Tsume smiled at her mother. "Where have you been that last three years, Mom?"

Suzume smirked and twisted around to see outside the window. "You know that mission I went on? I got captured and went through hell keeping all of our secrets, but then they let me go. I had no idea where I was or how to get home, so I did a crap load of research and finally figured out what had happened to you." She smirked. "Kakashi finally grew some balls and asked, huh?"

"Mother!" Tsume said indignantly.

"Sorry," Suzume said, shrugging. "I'm an Inuzuka. It's in my genes."

"Yeah, I know," Tsume muttered. "I got that from you."

Suzume chuckled. "Too true."

Sakura wandered into the kitchen, reaching for the handle on the fridge door.

"Sakura," Tsume said. "Don't open that fridge. We're having dinner in an hour. I don't want you to spoil your appetite."

"Sure, Mom," Sakura sighed. She smiled at Suzume. "Hey, Grandma,"

Suzume shuddered. "Honey, please don't use that word. Makes me feel old."

Sakura blinked. "What am I supposed to call you then?"

"Anything but Grandma."

Sakura shook her head violently. "I am confused."

Tsume laughed. "Honey, everyone is confused. I still don't understand my mother, and she raised me."

Suzume rolled her eyes. Sakura slyly slipped out of the kitchen, trying to save her sanity from the Inuzuka women.

She hoped Hana didn't go crazy like that when she got older.

Or even worse, if she got that bad when she was older.

She cringed.

/\/\

Sasuke ignored his brother as Kiba planted himself firmly on the couch next to him.

"You know, little brother," the brunette said conversationally, snatching the remote out of Sasuke's limp hand. The raven grit his teeth; why did the Inuzuka always have to remind him Sasuke was younger than him? They were born sixteen days apart, for God's sake!

"What, Kiba?"

"Soon Mom and Dad will be married."

"What does that have to do anything? They practically are married. They've been together since we were half a year old."

"But now it will be official." Kiba slid closer to his brother, leaning in close to Sasuke's face. "How does that make you feel?"

"I know how you're making me feel," Sasuke replied, sliding off the couch to sit on the floor. "Like you're trying to murder me."

Kiba gasped, his hand flying to his chest. "I would never kill you, little brother!"

"Kiba, would you shut up?"

"No."

Sasuke sighed, standing up. He calmly whistled to Rusty, who bounded into the room panting. "Come on, boy." He scowled at Kiba. "Let's take a walk."

Kiba smirked as Sasuke marched from the room.

/\/\

Kakashi bit back a snarl, glaring at Kin. The man grinned, handing him a handful of papers.

"This is what you need to review for tonight," Kin said. "Go eat dinner with your family, now."

Kakashi nearly sprinted from the crazy man's house.

Suzume was just leaving the house when he got home. He waved, otherwise ignoring his future mother-in-law. She grinned at him.

He shook his head. How Tsume had turned out relatively normal after being raised by those two weirdos, he would never know.

He collapsed in a kitchen chair and dropped the papers on the table. Tsume smiled and set a glass of water in front of him; he yanked down his mask and gulped down the liquid until it was gone.

"I can't handle this," he groaned. She set a spoon aside and sat down next to him, stroking a hand down his arm.

"What's wrong, honey?"

"Your father is killing me."

She laughed. He glared at her. "I'm serious!"

"Kakashi, I honestly doubt Dad is trying to kill you."

"Tsume, you haven't spent the last week with the guy planning a wedding." He tipped his head back with a whine. "I thought the women were supposed to be the ones getting excited over a wedding."

"Usually, yes," Tsume agreed. "But when are the Inuzuka's ever normal?"

"How did your parents even get together? They're complete opposites."

"Honestly?" Tsume sighed. "I have no idea. I think it had something to do with Dad complimenting Mom's hair, or something…"

"Kin's not a shinobi, right?"

"No." Tsume shook her head. "He's a civilian who just really likes dogs."

"And why do you have your mother's last name?"

"Because my mother scared my father a little bit, and so she kept her last name. When I was born she just asked that I have her name, and Dad was terrified that if he said no she would kill him."

Kakashi blinked and crossed his arms. He sighed. "Basically, your family is messed up."

"Hey!" she exclaimed. "Soon they're going to be your family too, so watch it."

He whined again. That's right; once they were married they would be his family.

"Wait a minute," He sat upright. "How many people are going to be at the wedding?"

"All of the Inuzuka's." Tsume stood and went back to preparing dinner. "Plus anyone you invite."

"How many Inuzuka's are there?"

She turned to him with a maniacal glint in her slit irises. "There are a lot of us, Kakashi. Plus our dogs."

"Oh my God, I'm going to die." Kakashi dropped his head into his arms. She laughed.

"Don't worry. I won't let them kill you."

/\/\

Itachi listened as the family went about their usual nightly business: fighting over who gets the bathroom first, snarling about who should let the dogs out before bed. The usual.

The Uchiha let out a breath and leaned against his headboard.

Maybe he should have just left Konoha. Or taken a mission that was sure to fail so he wouldn't have to deal with his life right now. Because his life sucked.

Hana opened the door quietly, slipping in with only a cami and pajama pants on. She must have won the battle for the bathroom.

"Itachi," she whispered. "Where were you at dinner?"

"Here," he replied.

"What were you doing up here?"

"Hiding."

"From who?"

"Everyone."

"Itachi, you have to solve this," Hana said firmly. She plopped down on the bed next to him. "You are way too young to be getting assassination missions. For your own clan."

"Hana, I am seventeen. You're only a year younger than I am. You know better than anyone how much is expected of me."

"I know, Itachi, but you can't kill your own clan." She sighed and stood up. "Talk to Dad again. Maybe now that he's not so focused on a pile of mission reports he'll help you."

"He's busy with the wedding."

"And this is more important. Itachi, they've been together for nearly twelve years. Marriage will just make it official."

She stalked to the door and threw it open. "Talk to him tomorrow, or I'll do it for you. I do not want to see my best friend destroyed by this."

He sighed as she shut the door behind her.

A/N: Okay, so I lied. I'm mostly focusing on the wedding and not Itachi. We'll get to him, though, I promise! I just don't know how the whole Uchiha thing is going to play out. We'll get there. Just not now.

Review?