Okay so I've been reading over the chapters and notice so many typos, and I am so sorry... I never notice them when I reread everything, but I really don't want to get a Beta Reader. This chapter is just filler, nothing good, I just had to add something so I could finish the journal entries and get to the real drama. Next chapter will be out within the week, maybe by Tuesday if I'm lucky.
It was happening again, the nightmares. They left Dean shaking and sweating, sometimes having yelled out, or crying. But it was always the same dream, with the same girl, that same night. But it always ended differently, this night was a bad night.
He was back in the pit, the men had just brought the girl in. The part that comes next never get's easier, Dean can never tune it out, and he can't stop himself. This time, when he finishes the girl doesn't just lay there, the men cut your binds and she stands up and gestures to the men, who in response, stand Dean back up and tie him back to his rack. The girl comes close, bringing her hand up, she gently traces his jaw then, pulls back, and slaps, leaving a bright red welt.
"You're a monster, Dean Winchester. Every bad thing that ever happens to you, you deserve."
"Please… Stop, this isn't real.."
"Isn't it? Maybe your mind made you think I didn't blame you, but I do. You made me last night a living Hell, all because I thought you were worth saving."
"I'm sorry."
"You're a monster."
Dean jumps awake, gasping for air, covered in sweat, and something that smells like blood. The sun is just setting, Dean can see the tea lights starting to light up outside. He feels the bed dip, a strong arm wrap around his middle and a soft hand sneak around to pull his face to the right where he sees blue eyes, holding so much worry.
"You dream about her don't you?" Castiel says, tracing his thumb across his human's bloody lip, inspecting where the bite mark is. Dean nods, closing his eyes, he can't look at this other man, this forgiving man, if he only knew what he had done.
Castiel leans forward, placing a soft kiss over the bite mark, healing it. Taking the hem of Dean's bloodied shirt and pulling it off, he laid it over the window sill, knowing a fairy would come by and take it to have it cleaned. He came back to the bed, stood between the other man's knees, placed his hands upon his shoulders, and rested his chin upon the man's head, who leaned forward and wrapped his arms around the Fae's body, and he let what tears he had left, fall.
"I don't think of you any differently. You are not a monster, Dean.."
"You don't know what I did afterwards, I-"
"You don't have to tell me, If you wrote it down I'll read it." Castiel placed another kiss on the man's forehead.
They stood there for a while, just holding on to each other. After 10 minutes Castiel jerked away, with a look of pure disgust on his face.
"I wish my brothers would close off their minds to me when they're having sex."
"Eww?"
"Yes, incredibly."
"Which one is it?"
"I don't think you want to know.."
"Sammy?"
"I'm sorry.."
A shiver rolled through the sitting man's body.
"That's just messed up."
"It's no different than what you're going to do eventually."
"You still want it? After what you read?"
"Yes, I told you, I don't think of you as a monster. Your soul is bright, you are a good man, who did the right thing."
"Yeah well, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, I know where I'm headed."
"Well then why not enjoy life before you go there?"
"Because I don't deserve it."
"I've lived thousands of years, I've seen every carnal and disgusting act that man has done, and you are no where near as bad as they are. You are a righteous man, any person, man, woman, or Fea would be proud to be yours, and call you their's."
"That seems a bit far."
"Is it too much that I still wish to court you fully and make you mine?"
"Honestly, I think you're crazy. And I know you haven't read the rest of that book, so do that before you decide you want me as your life partner."
"Whatever else you have written will not change a thing."
"We'll see about that."
Dean got up, heading downstairs to the kitchen and grabbing the forgotten bottle of whiskey and his tumbler. Castiel followed, watching the human from the doorway as he filled the glass then emptied it 3, 4, then 5 times. He joined the man, but with a bottle of milk from the fridge, preferring to keep his energy up then become a drunken mess.
"Do you still see your therapist?"
"Only when I feel I need to, but I don't have to go to her anymore."
"How many times have you gone to her since the mandatory meetings were over?"
"4. Usually to check and see if I still need my meds."
"And do you? Need your medication?"
"Occasionally, if I can't sleep, I have some sleeping pills, an over the counter to stop vomiting, and an antidepressant."
"How often do you take them?"
"The sleeping pill every night, the vomiting one if I have nightmares, and the antidepressant maybe once a week."
"Well that's good that you don't need that one as often."
"That's because I have alcohol."
"Oh…"
"It's cheaper, and get's the job done faster ."
"Oh.."
Dean couldn't not notice the look of despair in the fairy's eyes. He set the bottle and glass down and took one of the fairy's hands.
"Hey, if it makes you feel any better, this is the first time in three days I felt I needed a drink."
"How's that supposed to make me feel better?"
"Because I usually don't go more than 6 hours without taking a sip."
