ok y'all were nice and patient and you wrote me reviews with excitement and anticipation for the next chapter so here I am at 250am when I need to be at work at 930am finishing up this chapter just so you guys would not be dissapointed!!! :) Now, it is one more chapter of fluffy's and then its back to Spidey action and some insane insight on our lovely villainess Amber. So enjoy the fluff gals and guys, sorry the actions coming, I promise!! ;) Thanks to everyone still reading! You guys are the BEST!! Totally dedicated, truly you all rock!! Thank you soooo much!!! Keep reading and just as importantly, keep reviewing!!!!!! :)


I Can't Make You Love Me-Bonnie Raitt


Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't


I'll close my eyes, then I won't see

The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't


Chapter 16: Breakdown

The cold air lashed at MJ's face, the stinging sensation turning her cheeks red and causing her to flinch. She walked steadily back to the Parker house, not missing a step, despite that her legs felt like jelly. The adrenaline was rapidly retreating from her body as quickly as it had built up. She realized now, her hand was beginning to throb, but she paid it no mind just yet. She strode up the steps and found the door open. Peter was waiting in the doorway for her with an expression of concern plainly written on his face.

Peter watched her confident stride waiver as she got closer to him. Her face fell from grim determination to fear and heartbreak. Her eyes were wide with the onslaught of tears and he noticed she clutched her right fist in her left hand. His heart filled with nervous unease. "MJ?"

She made it to the steps before collapsing into his arms, bursting into tears. She sobbed heavily, head buried in his chest.

Peter's arms encircled her protectively and he kissed her head gently. "Shhhh..." he grit his teeth in an attempt to contain his anger, his eyes falling on the house next door. "MJ, what happened? Why didn't you let me go with you?? Did he hurt you?!"

MJ shook her head negatively, sniffling against his chest. "Just hold me, please."

He brought her inside with an arm wrapped around her. She walked with him, leaning on him with her head still burrowed against his chest. "I'm right here," he whispered against her sweet smelling hair.

She flopped onto the couch, diving back into his embrace as soon as he sat beside her. She continued to cry, sobbing and even let out a small grunt of despair every so often.

Peter held her, rocking her in his arms till she quieted. He pressed his lips against her hair, burying his face in the red locks. He was torn between wanting to hold her tightly until she knew she was safe and going over to break the guy's face in for hurting her. He only looked up once when Aunt May's questioning gaze came from the dining room. He silently told her he had it covered and she smiled sadly with understanding. She left as quietly as she entered.

MJ sniffled moments later, lifting her head up to meet his eyes.

He gave her a gentle, supportive smile. Her eyes were bloodshot and red rimmed, her nose was running and she had a tear streaked face. Yet, she was still beautiful. Even more so, looking as vulnerable and lost as a child without their parent. "I had a handkerchief, but..." he grinned softly, reaching out for a box of tissues.

She dabbed at her face and eyes, continuing to sniffle. "Thanks."

He brushed back her frazzled hair and wiped at her tears. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you. I-"

"Peter... I hit him..." she interrupted looking dazed, picking at her tissue.

Peter's mouth fell open, but then he smiled. "You ... what?"

MJ chuckled at his expression. "I think I broke his nose."

Peter's eyes widened and he joined in her chuckles. He stroked her blotchy cheek. "Really?"

She nodded. "He wasn't there at first..." she started.

"I saw him come in. I wanted to go to you, but I promised I'd wait here for you. Guess you didn't need my help after all," he winked.

She gave a half smile before continuing. "He came in, insulting me ... called me a nothing, a whore, a tramp..." MJ's face twitched as she replayed the scenes in her head. "Nothing 'm not used to hearing, but I couldn't take it anymore! He made to hit me and instead, threw more insults at me. He turned his back on me, so I spun him around and socked him right in the nose."

Peter's heart went out to her instantly. He was pleased she could defend herself, and he knew she was happy to have protected herself too, but he could tell she was still torn up after it all. She didn't have to be strong in front of him. She could let go of pretending and let it all out. He would be there for her, as he promised. It was the least he could do. He examined her hand, noting it was swollen and a little bruised, but nothing that wouldn't heal quickly.

"I was so scared at first, and I kept wishing you were there with me," she paused, contemplating what she was going to say next. She didn't want to sound insane. "Then, it felt as it you were. I had the strength to do and say what I had to. Now that its over, I feel it all unraveling," she explained as he held her small hand in his own two.

Peter cupped her cheek affectionately. "I am always with you, MJ. No matter what. I will always be there for you. I promised you that. I intend to keep that promise."

