Author's Note – I apologize for the delay. Writing this story requires a lot of work, to be quite honest. Plus, I now have two jobs so my free time is few and far between. I hope this chapter is all right. Choices may seem off, but you'll understand eventually. Please review!
Oh, and this chapter is a little mature.
-xx-
When Julian quietly tip-toes out of his daughter's room once the tiny brunette has fallen into a deep sleep, he finds his girlfriend standing against the hallway wall opposite him. She's deep in thought, Julian knows. He's always known how to tell when Brooke's deep in thought.
"Hi…" Julian says as he stands against the opposite wall.
"You're good with her. You've always been good with her", Brooke comments. Her eyes have kind of glazed over, from exhaustion- physical and mental, or maybe just from confusion.
Julian shrugs, almost not really knowing how to respond to that.
"I'm sorry, that was a strange thing to just say like that", Brooke says, freeing Julian up from responding to her comments. "We should just go to bed…"
Brooke pushes herself off the wall and nearly trips into Julian's body. By instinct, he reaches out to catch her.
"Are you okay?" Julian asks, quite frightened by what just occurred.
"Yeah, I just need to sleep", Brooke replies as she straightens herself out. "And I need to know that you will be here in the morning when Hazel and I wake up and that you'll be here for dinner tomorrow night."
"I will, Brooke. I can't be that man anymore, the man who's got you so exhausted."
"It's okay."
"No, it's not. I've turned into my father, Brooke."
The two share a quiet and sad look. Brooke knows this is true. Julian swore up and down for years that he would never become his father. Even when he was still a boy, he knew that whenever he had a family, he would never become his father. But now, Julian's realized that this is what he's become and it's stunned him to silence.
"Let's go to bed", Brooke says. She takes Julian's hand and leads them both into their bedroom, slowly and silently.
Brooke's not sure exactly why she's not protesting more. Her breakdown earlier wore her out, letting her momentarily resign her fight. Julian's admission just now gives her hope that he knows he's made mistakes and it clearly scares him. Nobody wants to end up like their parents and Brooke and Julian are two very good examples of that.
When the couple reach their bedroom door, Brooke opens it and lets go of Julian's hand. She walks to the center of the room and stands there. She doesn't move, she doesn't speak, she doesn't do anything.
"Everything is going to be different", Julian says. He is quiet, but his tone is forceful. Brooke wants so, so desperately to believe him and to believe that everything will be okay now.
"I know…" Brooke says. She walks toward Julian who is still standing in the doorway. She reaches behind him and shuts the door. Acting on instinct, she grabs him and begins to kiss him.
Their relationship started out based on lust. Although it turned into something deeper and more real, it did start out centered around sex. In those intimate moments, Brooke felt the safest with a man than she's ever felt in her life. Not only did Julian make Brooke feel safe, he made her feel alive.
Still lip-locked, Julian walks to the bed, Brooke stumbling as she walks backwards. She hits the bed with the back of her knees and collapses onto the soft mattress.
Breathless, Julian interrupts the kiss to ask, "Is this…is this okay?"
Brooke nods and kisses Julian again. She quickly tugs at Julian's clothing, first the buttons on his oxford and then she begins to pull off his belt. She does this slowly, watching Julian's expression change from calmness to impatience. After the belt is off and thrown to the floor, Brooke takes her hand and slides it under her boyfriend's slacks. She giggles when she hears the tell-tale guttural moan escape Julian's lips. His eyes are closed and he's already having trouble keeping his hands flat on the bed, to keep him from falling on top of the girl.
"Stop, Brooke", Julian says.
He opens his eyes and grins at the beautiful woman beneath him. He pulls himself upwards and takes his slacks off, all while watching Brooke. While he undresses, Brooke begins to take off her own clothing. First the camisole. No bra. Next the silk pajama pants. No underwear. Julian has one foot out of his pants when he notices how quickly Brooke has become naked and he can't help but stare.
"Take your pants off", Brooke says, her voice as husky as ever. She's well aware that her voice takes a dive in octave when she's turned on.
