Summer Girl
Chapter Ten
Well, my lovelies, B's got herself in a pickle now, doesn't she?
She was spotted getting some hands on skating lessons at the Rockefeller with E. Turns out they were a little too hands on for him—he was seen leaving without his little lady friend.
A and R seem to be having an issue with B as well—what did she do to piss off all these people?
More importantly, how is she going to get back in their good graces?
Boy, this is exciting. I better bring out the popcorn.
xoxo,
Gossip Girl
I stood in front of the familiar door, hesitant to lift my fist to knock on it. What if he didn't take too well to my appearing randomly at his door? It wasn't like it was something I'd never done before, but I'd only done it when we were dating.
But we were still dating, right?
I had finally mustered up the courage to knock when the door swung open.
"Bella?" Jake's incredulous voice rang out.
God, I've missed that voice. "Hey, Jake," I said nervously.
A familiar face appeared over his shoulder.
"Nessie?" I asked.
"Er, hey there, Bella," she said, smirking and patting down her unruly hair.
"Were you two—were you just—" I couldn't get the words out. I didn't like these circumstances at all.
"We were about to go out for dinner," Jake explained, glancing between her and me. "What are you doing here?"
"Can I talk to you... alone?"
He was quiet for a moment before nodding. He glanced at Nessie almost apologetically before slipping out into the hallway and closing the door. "What do you want, Bella?"
"Why are you with her?" I burst out.
Jake sighed. "Bella..."
"Don't baby me, Jake. Just tell me."
"I like her. We're getting to know each other."
"Each other's lips?"
His guilty expression said it all.
I stayed silent for a moment, thinking. "Do you like her more than you like me?" I inquired at a near whisper.
"What does that have to do with it?"
"It has everything to do with it!" I yelled, unable to control myself. I glared at him, breathing heavily. "I miss you, Jake. I came here to see what was going on between us. But I guess it's nothing, right? All those years of friendship and dating are being flushed right down the tube just because she's prettier than I am."
"Bella, you dumped me," Jake cut in.
"I didn't dump you, Jake. I wanted to take a break."
"You're kidding. Bella, there is no difference between taking a break and breaking up. Absolutely none. We're over, don't you get that?"
I stared at him blankly. I didn't get it—Jake and I, over? Forever? It made no sense.
He frowned apologetically at me. "Goodbye, Bella," he said softly as he turned and went back into his apartment.
My feet felt like they were made of lead as I dragged them to the elevator and then into the lobby. I stared out at the snow falling from the sky onto the sidewalk. Some small child threw a snowball that landed on the window, smashing into a million different pieces and dripping down the glass.
It looked like my heart felt.
I took out my cell phone and stared blankly at it. I wanted to call Alice or Rosalie or both to come pick me up and make me feel better like only they knew how, but they were pissed at me. I sighed and called my car to come pick me up.
I waited for it outside, the wet snowflakes soaking into my clothes and hair.
I didn't allow my face to get wet until I was safely tucked into my bed, covers over my head like I was still a little kid hiding from a thunderstorm.
!~!
I spent the next week in a stupor. I went to school, where people whispered and pointed at me. Everyone except the two people I really wanted to pay attention was fixated on my every move. I went straight home after school and sat in front of my TV, eating ice cream from the carton and sobbing at soap opera episodes that too closely resembled my own life. When I wasn't doing that, I was sleeping and dreaming.
In one dream, my life was perfect—I was married to Jake, we had kids, and there was no sign of Edward at all. Alice and Rosalie were still my best friends, married to Jasper and Emmett with their own kids.
In another dream, I was with Edward. We were never happy—always fighting and making up, fighting and making up. I was under constant stress.
In yet another dream, I was alone. I owned too many cats for a healthy living environment, and I watched little kids dare each other to knock on the scary lady's door.
I woke up in a cold sweat from each and every dream.