She sighed, wishing he could do more than just be there. Instead of instigating another argument though, she ignored his comment, rubbing at her eyes. "I must look a mess."

"You never look anything but beautiful..." he assured her, not letting the expression that marred her features momentarily go unnoticed.

She sniffled again and smiled gently at him. "Thanks, Tiger. You always know what to say to a girl, don't ya?"

"Yeah, right. It usually turns out in stutters," he snorted, lips forming into a goofy smile.

She gave him a quirky grin. "That's because you're still shy Peter Parker even under all those Spider-Man quips of yours."

"It may just possibly be," he nodded in an agreement.

She chuckled, rolling her eyes at him. She sighed, rubbing her thumb on his lips. "I love you so much, Peter Parker."

He smiled sadly, kissing her finger. "I know." He sighed. "About that..."

She pulled away with a frown. "You're not gonna shoot me down again now, are you?"

He reached out for her hands again. "No, not right now," he paused. "MJ. I need you to understand we can't be together so I can keep you safe. I'd rather keep you at arms length and know you're not in danger than to think I caused another death. There's been too many as it is," he said sadly.

"But-"

"Shhh..." he placed a finger on her lips. "Follow me," he lifted her from the couch, leading her by the hand up the stairs to his old room.

MJ followed obediently into his old bedroom, still filled with some of his stuff. She noted the bed was neatly made, some old posters were still hung, a bunch of photos hung over a desk and MJ smiled, noting one was of her from their trip to the museum. She strode over and plucked it off its perch. She turned raised brows to him.

He blushed, rubbing his neck and lowering his eyes in embarrassment.

She chuckled, setting the picture back. "So what did you bring me up here for?" she sat on the bed, legs tucked under her.

Peter examined the picture, surprised she hadn't thought about the super spiders and recalled the missing one. She was so close to discovering what made him Spider-Man and was too blinded by his affection for her to notice. *Good. Tonight isn't about Spider-Man.* He turned to her and took a deep breath. He'd need it. "Mary Jane..." his voice squeaked.

She smiled. "Sit down, Tiger. Relax. You can tell me anything," she patted the bed.

He sat, hands twisting together nervously. He could practically feel his tongue twisting in his mouth as he searched his heart for the courage to do this. For her. For MJ. Finally, he took a deep breath and plunged in. "I've been in love with you since the 6th grade," *There. He said it. He felt better already. Oh God, she was staring at him like he was a loony bin.*

"What?" she managed, blinking rapidly.

"I've been in love with you since the 6th grade," he repeated, with more conviction this time. The truth was out, time to put some feeling behind it! "I could only dream and hope you'd love me one day. I know I was foolish; no one falls in love with a geek like me ... with giant glasses and brains twice the size of most men's muscles."

"Oh, Peter..." she gripped one of his writhing hands. "Its not your looks that made me fall in love with you! Sure, you're handsome without the glasses and with the muscles..." she paused before whispering the rest of her confession to him. "But I think I loved you before then too."

He almost shattered at her confession. There was so much more he wanted to tell her, and he knew she wished to hear it. Looking at her smile and the light gleaming in her eyes now, almost urged him to continue. He opened his mouth to speak and the words that followed were not at all what he planned to say.

"I'd like nothing more than for us to be together. I wish with all I was I could change that," he stroked her hand. "I can't though. I have a commitment to being Spider-Man. I can't put you in danger, I can't be responsible for more death," his own subconscious had forced him to take a step back and realize telling her everything wasn't feasible. Pretending it was just about the two of them, and that Spider-Man could be put on a back burner was even less feasible.

Spider-Man wasn't someone Peter could pretend wasn't always there. It wasn't a split personality or an alter ego-who could be turned on and off-it's who he was, who he had to be. "I'd love to tell you everything, and make everything better, but I just can't," his voice caught in his throat and he felt his eyes well up with unshed tears. "I wanted tonight to be about you and me. But I can't escape the fact that Spider-Man is me. I wanted to tell you tonight what I couldn't at my apartment. But, it would only hurt you more," he stopped and was sure he couldn't continue after seeing the disappointment in her eyes. But he had to. He had to do something. He had to keep talking, because he could not stand to see such sorrow in her eyes. "I bought you something, and I'd like for you to have it in any case. If you can't accept it, I will understand. Just ... please know, this isn't meant to hurt you or feel obligated to me. I'd like for nothing more than for you to be happy. As much as I thoroughly enjoyed that kiss tonight, I can't give you the happiness you deserve. I'm sorry, MJ... "

