yes! I updated, and it didn't take me months! LOL

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here's chapter 10...enjoy!

SM OWNS TWILIGHT


To Love Again Chapter 10

EPOV

"A quarter, Edward?" Bella put one hand on her chest and the other to cover her mouth—she laughed at my expense.

We were sitting on her couch, enjoying a homemade banana split. I've come to learn that Bella is the queen of desserts. I have these same ingredients at home and I've never thought of making this for Nathan. She's a genius, but then again I am being a little biased.

I watched as she would bring the spoon to her mouth and close her eyes for a split second savoring the ice cream and whipped cream. That sight did things to my body, but then she had to go and make fun of my screw-up today.

I shrugged at her. "That's what my teachers used to do when I was in high school. I was always broke at the end of the day." I chuckled. "Seriously, I didn't know what to do; all the kids were staring at me and that popped into my head. Oh but that was not the end of it, Nathan also told my parents that Daddy said a bad word in class. Man did my mom scold me for that one…Nathan thought it was funny that I was getting in trouble." I shook my head and laughed. "Of course my mom wasn't serious. Not really, but we had to show Nathan that he shouldn't say bad words."

When Nathan was two, he learned the work fuck…from me. He pronounced it "puh-k" but I knew what it was since he repeated it right after me.

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Kate had gone out with some girlfriends of hers to a spa while my little man and I had some male bonding time in front of the TV. We got hungry eventually and I decided to make macaroni and cheese, because let's face it, that's super easy to make and Nathan loves that stuff.

"Come on bud, you wanna watch your old man cook?" I picked him up and he giggled. I sat him down in his highchair and I got to work.

"Da-daa!" Nathan yelled, kicking his feet to get my attention. I turned around and he was pointing to the refrigerator. "I wans juice? Can I has-some juice Dada?"

"You want juice? Hold on… one sec." I walked over to the cupboard to get his sippy cup but there weren't any. I quickly ran to the living room and found one under the coffee table. I rinsed it out and took the juice out of the refrigerator. Just as I was about to pour the juice I heard water sizzling. I turned to the stove and the water was boiling over and spilling onto the flame making it light up.

I cursed under my breath and put everything down that was in my hands. And I don't know why I did this, but instead of turning off the burner, my genius ass decided to pick up the pot and take it to the sink.

"FUCK!" I burned my hands and I had the balls to be surprised about it. I dropped the pot of boiling water-stupidity number two-it splashed everywhere. Thank god Nathan was behind the island and away from harm's way. Unfortunately, he was within hearing range and he thought the word "puh-k" was funny as hell.

"Puh-k? Dada, puh-k?" he giggled. "Puuuh-k!" he yelled, liking his new word. Shit.

"No! Nathan no fu-" I groaned and I rubbed my face with both hands. "No puh-k. Bad word." I shook my head at him and made a disgusted face. He made the same face.

If Kate hears him saying that I'll be sleeping in the couch…and for sure I won't be getting any for a while. And shit, I have to get some because that's the only stress relief I get from school…and well life in general!

"Iss bah word Dada? I no say puh-k?" he looked at me curiously.

"Yeah, bad word. You don't say it okay?"

"'kay Dada. No puh-k. I wans some juice, pah-lease." I sighed in relief. Kate never knew what happened in the kitchen and Nathan didn't tell on me.

Little did I know that a week later Nathan would drop the f-bomb in front of my family. Apparently, he was giving it a week to perfect the 'f', and he pronounced it loud and clear. All our mouths were hanging open, because of how clear it sounded. His vocabulary was still a little unclear, he mumbled many words, but he talked a lot that is for sure.

The scary thing is he used it in the right sense. He had dropped his juice on the carpet and actually cursed. My little two year old son had cursed in… anger?

"Fu-k!" he angrily picked up his cup and put it on the table. "Mama, mmm!" he whined, "my juice fell-d" he stomped his feet and pouted.

We snapped out of it and Kate yelled, "Nathan! Who taught you that word?" she looked over at me angrily. I looked away and quickly started picking up the mess.

"Lo-nan say 'fu-k' ah-side." He shrugged. "he say 'fu-k' a-a lot. Can I s'more juice?" he looked up at us with innocent eyes. Ah! My fucking kid was adorable. And did I just get off the hook?