I had just woken up after taking a nap for an afternoon to some couple making out on the TV screen. I shut it off, feeling sorry for myself yet again. I dragged myself off the couch, hauling a blanket with me. In the kitchen, I found that there was no ice cream left. Just my luck, I thought as I headed back to my new favourite couch. Friday night, home alone, and I don't even get to eat ice cream.
I was about to sit down again when the buzzer rang.
I contemplated ignoring it, but then I reconsidered. No one had come to my house in ages—my parents were off on a business trip yet again, and Angela was always puttering around, so she didn't count.
Shuffling over the door, I pressed the talk button. "Yeah?" I asked groggily.
"Isabella Marie Swan, you will let me up there or I will never do anything nice for you again," a familiar voice raged over the doorman's attempts to talk.
"Sorry. Let her in," I told him.
"Yes, ma'am," he replied.
I leaned against the wall, wondering why exactly Alice was here. Didn't she hate me? Didn't everyone hate me? Wasn't my life over? Nothing computed.
The elevator doors swung open, and there stood Alice, a sullen Rosalie standing behind her.
"Oh God, thank goodness we came. You look terrible," Alice screeched upon seeing me.
"Yes, well, I figured it didn't matter. My life is over," I said dully.
"Oh, shut it, your life is not over," Alice scolded, grabbing my arm and pulling me up the stairs. I let the blanket fall rather than tripping over it.
"Oh yeah? Then why is Rose giving me the death glare?" I stage whispered.
"I am not giving you the death glare," Rosalie protested.
"Oh? Then what does the look on your face mean?"
"It means..." She sighed and glanced down at the floor. "I'm still mad at you for calling me vapid and basically insinuating that Alice is stupid, but you're my best friend, Bella. I can't just abandon you."
Tears welled up in my eyes. "Oh, Rose," I said, stopping at the top of the stairs. "I didn't mean it when I said you were vapid. I was in shock; I didn't know what I was saying."
"Whoa, calm down. Alice is right. Thank God we came over now rather than later. You're going soft, Bells."
"Just gimme a hug," I sobbed out, spreading my arms. Both Alice and Rose jumped in. "I missed you guys. I missed you bad. I thought I was going to be an old cat lady."
"As if we would let that happen," Alice teased. "Let's go get you fixed up."
"For what?" I asked, the depression creeping back into my voice. "I already had two boys and lost them. I think my chances are up."
"Who said you lost Edward?" Rose said mischievously, pushing me down onto the vanity seat.
"Didn't I?" I asked, looking at my eyeliner and mascara rimmed eyes in the mirror.
"Bella, Bella, Bella," Alice sighed out from the closet. "Don't you remember? You never give up on what you want."
!~!
I found myself in front of another wooden door, this one not familiar to me at all, afraid to knock.
With Jake, it had only taken remembering all the times I'd done it when we were dating to get up the courage to knock.
But we weren't dating now, were we?
The thought hurt my heart. I knew I liked Edward as more than a friend, but Jake was my friend. He had always been my friend. I had imagined that we would be together forever, have a perfect wedding and perfect children.
But now I saw that all with someone else. I had been his friend all his life, even if he hadn't been mine. I was ready to commit to at least finding whatever it was we had when we were little. If I didn't like it, if we fought all the time like my dream, then oh well, life moves on.
With that, I managed to lift my fist and knock on the door.
It took nearly thirty seconds before the door opened to reveal a heavily mussed Edward Cullen blinking at me. I looked around for the girl, ready to run as fast I could out of the building.
"Bella?" Edward asked. "What are you doing here?"
The girl had still not made an appearance.
"I... I wanted to talk to you," I stammered out.
He appraised me for a moment before stepping aside and motioning for me to go in. It was a nice place, I noted as I walked in. Pleasant, spacious, tastefully decorated—I approved. I probably would have approved no matter what it looked like—Edward lived there. That was all I needed to know.
I turned around and looked at Edward as he closed the door behind me. "Is there no one else here?" I asked.
He shook his head. "It's just me at the moment. Why, who did you think would be here?"