MJ digested every word like a bad pill. She swiped at tears and cursed Spider-Man and Peter, but made no move. She couldn't give up on him. She loved him too much and had never felt a love like this before. She would not lose it. She waited as he handed her a box. She examined it a moment, wondering what could be waiting inside that had him so close to confessing all before he once again changed his mind. She tore off the simple bow and opened the box, pushing away tissue paper. Inside was a ball. She lifted it from its box and gasped at the bright white Christmas ornament surrounded with sprigs of mistletoe, gold bells, silver angels and strands of pearls that spelled her name in scripted letters. It spun in her hand as she held it by the gold string. On the other side it read:

For the woman who gives the sweetest kisses in the rain, who gives love from her heart no matter what the cost and shows faith and trust everlasting. Always know my love for you has no end... P.P.


MJ's eyes misted over immediately and she felt tears slide from her eyes for a second time tonight. She loved it, it was beautiful. And heartbreaking. "And no beginning..."

Peter's heart broke at her fragile expression. "I'm sorry," he stood, turning away from her and began to pace. "I knew this would only upset you, I shouldn't have given it to you. I just had to do something, MJ. This was not how I planned it. I wanted things to be so different. But it just can't be."

MJ set the beautiful ornament aside, coming to stand next to him. She jumped into his path stopping his pacing. "It's the most beautiful gift I ever got."

Peter still wore a frown and remained silent for what seemed like hours but was mere seconds. "I know how much you liked my parents. I wanted to give you one, even if it didn't have our names on it."

MJ sighed softly, cupping his face. She forced a kiss on his lips. It was short and closed mouthed. She rubbed his cheeks, sniffling. "Can't we pretend, just for now, that there's nothing keeping us apart? Can't you just kiss me for a little while, hold me like you love me? You don't have to say it,"

Peter broke at her request, wanting so much for the same thing. There were so many reasons not to. It was just wrong, all together wrong. What would happen when it was over? What would he say? Where would they be then? Their friendship was in such turmoil to begin with. No, it would only create more false hope, more expectations that would never be fulfilled. How would they handle this?

"Just a lil while, k?" she reached down for his hand, to hold in hers.

He took her hand in his and left all his questions and thoughts in the spot where he stood. He refused to think of the consequences, the what ifs and trying to decipher right from the wrong. All he wanted was a short time away from everything that was right and wrong and just have what he wanted, what she wanted. He could not refuse her, or himself. He stepped to the bed, arm outstretched as he held her hand. He met her eyes with his and gently pulled her to him on the bed.

MJ sunk onto the bed on her knees, shuffling over as Peter made room for her. He leaned back against the headboard, and she fell into his embrace. She sunk into the spot that immediately felt like home to her, her head fitting perfectly into the nook between his shoulder and collar bone. She closed her eyes as they both fought off the uncomfortable, unnamable emotion weighing on them heavily. Yet, neither refused to budge, to give up this brief time together, keeping reason abandoned, thrown to the wind and far from thought.

Instead, they sunk into each other's warmth battling valiantly with their stiff, rigid forms to give way and allow the comfort each willingly had to offer to surface. To give that reassurance, that despite fate's plan for them, that this is where they belonged and each had the salvation the other needed. Neither had ever felt so safe and so protected and so ... home ... than they did in each other's embrace.

And it was scary.

MJ stiffened slightly when Peter's hand came from around her waist, to her shoulder, gently shifting her hair away. She sat up slightly, turning her eyes to his.

He looked at her apologetically, as if he had done wrong.

She continued to watch him with the same studious expression as she lifted her hand to the clip at the base of her head holding the lengthy base of red hair upon her head. She pulled the clip free and her hair fell past her shoulders in waves, tumbling out of the clips hold. She gave it one good shake and felt the relief of free flowing hair.

It only took Pete seconds to find his fingers entwined in their lengths, amazed at the shining, golden scarlet gossamer his fingers delved in. He brushed back the hair that framed her face perfectly and studied her teal colored eyes. He wanted to tell her so bad, to say it aloud so much! But, the words just would not find their way from his heart into the open, into their lives. Instead, he closed his eyes and dived out dauntlessly finding her lips with his and set into motion a lifetime's worth of desire for her. His lips practically devoured hers and he tightened his grip on her shoulders when she allowed his tongue access to hers.

