A/N: Hello everyone! This chapter is longer than the others, and took me a little more time to fix up. It doesn't flow nearly as nicely as I'd like it to, but it sets us up for the next chapter perfectly.

Please review. I look forward to reading your comments, criticisms and questions!

- picimadár

When You Run Among Shadows

Chapter 5: Group Therapy

September 30A.C. 200, Sanq Kingdom

Once again, Minister Darlian sat in the too-comfortable recliner waiting for 'Doctor Hart' to arrive at the office. Although she was relaxed knowing that the woman was someone she could trust, she still dreaded the inevitable questions that her therapist and friend would ask. Why in the world did I come back here? she wondered, dropping her head into her hands.

At that moment, she heard Middie come in the front doors, greeting Trowa and the young receptionist before opening the windowed door to her office.

"Well, hello there, you!" the dark-haired woman said in a surprised tone, looking her over. "I thought you'd be back… it's my charm, isn't it?" Middie asked, pausing to take in Relena's small but radiant smile before continuing to her desk.

Relena remained seated, watching as Middie, now Amelie, unpack the small briefcase she had carried in. "What do you carry in there?" she asked, curiosity forcing her to speak before she had intended to.

Middie looked up at her briefly before continuing to unpack. "I'm aware that you would prefer our meetings not be made public knowledge," she explained. "I keep everything concerning them in this file here. That way, should any sensitive information be passed on to me, I can ensure I'll be the only one to see it." Finishing with her business, the grey-eyed woman sat down across from Relena, starting a fresh page on her clipboard before placing it in her lap.

"Well, Relena," she said, her voice light, "Where do we go from here?"

"What do you mean?" Relena replied, confused. "This is your job, I'm just the patient. Shouldn't you know what to do?"

Middie smiled. "You're also my friend, Relena. I know it's against the law for me to even be considering you a patient, but I'm willing to keep this professional as long as you are."

After Relena gave an understanding nod, she continued, "I don't want to hurt you, but we can all see that whatever you're going through is affecting your work performance. You're out of focus, you forget people's names, and you aren't keeping up you're your paperwork." Relena lowered her head in shame, knowing it was true. Middie noted this before continuing, "Relena… I want you to keep doing your job. I can see that you do, too, but you absolutely have to be honest with me if this is going to help you."

Honesty, Relena thought. The one thing she had been absolutely schooled by her father to maintain, and she did in every dealing she was a part of. Relena was proud of her ability to remain honest and still make the excellent progress that she had, something rarely seen in the political realm. Why is it so easy to be honest with people I don't know? Why can't I confide in the people who I trust the most?

"Because you don't trust yourself," Middie answered, as if she had read the younger woman's mind. Relena's head snapped up at this, eyes wide with consideration. Middie simply met her gaze, sure about what she had said. "You blame yourself for things beyond your control. "

Relena laughed bitterly, resting her head back on the rest. "What on Earth are you talking about?" Please, don't let this go where I think it's going, Relena begged any higher power that would listen.

Middie hesitated, then, furrowing her brow, continued, "You blame yourself for Heero leaving." Relena felt as though she had been punched in the stomach. She would, she thought, irate with Middie for bringing it up. The instigator, however, ignored her patient's obvious anger. "You think that he left because of you. You blame yourself. You're afraid that if you open up to someone close to you again, they'll abandon you just as he did. He made a mistake, and he'll have to live with that. It was not your fault, Relena."

Tears started to form in Relena's sights as she continued to stare at the woman before her. "You have no idea why he left. You don't know anything about what happened. Don't you dare tell me how I should feel!" Disbelieving and furious, she prepared herself to stand up and leave, buttoning up her jacket and uncrossing her legs.

"I don't know what happened. I don't know why he left. But I will absolutely tell you how you should feel. Don't you dare tell me how to do my job," Middie countered, looking up from her notepaper. Relena paused, mouth open, considering what her counselor had said. Although she desperately wished to just curl up at home, weep, and forget about the world, remembering the world was her job. Even though her world had long ago fallen apart, Relena had made a promise to the people to do her job. Short-servicing them was not an option. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, Relena had no choice but to concede to Middie's abrupt but honest methods.

"You're right," she eventually whispered, drawing Middie's attention back from her notebook. "I blame myself. I always think that if I had said something differently, or not done certain things, maybe he would still be here." Relena looked up at Middie hopelessly, eyes threatening to overflow with restrained tears.

