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Chapter 26: Seattle

I couldn't really afford to go to the conference—it had been so much easier when it was in town—but it was in Seattle, and I could hardly justify not taking the opportunity to see Kelly and add a little to my knowledge base. Besides, a small part of me hoped that I would see Gil there. …I knew it was silly of me, and that he probably wouldn't talk to me anyway, if he was there… but I couldn't help but hope.

I missed him so much.

I had just been promoted to a CSI level 3, and I would be working cases alone when I returned from the conference… that, at least, was something to be proud of. My supervisor had said he couldn't remember anyone in lab history moving to level 3 so quickly, and he'd been there twenty years.

…Granted, it was possible he was just trying to get into my pants; the man did have personal space issues… But I chose to believe that this compliment, at least, was purely based on my achievements.

Besides, the conference would give me some distraction from Frisco… Berkeley even, which I had loved. Because Berkeley had been the city I'd escaped to, the life I'd built for myself when I'd run away from what happened to me at Harvard. …I'd loved Boston until Ken Fuller came along, I had loved Berkeley until Gil Grissom came along… but now Boston seemed dark and seedy, in my mind's eye… and Frisco and Berkeley… seemed empty. Like this whole giant expanse of empty buildings and empty lives and empty promises.

Maybe, if Gil was really done with me, I needed to run again. It might not be the healthiest or most mature way of dealing with problems, but it had worked for me in the past, and there was really nothing tying me to this place. I worked in a lab that was good—better than most—but still not a top lab in the country… and by the people working around me, I could tell that I deserved to be in a top lab. I was just… better than most of them. ….and I knew that none of them would still be here if they could work somewhere better.

So, if I wasn't wanted in Vegas, maybe I'd look into working on the federal level, or looking into New York and Miami—their labs were ranked almost as high as Vegas. Miami held bad memories for me though—the city would always be associated with that night—and Greg had told me he didn't care much for New York. Not that that would make or break my decision, but it was something to consider…

Maybe at the convention I could talk to people from labs around the country, get an idea where I would want to apply…

I set out with that attitude in mind, rising early on May 31st to board a plane to Seattle. The flight had been expensive, but the fact that I was staying with Kelly and Eric helped cut down the costs a lot. And, by the time I had landed, I'd come to the conclusion that I needed this conference. I would spend some time with my best friend and godson, talk to people in my field about making a change, and I would find somewhere else to go.

Maybe I wasn't even running—maybe I was doing my best to move on. I couldn't hold onto a city I no longer liked, working in a lab I was overqualified for, living in an apartment I couldn't part with, despite the long commute, because Gil had stayed there and referred to it as "home" on more than one occasion.

I'd make a fresh start, devote myself to my career…

I was greeted just out of security by a screaming Kelly, as bouncy and wonderful as ever, and I felt tears prick my eyes upon seeing her. God, I had missed her. Eric comes forward after her, a little more reserved and a lot quieter, with an almost-two year old on his hip. Joey—with Kelly's blonde hair and blue eyes, but the rest of his face was Eric's. Eric gives me a cordial one-armed hug and a genuine smile, tells me it's good to see me again, and passes me Joey, who hugs me immediately, even though I haven't seen him since he was six months old.

Kelly laughs at my look of surprise. "He's a brave kid, hugs everyone… he'd run out and hug the mailman every day if we'd let him."

I grin, and give him an extra tight squeeze. "That's good though. It's good to be so trusting." And to have no reason to be afraid.

Kelly smiles and links her arm through my free one, leading me off to baggage claim and then their home, Eric following us quietly. I smile at him, when Kelly is over exuberant, and he grins back knowingly. Yes, we're definitely very alike.

The next morning I wake up before the alarm I had set to the smell of pancakes and bacon. I inhale deeply. Real food. I had lived on take out for so long I hardly remembered what it tasted like… my mouth was already watering, and instead of dressing, I just threw my hair back in a ponytail and wrapped a robe around me, rushing out to eat.

