Chapter 5: Shopping and Sorrow
"SANTANA! STOP FOOLING AROUND THIS INSTANT! WE HAVE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING TO GET TO!" Rachel screamed.
Santana had found Rachel's many argyle sweaters and was sorting them accoring to animal. There were five stacks of carosoul horses, four stacks of pandas, and two stacks of owls. Santana was about to start sorting the knee high stockings but before she could get to them, Rachel had tackled her to the floor. Now they were both wrestling for dominance, neither winning, neither really trying.
Pinning Rachel's arms behind her head Santana smirked, "Fine, only if you can answer me one question."
"Oh I can't wait to hear what it is," Rachel said with a roll of her eyes.
"Where can I buy that many argyle? And those socks! I bet they are super comfy!"
With inhuman strength, Rachel threw Santana off of her and patted down her skirt. She gave an indignant huff and walked out of the room without another word to Santana, who followed her out.
"Rachel," Santana said, trying to get Rachel to look at her but failed miserably, "look, I'm sorry I made fun of your argyle okay? Why are you so mad about this? It didn't mean anything."
Rachel turned around and looked the latina straight in the eye. Pointing her index finger at the taller girl's chest she all but yelled, "That's EXACTLY why I'm mad, Santana. You thought you were just making fun of my sweaters but instead you were just making fun of me. I already humiliate myself infront of the student body, I don't need to be made fun of when I'm not in school, too. And the fact that it didn't mean anything to you just shows how much you take in other people's feelings into consideration! So just come with me and help pick out gifts and we'll be back to your house and can go to bed."
Before Santana could retort, Rachel stormed off. All the latina could do was follow the shorter girl to the car with her tail between her legs. The car ride was silent. The only other time Rachel was this quiet was the first time she drove Santana home. Every time Santana tried to apologize or say something to Rachel, the words would get stuck in her throat. Halway to the mall, Rachel started to feel bad for what she said to Santana, but didn't apologize, remembering all the times Santana could have apologized but didn't.
As soon as they entered the mall, they went into the nearest clothing store. Buying gifts here and there. After that, a candle shop, then a DVD store. Rachel spent nearly two hours in that store. Santana had timed it perfectly, as soon as Rachel pressed the start button on her broadway cd, Santana booked it out of the store into the nearest jewelery store. She came out with a huge smile on her face and a small box that fit perfectly in her pocket.
Sneaking back into the music store was tricky. Santana had to wait till Rachel turned around before being able to slip behind a cd rack. It wasn't until Rachel turned around that Santana frowned, remembering that Rachel was still mad at her. The taller brunnette looked down dejectedly and picked up the nearest case, Rachel's eyes still on her. It wasn't until she looked at the case tht she noticed it was the latest "Teletubbies" CD. Santana blushed and put it back down. It may have been embarrasing but it was worth it because the smaller girl's smile didn't go unnoticed.
Two hours later and twenty-two bags later, Santana and Rachel were ready to leave the mall. They still hadn't talked, but at least they could stand together without feeling too awkward. Just as they were about to leave, someone grabbed onto Santana's arm and turned her around. There, Santana was met in a bear hug, her head stuckc in blonde hair and her nose filled with the vanilla scent that was Brittany.
When the blonde pulled away, Santana saw the red eyes and tear streaks. She also noticed a certain crippled someone wasn't by the blonde's side. Right away the latina knew what happened and she didn't like it. Before she would have stomped off and beaten the shit out of Artie, but now, she gave Brittany another hug, whispering reassurances. Santana looked at Rachel, who nodded and walked off to put the bags in the car. This was their time. Santana needed this, they needed this.
After finding a seat at a coffee table, Brittany started to explain.
"Artie broke up with me. He said that I should stop sleeping with you. When I told him that I didn't see you for months he didn't believe me. He yelled at me for not being an adult and told me that I'm just going to be one of your toys, that I'm not different. That he shouldn't be wasting his time on someone who isn't smart enough to know what love is. But I do know what love is, I just don't know what one plus one is, I think it's fish because when a daddy fish and a mommy fish are together you get a baby fish. And he said that I don't love you I just think I do," By the end, Brittany wore a very confused, very troubled face.
Santana looked at her best friend, "You love me?"
Brittany gave her a look... but not an answer.
"Did you love me? Have you ever loved me?" Santana choked.
Grabbing Santana's hand Brittany spoke very softly,"You know I love you. But it's not the way you want me to. I'm really sorry San."