"Oh…"
"Hey, look at me. It's because of you. Sammy's tried to get me off the stuff, but without even trying, you actually helped."
A smile graced the fairy's face as he squeezed the other man's hand
"So what do you guys to for fun around here?"
"Read, play some games."
"Boring. I've got an idea. Is my brother and your brother still getting it on?"
Castiel grimaced, "Yes, and I don't believe they're anywhere near done."
"Good." Dean grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil and started writing things down in a list. "I'm going to need to get these items, as fast as possible."
Castiel looked at the list, puzzled, but obliged anyways. One second the table was empty, the next it was filled with tubs that held various items. Dean grabbed the biggest tub filled with a liquid and started adding handfuls of stuff from the other tubs into it.
"Now, stay down here, I might need a protector after I'm finished."
"Wha-What are you going to do?"
"Just stay down here."
Dean lifted up the filled bucket, hooking it against his hip, grabbed a filled bag, and headed upstairs. Castiel waited, timid, afraid of what was going to happen then he heard a door slam, a loud yell, and a rather girlish scream, a 'Good morning, Vietnam!' a splash. Then a loud thump as if someone were being thrown to the ground. And then the creak of the stairs, where a very naked, very sticky looking Gabriel, covered in feathers, sparkles, and flour, carrying a laughing Dean Winchester, by the back of his neck, as if he were a puppy.
"Cassy, keep your pet under control please." Gabriel said, setting the man down next to the other fairy
"That's what you get for violating my little brother." Dean rubbed his neck, even though it really didn't hurt.
"And what do you think I'm going to do to you when you finally man up and violate my little brother?"
Dean went quiet, inching a little behind Castiel.
"Gabriel, that was uncalled for. Go clean up the mess I'm sure is in your room, I'll go make a bathroom."
"What? Was it something I said?"
"Yes, now go." Castiel turned around and looked at Dean
"My apologies for my brother, he did not know."
"I know.. It, uh.. Just, kinda stung."
"Yeah, go back up to the study, avoid Gabriel, I have to go make a bathroom."
"Sorry for the mess."
"It was kind of funny seeing Gabriel covered in that stuff, did you get your brother too?"
"Yeah, on accident only because he was on… never mind."
Castiel chuckled, patted Dean on the shoulder and nudged him towards the stairs, walking towards the wall next to it, taking off the decorations and placing his hands against the wall, he closed his eyes. After 10 minutes of intense silence a door appeared. Dusting his hands together Castiel opened the door, inside was a rather large bathroom, in one corner was a Jacuzzi style bath tub, big enough for 8, and deep enough to stand in up to their shoulders, in the middle, in the other corner, there was a party shower stall, big enough for multiple people, 3 showerheads on each wall, and a pattern of them on the ceiling. And to their right was a counter with a his & her, well in this case, his & his sinks, with a large rack of towels. On their left were two porcelain thrones with a privacy wall and doors. A bookcase-style shelf next to the tub held hundreds of bottles of soap and bubble bath, ranging from generic vanilla, to exotic hemp. The entire layout was in granite, dark snowy granite for the floors and half way up the walls, white granite for the tub, shower, counter, and toilets. The top half of the wall that wasn't granite were windows, covered by roll down blinds. If they were in a cartoon Dean would need help picking his chin up off the floor.
"That? You ju- did you? All this?"
"Yes, Dean, it was nothing. Very simple."
At that moment, Gabriel chose to descend the stairs, with Sam in tow.
"Out of the way simpletons, we have some glorious bathing to do."
"Ugh, I should have rethought the naked part."
"No, Deano, I think you were in the right, it was about time I was scene in all my glory."
"Am I the only one here wishing I didn't have to witness this?" Dean said turning to Castiel.
"This is actually the most we've been clothed here, clothes are optional in the Glen, and hardly convenient."
"Why wear em' then?"
"To make you comfortable."
On that note Gabriel and Sam walked into the bathroom and slammed the door.
"Don't make too much of a mess in there. Come on Dean, I have one more thing I want to do." Castiel grabbed his hand and led him to the study. "Alright, close your eyes, and open them when I say."
Dean obeyed, leaning against the banister. After a few short minutes Castiel nudged him, he opened his eyes and nearly fainted, in front of him was 65" Panasonic Plasma sitting in an entertainment center that would have the movie God's drooling, every shelf was filled top to bottom with movies and TV shows, and when Dean had thought he had had enough Castiel walked over and pulled out the drawer underneath the TV where a PS3 was sitting with 4 controllers and the biggest collections of games he's ever seen.
"You made all this?"
"No, a few Best Buys may find some stuff missing from their stock in the morning."
"So you stole?"
"Yes, but they'll never know."
"Holy Hell." Dean said sitting down on the new sectional couch in front of the TV, the fairy joined him and put his arm over his shoulder.