My brother was already outside scolding Logan for using foul language. It's possible that this is partially my fault, but I knew it was best just to keep my mouth shut. Emmett knew about the incident the week before and told me not to worry. Kids pick up stuff from everywhere, it's bound to happen. He said I just had to stop him from using it before it got out of hand.

My mom cleared her throat from her spot on the couch. "Well I'm surprised Nathan didn't learn that word from you Edward…" my mom was studying me closely as if she knew the truth. Hell she probably did. My traitorous face turned red, letting my mom know she was somewhat right. "I told you to be careful with what you say around the baby!" she admonished.

My dad put his hand on her arm because it looked like she was gonna jump up and smack me across the head. Good looking out dad! "Esme dear, leave him alone. See it this way, he's starting to pay his dues for all the trouble he gave us with that mouth." He chuckled. "I'm sure he will learn his lesson after this..." He gave me a pointed look, no longer joking around. I stayed quiet but nodded at him, letting him know that I understood—I needed to get my act together.

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"I like your mother already; she's not opposed to scolding her grown son." Bella laughed. "Thanks to you, I also had to have a talk with my class about language and then I established the quarter rule for good measure." I laughed and leaned down to kiss her. She tasted like chocolate ice cream.

Even though my day was hectic, this time spent with Bella has been amazing and it's all I needed to balance it.

I got through dinner with my parents quickly knowing that Bella was going to be waiting for me. My parents, or more specifically my mother, kept asking me about Bella and when I was planning to bring her over. It's a topic that never fails to come up when I go over now. And it is not that I don't want to take her—it's just that I want to have her to myself for now. I know it's selfish, but I want this time to focus on her…and ourselves.

My life will always be shared with Kate and Nathan, so my time with Bella is very limited. She knows that my first priority is Nathan and I am thankful for her understanding.

I have had experiences before with women, that didn't understand why I spend so much time with my son and his mother. I always had to explain that I had no romantic relationship with Kate and that my son would always have my time over anyone. That is when some of them decided to break off our "relationship" and I was better off anyway.

Bella broke my thoughts. "Nathan had a great time his first day back at school…" she said, still working on her side of the banana split. Her tongue would peak out occasionally when the whipped cream didn't quite make it into her mouth. I was fighting hard not to lunge myself at her and lick it off for her…unless she was doing it on purpose and I wasn't getting the hint…I don't know I'm delusional right now. Her tongue and lips keep calling to me.

"That's great…but I don't want to talk about Nathan right now." I shook my head and she looked up at me surprised when I pulled on her arm and guided her so that she could straddle me—she complied and made herself comfortable. "If we're going to talk about school, then we're gonna talk about what happened in your office, Miss Bella…and hopefully we can rectify that um…situation." I grinned at her.

She smiled, her cheeks turning pink. "I think we can do that."

She brought her arms around my neck and I firmly held on to her hips. She leaned down to capture my lips with hers. She still tasted like ice cream and now I had to fight a hard-on. Damn, well I didn't really think this through. I just wanted her close to me, but I didn't want her to feel pressured to do anything. I started to pull away but she kept a tight hold on me. She sucked on my bottom lip and then did the most amazing thing…she sucked on my tongue and twirled hers around it. And I know she could feel me now after that.

I moaned into her mouth. "I missed you so much these last few days." She squirmed and hummed in response.

I ran a hand up her spine and into her hair. I put just enough pressure to hold her close and she tilted her head to deepen the kiss. She was killing me here! Her hands ran up and down my arms, squeezing my biceps as she passed. Our breaths were deep and ragged. I knew we would have to stop soon, unless I wanted to have a really embarrassing accident in my pants from all her grinding. Shit, she was so warm there.

Finally, she took initiative and pulled back slowly to look into my eyes. Her eyes were burning with desire and I knew mine were no different. She started biting her lip and she looked like she was contemplating something. I rubbed her cheek with my thumb, comfortingly.