Suddenly the table they were at felt very small. It kept getting smaller. Santana felt so hurt, her heart had just crumbled and turned to dust. Getting up she ran out of the mall, ignoring the calls from Brittany to come back. It was raining outside and it was below twenty degrees, but all Santana could feel was her whole being leaving her body. She st on a stool and cried. She cried for so long and didn't know how long it had been before someone had put a hand on her shoulder. Looking up, Santana saw the deep brown eyes of Rachel Berry. This time, Santana didn't run, didn't continue to cry, didn't even play the bitch. All she did was put on a smile and acted.
"Lets just go bach to my house," She said.
"Are you okay?" Rachel asked.
"Yep," Santana lied.
As soon as they were in the house they dropped off the bags in Santana's living room. There was one thing Santana really needed now and she knew how to get it. Thinking of the plan quickly she turned and looked at Rachel.
"Hey, can we go to bed, it's really late and I'm tired."
"Sure," Rachel said, her eyes solemn.
"Thanks, I'm just going to go get cleaned up." As Santana was halfway up the stairs she turned and looked at Rachel, "Are you going to sleep in my room?" She asked, almost pleadingly.
"Of course," Rachel nodded with a forced grin.
The latina nodded and walked upstairs. As she walked down the hallway, she noticed how bare the walls were. There wasn't a family here, just relatives. No one loved eachother or adored eachother here, they just put up with eachother. This wasn't Santana's home... just a building that she stayed at till she could leave it for good.
Reaching the bathroom Santana closed and locked the door. She turned toward her sink and pulled out the blades that were locked in her cabinet. Taking the sharpest one, Santana made three long cuts accross her back. As they bled she wrote one word on her hip; unloved. Santana was getting better, but now the sadness and the renewed heartbreak hurt. Another cut on her leg, she watched as the blood started to poor out. Everything was deeper than when she first started. It scarred Santana shitless.
She cleaned the wounds and herbathroom. She put on a tangtop and matching shorts. She opened the bathroom door and went to her room. Rachel was already in her bed and Santana climbed in. As soon as the latina turned on her side, her body was enveloped by Rachel's arms.
"I didn't mean what I said to you earlier today, I was just angry and tired. Wrestling with someone for an hour sort of does that to a person."
"It's okay, I just want to go to sleep right now," Santana said closing her eyes.
After about a a few minutes, it seemed that Santana was asleep. Rachel shifted the comforter and saw the three cuts on Santana's back. When Rachel moved to sit up to get a better look at them, the tangtop the latina was wearing moved up a little and exposed the words written on her hip. Hesitantly, Rachel placed her hand on the words, softly carressing them. Very carefully, as to not wake Santana up, Rachel moved her lips gently accross Santana's cuts. Rachel moved slowly, as if trying to heal them and the pain Santana felt, leaving goosebumps in her wake.
Rachel started to softly sing:
Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones,
And I will try,
To fix you.
Rachel rested her head against Santana's back and kept her one hand on the cut on the latina's hand. Racheal's other free arm went between the space where the mattress and the curve of Santana's torso met and pulled the taller girl closer. After a few minutes, Racheal's breathing slowed down and she was sound asleep.
Little did Racheal know that Santana was awake the whole time. Tears streamed down her face, but this time, they were tears of joy.
AN1:HEY GUYS SORRY FOR THE DELAY. THIS TIME I'M GOING TO PUT ANOTER CHAPTER UP FOR SURE. THE NEXT CHAPTER IS CHRISTMAS SO YAY!
AN2: DON'T HATE ON BRITTANY JUST YET, SHE MIGHT HAVE HURT SANTANA BUT THEY BOTH NEEDED IT. PLUS I'M DOING ONE FOR NEW YEARS AND THERE WILL BE SOME FIN BASHING BUT HE WILL BE SWEETER AFTERWARD
AQ1: HOW'S IT GOING SO FAR? ANYONE HATE ME YET?
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GLEE OR THE SONG FIX YOU BY COLDPLAY
RAMINDER DISCLAIMER: I FORGOT TO SAY THAT I DON'T OWN THE SONG CASTLE WALLS BY CHRISTINA AGULERA IN CHAPTER... 2?
AN3: I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE REVIEWED THIS STORY, IT REALLY MAKES ME HAPPY TO GET A GOOD REIEW! I DON'T REALLY EXPECT ANY BUT IT MAKES ME SMILE WHEN I DO GET ONE.