"I want only the best for you. You said it was boring here, I figured this would help entertain you for a while."
"Try a couple of days."
"Good, because I have some work that needs to get done."
"Work?"
"Well, yes, I'm one of the history keepers here."
"History keeper?"
"Yes, all of our history is passed down orally then transcribed into books, when the books wear down we copy them into another. My job is to get the stories and write the first copies."
"Sounds boring."
"Well when you live forever all you have is your history and hoping your don't repeat it."
Dean nodded, taking it in then turning to the TV and picking up the remote the was sitting on one of the armrests.
"I'll be at my desk, If you need anything just ask."
Dean nodded again, going over to the selection of movies to watch, selecting a box set of horror movies since it was going dark, popping in the first movie he settled back into the chaise part of the couch. Castiel pulled out one of the newer books on human war and started writing about the events of World War II. The movie had ended and in the silence Castiel could hear snoring, looking over he saw that Dean was in fact sleeping, again. Seeing this as the perfect opportunity to finish the last entries, he pulled the journal out of it's locked drawer and opened it up.
February 2009
-After that night with Anoosheh I became violent, no longer passive to their torture, I fought back, and screamed, and did what I could, they finally broke me. About a week after I started lashing out they unchained me, brought in a man who took my place, I thought this time they were going to kill me, finally get it over with, and the first order of torture for this poor soul was making him watch. But I was wrong, they pressed a knife into my hand and pushed me towards him, then I remembered everything they had preached to me when I first came here, becoming one of them, doing their work for them, I fought it then, but I don't know what happened to me, I changed, I didn't even think twice, I cut into that man. I went through 4 people a day after that, sometimes the men would just want the captured to be tortured and killed, others they wanted information out of. And I did just that, I got the best information out of them, I was the best. And I loved it. Thinking about it now, it kills me, I feel sick, vile, disgusting, what I did to those poor souls, those men and women, hell there was even a child once. I really am a monster. My last night there they brought in a man, whom I didn't recognize but before I cut in to him he said my name, and he said it again, and he said something about Sam, and how people are looking for me, then I realized who it was, it was Rufus, my second in command, I nearly wept right there. He said they had found out where I was being kept weeks ago, but they were setting up bombs and stuff, they were going to ambush the place and take me back, and that night was the night, but I looked him dead in the eyes and told him to just leave me, I don't belong anywhere else, but before I could say anymore or convince him there was a blast and I was knocked out. I woke up several hours later on a Super Stallion strapped to a gurney with IV's full of saline and blood, and everything else they could have safely injected in to me. I heard the commanding officer telling the men that the search and rescue was complete, and that it should be a lesson that the Marines leave no man behind. Then I was out again.
I woke up 2 weeks later in a hospital in Washington D.C. All my old wounds were opened again, cleaned out and re-stitched. I vaguely remember the nurses saying that I had a major case of blood poisoning which is what made me so violent, and that because the broken bones weren't set properly in time that I would walk bowlegged for the rest of my life, and I may have constant back pain that would feel like arthritis. After I was fully awake and deemed proper I requested an appearance from the commander that had led the S&R on me. When he got there I requested from him that they find out where my brother was and send me to him.
March 2009
-My therapist says I don't need to write anymore, I got all the gory details out of the way but I wanted to get this last one out there, in case anyone decided I was Anne Frank worthy, I need to finish the story. It took a week to find out where he was, and another week to make it to California, we had to land twice for medical attention and overnight stays. But when I got there, and I saw my brother, for the first time in 2 years all I could think was how much I shouldn't be here, I should be back in the pit, doing what I do best, I'm no good, I'm too tarnished to be in my brothers presence, but we hugged and he told me he heard everything that had happened, and what I had done, and it's like, it's like he read my mind, he told me about how he stilled loved me, and that nothing had changed, that I'd come live with him, and he'd help me heal. And he did, he took me to the hospital every week, and helped me restore the Impala when my back hurt too much to lay on the slide-board, we found a good restaurant that serves the perfect bacon-cheese burger, we even had a fish for a while before a stray cat got into the apartment through the open balcony door and ate it. My brother was given honorable discharge for getting wounded in action, we entered the service together, and left the service together, same ribbons, same medals. We got the club when Ellen signed it to us and Jo, and I'm good, I'm better, I'll never be my usual self, not after everything I did, but I wouldn't have come this far if it weren't for my brother.
And that's that... Sorry if it's crappy, like I said, just filler for now, next chapter will have some gooey drama in it. You'll get to meet Ben, and we'll hear more from Balthazar and Jo. I know I'm not giving much to Sam and Jo, and everyone else, but this is my first story so it's kind of hard to split from more than two characters and give everyone a personality and some humor, but I'm doing my best. Any ideas send me a PM, and I'll probably write it.