"Babe, what's wrong? Look at me." I lifted her chin and I was met with her brown eyes full of apprehension. "What's on your mind? You can tell me…"

She looked down and started playing with the buttons on my shirt, her lip firmly wedged between her teeth. "Um I was thinking maybe you could stay the night? If you want to of course, I was just wondering since it's getting late, but if you have to leave that's-"

I stopped her rambling with a kiss. She was adorably nervous asking me to stay. It surprised me but I'm glad she took the step herself. I know how guarded she can be. And I'm glad that she's giving me this chance to be in her life. I promised myself that I would try my hardest not to hurt her in any way and to let her set the pace for our relationship. I told her once that she was in charge of this boat, she could dock or sail but I would be with her as long as she would have me.

Bella had told me about her last relationship with some jerk-off, Jacob or whatever the fuck his name was. The bastard broke her heart because he couldn't keep his dick in his pants with another woman that was not Bella. I shuddered at the thought of someone else having their hands all over Bella, but it's reality—Bella was with this guy for four years or something. That's a lot of investment in a relationship and she lived with this guy. The cheating messed her up emotionally and she said that she hasn't really dated much aside from blind dates, that she despised wholeheartedly.

She took my silence as a no and she started apologizing. "Babe I'm not saying no. I'll only stay if you really want me to, and we don't have to do anything you don't want to or that you're not ready for. I'll be happy just being able to hold you all night." I kissed her forehead and then her nose. She smiled and her chocolate eyes sparkled with happiness.

"I'd really like that." She whispered into my neck. It sent tingles all over my body and she giggled.

Her bed was warm and comfy. Yes. I said comfy. It smelled like Bella all over and…it was heaven.

We kissed for a little while in bed, our hands roamed under our clothes but didn't go any further than that. I kissed her lips one last time and Bella turned around, pressing her body against my chest. My arms circled her waist and held her tight, placing small kisses on her bare shoulder and neck. We fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms.

Best night of my life. I got to cuddle with my girl, her body pressed up against me and my nose buried deep in her neck an hair.

How the hell was I gonna sleep alone after that? I had no clue. But at least the memory of that night and the hope of many more nights like that to come will keep me sane.

XOXOXO

BPOV

Saturday I was over at Alice's for lunch and some much needed girl time. Jaz had taken Ryan to his parent's house for a visit. Alice told him to make sure he took as much time as he wanted over there because we hadn't hung out for a while. I love her.

I went through the last couple of months with her in greater detail than I already had, and I told her how unbelievably happy I was. I told her about Nathan and Kate, and Nathan's surgery—how we were all so worried that day. I told her about my late night talks with Edward and how comfortable I was talking to him and being around him. She already knew that anytime I wasn't around him, I was thinking about him. He always came up in our conversations when we had lunch at work or dinner here at her house. Jaz loves to make fun of me. He says I'm like a lovesick teenager, but so what if I am? There's a constant smile on my face now.

Things started to get a little…um tense when I told Alice about how Edward spends time with Nathan at Kate's house. I've never thought anything of it. Edward and I are very open with each other and I know that he spends time there and Kate cooks for them…and they are close but not in a romantic sense. He's told me that he cares about her in a 'friends' kind of way. He obviously makes sure that she doesn't need for anything since she takes care of their son most of the time. I love that in Edward. He is a family man, without the marriage. He takes care of them, as a man should.

"Bella don't you think it's kind of weird though? That he's so close to his ex-wife. I mean are you sure he's not…still doing her?" Alice was honestly asking me this after everything I had just told her. About how freaking happy I am right now in my life…with Edward.

"Alice! Are you trying to make me paranoid? Things are going really well with Edward—and even I didn't think that was going to happen…"

She knew that I had a lot of reservations about dating Edward. I didn't know, or rather, I didn't let myself trust him. I was afraid of getting hurt again. The more time I spent with him I knew that he deserved better from me. He put his heart on the line and I finally realized that someone who would do that for me deserved my heart too.

"I just don't want you to get hurt again." Alice smiled apologetically. "I feel like I have to ask since you seem to be blinded by…dare I say…love?" she chuckled and sipped on her raspberry tea.

I rolled my eyes at her. "I might be blinded but I do know that Edward is an honest man. He's never shown me otherwise. He knows what his responsibilities are and at the top of his list is his son…whom he can't possibly see without seeing Kate too." She rolled her eyes at me. "I think it's a good thing that they've put aside their personal problems to try and raise Nathan in a somewhat normal family environment. They don't have to be romantically involved to do that."