With great speed, Julian removes the last of his pants and crawls back onto the bed. For a moment, Julian and Brooke lock their eyes. But before either of them can stop this, Brooke begins to remove Julian's boxer briefs. Once he's completely naked, Brooke runs her shaking hands over his erection. He removes her hand and places it on his heart. She feels it beating and she feels her body begin to relax. She pulls her head up to kiss him and that's when Julian enters her.
The pace is slow and fast at the same time, if that's at all possible. Brooke wants to revel in the pleasure, but wants to stop at the same time. If that's at all possible. Julian begins to move within her, rotating his hips as Brooke begins to match his movements and rhythm. Moans and sighs begin to escape their lips.
Julian kisses up and down Brooke's neck, and then moves toward her breasts. He picks up his head and looks at his fiancée. Her eyes are closed, her mouth is open and she's sighing and moaning.
"Brooke…" he says. "I'm so sorry."
Brooke shakes her head, her eyes still shut. This isn't the time.
Julian moves deeper within her, picking up the pace as he continues to kiss Brooke's slick body. The noises get louder until they crescendo.
"Oh G-d…oh G-d…" Brooke moans, her voice raspy. Her orgasm overtakes her and she begins to shake and jerk almost uncontrollably. "Fuck…" she says quietly as her frenetic movements begin to subside.
Julian is still inside her and seconds later, he comes with a loud grunt. He collapses on top of the beautiful brunette and then moves to his side of the bed.
The air is rich with sex, sweat and regret. As the couple lay side by side, still trying to catch their breath, Julian takes Brooke's hand within his own and squeezes it softly. Brooke smiles softly to herself. The regret is hers and hers alone.
-xx-
It's 2:30 in the morning when Brooke decides to get out of bed. She's been tossing and turning all night. She cannot stop the thoughts from rushing through her head and she can't stop the tears when they start to fall. She tiptoes out of the room, deciding to grab a glass of wine and read a few magazines until her mind and body decide to let her fall asleep. Brooke stops at the slightly ajar door to her daughter's room. It creaks when she opens it but Hazel doesn't stir. Brooke steps inside the room and grabs a chair, pulling it to the side of Hazel's toddler bed. She sits down and settles her chin in her hands, just staring at her beautiful daughter.
Hazel doesn't deserve to be a 3 year old who doesn't know where her father is on a day to day basis. Brooke doesn't deserve to have her heart broken again. Julian is supposed to be the one, supposed to be the one who loves Brooke for who she is and never stops. He used to make her feel like the most amazing, most beautiful woman on the planet and that made Brooke feel safe again. She needs that feeling back.
Brooke reaches out and runs her fingers through Hazel's wavy hair. The little girl whimpers in her sleep and her eyes flutter open.
"Mumma", the little girl says quietly, surprised to be awake and surprised to see her mother sitting next to her bed.
"Shh, it's okay, baby girl. Go back to bed, sweet pea." Brooke leans down and kisses the girl's forehead as the child's eyes begin to close again. Brooke stands and walks towards the door, turning around to whisper, "I love you" to the sleeping Hazel.
She and Julian have to work everything out and it needs to happen now. For the two of them and for Hazel. They need to talk. They need to cut the bullshit, they need to stop having sex to get away from their emotions and they need to do it now.
They shouldn't have had sex tonight. She knows that and Julian should know that. It made her feel dirty and it made her feel 16.
Exhaustion begins to overtake the young woman so she walks back to her bedroom. When she gets inside, she sees Julian awake and leaning against the head board. He eyes Brooke as she walks in, a confused expression on his face. Brooke crawls into bed next to him and puts her head on his shoulder.
"Will you be home on time again tomorrow?" Brooke asks.
"I'm going to try."
"What?!"
"You didn't let me finish", Julian says as he turns to Brooke and she picks her head up to look at him. "I'm going to try because I plan to pick up some sushi for dinner and maybe some of that Riesling you like so much. Do you want roses or daisies? Oh, screw that. I'll get both." He's grinning, and Brooke grabs his face. He knows that his smile makes her melt.
"Do you mean that?" Brooke says as she lets go of his face and drops her own smile.
"We're going to be okay, Brooke."
-xx-