When I had finished eating and came back out to the kitchen, showered and dressed, Kelly grinned at me. "You look so cute all dressed up and professional!"

I roll my eyes. "Shouldn't you be working?"

She shakes her head. "I'm a teacher, Sara. It's June…"

I grumble. "Must be nice to get three months off every year."

She just laughs at me. "So, I was snooping last night, and I saw your flier. None of the lectures you had circled go past one o'clock. What d'you say I drop you off now, rather than you paying a taxi, and I'll pick you up for lunch afterwards?"

I nod. "Yeah, that sounds fine. You gonna be ready to leave in ten minutes?" She's still in cow slippers and pink pajama pants. She grins.

"If you change the baby, I'll be ready."

So I roll my eyes and move to the living room. "Joey, should we change you, hon?"

He immediately jumps up from watching tv, runs up to give me a hug, and then starts walking towards his bedroom and his changing table. Shaking my head, I follow him. If all kids were like this, everyone would want to be a parent.

When she drops me off, I sigh, unable to avoid thinking about the last conference I had attended. The fliers this year didn't list the speakers under the topics of the lectures, which seemed strange to me. Strange and almost cruel, truth be told, but that was life. So I walked into the building, found my first lecture hall, and sat down to enjoy.

It was a long day—I found so many of the speakers lacking, because they didn't have the passion that Gil did when he spoke. I very nearly considered skipping the last lecture and calling Kelly to see if she wanted to have an early lunch instead, but by the time she got Joey ready and drove all the way down here, the lecture would be half over anyway, and that was just silly.

I sat in the eighth row, next to some rather gossipy women—it was the only available seat that was relatively close to the front. The lecture hall was packed. I pulled out a notebook, preparing myself for another lecture which could not compare to Gil's, and tried not to listen to their conversation, because frankly, I didn't want to hear it. A few choice words caught my ears though, and then I was blatantly eavesdropping.

"—really dull speaker, but if you block out the voice and just look at the man…"

"—entomologist, which is like, totally gross, but…"

"—salt and pepper curls and these baby blues…"

"—get him to put his bugs away, imagine what he could do with those hands…"

"—think he likes it rough? Bookish guys usually do…"

My head snapped over to them, and I was given a look, forcing me to look away and ignore their giggles. I felt like I was in high school again… but that's hardly the most important thing right now. I look frantically down at the podium—he isn't here yet, but who else could they be talking about? It's him, I know it…

And then, call it speak of the devil or divine intervention or simple serendipity, the man of my dreams walked through the double doors at the bottom of the hall, running a little late but looking all the more attractive for his slightly flustered appearance, and over to the podium. I glance at my watch—he still has a minute or so to set up. He's not really even late, yet…

He doesn't even glance up, at first, focusing on getting set up for his presentation. I know he likes to have several minutes to mentally prepare, and I wonder how his lecture will differ from the others I heard because of this difference. I bite my bottom lip. Will he see me right away? Half-way through? Not at all? …Will he pretend he doesn't, even if he does…? And how am I supposed to act around him…?

Before I can begin to answer my own questions, his slides come up on the projection and I smile nostalgically—I kept telling him that people didn't really use slides anymore, but he didn't care. I didn't know if it was that he was set in his ways, or uncomfortable with technology, or whether it was truly a preference… but it made me feel good. I never wanted him to change. Everything about him was so perfect.

Except that he wasn't mine. That part could change. Really, I'd be okay with that…

He glances around the room, and doesn't see me with the first sweep—he's looking closer to the back, probably in surprise that there are so many people here. He's used to smaller audiences, but then, this isn't an entomology lecture… He begins to introduce himself, and his topic, and he makes another sweep—and stops mid-word as our eyes lock on one another, and the jolt that had shot through us on the first day clearly made a repeat appearance. Only this time, the electricity was mingled with a sad, sorry kind of pain.

