AN: Yeah, last chapter was a little soppy, mysterious old lady. Was trying to be nice about the church after insinuating a priest was to blame for Brady (a looong time ago now) but failed. I haven't met a Priest I liked though did masses at school for 7 years. Met some awesome nuns though, hence non-specific old lady. She might be a nun.
Anyway, on with story.
One morning Ste woke up and found a handwritten letter on the mat alongside the usual depressing bills and stuff. He couldn't remember ever getting anything like it before. He opened it cautiously but curiously.
Dear Ste
Please don't throw this away before you read it. It's my fifth go already and Declan won't let me use his computer or anything, so I keep having to properly start again.
Look, I need to say sorry for what I did. I know now it was really really evil and I am really sorry. And it's not just cos Dad and Declan won't talk to me now, I mean it. I am sorry. I want to make it up to you, though I know I never can.
I'm asking Dad if we can come visit again. Will you let me see you? I'll bring Declan if you don't trust me. I just want to say I'm sorry.
Padraig
Ste read it through carefully and slowly, twice, and then worried about what to do.
He did not want to see Padraig. That was certain. Even if he could forgive him so easily for doing something so awful, the boy had seen Ste as Ste would never want anyone to see him, ever. But could he let the boy go on feeling so guilty? He was so young after all.
Ste made a choice.
Dear Padraig
Thank you for your letter. I do understand that you are feeling sorry, and I forgive you. I know your Granddad was pushing you to do what you did.
I'm sorry but I can't meet with you. Me and your Dad aren't together anymore, anyway, but I don't hold anything against you.
I hope you and your Dad and Declan work it out. I know they love you, it just might take time for them to forgive and move on.
Ste
The letter had arrived a couple of days after Paddy had sent his own. He read it, feeling sad, realising how mistaken he had been about Ste. He really was such a good man. He hadn't agreed to meet Paddy, but he had replied, being so nice and kind, even though Padraig had hurt him so badly. He'd said he'd forgiven Paddy, and been kind about Dad and Declan.
Paddy put the letter carefully away in a drawer. Phase one was not perfect, but at least he had a clue where to start now. He just needed some help.
He screwed up his courage and knocked on Declan's door.
Maybe it was too soon.
It had been less than two months since he they'd gone, and Brendan was scared. Could he look Padraig in the face and not show his anger and misery? Should he let either of his boys see the lonely mess he had become?
He did his best not to see Steven. That was a technique he'd tried many times before, and failed. Sometimes he still failed, like when he walked into College Coffee and found himself hanging around long after finishing his drink in the faint hope that Steven might appear. The first time that happened, Amy glared at him, furiously, and he didn't blame her one little bit. Weeks later, Amy's expression turned to pity, and that made Brendan angry.
Because he knew how he looked. He had lost his energy. He felt tired all the time, and he could barely think of a reason to get up in the morning.
But then, maybe, the boys would provide that reason. Some motivation to be sane and normal could be just what Brendan needed.
And Padraig had asked to come. If he was brave enough to face what he had done, then Brendan sure owed him the same.
He met them at the airport, but was unable to summon the sheer joy he'd had so purely last time. H held them when they were near enough though, and felt his love for them warm him.
"So how have you two been?" he asked them.
"Oh, we're getting better," Paddy replied cheerfully.
"Oh," Brendan replied, glancing at Declan in hope of an explanation for this sudden change in Paddy. Dec gave no hints. "That's good."
"Yeah," Paddy said and squeezed his father's hand, bemusing Brendan further.
They had a take away and watched a DVD that night. Brendan felt warmer in their presence, more alive than he had for so long.
Between the three Bradys, the pizzas, vegetarian of course, were gone in a heartbeat, Brendan teasing his boys with the last bit.
At half past nine Padraig volunteered to go to bed.
"Alright…" said Brendan suspiciously, "who are you and what have you done with my son?"
Paddy just grinned back at him. "Night Dad, night Declan," he called, and trotted up the stairs.
Brendan looked at Declan. "Are you gonna pretend that wasn't the weirdest thing you've ever seen?"
"Nah, nowhere near it," Declan replied, "I've met serial killers."
Brendan smiled proudly at him, but worried a little more about Padraig.
Dec interrupted his thoughts. "He's just trying to show you he's grown up a bit, that's all. He thinks he's being responsible."
Brendan wasn't sure he bought that, but let it go anyway.
"So how's Ste?" Declan asked, taking him by surprise.
Brendan fought down the stabbing pain of sadness at the name. "I think he's alright, but… he… we're not together after what happened."
He fidgeted uncomfortably under his sons gaze.
"Why?" Declan asked.
"You were there, Declan," Brendan answered more harshly than he intended.
Dec wasn't fazed though, "So he couldn't forgive you for believing that he… you know…"
"Not exactly," Brendan said, trying to be dismissive.
"But it was about what Padraig did?"
Brendan let out a gravelly breath, "Not exactly."
"Then?"
"Just leave it Deccy, yeah?"
"Why?"
"Just…"
"But maybe he just needs time to…"
"No Declan!" It was harsher than he intended, and he immediately regretted it. "Look," he paused searching for the words, "it's… Steven and I, we're both Dads, we both… we both know that our happiness is less important than our kids, yeah?"
Declan frowned, "So you broke up because you think Padraig doesn't like him?"
"Doesn't like is a bit of an understatement, Dec," Brendan replied, and, realising he had told the teen much more than he intended, continued "hey, I've got another DVD here somewhere."
"Not tonight, I'm beat," Dec replied, and yawned to prove it, "tomorrow, yeah?"
"Yeah, sure," Brendan sighed, surprisingly disappointed, "you got everything?"
"Yeah, night Dad."
"Night son."
As he watched his elder son trot up the stairs, he wished he could see into their heads.
AN: Thanks for reviewing. Please keep it up, spur me on!