Middie couldn't help but be compassionate regarding her long time friend. "That's normal, Relena. Everyone has regrets. Everyone thinks that if they could change the past, things would have come out differently. Whether you're an existentialist or not, facts are that it can't be done. You can't change the past. Things are what they are, however unfortunate it may be.

"That said," she continued, "What you're doing now affects the rest of your future forever. Perhaps more importantly, it affects what happens with our world, at least for the foreseeable future. Is one man, regardless of who he was, and what he was to you, worth that?"

Relena wished to find no argument against Middie's speech. She had obligations to her family, her friends, and virtually the universe. Why does it have to be so hard?

"I don't think you take enough time for yourself," Middie said by way of answering her internalized question.

"How do you keep doing that?" Relena asked skeptically, crossing her arms. Middie laughed at her, as if the answer was obvious.

"Relena, I've known you a long, long time. If I couldn't tell what you were thinking by now, I wouldn't be a very good friend, would I?"

Deciding that was fair enough, Relena allowed Middie to continue, "Whom would you say you are closest with?"

"Well… the people I live with, I suppose," she answered, unsure of what was meant by the question.

"So your personal detail, your family, that sort of thing?" Seeing Relena nod, Middie set her papers and pen down onto her desk. "Would it be at all possible to have them come in as well?"

Relena couldn't help but burst out laughing at the mere thought of some Gundam-pilot group therapy. "Trust me, they've been offered the chance before, and they made it pretty clear how they felt about it," she confirmed, seeing the expectant look on Middie's face.

"They would do it for you," she responded slowly. Seeing Relena's look of confusion, the brunette explained, "They love you. If they thought coming in to see me would help you in any way, they would do it." Relena shook her head furiously.

"I don't see what you could possibly want with them," she said, placing her hands up as if blocking the idea from even entering her mind, "but I certainly won't blackmail them into coming here for any reason, whether it is actually to help me, or just to sate your own curiosity."

Middie simply stared at her. "I just think it would be favorable to have a view from every side of this situation," she replied. "Discussing the issue is part of the healing process, and I don't believe you were the only one affected by Heero Yuy's disappearance."

Relena nodded, remembering the varying but consistently pained reactions following the termination of the search for Heero. "Like I said, they've all been offered some sort of counseling at one time or another and have refused. If you really think it would help them, I could attempt to convince them, but it would likely be best if you spoke to them personally… and privately," she added. "I doubt that any of them will appreciate feeling singled-out or forced into this."

"I understand. Well, put your killer gift of persuasion to work, and I'll make some time later this week to talk with some of them," Middie said, pushing up the sleeve of her black turtleneck to check her watch. "Looks like your break is almost over. You should get headed back."

Relena stood up and grabbed her bag before turning back to the other woman. "Middie… thank you for being so blunt with me. I really… needed that." She put forward a hand that Middie shook briefly, however the brunette did not let go.

"I was just shocked you didn't hit me! Trust me, I may not say what you want to hear, but I won't ever shove more in your face than you can handle." Releasing the fairer woman's hand, Middie watched as she headed for the door. "By the way, Relena?" she called just before as Relena turned the knob, "just because you're referring me more patients, don't think I'm too busy to see you. You're booked in next week."

Relena released an audible groan as she quickly opened the door and shut it forcefully behind her, leaving Middie chuckling in her wake.

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If there was one thing Relena hated, it was an empty house. Generally the estate she owned was never unoccupied; at least one member of the cooking or cleaning staff was always present, ensuring her absolute comfort and ease. Relena always appreciated having a familiar face to come home to, and a butler or cook was certainly better than nothing.

She also had her security team, a group of men and women who monitored her actions and kept her safe in various surroundings around-the-clock. Although Relena individually, with the help of Commander Une and her brother Zechs, selected each of her personnel, she always preferred the company of those she knew best, namely the ex-Gundam pilots.

When she returned home from work, exhausted, Relena couldn't help but smile as she noticed the lights on in various, typically unused rooms of the house. As her heels clicked along the cobbled driveway, the blonde woman heard a brief burst of laughter just behind the front door. Once she was a little nearer the entrance, the door burst open dramatically as Hilde Maxwell nearly jumped into her arms. The two hugged tightly, each terrifically glad to see their friend after a longer-than-usual absence.

