narrowly missed the Scuderia's boot. "Very closely," the teenager said, swiftly changing gears. "Be prepared for a car chase." Holly sighed and steadied herself.

"Just promise me one thing," she said. Artemis glanced sideways at her. "Don't kill us please." Artemis grinned.

"I'll try my best," he said. He then pushed his foot hard on the accelerator.

The Ferrari jolted forward, the police car following closely behind. Artemis's face was contorted with concentration as he changed gears. They swerved in and out of cars and trucks. It was now a fully fledged car chase, the police car's siren blaring behind them. But the policeman had an advantage. Because of his three year absence, Artemis was not aware of the new motorway and therefore didn't know of the dead end coming up. He didn't notice it until it was only metres in front of him. He screeched to a stop, breathing hard. The policeman pulled up behind him, stomping up to them.

"Look kid," he said. "It's one thing to speed and blame it on someone else, but it's another thing to create a car chase on a busy motorway." Artemis knew that he was finished.

"I know," he said. "I'm sorry to cause all this trouble. I promise not to do it again." The policeman looked slightly taken aback.

"You are?" he asked. He then frowned. "But that is no excuse. Where's your licence?" Artemis pulled out his wallet and flicked to the appropriate card, slipping it from its case.

"Here you go." The policeman studied it, his face very serious. He reminded Artemis of Kurt at the bank where he got the Fairy Thief.

"This says that you're eighteen, you don't look a day over fifteen," he said.

"Oh that's because I a..." Artemis started, then his eyes widened. "D'Arvit." The policeman looked at him quizzically.

"It's OK," the policeman said sarcastically. "You were just stuck in Limbo for three years and when you came home you were still younger and you magicked everyone to think that nothing had happened." When he said 'magicked', he twiddled his fingers in a little circle.

"Well, actually…" Holly started. Artemis quickly interrupted her.

"No, no," he said. "Sorry officer, there's been some sort of mistake, I am only fifteen, I don't know why it says that I'm eighteen." The officer frowned even more.

"Well we're going to have to bring you to the police station to be interrogated. We'll call your parents there." Artemis began to panic.

"But officer," he said. "It's Christmas day. My parents are busy with my little brothers…"

"And a centaur I'd expect," the officer butted in, rolling his eyes. "Now let's go without any kicking and screaming. The sergeant is on his Christmas break so I'm in charge so don't expect any easy treatment from me." He hooked the Ferrari to the back of his police car and drove them to the station.

"This is preposterous," Artemis grumbled, his hands held behind his back by hand cuffs. Holly looked similarly displeased. She was a police officer, not a criminal. The irony was just sickening. She rattled the chains in disgust.

"A pity these aren't locked by a code. We would be out of here in no time," she said. Artemis frowned; he did not like their current situation.

They were sitting in a holding cell, waiting for the policeman to come back with a psychologist.

"It's OK, Holly," Artemis said. "I'll get us out of here." Holly sighed, leaning her head against the cool cell wall.

"I know you will, Arty," she said. "But to what expense? Will I be exposed as an elf?" Artemis shook his head.

"That won't happen," he said. "In my back pocket there is a bottle of the humanizing substance, you better drink it fast." Holly managed to get the bottle out of his pocket OK and opened, but it became problematic when she had to drink it. Her hands were cuffed behind her back so she couldn't pour it into her mouth. After a lot of swearing and awkward positioning, Artemis managed to pour it behind him into her mouth. Holly changed immediately, growing to a more appropriate size.

"Well that solves your problem," Artemis said once she had grown to full size. "But we still have the problem of getting out of here without them consulting my parents." Holly looked at him sympathetically; she would have hugged him if she could. He looked so desperate to avoid trouble. She shifted over slightly so she was beside him.

"I know that I can't do much in that front," she said. "But I can make you feel a little better." She then gave him a gentle kiss. Artemis closed his eyes and kissed her softly back, letting out the breath that he had been holding.

"We better stay alert," he said finally. "They should be here to pick me up any minute."

Sure enough, the officer unlocked the cell door and Artemis was lead to the interrogations room while Holly was left by herself in the cold, damp cell.

The interrogation room was small, with brownish-grey walls and no doors or windows except for the locked door into the room and a one way window which was conjoined to another small room where the psychologist studied the criminal. There were two chairs facing each other in the middle of the room, and in between these was a glass panel. Artemis was brought in and sat down in one of the chairs while the police officer sat in the other, a scowl still on his face.

"Now kid," he said, "you wanna tell me the truth?" Artemis rolled his eyes. The guy was treating him like an infant.

"I already have officer," he said. "Perhaps you do not know me. I am Artemis Fowl the Second. I was missing for three years, apparently it spread over the whole globe." The policeman glared at him.

"Yes I have heard of you," he said. "We were searching for you for two of those three years." Artemis smiled sincerely for the first time since he had been brought in; the sight slightly unnerved the police officer.

"And in the end," he said. "It was my bodyguard who found me. And he will find me again." The officer's brow creased in confusion. This kid was crazy.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean," Artemis continued. "That he is here right now, he is going to save me and make you forget about all of this."

"But…"

"There are no buts, officer," Artemis interrupted. "It is the truth." He raised his arms to shoulder height, his wrists mysteriously freed from the cuffs."See you at The End." He then disappeared. The last thing the officer remembered before he fainted was a slight heat haze heading for the door and Artemis's final sentence echoing repeatedly through his mind.


Kudos for those who have figured out what had happened. CALLING ALL AUTHORS! I need some help. What could be a really annoying nickname for Trouble Kelp besides 'Trubs'?

And in the wise words of Chad Dillan Cooper

'Peace out suckers!'