MJ was taken by surprise, pleasantly, by his force and she battled back with a soul searing kiss of her own. Her fingers wound into his dark locks and she pulled him closer, wanting him to deepen the kiss even further.

He wrapped his arms around her back with care and gently eased her onto her back, laying atop her as the kiss continued its endless pleasure.

But end it did and when it did, both were breathless and their chests heaved with the need for air.

Pete placed a chaste kiss on her lips quickly, as if thanking her for access to her sweetest kisses. He caressed her cheek ever so gently, easing his weight to the side of her, not stopping his soft caress of her creamy skin for a moment. His arms tightened around her upper body once again and he squeezed her tightly in a bear hug.

MJ kissed his forehead lovingly, and noted he never seemed more vulnerable, more boyish than he did right now. She still could not believe looking into these cerulean eyes and at this baby faced man she loved with all her heart, that this was the fast-quipping, daring, deadly, acrobatic, Spider-Man whom she'd also grown to love. Yet, under it all, he was still the shy, inexperienced, nerdy little boy with broken, tapped up bottle-rimmed glasses lost under his microscope when other boys where playing football and ogling at girls.

MJ grinned, tracing the contours of his face. Yet, he had loved her since he was 6! Before boys even liked girls! And his inexperience has caught up to him. Most men in Peter's position would have very well taken full advantage of MJ's attention and advances over the past week, and of very her position in his bed right now. So shy he was, that his touches were feather light on her body, avoiding any intimate touch aside from that of her lips. That after each kiss, he pulled far enough away that he would not be tempted to continue any such actions kissing set into emotion. She loved him all the more for it. No one had ever treated her so delicately before, so respectfully. If she was unsure before, she knew now without doubt that Peter Parker was the only man for her and she would never know a touch like his elsewhere, even if they were doomed to spend their lifetimes apart.

Time was lost to them, neither knew how long they lie there, just content to be near each other, lost in the others arms and locked in a gaze that nothing seemed to break. There were kisses, long and powerful, short and tender. There were moments were there was nothing but a share of smiles or the gentlest touch of hands and there were moments neither moved for fear of breaking the enchanted spell they were set upon.

At one point amidst the quiet, MJ noticed Peter's eyelids droop over his perfect pools of blue and he fought with himself to stay awake. She knew whatever webslinging and good-doing he had done for the day was making him so weary that he could not fight the temptation of sleep, despite how much he was enjoying this. She placed soft kisses on his eyes and bundled him closer, giving him a tender smile even though he could not see it. He slipped into his dreams quietly, hanging on tightly to her, as if he was afraid once he fell asleep she would be gone. She stayed there, comforting him as he slept, gently caressing and kissing every so often until it became impossible to lift her own head from the pillows. She was also battling the sleep that invaded her system, but she managed to stay awake a little longer, to enjoy her reverie: her peace finally brought to her by the arms of a spider.

*******

It was shortly after they had fallen asleep that May had knocked on the door, checking on Peter and wondering if Mary Jane had left or not without a good-bye. When she opened the door and spied her nephew and the girl next door fast asleep in each other's arms, she gasped softly. Shocked was not enough to describe how she felt. Happy however was a good term, perhaps still not strong enough. Now, May was not one to allow such activities in her house, but there was nothing but innocence written in the way they held each other. And no two people deserved to be happier more than Peter and Mary Jane. She smiled widely, hoping this meant there was a breakthrough for the two of them and they were finally were a couple. Something in the way they clung to each other, as if the world was over for them made her consider otherwise. May sighed, morning would tell. She flicked off the light illuminating the room. "Merry Christmas."

*******


Morning light streamed in from Peter's window, basking the room in a soft blue glow. The morning itself was quiet as if the world was trying its hardest to be without disturbance so the two occupants of the room could remain as they were forever.

But, even the slightest noises could wake Peter at any given time. Especially when it was followed by the drumming of his spider sense. This morning he awoke, but it wasn't because of some disturbing noise or the warning of his spider sense. He awoke because his arm was bent at an entirely awkward angle, even for him. It began to tingle with aches. He blinked open his eyes, wondering what could cause it such pain and he became aware of his arm buried under the small weight of MJ's warm body. Her red hair was billowed out over his pillows and her perfect face was pressed against his chest, totally at ease and looking at peace.

Peter couldn't help but grin as he slowly slipped his hand out from under her and she gave a protesting groan, huddling closer to him for warmth. He snatched the throw blanket she must've buried them in last night and tucked her back in, not ready to give this up yet. He stroked her hair from her cheek, reveling in the touch of her soft skin. "You're so soft..." he whispered against her hair.