"I've missed you so much!" they both chorused, hugging each other tightly.

"Oh, so where's mine, Princess?" a familiar voice asked from behind them. Relena grinned, skipping forward and hugging Duo tightly. The braided man was her day shift stand-in, as well as her guard and tour guide while on her trips to the colonies. He didn't mind making the occasional trip to Earth, but since he owned his machine shop in the L2 colony cluster, he was more available to spend time with her when she was closer-by. His and Hilde's presence at her home was unexpected, but always welcome. "We were in the area, I had an… appointment with Une," Duo explained, holding Relena at arm's length. Looking her over, he seemed to approve of what he saw and gestured for her to continue inside, hooking an arm around his wife's svelte waist and following after.

As Duo and Hilde greeted Trowa, Relena continued inside, hearing more voices bantering in the manor's inner rooms. Following the noise, she found Quatre, Dorothy, Wufei and Sally sitting casually in one of several parlors, drinking tea and having quiet discussion. Wufei and Dorothy were obviously at odds over some subject, sneaking careful glares at each other as Quatre and Sally attempted to diffuse the situation. Relena watched from the doorway for a while, noting all the small and nearly undetectable social cues circulating amongst her friends, appreciating that she could decipher each fleeting display of emotion. Finally, she entered the room, greeting each of them with a bright smile and warm, enveloping hug.

Although Wufei made it quite clear he valued his time in the field alongside Agent Po much more than the solitary duty he would willingly step in for one of the other agents on duty, should they need a break or request time off duty. Sally herself had grown to appreciate Wufei's companionship over the past few years of working alongside him, but the two had never progressed past a mutual friendship and understanding of each other.

After a few minutes of conversation, Relena panicked, wondering if her any of her staff were aware of her guests and how on Earth she would feed them all, when her head chef entered the room and informed her that their dinner was ready. Beaming with gratitude, Relena stepped forward and lightly kissed the petite, middle-aged woman on both cheeks before guiding her guests out to the large dining room.

Trowa, Duo and Hilde were already waiting there, along with her brother, Zechs, and Lucrezia Noin, visiting from nearby Brussels on a brief sabbatical from their work with the Mars Terraformation Project.

"Brother!" Relena exclaimed, rushing over to hug her single living relative and his wife. She hadn't seen either her brother or sister-in-law in several months. After placing the couple in charge of the Mars Terraformation Project, both had been taking trips to and from the red planet several times a year, staying there the majority of the time to oversee the various construction projects.

As everyone took his or her seats around the table, conversation began to flow easily. Wufei filled in Zechs and Noin on various details concerning Relena's personal safety and other details pertaining to their work with the Preventers, occasionally being interrupted by Duo's quips and additions. While not provoking Wufei, Duo also joked with Trowa as they discussed the recent success of his business. Relena and Quatre traded details about an upcoming Senate meeting before being shushed by Dorothy. "No business at the table," she chided airily, quickly dominating Quatre and drawing Relena's attention, as the two chatted about various galas and charity balls in the upcoming future.

Quatre simply sat, quietly savoring the excellent meal while observing each of the people lining the dining table. Each one was glowing with their own version of happiness, congratulating each other, offering advice, sharing exploits, all the while eating and carousing. Relena seemed as though she had something on her mind, and Quatre was glad they were all together to hear it, as he could see the thought weighed on her deeply.

All the pilots had different work habits, different preferences, different lifestyles, but they had one thing in common; they would die for Relena as quickly as they had offered their lives for the peace of the colonies.

Relena herself knew this, as she perched at the head of the table opposite her brother, picking at her food. They may die for me more readily than attend therapy, she thought sardonically. They'd throw themselves in front of a gun before they would talk about this. Finally, as plates began to empty and the conversations quieted, Relena addressed all of them, knowing if she did not at least ask, Middie would find out and likely punish her for it.

"As I'm sure some of you are aware, I've started seeing a personal counselor," she began, noting them nod in confirmation. "I believe we've made excellent progress concerning several.. issues…," Relena struggled to continue, unable to find words. "I'll just come out with it: My therapist wants you all to see her. She thinks it would help us all if she could ask a few questions concerning various … traumas we've all faced together."