Alice huffed. Obviously not getting my point here. "I don't like it Bella! When you first told me that he was divorced, I thought messy divorce; doesn't get along with his ex-wife; they switch their son back and forth via family members or a honk of a horn and the kid comes running out of the house with no interaction between the parents." I stared at her with wide eyes but that didn't faze her. "I didn't think they were civil and have freaking dinner together like…like a pretend family!" She said a bit hysterically. Did I mention that I hate my best friend right now?

"That's awful Alice…and you don't have to like it. I'm so glad Nathan doesn't have a life like that, no child deserves that. Kate and Edward are good parents, and how they do things works well for them." I shrugged. It has never bothered me.

"Do you hear yourself Bella? You're talking about a family, pretend or not. Where do you fit in? They have it all set up—mom and dad and their child. Where does dad's girlfriend fit in, if she even does?"

That's it. I had it with her; I don't have to listen to this shit.

I stood up from her couch and glared down at her, praying that my tears wouldn't fall. I was not going to cry in front of her.

"I can't-" I took a deep breath and tried again sounding more confident. " You are my best friend, I cannot believe you would say that to me—make me feel like a third wheel and make me second-guess my whole relationship with Edward. I LET HIM IN HERE!" I roughly pointed to my heart and it suddenly felt too heavy. Tears started running down my cheeks, both hurt and angry ones. "THERE'S NO GOING BACK…I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM!" My voice got caught in my throat and a sob escaped. I couldn't believe what I had just said. I loved him…and the feeling burned within me.

Fuck! And I hated Alice because now I don't know if it's a good thing to be in love with him. I can't take another broken heart. I just can't.

I look at her through my tears, hurt and angry. " And you…you sit there and tell me that it's all a lie—that there's no space for me in his life! That his pretend family is enough for him! Fuck. You. Alice!" The tears kept falling as I yelled at her. She had broken my heart. She tried to get up and move toward me but I backed up. She was in tears too, but I didn't care.

She was the one that told me to take a chance with Edward. And it is the best thing I have ever done. Now…I'm not so sure.

"Don't touch me." I glared at her and spoke slowly. "you of all people should know how hard it is for me to put myself out there. If you're not going to be supportive, then I don't want to hear what you have to say. I'm too far in already to back out and I don't want to." I picked up my sweater and purse from the coffee table.

"Bella…I-I'm sorry." She said in a small voice. She stood in the same spot, afraid to come closer to me.

I inhaled and exhaled, wiped away my tears and looked up at her again.

"I'm done talking Alice. I am hurt and I am tired. And thanks to you, I'm not sure anymore if I should even call Edward today, since he's with his pretend family right now…and I shouldn't intrude on that." Part of me said it to hurt her and the other part said it because I believed it. I turned and walked out her door.

Our friendship was hanging on the line and I couldn't care less if that line were to break right now.

Back at my house, I sulked the rest of the afternoon. I tried not to let Alice's words get to me, but they did. Tiny bits of them that turned bigger in my mind.

"Where does dad's girlfriend fit in, if she even does?" is a line that kept invading my thoughts…and I hated Alice for that.

Edward has never made me feel second to anyone in these past couple of months that we've been together….but a little bit of fear has set in. What if he doesn't want to juggle Nathan, his family, and Me anymore? Who do you think he can get rid of? Me.

There are no strings attached to me. I can be disposed of easily…Jake proved that fact.

I curled up on the couch with my warm throw blanket and a cup of chamomile tea. I flipped through the channels, not finding anything interesting, I left it on the food network even though it was gonna make me hungry. It was a good distraction and the tears ceased for a bit.

I was woken up by the doorbell a while later. I looked around and noticed that it was dark outside and the light from the TV hurt my eyes.

The doorbell rang again, a little longer.

I quickly got up and smoothed out my shirt. I wasn't expecting anyone so I slowly walked up to the door and looked through the peephole. My heart sped up and a smile spread across my face for the first time since I left Alice's house. All trace of insecurity was moved to the back of my mind.

I opened the door and I was greeted with bright green eyes and a sexy smile.

Yeah. What insecurities? That smile was just for me.