He sighed deeply, memorizing this moment, detail for detail. He'd make sure he knew what it was like to hold her like this for the whole night and waking in the morning to her beautiful face. He'd memorize it by every single detail and he wouldn't forget; he'd need it to get him through the rest of his life without her. He'd memorize each detail of her sleeping face, the soft smile on her lips, the gentle rise and fall of her body as she breathed, the way her hair was wildly tossed over the pillows, and most of all he'd remember the way her tiny hands held onto his frame tightly, refusing to let go.

He looked down at her face, kissing the top of her head with love. "So this is what its like to be with you. This is what its like to be this close, and held so tight, with such love. I feel so safe here, MJ. Isn't that silly? I should be the one to make you feel safe... But I feel like 'm home, like after everything I go through, fighting off criminals, dodging bullets and climbing walls and soaring on a strand of webbing through Manhattan, that nothing can compare to being in your arms and to feel your love. Its like, everything I go through is suddenly worth it, that there's meaning and reason for it. I can do all these great things with these powers I have and its amazing that I can help people, but it doesn't really matter at the end of the day. At the end of the day all I still want is this." Peter confessed to her sleeping face. He kissed her gently on the lips. "I'd give it all up for this if I could. But, I promised Uncle Ben and I must do what's right in the end, even if it means losing you. I'm so sorry, MJ. I wish things could be so different. But that doesn't matter right now. We're here, you and me and you're all mine right now. Isn't it wonderful?" he asked her, stroking her back affectionately as he continued his confessions, looking for any kind of awareness on her part.

"Even if its only for a few more minutes...." Peter chuckled softly minutes later as he got lost in thought. "Boy, you know what would be really great... If we got married and lived in the city. Of course by the time we could afford to marry, your acting career would be on fire. You'd be flying to California to star in the big films, and modeling left and right. But you'd never be gone too long, because we'd miss each other too much. We'd come home from work and say 'honey, 'm home!' and sit in front of the TV to see your newest work with Chinese and 'd give you a foot rub and you'd give me a back rub. We'd both be busy with me being Spider-Man and you a star and all, but there would still be this. A place to call home, a place to go, y'know? A reason, like you told me, a reason to do what we do. Maybe we'd have a couple kids when our career's slowed down. I'd teach them all about science and math and you'd teach them to be good people, with kind hearts and boy they'd be beautiful... I may need to teach them to wall crawl too..." he snorted, so lost in his dreams, that even being Spider-Man in them was possible, acceptable! "Can you picture that, Mary Jane? Do you know how happy you'd make me? God, MJ... I love you so much, I almost think anything is possible. I can almost believe this could be real..." he sighed, biting on his lip. He looked down at her, finding her still fast asleep. "Too bad it's not ... never can be..." he closed his eyes and allowed himself one last touch of her lips. "I love you Mary Jane, always. Even if all I have left for us is dreams..." he snorted. That's all he ever had with her.

MJ woke shortly after Peter, finding him still beside her, but his face was hard and rigid as it often was. "Mornin' Tiger..." she whispered, afraid to move in hopes that he would not pull away from her.

"Hey MJ, Merry Christmas..." he whispered back with a soft smile, breaking the barriers on his face.

MJ leaned up and kissed his cheek softly. "It must be Christmas. I got my wish..."

"Even if its over already?" Peter sat up, rubbing at his eyes.

She clasped his shoulder, pulling herself up to sit beside him. "I'd give my life for one more night with you, Peter Parker," she told him, her face the picture of stern calmness. She meant it. She was ready to risk it all just to be with him ... if only he would too.

"Well, I'm not about to let you risk your life for me, no matter what...." Peter frowned at her confession of love.

MJ nodded, taking the disappoint in stride. "Let's not argue. It's Christmas, Pete. Just for today, lets forget all about everything and enjoy our time together and with Aunt May."

"Aunt May! Holy cow! What is she gonna think when she finds out you're still here?!" Peter slapped a hand to his forehead.

"Well..." MJ chuckled. "I know what she'll think. But, we'll just tell her I didn't want to be alone. Nothing untruthful about that."

Peter swallowed hard, rubbing his forehead in contemplation of MJ's words. Oh man ... he was in for it...

"Good thing I got some clothes yesterday for presents. I'm gonna go change," she crawled off the bed, grinning at Peter's dismay. She opened the bedroom door and before stepping out, she turned back to him and smiled playfully. "Oh, yeah... Merry Christmas, Tiger."