He continues, trying to look as if he hadn't stuttered over his words, and the moment is lost. He doesn't look at my half of the hall again for the duration of the lecture, so when I feel like he's was winding down, I pack up my things—I was preparing for him running, and if he was like me, if he ran, he would be on the next flight out of Seattle. I just couldn't let that happen.

And I was right. He ends the lecture, grabs his stack of manila folders and box of slides, flicks off the projector, and heads for the door without a glance in my direction. But I was ready, and was half-way down to the podium by the time he reached the door. I speed up, pushing past people trying to gather their things, all but running. He exits the building as I exit the hall.

I speed up again, hitching my purse over my shoulder, and run out the doors. He has to stop, waiting to cross a street, and when I've halved the distance between us and he's turning with a look on his face—another rejection surely on his lips—I hear my name.

My eyes lock on Gil's, and then I turn to find the source. Kelly is standing half-way down the block, next to her vehicle, the back door open so she can talk to Joey while she stands on the sidewalk. I swallow. I'd forgotten she was picking me up. I'd forgotten everything when I'd seen him again…

But she could hardly keep Joey in her car indefinitely while I chased after an elusive entomologist… I look back and forth between the two, and Kelly and Gil turn curious gazes on each other instead. I see recognition in Gil's eyes, and then he turns back to me. I look down, and when I look up again, his face looks resigned, and he's moving back over to me. My heart races.

"Look, Sara—" he starts, but this sounds like the beginning of an easy let-down, I interrupt him instead.

"You should come meet Kelly!" And as if it had been yesterday that I'd last seen him, instead of over a year ago. He gives me a look—I'm ridiculously transparent—but he allows me to pull him down the block towards the puzzled woman next to her minivan.

"Kelly Reed, this is Gil Grissom." Her narrowed gaze fill with wide-eyed understanding at his name, and she plasters on a bright smile.

"Hello! It's so nice to finally meet you, Gil." He smiles, a little. He obviously knew I'd talked about him, and apparently this didn't upset him too much.

"It's nice to finally meet you too. Your reputation precedes you…"

She laughs openly. "I'm certain it does." An impatient cry from her vehicle interrupts her, and she turns back to Joey. "Oh, honey, just one more minute and we're leaving, Momma promises."

I watch Gil lean slightly, to look around the door and glance at the blonde child. He smiles softly, and looks back at me. "…I remember when she was only expecting…"

I nod, smiling too. Just over two years ago he'd been in my apartment, looking at old pictures of my bubbly friend. Our eyes meet, and I feel some of our old spark flicker between us, and then he turns away, as if he regrets the connection. Kelly intercedes.

"So, uh, Sara and I were just going to lunch… why don't you join us?"

I immediately tense, but Kelly's smile is hard to resist, and Gil is smiling back at her even as he tries to politely refuse. Suddenly Kelly is my hero, and I take back fervently every time I was mad at her for interfering on my behalf.

"I, uh… should probably get back…"

Another impatient cry comes from behind her. She grins. "Well, I'm not going to let you go until you agree and in the meantime you're making my baby cry… maybe you should just get in the van."

I can't help it, I laugh. He looks between us incredulously, but he can't fight the smile tugging his lips apart—he's heard all about Kelly, yet somehow the description always falls short of the real, live woman. He smiles begrudgingly, no longer able to hide it.

"I guess lunch wouldn't hurt…"

My whole world—my entire life outlook—has suddenly become very bright, because I was now guaranteed at least an hour with the man of my dreams. I almost felt light-headed with glee, hardly listening when Kelly directed me into the back to sit with Joey so that Gil could take the front. I simply follow directions, grinning like an idiot, which seems to make Gil smile more.

We drive out into traffic, and Kelly's brilliant conversation skills fill the vehicle, bringing the laugh I had missed like oxygen from lips that had filled my dreams. I would never criticize Kelly, ever again.