I couldn't stop my blush. "Nobody," I said quickly.
Edward eyed me for a moment. I could tell he didn't believe me, but he let it go. "What did you want to talk about?"
"Well, um, us, I guess."
"I didn't know there was an us," Edward commented.
"I didn't think you wanted there to be an us," I replied, fidgeting with my gloves.
He blinked disbelievingly at me. "Are you kidding? I wanted there to be an us more than anyone else on this planet. I thought you didn't want to be friends or more than friends or whatever. You never called me after we went skating."
I cleared my throat. "You went skating. I... well, it wasn't skating."
"Sure it was." His gorgeous grin spread across his face, instantly lighting up all his features and making him look ten times better. All too soon it was gone again. "Why didn't you call?"
"I didn't know you wanted me to call..." I said, confused.
"I told you to tell me when you worked things out with Jacob. I know from all the gossip that you did."
"Worked things out. More like he worked and I listened," I muttered.
Edward looked at me sadly. "Does this mean you're not over him?"
I blinked. Was I over Jacob? I thought back to the thoughts I'd had before knocking.
I thought I was.
"You know," I began, "I was walking in the park one day, right after I told Jake I wanted to take a break. These girls from school were gossiping about in class, and I flipped out on them and got kicked out. As I was walking, all I could think of were two things: one, how much of an asshole you were for keeping secrets from me; and two, how much I wanted to just look at you."
"So you couldn't get me out of your thoughts, hey?"
I glared at him. "See, that's exactly what I mean about you. Anyway, I stopped at a hot dog vendor to get some food, only to realize that I'd left my money at the fucking school. I wondered to myself if life could get any worse than that. And you know what I realized after Jake told me it was over? It could get a fuckload worse. I really need friends in my life—I didn't get up off my ass until Alice and Rose made me."
"I take it they're responsible for the get up?" Edward teased.
I glanced down at my bubble gum pink shirt and ripped up jeans, complete with curly hair falling over my shoulders. "Get up? You're terrible!" I exclaimed, momentarily forgetting that I was giving a speech.
"Nah. I like your hair like this. It reminds me of how you looked on the beach that day."
I smiled at the memory, then smacked Edward's hand away from me. "Stop distracting me!"
"Sorry, sorry. Please do continue."
"What I was saying was that I want you to be my friend, Edward. I need you to be my friend."
He bit his lip. "Only your friend?"
"I was hoping for a little bit more than that, actually," I admitted.
Edward stared at me. His eyes seemed to be conveying many message, but I couldn't decipher them. I slowly realized that he was coming closer to me, so close that our foreheads touched, and then closer still, until our lips met in the most sensational kiss I had ever shared with anyone. It literally felt like he was pouring every inch of his being into me, and I returned it with just as much force.
He shifted slightly away, our foreheads still touching, and whispered, "I want you to have it all."
I stayed silent, caught in the moment, before falling back to Earth. I jerked away from Edward.
"Edward, you have to know something."
He looked at me, confused. "What?"
"You remember me as the little girl I was all those years ago. You have to realize that I'm not like that anymore. I'm not innocent. I don't always make the right decisions. I can be a total slut and a bitch and whatever else you want to call me."
"I would never—"
I held up my hand. "Let me finish. I try my hardest to live up to everyone's standards, but I think over the past months since I met you again I've realized that the only person whose standards I should bother with is me. I intend to stand by that."
Edward was silent for a moment after I stopped talking, no doubt making sure I was done. When he was sure, he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me to him. I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed.
"I want you to be you, Bella," he whispered in my ear. "I'll stick by you no matter how bitchy you get or how bad you are at skating. I'll always be here. Okay?"
"Okay," I agreed, putting my own arms around him. "And right now, I want you to just stay right there and hold me."
"Always."
I smiled out at the world that was looking in through the panel windows and closed my eyes, breathing in all that was purely Edward.
I never wanted the moment to end.
This is the last chapter. The next one will be the epilogue. :)
Favourite line?