Duo was the first to start laughing. "'Ask a few questions', eh? What is she, a cop?" he asked, pushing his chair out from the table and slouching down. Hilde put a hand on his arm, but chose not to say anything, along with the rest of the members at the table. This was exactly the reception Relena had expected.

Finally, Quatre spoke up. "Well, I'm already here. I can't see the harm in speaking to your doctor, especially if she thinks it will help you. I don't have anything to hide." Relena perked up at that, smiling in the blonde man's direction.

"Thank you, Quatre. I'll get you her number before you leave," she responded, again falling silent.

"I'll see her, too," Sally consented. "I've been interested in entering the counseling profession. I'm sure we could have an information exchange," she finished, smiling through Wufei's glare.

"Do we get time credit for this?" He asked darkly, turning his scowl on Relena.

"You'll be compensated for any time off work, if that's what you want," she responded, and Wufei nodded his consent.

Dorothy patted Relena on the hand after surveying the table's guests once more. "I might as well talk to the poor lady. After all, after dealing with them, she's going to need someone sane, just for balance!" she finished, laughing. Relena rubbed her fingertips against her forehead, massaging where the impending headache would likely manifest.

"Thank you, Dorothy. I'm sure Doctor Hart will appreciate that."

Finally, Relena realized she had encountered all the acceptances of her offer that she would that night, and sighing, stood from the table. "Thank you all for coming tonight. I'll make sure that rooms are prepared for all of you." After a few protests, she waved a hand dismissively. "No 'buts'. I have the space; it's no problem at all. I trust you all can find ways to entertain yourselves? I have a little more paperwork to take care of, I'm afraid." Relena stepped away from the table, giving Quatre's nearby hand a brief squeeze of appreciation before retreating to her office.

Duo continued to sit in his dinner chair, eyes closed, with his chin resting on his chest. The others slowly departed the table as the staff began clearing the remains of the meal, careful to make as little noise as possible in case they disturbed the seemingly sleeping man.

Hilde was the last to leave, pushing his dark bangs back as she stood and kissing him on the forehead. "I love you, you know," she whispered, running the back of her hand down his cheek. Duo opened his eyes, raising his face towards hers.

"I know, babe," he answered quietly, looking away from her questioning expression and crossing his arms. Hilde, knowing she would receive no answers for her questions, removed her hand and also left the room.

"I love you, too," Duo whispered, knowing it was once again too little, too late.

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Relena gathered a pile of papers with her deft fingers, tapping them on the desk to attempt fitting them in a large manila folder. A soft knock at the door interrupted her struggle with the stack of sheets, and she called out for her visitor to enter. Hilde poked her head around the door slowly, reluctant to interrupt her friend while she was working.

"Come on in, Hilde. I'm just about finished," Relena said, encouraging the woman to enter the private space. It wasn't often that the two had much time to spend alone together, and lately they had both been missing each other.

Hilde sat down in a chair facing Relena's white painted desk, sighing as she did. "I'm really sorry," she said. When Relena looked up at her quizzically, she explained, "for Duo. I don't know what comes over him sometimes," she trailed off, avoiding the other woman's gaze.

Relena nodded. "Don't apologize for him. I hadn't been expecting a different reaction, to be honest. He'll talk when he's ready."

"It's been over a year, Relena. He may not be ready to talk, but I am," she said, brow furrowed. "I'm tired of not being able to bring it up. I mean, every time I even mention anything about our own damn wedding he gets all sullen! And it's not as though I can talk to you!" she said forcefully. Relena simply looked down, pretending to be preoccupied with her paperwork. After realizing what she had said, Hilde clapped her hands over her mouth in shock. "Oh, Lena… I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I just… this is so unfair," she said, voice heavy.

Relena stood up from her desk and approached her friend, enveloping her in a strong hug. "You're allowed to be angry," she whispered, "You're allowed to be frustrated. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to be here for you. This is why I'm seeing a therapist in the first place. How can the people rely on me when my own family can't?" She stepped away, eyes darkening with anger with herself, for letting her friend down.

Hilde laughed quietly, standing up. "Well, it's not as though we've been right here for you, either," she added, looking towards the door. "I should probably go, Duo will be wondering where I am. Could I get that number? I'd like to see this lady before we leave again," she asked. Relena quickly jotted it down on notepaper and handed it to her. Hilde stashed the note in her pocket before quickly hugging her friend again and exiting the office.

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