"Hi baby." Did I mention that his voice does unmentionable things to my body? He leaned down and kissed me. When he pulled away, I opened the door wider to let him in. He walked past me and I closed the door.

When I turned around, he was walking into the living room and I suddenly remembered my gloomy afternoon when I saw the cup of tea on the end table. I looked down at my attire. Shit. I was wearing my old high school gym t-shirt—holes and all paired with my comfortable but admittedly hideous looking sweatpants—also from my high school days. Perfect. I will not look in the mirror to see the state of my hair or face. I would probably start crying again.

I walked into the living room as Edward was getting himself comfortable on the couch. He smiled and held his hand out to me. I took it and he guided me…oh! He sat me sideways on his lap. Edward nuzzled my neck I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of his warm breath on my neck.

"I want to have you close baby. Is this okay?" I nodded at him.

"I thought you had Nathan this weekend?" I asked. He had told me that he was going to be a little busy since Nathan was gonna start sleeping over again. They were slowly moving back to the routine they had before Nathan had the surgery.

"I do, but he's at my parent's house right now. My brother and his kids are there so I let him hang out there." He explained and went back to kissing my neck and right under my ear where he knew I liked it.

"Why aren't you there with them? With your family?" I chewed on my lip. It's not that I didn't want him here, I did, but I didn't want to keep him from his family.

Damn Alice, for putting shit in my head. I wanted to make sure that he did want to be here and that I wasn't interfering with his family time.

He pulled away a little to look into my eyes and he smiled. "Because I haven't seen you in…uh wow…a really long time…since yesterday when I got to kiss you good morning before work." He grinned and I smiled at the memory.

The first night he slept over was on Monday. Thursday was the second time he stayed because neither of us could wait any longer. He confessed that he missed me Tuesday and Wednesday night, so I offered to let him stay Thursday night. We both eagerly went to bed early. We kissed and cuddled half the night; his body was so warm wrapped protectively around me when I finally fell asleep.

I wasn't ready to take our relationship to the next level just yet, but Edward was being very patient with me. He made it clear that we would go at the pace that I set for us. I wasn't going to keep him waiting too long, that I knew for sure.

In the middle of my argument with Alice, I was finally able to put a label on the feelings I was having about Edward. It sucks that I realized it while yelling at Alice and telling her first, but at least I know in my heart that it was the truth. I spoke from my heart and I wanted her to see how deeply she had hurt me with her words, because for the first time in a long time I was in love…with Edward.

Looking at Edward now though, I know that being in love with him is a good thing. His eyes tell me things that his lips haven't told me, but I know…I know that he feels the same way.

A tear runs down my cheek and Edward is instantly worried. He cups my face with his hands tenderly.

"Baby what's wrong? Why are you crying?" he asks, worry covering his beautiful face.

I sniffle and I give him a small smile, because today I realized something…

"These are happy tears, Edward. It's been a long time since I've been this happy and even more so now. You brought that happiness into my life. And-" I closed my eyes quickly and took a deep breath now looking into his emerald eyes. "I love you. With everything in me, so much that it hurts and scares me at the same time. But I know that my heart is safe with you." I place my hand over his heart and it is beating just as fast as mine is.

And I know that he will keep it safe.

He exhales and his breath hits my face, a mixture of mint and Edward. "Baby…" he stops and closes his eyes for a second. If I thought that he was gonna reject me right then and there, I would be okay with that because I learned that it's better to let love in than to live without it. "Bella you are the most amazing woman I have ever met." He keeps one hand on my cheek, caressing me and he takes the other hand to lace his fingers though mine. "You have filled a void in my heart that I've tried to fill with anything and everything. You filled it with your smiles, with your beauty, and with all the love and tenderness, that makes you, you. And my heart Bella, has been yours since the day that I laid eyes on you. I love you baby, with all my heart." He reached up to capture my lips with a tender kiss. My tears flow freely and we keep kissing because he's showing me with this kiss how much he loves me. He wipes my tears with his thumbs, so gentle, never letting go.

And it is perfect, sitting here on Edward's lap in my ratty old t-shirt and sweats…

Because he loves me, and nothing anyone says will ever make me think otherwise again.


Let me know what you think!

-MEL